Lila gasped. “What?”
“Yeah, this is so hard. Your parents hired me to find you, Lilach,” he said, deliberately using her full name, loving how it sounded rolling off his lips. “At first, I only met your mom and dad, not Elon. I didn’t even know you were married. Your parents just told me they wanted their daughter back, and their friends and community were paying my bill.”
Her eyes widened as he said, “I caught on pretty quickly that they were less than honest, and then I met Elon. The way they talked, it became obvious they wanted you back only so they could be back in their in-laws’ good graces. It killed me when I realized the search had very little to do with you. Honey, I’m sorry.”
When she shuddered but didn’t say anything, Carson continued talking, filling in the holes, how he came to put it all together, and when and why he finally brought the Bureau in to help.
Lila looked up at him, her expression so filled with so much pain it broke his heart. “I can’t believe this. My own family…and you…you must think I come from terrible people.”
He entwined his hand with hers and squeezed it gently. “No, baby. Your parents are misguided, but that has nothing to do with you. They told me the girl I was looking for was confused and wanted a new life, probably out west. They crafted this whole story about you wanting a new culture, but it was based on what Elon told them.”
He went on to explain how he wasn’t sure when Elon caught on to him, but he definitely was the source of evil playing on her parents’ emotions and purse strings. He didn’t go into how frightened he had been when she was taken, or how panicked Asher was when he discovered she was gone. She was so fragile at the moment and had enough to digest with the situation with her parents.
Lila continued to look at Carson with a blank face. Not wanting to push her for a reaction, he was only happy she hadn’t moved out of his arms. He hoped she was just processing everything, and not planning on letting him go.
Drawing his one and only love closer, he said, “I had my hunches, but I wasn’t a hundred percent certain until you told me your real name was Lila. Then I knew I had to come to Brooklyn and drop the case, because one thing I knew for certain—you wouldn’t have run away if there wasn’t a valid reason. I was heading east to dump your parents as clients and hurrying back to make a plan to keep you safe when you were taken. That changed everything.”
Lila held his face in her hands, ran her fingers along his two-day stubble, and stared deep into his eyes. “Carson, thank you. You saved me.”
He shook his head. “All that matters is I got you back, and now you don’t have to hide, especially from Asher and the girls back home. They’re on their way here right now to see you with their own eyes. I’ve been keeping a very antsy Asher up-to-date for the last forty-eight hours. You have a lot of people who love you, Lila, including me.” Carson tucked her head under his and placed another kiss on the top of her head. He couldn’t see her eyes, so he wasn’t sure if she heard his admission.
Then Lila looked up with her head cocked to the side, some of the light coming back into her eyes, her expression questioning.
“Yes, you heard me right. I fell in love with you, Sienna, Lila, or whatever you want to call yourself. I don’t care. Inside, you’re the most beautiful woman with a huge heart and I love you. You’re a flower who hasn’t even fully bloomed, and I want to watch you come into your own.”
Carson saw tears welling up in Lila’s eyes once again, yet this time, he believed they were happy tears and not ones of fear.
“What do you mean, a flower?” she asked. “Because of my tattoo?” With a shaky finger, she traced along her own collarbone.
Yeah, he was right; those were happy tears. Carson knew exactly what she was fishing for in asking that question.
“No, nothing at all to do with your tattoo, love. I know what Lilach means in your religion. It means flower, and you’re a bud getting ready to bloom. I knew it way before I knew who you were in relation to my case and what that meant, but I understood it much better when you were taken and I put it all together.”
He shook his head and said, “What must have happened for you to run and hide in Vegas, I can’t even think about it. You hid pretty damn well, I have to admit. You had no clue that asshole ex-husband of yours would be involved in illegal pornography. So, no, I mean you’re a gorgeous bloom in waiting, and I know exactly what that means, Li.”
Lila gasped and covered her mouth with her hand to conceal her intake of breath. “I’m pretty sure I feel the same, but I have too many mixed-up thoughts at the moment to say it back.” She raised her gaze to meet his and blushed, guilt written all over her face. “And there’s a little problem…I’m still married. How can I love you and still be married to that awful man? What am I going to do about that? I have to make sense of all this, and I can’t even take it all in.”
Carson pulled her tight against him. “Of course. I wouldn’t want you to say anything now. Just feel. I want you to know that this is real for me, and I’m all the way in it with you. For you. Whatever you need or want, go ahead and take it from me.”
Lila leaned in and kissed Carson softly on the cheek, letting her lips linger and graze along his stubble. He heard her inhale and breathe in his scent. He liked that a lot, and wanted her to keep doing it for however long she damn well wanted.
“Thank you,” she said softly. “I don’t even know what to say. I feel bad you had to use up so many favors. I want to be able to tell you how I feel about you, but it feels wrong to do that while I’m still married to Elon. I need a divorce, and he’s not one to grant something like that, so I have no idea how that’s all going to work out.”
“Baby, you got to know this. The FBI just cracked an enormous case in that warehouse. Elon, Sam Charles…they’re going away for a long time. The FBI owes both you and me. Either way, I would have used up all my favors and called in a million markers if needed. Don’t worry about all that. Right now, you have to think about what you want, and if you want a divorce, you’ll get one.”
