Long for Me

by Stacey Lynn

“You want to be bound, I want to hold you. We’ll work up to that bar. When I take your ass the first time, I want it to be me stretching you, not some plug. We’ll use it later once you’re used to me so I can fill you everywhere.”

  “Jesus,” she breathed. “Just when I think I’m getting used to you, you throw me over the cliff.”

  “I know. Like I said, I like the way you look when I shock you. I plan on keeping it on your face for a very long time, too.”

  Before she could argue, I kissed her. Then I pushed her backward onto the bed and climbed over her.

  An hour later, she was still panting. On her back, my hand draped over her stomach, I held her close to me.

  She turned to me and grinned. One of her fingers lightly traced her nipple. “You’re right. They hurt, but damn, they feel really freaking good, too.”

  I tugged her closer and kissed her senseless before I said something stupid and ridiculous. Something that would send her running like a scared bunny.

  Something that sounded an awful lot like, I think I’m falling in love with you.

  * * *

  “Go Royals!”

  Rebecca threw her hands in the air, the buzzer still blaring in the arena from the River Hill’s hockey team’s goal. She turned to me and grinned, a smile that was wide and could light up the entire arena.

  Damn, she was glorious.

  “Do you follow hockey?” I asked as she took her seat again. She’d jumped up so high she’d almost whacked me in the temple. Since the puck drop at the beginning of the game, she’d been totally into it, barely sipping her hot cocoa seemingly in favor of watching the puck float across the ice. We were halfway through the third period, up by two goals, and at her feet, her hot cocoa had gone ice cold.

  Her grin widened further. I pressed my hand to the back of her neck and held her still. It took all I had not to pull her face to mine and kiss the smile off her, but it was so beautiful, I wanted it to stay.

  “I have no clue what’s going on,” she said shamelessly.

  I threw my head back and laughed, lost the hold on my control and shoved her forehead into my chest. “You’re going this wild over a game you don’t understand?”

  She nodded against me. “It’s still fun, though.” My shoulders were still shaking from my laughter when she pulled back, tilted that smile at me and seared my chest with a heat the burned like we were in a sauna, not an ice-cold arena. “I love watching sports, even if I don’t understand the rules. I just pick a team and cheer.”

  “I’m the same way,” Chloe said, sitting on the other side of Rebecca.

  I’d been hesitant to introduce the two of them. After the game, I’d have to talk about my brief, barely existent history with Chloe to Rebecca. If she found out Simon offered Chloe to me, only a couple months ago, things could get awkward. So far, the pretty blonde and Rebecca were getting along and I wanted to keep it that way.

  Chloe continued, smiling at Simon in a way I figured she was imagining what they’d done either that morning or the night before. “But I gotta say, that coach is the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. He could inspire anyone to love the sport. I’m certain that’s why there are always so many moms at their home games.”

  Around the arena, there were more women than men. Michigan was a huge hockey state so in general, that wasn’t surprising. What was unusual, was the number of women who kept calling Simon’s name instead of the players’ when the team made a good play.

  Dressed in a suit, Simon stood in the home team’s bench.

  “I’m not sure Simon’s body has much to do with my appreciation of the game,” I teased.

  Chloe rolled her eyes at me.

  Rebecca giggled and squeezed my leg just above my knee. “He is attractive,” Rebecca said. “But I think my guy is better.” Her cheeks paled, she froze and her head snapped toward me. “I mean...”

  “Don’t,” I whispered. “Don’t take that away. It’s the truth.”

  “Okay.” She licked her lips and turned back to the game.

  On her other side, Chloe’s eyes darted back and forth between us. I gave her a look telling her to mind her own business and she shrugged before doing the same as Rebecca.

  Rebecca’s hand loosened from my leg but before she could take it off my thigh, I covered her hand with mine. “I like knowing you think of me as yours. I am, beyond the contract, just as you’re mine.”

  She shivered and it had nothing to do with the cold. Nodding again, she breathed out a heavy, shaky breath. “Okay, Bennett.”

  “We’ll talk more later.” I let go of her hand on my leg and wrapped my arm around her waist.

  I didn’t need to warm her. She was bundled up in her puffy coat, scarf and mittens. I really just wanted her close to me at all times.

  We watched the rest of the game, celebrating the win with loud cheers as the team lined up and first, smacked the helmet of the goalie who’d only allowed one goal to the River Hill’s Royals three.

  Afterward, we were in my car on the way to Shawn and Miranda’s for dinner.

  “I’ve got something to tell you about Chloe, and I don’t want to make it awkward for you.”

  “Awkward?” Rebecca’s brow furrowed. “What is it?”

  “A couple months ago, when she and Simon were just getting together, she saw me play at Luminous.”

  Her lips parted, flesh paled. “Okay?”

  Shit. I didn’t want to explain what Chloe had seen me doing, why Simon chose me to play with Chloe especially since we were friends.

  I pressed my hand to hers, flipped it over and threaded our fingers together. I tore through the rest of the explanation like a Band-Aid. Quick and painful and over faster. “There was a time when they had a decision to make, and at the end of their contract, Simon was supposed to hand her over to another Dom. I won’t get into the specifics of the relationship, but there was a reason for it.”

