Hellsgate

by Tim Wellman

  "Well, she sounds like our girl, then," Stevenson said. He looked up at the waitress. "Wanna see what I've got in my pocket?"

  She backed away from the table. "Er, I got something I need ta do over there." She practically ran away.

  "Haven't lost your charm with the ladies, have you?" Carlisle said.

  "Nope, it's a gift you never lose," he said. "But, I think this Auntie Kato person will be perfect. The way I figure, if you pretend to be a witch, you probably really are one. Hiding in plain sight kinda thing."

  Carlisle nodded. "How the hell did you become a college professor?" She paused. "Oh, right, your family is rich."

  "Regardless," he said. "Our next stop is to visit dear old Auntie Kato. We can get to the outskirts without crossing the street. I know the way."

  "Learned from your many late night searches for a place to sleep it off, no doubt."

  "No doubt," he said. "Well, not specifically her place; I've never met the old hag; but I know the town streets over that way."

  "And it seems reasonable to you for us to go talk to her?" she said. "Gonna show her your demon? You'll scare the old woman to death."

  "Well, it will be a good test then, won't it?" he said with a laugh. "If she lives, she's on the team." He stood up and stretched. "Oh, we need to find a dead cat so you can swing it at her."

  "Ha. Oh, we do need to go by my apartment so I can change," she said. "Don't worry, it's not far and should be along the way."

  "Number 13, Rue Street, Apartment 1b," he said.

  "How..."

  "I probably should confess to pausing by your window occasionally on some of my late night ventures through town," he said. "Why were you looking at pictures of girls?"

  "You!"

  "And I'd a bet money that whole polished stone wouldn't fit up your..."

  "SHUT UP!" Her face turned bright red and her first instinct was to throw her plate at him. She knew it! She had had suspicions for months that someone was spying on her. The bastard! She took a deep breath. "I will have you killed," she said. "It's just a matter of when." She stood up, pushing the chair out with the back of her legs. "Pay the bill and let's get out of here before I start beating you."

  "Come on, it's not like I haven't seen it before."

  "It is like you'll never see it again!" she said. "Cause you'll be dead."

  -3-

  Watch Your Head And Wallet

  "I've never been in this part of town before," Carlisle said. "It smells great!" She had given him his coat back and changed into her explorer clothes... pith helmet, goggles around the brim, brown leather vest and gloves, tan riding pants, white shirt, and brown boots, all cloaked with a long brown leather heavy-coat. Packs, straps, pockets, and holsters for everything imaginable, including a double barreled derringer, finished off the outfit, one she was particularly proud of. It had handled every situation she could throw at it out in the field. She curled her nose. "What is that smell, anyway?"

  "Stockyard over there," Stevenson said. "Public toilet over there. Watch your..."

  It was too late. She banged her head on a low-hanging shop sign, knocking off her hat. "Dammit!"

  A little man ran out of his store to see what was going on. "Been meanin' ta fix that," he said. "Actually bought some nails a couple years ago." He looked at them and smiled. "But, y'all from the rich part of town don't belong over here, anyway."

  "I'm fine, thanks," Carlisle said. "Don't fuss over me." She replaced her hat on her head and regained her composure and at least most of her dignity. "See, this outfit handles any situation. Already saved my life."

  "Y'all buyin'?"

  She looked at the sign as it still swung back and forth on its one secure chain. Buggy whips and leathers. "Not now. I might be back if his story turns out to be a load of bullshit," she said, pointing at Stevenson.

  "You heard of Auntie Kato?" Stevenson said.

  "The witch?" the shopkeeper said.

  "Is there more than one Auntie Kato?"

  "We need her help with these?" he said, and pulled out the small creature and held it in the palm of his hand, expecting to scare the shopkeeper.

  The little man backed away and pulled his old black wool pea-coat tighter around him, but didn't seem all that frightened. "Keep that thing away from me!"

  "You know what it is?" Carlisle said.

  "Everyone 'round here knows 'bout 'em," he said. "Damned nasty little things. One ain't so bad, but I seen 'em kill a horse when they's packin' up together."