“How?”
“Elon is screwed, baby. He’s going to do a lot of time, and his crimes will be smeared all through the news. I’m pretty sure his family, the government, his legal counsel will all put pressure on him to at least do one right thing and grant you a divorce.”
She just nodded, but didn’t say anything.
Carson sighed, not wanting to overwhelm her any more than she already was. “Right now you only have to decide this. Do you want to go see your parents, or do you want to go to a hotel and eat, shower, and rest? I’m pretty certain your parents have heard the news of what went down by now, but it’s up to you to tell them what you want, when you want.”
“I need a shower and clean clothes,” she said while staring down at her disheveled clothing, then corrected herself. “Come to think of it, I don’t have any, but I think I should stop by my parents’ house. Let them know I’m in one piece, and then go take a bath and maybe get some clothes at the hotel?”
He had a feeling that stopping to see her parents wouldn’t bring the reaction Lila was expecting, but there was nothing he could do. He had to let Lila see for herself where her parents’ true allegiance lay.
“That’ll work. It will also give you a little time for a nap before Asher and the Vegas gang arrive. The Tunnel is running on a bare-bones crew at the moment, I’d guess. Asher, Mike, Petal, Sydney, and Penelope are all on their way here as we speak. I doubt they’re going to let you rest or let me have you all to myself.” He growled, lightening the moment, but made his point. He was looking forward to being with her, and only her.
“Two things, though,” Lila said firmly. “I’m thirsty and I have to use a bathroom. Do you think the driver can make a pit stop at a corner store?”
Carson shook his head, annoyed at himself. “I’m so stupid, I should’ve thought of that, but I was so nervous about getting you back and telling you the truth. Of course, bathroom and water it is, and maybe
a coffee?” He gave her a wink and smiled at her.
Lila kissed him fervently, letting all the emotion run out of her system straight into him. It might have only lasted a few seconds, but he felt her completely relax in his arms while her lips moved with his. Her kiss didn’t feel lust-filled. Instead it felt tender. More like love.
Carson took down the security window and alerted the driver to the stop, and went right back to kissing Lila after putting it back up. As they held each other, he hoped their passion wasn’t only a promise of what they already knew worked between the sheets, but of togetherness. Something lasting that would bond the two of them forever.
He didn’t want to push the boundaries too far with all Lila had just been through. Realizing she was in an overly emotional state, he pulled back and settled her head back against his chest, while he gently rubbed his hands up and down her back to soothe her, stopping to massage her neck.
After a moment, Lila sat up and said, “Carson. I don’t know what to say. I’ve never had this kind of caring in my life, no one ever took care of me and I was always the caretaker. Back in Vegas, I wanted more than anything to have something like this with you, but I was sure I had to leave and let you go, because I was putting every one at risk. Then when I was taken, I worried that you were maybe behind it all. I’m so ashamed that I doubted you.”
Carson shook his head and said, “Don’t think about that, Li. It’s over. You don’t have to leave, you can have someone take care of you, and love you.”
“I know it’s over, I just don’t believe it,” was all Lila would say before they made a quick bathroom break.
SOON AFTER that, they pulled up in front of her parents’ house. Both her parents and another couple—the in-laws, he’d guess, based on Lila’s gasp—came rushing out the front door.
The in-laws?
Lila took a deep breath and seemed to steady herself before getting out of the car. Her parents looked overjoyed to see her, but what followed shocked Carson.
“Oh, Lila, we’re so glad we found you,” Lila’s mother said. “And don’t worry about Elon…it’s all a big mistake.” She glanced at the other couple, then told Lila, “Mr. and Mrs. Finder are so happy to have you home, they’re willing to overlook where you went and what you did. They don’t even want to know.”
She patted Lila’s arm reassuringly. “They’re going to get Elon the best legal team, and before you know it, you can go back to life as it was before, as our daughter and their daughter-in-law. You’ll be a Finder again.”
Carson wasn’t surprised, but the look on Lila’s face told him that she was. There was no hug, kiss, or long embrace for the daughter she hadn’t seen in seven years.
Then the woman had the nerve to smile condescendingly at her daughter, as if everything had been Lila’s fault. As if the seven years since they’d seen each other didn’t matter, and the fact that Elon had just been busted for abuse of minors, conspiracy to kidnap, and running an illegal pornography ring had never happened.
“What?” Lila asked. It came out as a whisper, but Carson heard it, and the pain in that one syllable had him seeing red. Before he could say or do anything to put an end to this charade, she said, “Mom, Dad…I don’t want to be a Finder. That’s why I ran away. Elon is a mean and cruel person who’s going to be dragged through the mud, and rightfully so, for the terrible things he’s done. Both to me and to other people. And the Finders are all going to go down with him, don’t you see? They should, they knew exactly what he was up to. Maybe not how he was beating me up all the time, but definitely about all the porn. Don’t you get that?”
Her father frowned and shook his head. “None of that is going to happen, Lila. The Finders are good people, and Elon went off track when you left. We’re going to make it all right.” Then in a commanding and authoritative tone, he said, “You and Elon will both forgive each other. He’ll let it go that you ran away and left him desperate, Lila, and in a few months, it will be like this never happened. Don’t let your overactive imagination take over.”
