Aunt Penelope's Harem

by Chris Tanglen

  “Sounds rigorous.”

  “Oh, and the dance auditions.”

  “I see.”

  “And the costume fittings for the various themes.”

  “Themes?”

  “Renaissance, bondage-discipline, western, Viking…”

  “No clowns?” Melanie asked.

  “No. Clowns in bondage is pretty much a universal turnoff.”

  “Okay, so, you pass the tests and you get hired. Then you just let yourselves get locked away in here?”

  Carl grinned. “Not quite that extreme. It’s more like being on call. We all live here, but we didn’t have to stay in the house when Penelope wasn’t home. Although, to be completely honest, this place is so cool that most of the time we don’t see any reason to leave. Have you ever been on one of those relaxing vacations that you just hoped would never end? This is like that.”

  “Vacations have to end sometime.”

  Carl nodded. “Yeah, but I like to stretch them out as long as possible.”

  “So what do you do for fun when you’re not doing harem things? Do you have a girlfriend?”

  “Nah. We aren’t allowed to have any outside sex, period. We get tested every month, not that anybody would ever risk losing this job in that way, especially considering that your aunt more than fulfilled…” He trailed off, clearly realizing that this particular sentence should not be completed.

  “Thank you for not completing that sentence,” said Melanie.

  “You’re welcome. Anyway, you obviously didn’t come here to listen to me talk about work, work, work all night long. Go on and change into your bathing suit.”

  Melanie nodded, then walked self-consciously toward the sauna. She marveled at how much effort it required to simply make her legs move properly when she knew that people were staring at her. Left foot first, right foot second, then back to the left foot, and proceed to the right foot…

  She opened the door to the sauna, stepped inside, and let it swing closed behind her. It was hot inside, as was par for the sauna experience. She sat down on one of the wooden benches and removed her shoes.

  There was definitely room enough for eight men in here, plus Aunt Penelope.

  Yuck.

  She pulled off her T-shirt and set it on the bench next to her, feeling a bit uncomfortable being just in her bra even though she was alone. They wouldn’t have a peephole, would they? No, of course not. No need for a peephole when they were getting more than they could handle.

  Again, yuck.

  But the “yuck” reaction was also kind of unfair. After all, Aunt Penelope was an attractive woman. You could get the sexiest Playboy model and the hottest Chippendale’s dancer together for a night of passion, and their nieces would probably think it was kind of gross.

  Eight guys, though. That was out of hand.

  Melanie stood up and slid her jeans down past her knees. She sat back on the bench and pulled them off entirely, folding them neatly and setting them next to her shirt.

  It felt nice being in here, just in her bra and panties. She hadn’t been in a sauna in several years, not since she broke her New Year’s resolution to visit the gym at least once a week (immediately before the first visit).

  She closed her eyes and leaned back. Maybe she’d just sit here and relax for a minute. Take a few moments to chill out, and then go out there and have some fun. Not sex fun, but regular fun. Water slide fun.

  Damn, they were cute.

  Maybe Julian and his tattoos were a bit scary, but aside from that…

  No, she wasn’t going to start foaming at the mouth over some mindless slabs of meat. She needed a man she could respect. Somebody warm and intelligent. Somebody who didn’t work as a harem boy-toy.

  Seven-inch minimum.

  No matter. She wasn’t going to start foaming at the mouth over some mindless slabs of meat with big cocks, either.

  She needed personality.

  She needed integrity.

  She needed to quit thinking about big cocks.

  What she really needed was to put on her swimsuit and get the hell out of this sauna. They’d start wondering what was wrong with her.

  She removed her bra and set it aside. The heat felt absolutely wonderful on her bare breasts, and her nipples perked up immediately. Melanie ran her fingers over them before she even realized what she was doing.

  It was so pleasant in here. So relaxing.

  She lifted her ass from the seat and wiggled out of her panties.

  This felt even better.