  "It's a demon," Stevenson said. He smiled and nodded his head toward the creature. "Demon."

  "Whatever ya call 'em, ain't most people 'round here willin' to go out at night 'cause of 'em," he said.

  "They roam the streets?" Carlisle said. If everyone knew about them, she could see her award-winning research fizzling out like a wet match. "Common around here?"

  "Ain't common," he said. "But a few of us has been fightin' 'em for years. Damned things get in the cellars and start nestin', takes a whole box a shotgun shells to get 'em all out."

  "Well, apparently your demon can be killed with a shotgun," she said, looking at Stevenson. "I might be in the market for a good, stiff, riding crop."

  "Well, I didn't say it killed 'em," the little man said. "Ain't nothin' can kill 'em far as I know. A shotgun will send 'em scootin', though."

  Stevenson smiled. "I think I'm the one who gets control of the crop," he said.

  Carlisle blushed. Not because of the remark with its questionable, but somewhat stimulating, subtext, but because she hated to be wrong. It rarely happened and it was always enough to send her off into a bad mood for the rest of the day. But, she quickly decided the award was still up for grabs, and that eased the pain a little.

  "Where is Auntie Kato's house from here?" she said.

  "Auntie Kato?" the shop keeper said. "Oh, her, yeah, you can't miss her. Just keep on this sidewalk past the shithouse down yonder. Once the walk ends, you'll see her old rundown cabin off to the right in a overgrown field." He looked each of them up and down. "Y'all really gonna see Auntie Kato?"

  "That's the plan," Stevenson. "Is it not a good one?"

  He shrugged. "What are you takin' her?"

  "Taking her?" Carlisle said.

  "She ain't gonna see ya unless you got something ta give her," he said. "Everybody knows ya gotta take Auntie Kato a gift if ya want to see her."

  "Oh," Stevenson said. He put the creature back in his jacket pocket and then fumbled around in his other pockets.

  "What does she like?" Carlisle said.

  "Anything from my shop," he said.

  "Saw that coming," Stevenson said, and patted the man on the shoulder. "Fine, fine, my good man, show us your wares."

  The shopkeeper smiled and twisted his mustache.

  "Your cheapest wares," Carlisle said.

  -4-

  A Little Woman With Big Hair

  "Auntie Kato!" Carlisle yelled. She was afraid to knock on the door because of the rotting wood around the frame. A knock of any strength might cause it to fall off its hinges. Then again, it matched the rest of the little shack which seemed to only be standing at all because of several cinderblocks stacked around the sides and holding the crumbling wood planks in place. "Are you home?"

  "Hey, old woman!" Stevenson yelled. "You home? We brought gifts!"

  "Which I had to pay for!" Carlisle added.

  They both listened in vain for several seconds. "Maybe she's sleeping," he said. "Old people need a lot of sleep." He decided to knock, but was frozen in place. A large knife was pressed against his throat.

  "What do you want?!" a little woman snarled.

  "Are you Auntie Kato?" Carlisle said.

  They were both speechless as the little woman nodded. Auntie Kato wasn't an old hag; she wasn't old at all... probably not even out of her teens, well-developed but very short and slight, which gave her a doll-like appearance. She also happened to be only about half-dressed, with a loose-fitting short yell
ow nightie slipping off one shoulder, black thigh-high stockings with one drooped down around her ankle, and an amazing amount of coal-black hair heaped on her head and shoulders and held in place with various hairpins, curlers, clamps and skewers. Carlisle wasn't sure if she was real, or some sort of life-sized clockwork doll.

  "You... you're Auntie Kato?"

  "Who's askin'?" She said, and lowered her knife. She pushed a small pair of oval shaped glasses up her nose, but they slid right back down again. "Make it quick, I'm busy!"

  "Mixing potions and skinning salamanders?" the professor said.

  "No, getting ready to masturbate," the little woman said without a trace of humor.

  "Oh, uh, I'm Elise Carlisle, professor of Anthropology at the city university, and this is a drunken gin-sop I know; we might need your help," she said. "Maybe. Who knows. Probably not."

