This year, as always, the feast was a mix of traditions. Santa Clara cuisine used the traditional triad of corn, beans, and squash as well as yams and potatoes. Grandma Louise and Grandpa William drove in with the turkeys—two deep-fried and one barbecued—and two honey-glazed hams. The cousins did a spread of southwestern specialties. Grandma Pauline baked all the desserts and the corn bread. Grandpa Ed’s specialty was latkes—potato pancakes traditionally served during Chanukah. Since most of the family wasn’t Jewish, he felt he had to get his own heritage in somehow. Ben’s family was in charge of the flowers and the table decorations.
Festivities started around two and lasted until midnight. Ben loved being surrounded by the swirl mainly because he never had to explain himself. He could talk with the relations or sit and read in a corner. Haley always thrived in the commotion. She had cousins in her age range. The little-little kids would always put on a show that usually ended in tears and a meltdown.
Of all the relatives, he identified the most with his grandpa Ed. The old man was seventy-four, but as quick-witted as a man a third his age. After the meal, while others were involved in football, Grandpa would steal him away to his laboratory, better known as a three-car garage, and show his favorite grandson his latest invention, some variant of a rocket and rocket launcher. Then they’d talk about how to improve it, making drawings, doing calculations, redesigning body shapes to reduce friction and wind drag, and increasing the horsepower of the engines to accept bigger payloads and improve efficiency. Lost in a sea of numbers, neither one brought up the elephant in the room.
When it was time to go, Ben always felt a wisp of sadness. It was silly. He could see his family anytime, but he rarely did. The forced intimacy was good, but he couldn’t quite figure out a way to make it happen on his own. He was constantly fighting against an inclination to isolate himself.
Man was a social animal. Some animals were more social than others.
If he was going to have to suffer through a high school football game, he wanted to make the kickoff, being precise and methodical. The two little girls had gone shopping on Black Friday and had come back an hour late, loaded down with bags of bargains, adding clothes to their already stuffed drawers. It was their first homecoming dance and Ben knew it was a big deal. Still, he hated being late. The kickoff was at two. They had ten minutes before the official clock started.
He pounded on Haley’s door. “When?”
“One minute!”
Nothing made him more edgy than waiting, and his eyes darted around with unspent energy until they abruptly focused on the door to Ellen’s room.
Something spiritual grabbed him. He turned the knob and went inside.
Pink bedspread, heart-shaped pillows, three stuffed animals—her elephant, her monkey, and her teddy. The white bookshelves were filled with young-adult paperbacks popular three years ago as well as some classics—Jane Austen, Alexandre Dumas, Victor Hugo, Charlotte and Emily Brontë, Daphne du Maurier, and Edgar Allan Poe.
Ellen always had a penchant for gothic literature.
There were scattered candles and lots of pictures showing family vacations in Colorado, Arizona, Montana, and even one in L.A. when his parents took them to Disneyland. He and his sisters stood in front of the Mickey Mouse flowers at the entrance to Main Street—three kids in shorts and T-shirts ready to have fun. There was her eighth-grade graduation photo, her smile one of genuine glee.
He looked away.
The closet still contained her clothing, and her shoes were still lined up perfectly and with compulsive neatness. Folded sweaters and sweatshirts were in the drawers. There was her iPod in her pink iPod case. There was her cell-phone case. There were her pens, pencils, scratch paper, knickknacks, and leftover money that she’d never spend. Posters as well as pithy sayings still hung on the walls. Her schoolbooks and her sheet music for choir sat on her desk. He swept his finger across the top. Not an ounce of dust. Mom cleaned the room regularly. But no one had the heart or the energy or the desire to do the obvious. The shrine remained intact. He closed the door behind him and leaned against the wall.
He no longer cared if they were late or not. The girls would come out when they were done. The main thing was that they’d come out.