  “You were the Dom.” Pain laced her voice and fuck if it didn’t hit me straight in the gut.

  “I was. I didn’t touch her, Rebecca. And I wouldn’t have. Simon bringing me into it was misguided. I just thought you should know in case it’s ever mentioned.”

  She looked out her window, her jaw working back and forth like she was struggling with that information. I didn’t blame her. She was still so new to all of this. The idea of a Dom sharing his sub with other men had to reinforce the idea she had they were nothing more than possessions.

  Silence thickened the air. I turned down Rebecca’s street and pulled over before we reached Shawn or Rebecca’s house.

  “What is it? I can practically hear your mind spinning.”

  She tried to pull her hand from mine but I tightened my grip. We were better connected in some way for this conversation. “It’s none of my business,” she said, her voice hoarse and practically a whisper. “I mean, we weren’t even together, but did you do that often? Play with other men’s women?”

  “Not often, but sometimes, yes.” I released a harsh breath, one that stung my lungs. “I don’t share, if that’s what you’re thinking. But some men get off on seeing their women touched by others. I don’t fuck subs or slaves that belong to others, most Masters and Doms I know don’t even allow that as an option, but playing or touching or pleasuring...it happens sometimes.”

  She nibbled her bottom lip and turned to me. “We’ve never really talked about Luminous and what it means to you. This isn’t bad information you’re giving me. I appreciate your honesty in preparing me, I guess. But what about Luminous?”

  “What about it?”

  “How important is it to you? Do you plan on going back?”

  Her unasked question was did I want to take her, and the answer to that was an unequivocal yes.

  She’d laid a minefield. One wrong step and she’d be r
ushing out of the car and running to her house, bolting herself inside. I’d lost her once over a miscommunication.

  Treading lightly, I softened my voice. “I enjoy Luminous. I enjoy playing. I like knowing I can go there, and take what I want in a way that gets me off and the woman. And yes, I’d like to go back someday.” While I let that settle, but before she could bolt, I pulled her to me so our hands were in my lap. Wrapping my other hand around the side of her neck, I held her firmly, made her look directly into my eyes. “Only when it’s your idea. I don’t need it. I don’t need to get off in front of other people. It’s a lifestyle I enjoy and respect, but it’s not a necessity.”

  She chewed on her lip some more and nodded. “Okay. Can we eat now? I’m really hungry.”

  I searched her gaze, for anything, but she gave me nothing. No hint of what she was thinking. No hint that I’d terrified the shit out of her or turned her on. For the first time since I’d laid eyes on Rebecca, her expression was blank.

  “Rebecca—”

  “I’m okay.” She covered my hand on her neck with hers. “It’s a lot of information, and I guess it gives me something to think about. But I trust you and I know you’re simply being honest. I just... I don’t think I’d ever considering going back there.”

  “I don’t need it,” I repeated.

  But hell if I wouldn’t enjoy taking her there, having her on my arm. Having her kneel while we watched other people. With as open as she’d been last night with the nipple clamps, I wanted her to see more.

  “Okay,” she breathed. Still shaky, her expression softened. “I want some time to think about it, but I’m not running if that’s what you’re worried about. I really do want to go eat Shawn’s rack of lamb.” She grinned. It was wobbly, her nerves still obvious.

  I leaned closer and kissed her, a mere brush of my lips over hers. “Okay. Promise me something.”

  “Anything.”

  “Ask whatever questions you have, whenever you have them. You don’t want to go, we won’t. You want to experience something like that and not at the club, I can set that up in a more private setting. Anything you want Rebecca, I’ll give it to you if it’s in my power to give it. Got it?”

  She kissed me, then, seekingly, like she was searching for that connection only I could give her and I did. We made out in my car, kissing wildly until the windows fogged and my dick was hard and she was panting like she could come at any moment.

  I pulled back before I took it that far. With her eyes still glazed over from pleasure, I shifted the car back into drive and went to Shawn’s.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Rebecca

  Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

  The saying kept flickering through my mind while we were at Miranda’s house. Once we arrived, Miranda ushered Bennett and me inside, slid a beer in Bennett’s hand, a glass of wine into mine. Then the men disappeared into the living room to watch the Red Wings game while Miranda and I sat and chatted at the kitchen table.

  Shortly after, Chloe and Simon arrived. The same greeting was given, and Simon joined the men in the living room.

  I stayed quieter than Miranda and Chloe as we talked about our jobs and our lives and getting caught up. Typical conversation among friends that filled the room with giggles from the women and shouts from the men.

  More hockey. I kept turning my head to watch the game. Based on the conversation, the men had already laid their bets as the Red Wings battled the Colorado Avalanche. I’d been honest with Bennett earlier. The rules of hockey flummoxed me. I never understood when fighting was allowed, when it wasn’t. I didn’t understand the rules and I’d never cared enough to learn them. I did enjoy watching the game, though, and two hockey games in one day accompanied with wine and friends was the perfect Saturday.

  Even if it did come with the realization that the beautiful blonde had once been offered to Bennett.