  "Uh, yeah, I'm a professor too," Stevenson said. "Being a drunk is just a hobby." He smiled and held out his hand. It was full of small, tanned leather patches. "We bring gifts. We'd be glad to sit quietly and watch."

  "Wait," Carlisle corrected. "We'd be glad to wait till you finish your business."

  "Yeah, okay, come in before all my heat gets out," she said. She walked back into her cabin, scratching her butt through the sheer fabric of her nightie.

  "We understand you're a witch," Stevenson said, as he followed the girl inside.

  Carlisle smacked him on the back of the head. "What he means is you're in touch with spiritual and pagan things, correct?"

  Kato plopped down in a big chair and pulled her legs up in a very ungraceful manner and sat cross-legged. She motioned Stevenson to put the gift patches on a small table but didn't motion either of them to sit down. "How can I help ya?"

  "What happened to your plans?" Stevenson said.

  "That can wait till you leave," the witch said.

  The cabin was one big room. An unmade bed was against one wall, the opposite wall fitted a sink and stove. But the back wall looked like a chemist's lab with bottles and tubes and burners and everything else needed for her potions and cures, including several dead animals and dried plants hanging from hooks. In the middle of the room, populating the scarred and battered hardwood floor, were various pieces of furniture, some broken, some dirty, other things seemed to be brand new and expensive and must have been gifts from others seeking her help. There was no theme or common style to the room, and it was very crowded with almost no place to walk. But the high ceiling was arched and it didn't feel threatening or small; it actually felt comfortable, like an old antiques shop.

  He pulled the creature out of his pocket. "You know what these are?"

  She didn't seem bothered by the sudden appearance of the little monster. She simply picked up a small red clay pipe with a long, slender silver stem, and although she didn't light it, it produced smoke when she took a puff. "Why do you carry one around?" she said. "Surely the rich can afford better pets than those little rats." She took her glasses off and put them on the table.

  "Uh, Auntie," Carlisle said. The word was actually hard to say after seeing the small and beautiful young woman. "My colleague here believes these little things are demons and guard the entrance to the Hellsgate."

  "Hey!" Stevenson said, "Don't be telling her everything! We won't have anything left to bargain with!"

  "Yeah, so?" Kato said. "No one has ever found it, even if that was true."

  "Then you believe this thing is a demon?" he said.

  "Reckon that's a good enough name for it," she said. "They can't be killed as far as I know; I've tried a hundred different ways. Cut one in half, it turns into two of 'em. If I could get rid of 'em, I'd be rich and maybe buy my way out of this shithole." She shifted her weight and picked up a tea cup from the table and took a noisy sip. "Now, get to the point. What can I do for ya?"

  "Join us!" Stevenson said. "We need you on our team."

  Kato stared at him for a moment, and then looked at Carlisle. "Nice outfit. Does it come with a strap-on penis?"

  "No, but I can buy one if you're interested," she said. "But I'm afraid he's serious, though. He believes he has found the Hellsgate and needs you to come with us as we explore it." She looked around the cabin. "We weren't expecting a young girl, but that's actually better; at least we know you're not going to die of a heart attack if something unexpected happens."

  "But still, you want me to join a dangerous expedition, leave all this comfort... and for that you brought me some leather patches?" she said with a chuckle. She narrowed her eyes and hopped up quickly and her expression changed. "What exactly did you see?"

  "Well, thousands of these things," he said. "But beyond them there was a stone wall with strange markings and what appeared to be a golden door."

  "Statues?" she said. "Were there statues?"

  He thought for a moment. "I was pretty drunk... oh, white... I remember now. Two white stone lizards with wings."

  She walked toward the back of the room and motioned the others to follow her. "Take a look at this," she said, as she turned a few pages in an already-opened book. "Look familiar?"

  "No," he said.

  "Good," she said. "That was a test."

  "So, you've actually studied the Hellsgate?" Carlisle said. Her sleeve caught an empty bottle and knocked it off the table. "Oh, sorry." She bent down to pick it up and bumped her head on the table, knocking off her hat. "Shit!"