Because it was the homecoming game, empty seats were hard to find. There was no way he was going to sit with a bunch of fourteen-year-old girls. Equally unattractive was sitting with his classmates watching James David massacre the opposition. The man had talent and Duke was a good choice. In a couple of weeks, he’d get the acceptance letter. Then he’d be gone: a new city and a new life. Ben wasn’t envious, but at times he did wish he was more like JD.
He had only come for the halftime show and the announcement of homecoming queen. Everyone knew that Ro had a lock on it. Nevertheless, Ben braved it out in the top tier of the bleachers of the visiting team, figuring that no one from his school would see him consorting with the enemy. Although it was sunny, the temperature was in the forties. It would drop as soon as darkness fell, about an hour away. He hadn’t brought gloves, so he stuck his hands in his jacket pockets to keep them warm.
Halftime finally came, and with it, the cheering when Ro’s name was blasted over the PA. The noise was loud and boisterous. Ben hunched over, watching as the open-car parade began to circle the football field. The Rolls-Royce convertible, on loan every year courtesy of the Levy family, was given over to the queen. And there was Ro in her cheerleading costume and leg warmers, waving a white-gloved hand, her blond hair blowing in the wind as if she were gliding on a cloud. She exuded magnetism. Everybody wanted a piece of her.
Ruefully admitting the truth, he knew he was no exception.
Lilly suddenly materialized.
“Hey there.” He noticed that she didn’t look happy. “What’s wrong?”
“Ezra crapped out. He has a cold. Can I sit down?”
“Uh, someone’s sitting there but I suppose you can sit until he comes back.”
She sat. Ben regarded her. “You’re pissed at him?” When Lilly said nothing, he said, “He can’t help getting sick.”
“I’m not mad at Ezra.” She sat down. “I like Ezra. Ezra likes me. But we both don’t like each other in that way.”
“I see.”
“I don’t know why Haley insists that I have to have a date wherever I go.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “If she doesn’t want me around, that’s okay. But if I do go, I don’t know why I have to be paired up with some boy who doesn’t want to be paired up either.”
“That’s a valid point.”
“I hate being a third wheel. I have a life beyond Haley Vicksburg.” But there were tears in her eyes.
Ben held back a smile. “Well, Lilly, this is the situation. You are now stag and so am I. Would you do me the honor of being my date for the homecoming dance?”
Lilly wiped her eyes. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll be okay.”
He held back a laugh. “You’re rejecting me?”
“Stop it!” Her smile was shy. “I know I’m being ridiculous. And I really am glad that Haley is happy. Really.”
“I believe you.” A pause. “You want to see real happiness?” Ben pointed to the open car carrying Ro. Her smile was ear to ear. “Now that right there is the picture of happiness, Lilly.”
“That right there is Haley in three years,” Lilly muttered. “I sound jealous, right?”
“A little.”
“I hate being jealous. The thing is, I don’t really know who I’m jealous of. Sometimes it’s Haley. Sometimes it’s Griffen. Sometimes I just want him to go away and have things like they were before he came here. But I really do like Griff. And he’s perfect for Haley. I don’t know why I’m so unhappy. It’s not like they exclude me. I just feel so pathetic.”
“They don’t include you out of pity,” he said. “They’re fourteen. You’re probably a good buffer.” Ben smiled again. “You know, Haley’s still your best friend. Nothing is ever going to
change that.” His eyes went back to the football field. “How’d you find me?”
“I just looked for the most remote spot in the stadium.”
“Good call.” He saw the guy who was sitting next to him approaching with a tray of hot dogs and soda. “You’re about to be displaced.”
Lilly stood up. “I gotta get back. Haley hates when I skip out on her. She thinks I’m mad.” She got out of the way so the man carrying the tray could sit down. “Where are we meeting after the game?”
“At the car. We’ll go home, change, and go back to the dance.”
“Whoopee!” She twirled her finger in the air. “I’m not gonna embarrass you by being your date.”
“You won’t embarrass me. Can’t speak for you.”
She smiled. “See you later.”