  I believed he didn’t touch her, but it was the learning that he had played with other men’s women that still stunned me, along with the brief conversation about returning to Luminous.

  Every time I gained traction, grew confident in everything Bennett was teaching me, another speed bump landed right in front of me.

  Yet, I was currently among friends, at least with Miranda, and like she’d done over the last several years, she’d answer any question I had. But this was a dinner and social night.

  I didn’t want to ruin it by making it too serious.

  So I sipped my wine, and later, when the game was over, Shawn finished up the rack of lamb. The six of us sat around their dining table and enjoyed a delicious meal, better drinks, and even more enjoyable company.

  I was stuffed, a bit tipsy, and my cheeks and stomach hurt from food and laughing by the time dinner ended.

  I couldn’t stop thinking of my conversation with Bennett though, and often I caught him giving me a look, one that was questioning and tinged with worry. I wasn’t surprised. Since New Year’s Eve, he’d always seemed to know what I was struggling with, sometimes even before I did.

  Yet he’d always taken his time, showing unrelenting patience with me just like Miranda.

  “We should get going,” Simon said. “Chloe has inventory at the store starting tomorrow.”

  He sat next to her, draping his arm over her shoulder. As he spoke, she rested her head on his arm. “We can stay a bit longer.”

  He shot her a heated look and smirked. “Perhaps I was trying to be polite and what I really wanted to say was I was anxious to get you home where I could have my wicked way with you.”

  Her eyelashes fluttered and pink rose on her cheeks. “Oh.”

  From the across the table, their passion was almost tangible.

  It was almost too much to witness, like they were already making love to one another with words and not touches.

  I pushed back my chair, the legs scraping on the tiled floor. “Excuse me,” I muttered, “I need to use the restroom.”

  I rushed in the direction of the bathroom, down the short hallway. Once there, I settled my hands on the basin and dropped my head. Good grief.

  I needed to get a grip. I’d just made a scene for absolutely no reason.

  Focus. Relax. Breathe.

  I inhaled a breath, one so large it burned my lungs and stood, ran a hand through my hair.

  What had gotten into me? I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to watch others having sex, or see another woman naked. I didn’t want any of it and I hadn’t, even when I’d begun realizing that submitting to Bennett was more glorious than anything I could have ever imagined.

  It twisted me in knots, but I couldn’t deny it.

  When I was doing what Bennett commanded, it didn’t demean me.

  It made me feel confident, cared for, and cherished. Submitting to Bennett in bed somehow gave me everything I’d always wanted.

  And if that were the case, was it possible that I could have more than I’d ever dreamed of?

  I shook the question out of my head, used the restroom and washed my hands.

  I opened the door to leave the restroom and walked straight into a massive wall of muscle. Arms immediately enveloped me and pushed me back inside.

  “What’s wrong?” Bennett asked, closed the door behind us.

  The bathroom was a small half-bath and in that one quick move, he’d effectively pinned me against the wall and in his embrace.

  My heart pounded from the surprise of his appearance, and the beautiful scent of his cologne.

  Good grief, every time I was around Bennett he muddled my senses. I didn’t hate it the way I used to.

  Leaning into him, I set my forehead on his chest but didn’t speak.

  “Are you upset about our conversation? You’ve been quiet all evening.”

  “I�
��m not upset.”

  “Then what is it?” He cupped my chin with his hand and tilted my head back. “What has you so worked up?”

  “I was thinking.”

  “And you thought too much, too hard, and became overwhelmed. Don’t get inside your head, honey. Talk to me.”

  I blurted it before I could stop myself. “I was thinking about what you said in the car. About how if I wanted to watch or experience anything, you’d set it up.”

  His fingers flinched on my chin. “And?”

  “Well.” I steeled myself for his reaction. My voice was barely audible as I said, “Miranda and Shawn have a playroom upstairs. So I was wondering—”

  “Who do you want to watch? Them or Simon and Chloe.”

  “Not Miranda. I know them too well.”

  Had I really just said that? Was I asking for this? Everything was happening so quickly my mind spun. Bennett wasn’t giving me time to think, which was probably his plan.

  “Where is Miranda’s room?” he asked. His eyes were intense and dilated. Every breath he took forced out his chest.

  “Upstairs,” I croaked.

  “Go there.”

  “Bennett.” I covered his hand with mine. “I don’t know—”

  “I do. You want it and you’re trying to talk yourself out of it. You might not even want it, but you’re curious. So you’re going to give in to it. You don’t like it, we stop it. We leave. We go back to my place, or your house for the night and don’t speak of it again. Give this a chance, Rebecca. You won’t know until you try.”

  “Damn it.” I couldn’t pull my gaze off him. I stared into his brown eyes, the seriousness stamped in his features. He’d do this for me.

  He’d do anything for me. He’d give me this not because he wanted it or needed it, but because I asked.

  I loved him for it.

  The realization struck me and I stepped back.

  Love? I couldn’t. I didn’t. It was too soon and too crazy and holy shit, I was going insane.

  In front of me, Bennett’s concerned expression spread into a smile, his features softening like he knew everything I’d just realized.