Carson didn’t quite understand. Did these assholes really just try to blame Lila for what Elon did? He was about to step in and intervene when Lila found her voice.
“No! I’m never going to apologize to Elon. He beat me black and blue daily when we were married. He just had me abducted from my home, drugged and tortured, and only an hour ago, he was taken away by the FBI for filming pornographic movies starring minors.”
Tears began to stream down her face, but she pressed her lips together and straightened her shoulders before saying, “You’re obviously more concerned with the Finders, so you’re welcome to them, but you can’t have me, too. If you choose to believe the lies they tell you about what Elon was really doing, so be it. But the truth is that he’s nothing more than a violent, sick, twisted man. He’s a criminal.” Her voice hitched as she said, “And this is good-bye from me to you. Officially, this time.”
Lila was steady on her feet as she made this declaration, but Carson couldn’t help but wrap his arm around her, wanting to be sure she knew he supported her.
Mrs. Dasher’s eyebrows drew together as she looked on Lila with pity in her eyes. “Lila, maybe you need to talk to someone. Perhaps you’re creating something in your head like your father said, making this all bigger than it really is.” Her expression grew disgusted as she added, “This can’t be what you want,” and her husband nodded in agreement.
Both of Lila’s parents turned to glare at Carson, apparently understanding for the first time that the PI they’d hired meant something to Lila.
His arms wrapped tightly around their daughter was probably a pretty good clue, he mused. Let them try to say something to him; they would be sorry real quick.
Lila didn’t give them a chance to speak with Carson, nor did she even respond to them. She turned and began to climb back in the car when her brothers ran out of the house. It was clear they had been watching the reunion from inside the house, and no doubt knew what their parents’ message was.
“Lila!” they all shouted. The three men circled Lila and pulled in her for a tight hug. None of them had a dry eye and they kept repeating, “Lila, we were so worried. Love you, Lila.”
Carson knew that this type of touching, even between siblings, was unusual in their religion, but so were the circumstances. He stepped back to let Lila have her moment, and could see how torn she was. She obviously wanted to stay and revel in her brothers’ warm kindness, but she needed to get away from her parents, and fast.
With quick promises to spend some time with her brothers over the next few days, Lila excused herself to go back to the hotel. He knew she needed to clean up and rest, but she probably also needed some time to herself to figure out what she was going to do now that her true identity was revealed. And he hoped she’d decide to make a go of it with him.
There was nothing left for her at that brownstone. He wanted to make the whole memory disappear for her. Carson would be Lila’s home now, if she would have him.
As they settled into the town car and prepared to pull away, a police cruiser pulled up. Carson watched the officers load Elon’s parents into the backseat, then drive off with blue and red lights flashing.
Lila turned her head into his shoulder, blocking her own view.
LILA DESPERATELY needed some time to herself when she finally made it to the hotel, time to digest all that had occurred in the last two days. Her entire life—past, present, and future—had collided in a way she never would have believed. Like a multiple-car pileup, all the facets of her life were crashing into one another, shattering into tiny bits and shards, leaving everything she ever knew in a state of disarray.
Anything she had ever subscribed to, believed in, or told herself had been crushed in three short days, and there was no simple way to reconcile that, let alone push on without misgivings. Lila needed to put the pieces of her short life back together, and figure out what she wanted moving forward. Neither would happen overnight, so s
he decided to give herself a break and mourn for the irrefutable loss of her parents, and the Sienna persona she had carefully constructed to be her suit of armor.
No matter what happened, she wasn’t going to be the same Sienna she’d been for the last several years, nor would she be the Lila of her past. Neither identity existed anymore, now that all she was and had ever been was laid out on the table for everyone to see.
Carson had said he wanted her. Wanted what from her? She wasn’t even sure who or what she was anymore.
Was she a good girl? A dirty stripper? Or just a nonbeliever?
As they approached their hotel, Carson instructed their driver to use a back entrance in order to avoid the media camped out in the lobby. For this alone, Lila would be eternally grateful. Forget how she looked, she wasn’t in the mood to reveal to the press how devastated she was as Lila, Sienna, or whomever they believed her to be.
She wasn’t even sure at the moment, so how could they know who she was?
Lila never wanted any kind of press coverage or notoriety, which was why she ran in the dark hours of the night. Sienna wouldn’t have wanted this type of information leaked to the press. Sienna heavily guarded anything other than the glitzy side of stripping, the perfectionism she brought to the industry, and her image at the Tunnel.
Lila and Sienna were two totally different women, one crafted to secure the safety of the other. They were light years apart when it came to their life experiences and expectations. Except when it came to Carson. He claimed to be able to see through Sienna, catching quick glimpses of the girl underneath.
It was true, at the core of each persona was Lila, the real Lila. Who that was at the moment, was anyone’s best guess.
With Lila being safe and all of her secrets exposed to those who mattered, where did Sienna fit? Could she go back to her life as Sienna Flower with the people who loved her more than the family she had been born into?
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