“Bye.” Ben went back to staring at the Rolls; a silver Corniche with a red interior. It would have been worth it to be homecoming queen just to ride in such a beautiful vehicle. He blew warm air on his hands. He was cold, hungry, and more than a little depressed. When the third quarter started, he got up and bought two hot dogs and a big cup of coffee, and drank and ate in the car with the heat blasting on his face. No longer cold. No longer hungry.
Two out of three ain’t bad.
Even Lilly had ditched him. At the dance, Ben had left her alone to go find Ro and congratulate her, but the crowd around JD and her was too thick to penetrate. All he wanted to do was show his face so Ro would know that he’d kept his word. But hanging around the perimeter of fans and well-wishers, he began to feel like the paparazzi.
When Lilly caught up to him, she was beaming. The little girl was wearing a black strapless dress that covered a nonexistent chest. She was built thin and boyish—taller than her petite Chinese mother, but not at all hulking like her father. Around her wrist was a corsage.
“Nice flowers, young lady.”
“Ezra decided to come.”
“He did, did he.” Ben nodded approvingly. “What happened to his cold?”
“He still has it. Haley put powder on his red nose so it wouldn’t show up in the pictures.”
“Nice of him to come when he was sick.”
“Yeah, it was.” Lilly looked down. “You look very handsome.”
“Thank you. And you look very pretty.”
“I look like I’m playing dress-up.”
“The dress is lovely, Lilly. And so are you.”
“Thank you.” She was blushing. “I have to get back to Ezra. It’s awkward to dance with him. I don’t want to catch his cold.”
“The things you do for love.”
She gave him a playful shove and skipped off. Now that she was taken care of, Ben could finally retreat without guilt. Overpaying for a large hot tea, he warmed his hands on the paper cup and then stepped out of the tinsel-covered gym onto the adjacent patio. People were milling around. He kept walking until he was alone. The night was cold and the sky was studded with stars. He stood against a cottonwood and felt chilled air going through his lungs, converting to mist when he exhaled. Five minutes later, Tom Gomez appeared, smoking a cigarette.
“Mind if I join you?”
“No, not at all.” Ben sipped his tea.
“How’s it going?”
“Same as last time.” A pause. “Sorry for running out like that. I dunno . . . sometimes I get a little crazy. I apologize.”
“I offended you,” Gomez said. “I apologize for that. But not for the rest of what I said.”
Silence.
“Ben, our families have been friends for a very long time. I’m speaking to you like I would speak to one of my own kids . . . if I had a kid as gifted as you are.”
“Not interested.”
“It’s my job to make you interested.” He took a drag on his cigarette. “I don’t want you to look back ten years from now and see the terrible mistake you’re making. I don’t want you here twenty years from now, feeling like you’re trapped because you sold yourself short.”
“Is that how you feel?”
“Sometimes. But I suspect lots of men at my stage of life feel a little trapped. I love my life. I just wish I experienced more of it on my own.”
“Then why’d you stay here?”
“UNM was very good to me. I wanted to give something back to my community.”
“Ditto.”
“I have family here going back hundreds of years.”
“Ditto.”
“And then . . . sometimes . . . on clear starry nights like this one, I can’t think of anyplace else I’d rather be.”
“Ditto, ditto, ditto.”
“But there’s a difference. I’m a man of limited funds—”
“Ditto.”
“Now, that’s not true. You could get a full scholarship to lots of places. Besides, that’s not the point.”
“You brought it up.”
“Ben, I’m a man of limited funds and also limited talents. That’s not you.”
Ben said, “I’m happy here, Tom. I’d like to go to St. John’s just for a change of pace. But I’d do fine at UNM.”
“You’ve taken a lot of courses there.”
“It’s got a decent math department and a good physics department. I could actually attend both places at the same time—St. John’s and UNM.”
“One’s in Albuquerque, one’s in Santa Fe.”
“I could go to the UNM campus near Santa Fe. Or I could commute. It’s only an hour. Plus, I’ve already been offered a paying internship with Circuitchip.”
“I can see you’re determined not to have a social life.”