  Was there anything in life better than sitting naked in a sauna? Well, perhaps reclining in a sauna, but she couldn’t take the risk of one of the men walking in on her. Though she assumed that they’d knock first, it wasn’t safe to assume anything about harem stud muffins.

  Harem stud muffins with big cocks.

  Enough with the cocks.

  She was working up a nice sweat sitting in here. Melanie slowly ran her index finger across her thin patch of red pubic hair. It was moist from perspiration. She felt a pleasant tingle, slightly lower, as she traced her finger toward…

  She realized in a thunderbolt of hard-hitting self-awareness that she was on the verge of pleasuring herself in a most inappropriate masturbation location. Jesus, the eight guys were right outside. What was the matter with her?

  The answer was obvious. She was horny. Eight muscular guys out there, disease-free, well hung, skilled at their art, ready and willing to do her bidding…of course she was horny! It was like spending twenty-three months desperately hoping for a taste of dry crackers and suddenly being presented with an eight-course gourmet meal.

  Would a one-night stand with Carl really be so awful?

  She really needed to stop being naked.

  But it was damn exciting, knowing that one of them could walk in at any moment.

  No, no, that was scary. She stood up and picked up her bathing suit.

  She wanted to get laid, but not quite that badly. Guys like these didn’t fuck women like her unless they were getting paid for it.

  Or did they? She could be sexy, couldn’t she? If she were to walk out there right now, completely naked, it would probably be a turn-on for them, wouldn’t it? She smiled to herself as she envisioned their reaction. The front of Carl’s swim trunks expanding as he gaped at her nude body.

  “Dear God,” he might say, “you’re absolutely gorgeous.”

  Or, even better, he might be too awe-struck to speak.

  They’d have to make silent love on the sauna bench.

  He’d kiss her deeply as he slowly thrust into her, Melanie’s legs wrapped tightly around him and her hands sliding over his back. He’d be a generous lover, bringing her to orgasm after orgasm as she silently cried out in ecstasy.

  Melanie shook her head and sighed. The more realistic scenario would be that when she walked out of the sauna the guys would shout “Soooo-eeeee!!! Soooo-eeeee!!!” and fill the air with authentic pig snorting sounds.

  It was a moot point anyway. They were getting paid for it.

  Somebody knocked on the door and she jumped, badly startled.

  “You doing all right in there?” asked Carl from outside.

  “I’m fine. Don’t come in.” Melanie frantically began to get into her swimsuit.

  “I won’t. Just making sure you’re okay.”

  “I’m okay,” she assured him as she realized that she was putting the suit on backwards. “I was having some trouble with my shoes, but I’m fine.”

  She quickly gave herself a mental kick in the ass. I was having some trouble with my shoes? What kind of stupid lie was that? He’d know that she’d almost masturbated for sure!

  “Oh,” said Carl. “Well, let me know if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  Trouble with her shoes. Jesus Christ.

  She got into her bathing suit and exited the sauna.

  Chapter Six

  She shivered a bit as she stepped into the much cooler air. Carl was st
anding there. He flashed her what he obviously considered to be (for good reason) a winning grin.

  “Looking good, Melanie.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “No, really. Blue is your color.”

  Melanie wished that he’d quit looking at her, even though he was doing it in a perfectly friendly, non-offensive manner. She walked over to the deep end of the pool, dunked her foot in the water, and let out a soft yelp. Freezing.

  Two of the men, the bald one and the one with the mustache, were already in the pool. The bald one laughed and waved to her. “Just dive in.”

  “My heart will stop.”

  “Nah, it’s fine once you’re in. If you do it gradually it’s torture.”

  “I’ll consider that. What was your name again?”

  “Nate.”

  Ah, yes, Nate. Good. Now she could think of Nate as the bald one who’d given her advice on diving into the pool, rather than the one with the reportedly shortest but impressively thick penis.

  She took a deep breath, counted to three, and then jumped into the pool.