  Kato ignored her and nodded, causing her hair to shake and move as if it were something with a life force of its own. It was what better groomed people would have called a rat's nest, almost comical because it surrounded such a small and beautiful face. "I've memorized every word I could find about the Hellsgate." She waved her arms around, causing her hair to go wild again. "I think this must have been the first building in the new town. I found the original documents about it in the cellar."

  "Ah, so see!" Stevenson said. "Besides the spiritual stuff, she knows everything there is to know about the tunnel to hell, too."

  "You've already decided it's a tunnel to hell?" Carlisle said.

  "Well, it's a tunnel," Kato said. "To where, who knows for sure? The documents say very little about where it ends, only the journey." She dropped her nightie to the floor, exposing her nearly naked body. "I'm in. Let me get dressed."

  "Take your time," he said. "We're in no hurry. If I can give you a hand with something, just let me know."

  "Keep your hands to yourself, demon slayer," Carlisle said. "If she needs help, I'll oblige her. We can still sit quietly and watch if you want to masturbate."

  "Wait," he said.

  "What'd I say?"

  "Watch," he said.

  "Self-pleasuring can wait," the witch said. "You can wait or watch while I get dressed."

  "Okay," the two professors said at the same time. "Just take your time."

  -5-

  Exhaling The Universe

  They all stepped out into the quickly worsening weather. The ground was refreezing and a gusty wind was picking up, whistling through the buildings, and making life just a little more miserable than it already was.

  "Oh, you forgot your glasses," Carlisle said.

  "They're in my cape pocket. Don't need 'em to see," she said. "I just wear them because they make me look more like a witch. Gotta cater to the customers, ya know." She looked up at the professor who was a good foot and a half taller than she was. "I know what I want with the Hellsgate." She pulled her door closed and jiggled it to make sure it was locked, and pulled a long burgundy velour cape around her body, otherwise barely covered at all with the tight, low-cut corset of her black dress, and used her fingers to rearrange parts of the massive piles of hair on her head, alive now because of the wind. "But what do you want from it?" She took a big puff on her pipe and it sent a large plume of smoke into the air. It smelled like cherry candy.

  "Well, it could be the biggest anthropological and archaeological discovery of the last hundred years," Carlisle said. "The world needs that kno
wledge; it could help us rebuild properly. Show the world what was possible. Inspire the world to move forward."

  Kato nodded. "So, you're doing it to get famous." She looked up at Stevenson who was embarrassingly caught looking down at her cleavage. "And what about you, perv boy?"

  "Me, I, er, oh." He thought for a moment, and then shrugged. "Not sure, really. Just curious, I guess. I found it, so it feels like I should figure out what it is. I believe in fate. I guess I was meant to be the one to discover its secrets."

  She grabbed his hand and opened up his palm. "You're a professor? But your hands are rough, like a worker."

  "I teach engineering... mechanics and metal working," he said. "I make things. I'm sure things we can use in our investigation, too."

  "I see," she said. "I guess you're okay, then."

  "It's her you need to worry about," he said, pointing at the professor with his thumb. "She's spent the last month running around naked on a southern beach. Very questionable morals and horny as a toad."

  "But a very good right hook, which you're just about to see," Carlisle said.

  "I've never been to the other side of town. Is that where we're going now?" she said, choosing to ignore the professors' banter. She looked around at the buildings, stores, and shops. "I wasn't born here, ya know. I was born out in the wastelands, abandoned; some say, though I was too young to remember, raised by wolves until I was captured by outlaw slavers as a kid. Ended up being sold to a fat old bastard who fancied himself a magician. He taught me everything he knew, when he wasn't beating me... but his books taught me a lot more. When he died, I packed them all up and walked away and ended up here about five years ago. Started selling potions and herbs and people started living better, so I was accepted as a witch, if not as a citizen."

  Carlisle wasn't sure why the girl had just told them her entire life's story or why it mattered to them. She imagined they would never see each other again after today, so why bother with back stories. All that really mattered was whether she could be of help to them, or not. Stevenson seemed to think she could... but he seemed to think a lot of things. "What are the lizards with wings?"