“All I’m saying is this area has plenty to offer. Hell, we’ve got all the major labs here—Los Alamos, Sandia—”
“You’ll need a PhD.”
“So maybe when it’s PhD time, I’ll go somewhere else. In the meantime, what’s wrong with sticking around close to home?”
“Just tell me you’re not staying for Haley.”
“Nah, Haley doesn’t need me.” He said it unconvincingly, especially after the latest development with Jamey Moore. But he pressed forward. “I’m staying here because I want to stay here.”
“So, it’s either St. John’s or UNM or both.”
“That’s the plan.”
“Okay, Ben.” Gomez stubbed out his cigarette with his heel, then picked up the butt and threw it away in the garbage. “If that’s what you want, it’ll surely happen.”
Ben stared up at the sky. “I appreciate it, Tom.”
“I think someone’s looking for you.” Gomez was referring to Ro, who had just come outside onto the patio. He said, “You know the dating pool is much bigger at other universities.”
Ben laughed. “You’ll try anything.”
“I’m an old dog, but I haven’t quite given up. I’ll leave you to your thoughts.”
Ro had on a bright red ball gown and was protected from the cold by only a shawl. She spotted Ben and came running, holding up the hem of her dress, looking like Cinderella when the clock struck twelve. “There you are.” She kissed his cheek. “Come inside. It’s freezing!”
“I’d be cold too if that’s all I was wearing.”
“I’m serious.” She rubbed her arms.
“I know. But I like it out here.”
“Vicks!”
“I showed up for your event—both of them. Isn’t that enough?”
“No.”
Ben smiled and rubbed her arms to give her warmth. “You look breathtaking.”
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” She straightened his tie and smoothed his shirt. Then she tucked an errant piece of hair behind his ear. “Very handsome.”
“Not bad for a penguin. But I’m glad you approve.”
“Can you come in now? I want to dance with you.”
“After you dance with JD.”
“I have to have the first dance with JD. Don’t be mad at me. I really want to dance with you.”
“Ro, I’m happy for you. I really am. Thi
s is what you wanted.” He kissed her cheek. “But I don’t like being filler.”
“I can’t be happy unless you’re happy.”
“That’s the issue here. I’m happy right now and you’re not. And if I go in there, you’ll be happy but I won’t be. Let’s just let it rest and we’ll both be happy.”
“Or unhappy.”
He lowered his head to kiss her cheek but she turned and gave him her mouth. It was just a gentle peck on the lips, but it sent electric shocks through his spine. He pulled away. “Go back to your king.”
She exhaled. “Um, I’ve got a favor to ask you.”
“I’ll be happy to tutor you anytime and free of charge.”
“Not that. God, you always think I’m after something.” She smiled. “Of course I usually do have ulterior motives. Uh, can we meet on Sunday instead of Saturday?” She gave another smile. This one was forced. “Got some plans . . .”
“Go ahead, Ro. Enjoy yourself. This is your time, baby.”
“I’ll see you on Sunday?”
“Uh, no.” He looked away. “I was planning on hiking Mount Baldy.”
“Oh . . . much better than looking at murder folders. I’ll go with you.”
“I’m leaving at six in the morning to capture the daylight. It’s a rigorous hike at twelve thousand feet in frigid air. It’s definitely not for you.”
Her face fell. “So why don’t you hike it tomorrow instead of Sunday?”
“Tomorrow?” This time he smiled. “Got some plans . . .”
She failed to see the humor. “You don’t want me to come.”
He stalled, trying to think of a lie. “I think I need a little space.”
“You have space all the time. You’re always by yourself. What is with you?”
Just then Ben saw JD come onto the patio, his head turning in all directions. “Your Highness awaits.”
When Ro saw him, she sighed. “You’re impossible.” She hurried back to JD. The two of them were fighting, arms gesticulating back and forth. But they resolved things pretty quickly. Within minutes, he had his arm around her bare shoulder and her head was on his bicep. They walked in together—king and queen.
Killing Season Page 11