  Shit! Cold! Cold! Cold! Shit!

  She surfaced and grabbed the side of the pool. “There’s ice between my fingers!”

  “You’ll be okay,” said the second guy in the water. “You get used to it in no time.”

  “Well, sure, because your whole body is numb. I’m sorry, I’m bad with names. You are…?”

  “Ben.”

  “Gotcha.” Okay, there was Talkative Carl, Boston Leo who made drinks, Bald Nate who dispensed diving advice, and Mustache Ben who insisted that she’d get used to the water in no time. How was she ever going to keep everybody straight?

  And why the hell was she worrying about that? Their names didn’t matter, because they weren’t sticking around.

  Carl did a perfect dive into the pool and swam past her. Melanie did a crawl stroke across the length of the pool, relieved that the water’s piercing chill faded before she’d even made it to the other side. She spat out some water, pushed her hair out of her eyes, and used the ladder to climb out of the pool. It was water slide time.

  She walked toward it, knowing beyond all doubt that her bathing suit was riding up her ass but not daring to adjust it for fear of calling attention to the fact that her bathing suit was riding up her ass.

  The ladder to the water slide was about thirty feet high. She climbed to the top and then sat on the edge of the slide, letting the flowing water run over her feet for a moment, before pushing forward. She hurtled down the slide.

  It became clear before she’d even gone around the first curve that her legs and her butt had no intention of traveling at the same velocity.

  She threw out her arms to steady herself, but her legs popped into the air and she fell onto her back. “Oh shit!” she said, as she realized that she was starting to spin. She slid helplessly down the slide, on her back, legs in the air, swimsuit riding up her ass, facing the wrong direction. It was in this undignified position that she was finally dumped into the pool, which had gotten cold again.

  Melanie wondered if she could stay underwater long enough for the men to forget what they’d just witnessed.

  She surfaced to the sound of enthusiastic clapping from all eight of them. She swam to the edge of the pool and climbed out, face burning despite the icy water. “Thank you,” she said, waving to acknowledge their applause. “I’ll be here humiliating myself all week.”

  “Encore!” Ben shouted.

  “How about you all prove that you can do better?” asked Melanie.

  As all of the men proceeded toward the water slide, she had to giggle at her own stupidity. Of course they could do better. A poorly sewn rag doll could do better. She really needed to work on her mouth/brain communication.

  Leo came down first, making a perfectly graceful landing in the water. Nate followed, headfirst. When Carl emerged at the end of the slide, he was seated upright. He put his hand over his mouth as if stifling a bored yawn.

  His feet hit the pool and he pitched forward, his belly slamming into the water with a loud smack that made Melanie wince.

  It took him a moment to surface.

  “Dude, what the hell was that?” asked the blond guy, laughing hysterically from his seat on the edge of the pool.

  Carl began to tread water, forcing a smile despite his obvious pain. “That was my patented…uh…I don’t know, it really hurt.”

  Another one of the men, the military guy, came down the slide feet-first. His loud shout of “Waaahoooo!!!” was cut off as he landed in the water, kicking Carl in the back. Melanie winced again.

  “Here, dude, I’ll help you out,” said the blond guy, retrieving a life preserver that hung from the wall and tossing it over to Carl. Carl grabbed it and allowed himself to be pulled to the edge, smiling sheepishly the entire time.

  Melanie walked over to him. “Good landing.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Are you going to be okay?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

  “Because you look a bit sick to your stomach.”

  “I’m cool.”

  “You did hit your belly pretty hard.”

  “It wasn’t just my belly.”

  “Ah. I guess now we’ve learned a little lesson about mocking my water slide skills, haven’t we?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  * * * * *

  As Julian crashed into the water fifteen minutes later, Melanie held up her “3” sign. Nate held up “4.” Carl held up “1.”

  “You were a bit shaky in the final stretch,” Melanie informed Julian after he got out of the pool. “Next time try to focus more on balance than momentum, and work on those flailing arms.”

  Ben did an almost perfect headfirst landing, spitting water high into the air as he surfaced. Melanie and Nate each gave him a “9,” and Carl gave him an “8.”

  “Very, very impressive,” said Melanie. “I was particularly taken by the spitting. If you can manage a bit more fluidity when you surface, you’ll be on your way to a long and prosperous career.”

  Dennis bashed against the side of the slide as he rounded the final curve, spilling into the water in a barely-conscious heap. Melanie awarded him a “2” for sympathy, Nate gave him a “1,” and Carl gave him a “10.”

  “You probably shouldn’t do that again,” Melanie told Dennis.

  * * * * *

  Melanie had never been very good at air hockey, and tonight she absolutely sucked at it. Even with Julian clearly trying to let her win she was unable to score a single point, excluding the six she accidentally scored against herself.

  Unwilling to admit defeat, she played against Ben and lost. Then she played against Nate and lost. Then she played against Keith and lost. Then she played against Leo and lost. Her right hand was starting to get sore, which was her excuse when she played against Dennis and lost. She got far too enthusiastic during her game with Steve, sending a puck nearly flying into his face, and he withdrew from the competition for safety reasons. She played against Carl and won. Though he had picked up the puck with his hand and dropped it into his own goal ten times, Melanie still savored the hard-won victory.

  * * * * *

  Melanie set down five tiles, forming QUARTZ. “Let’s see, that’s twenty-four points on a triple word score, so I believe we’re looking at seventy-two points total. My, my, my, you must feel so alone in the world.”

  She was playing against Carl, Nate, and Julian, and was absolutely obliterating them. Their Scrabble scores combined didn’t beat hers, although QUARTZ on the triple word score had a lot to do with that. Their glory from the air hockey tournament had been short-lived. Melanie ridiculed them often and with great skill.

  * * * * *

  “Turn it left!”

  “It won’t go left!”

  “Of course it will go left. All you have to do is turn it left!”

  “The joystick is defective.”

  Carl grabbed the joystick out of Melanie’s hand.
“It’s not defective, it’s fine. See, you push the red button to accelerate, the blue button to brake, and push the joystick in whichever direction you want to turn, including but not limited to left.”

  “It wasn’t working,” Melanie insisted.

  “Maybe your hand wasn’t working.”

  She threw a handful of popcorn at him. “I beg to differ.”

  Carl gave her back the joystick. “That’s all you have to do. Push the red button and turn…see, you’re—no, you just ran over somebody. Now you just ran over somebody else. I guess you’ve just decided to go on a vehicular homicide spree.”

  “The joystick isn’t working.”

  “Did you know I can catch popcorn in my mouth?”

  * * * * *

  “So, what, you catch two pieces out of twenty and I’m supposed to be impressed?”

  “You weren’t throwing them right.”

  “I hit you in the freakin’ nose and you still couldn’t catch it. You’re just making up skills whenever you feel like it.”

  “You try it,” said Carl, flinging a piece of popcorn at her. Melanie caught it in her mouth. Carl stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout. “Here, run over some more pedestrians.”

  * * * * *

  “The object is to get Milton Monkey to collect as many bananas as possible,” Melanie explained. She’d gotten lost for twenty minutes trying to find her room again to retrieve the handheld video game, and had been forced to use the intercom to wake Rupert up. Though it was nearly three in the morning, he’d been remarkably polite about it. “You use this button to jump and this one to duck.”

  “Got it,” said Carl, taking the game from her. With her permission, the other men had finally gone to bed, while she and Carl sat on lounge chairs next to the pool.

  “I had fun tonight,” said Melanie.

  “Good. Me too.”

  “Was it like this with my aunt?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know, just hanging out, playing games, having a good time.”

  Carl nodded. “Yeah, sometimes. You’re a lot like her, at least when you’re not calling us the scum of the earth.”