Unchain My Heart

by Jani Kay

  Later, I'd get the details of how this came about. Later, I would deal with the cause. But now, it was time to grieve.

  “Ryder?” Her voice was small, hardly above a whisper.

  “Yes, babe?”

  “Will you still want me now . . . now that Peanut is gone?” Her voice hitched and I heard the uncertainty in it. How could she even doubt for one second that this would change my love for her?

  Holding her chin, I wiped the tears from her face with my thumb. She raised her eyes to mine. I nearly drowned in her sorrow. Fuck, I hated how helpless I felt to change it. With a gruff voice I answered her, staring deep into those pools of blue. “I love you, babe. To the moon and back. Always and forever. I want you, more, if that’s even possible. This doesn’t change anything. I know it hurts now, but . . . we still have one another. That’s all that counts, Princess. You and me.”

  “The Biker and his Princess,” we said in unison. We’d said it so many times before that it was becoming our mantra. In spite of her sadness, she was trying her best to put on a brave face for my sake. Fuck, my heart couldn’t take it. I wanted to protect her with every fiber in my being, save her this pain and agony.

  “Yes,” I croaked, swallowing hard at the lump in my throat that was threatening to overwhelm me. “You and me, babe. We’ll show the fucking world we belong together. Nothing is going to tear us apart. Do you hear me?”

  A shuddering sigh left her body. She stared at me for a long moment, gently brushing away the tears I hadn’t even realized were still flowing down my own cheeks unchecked.

  “I love you, Ryder Knox. I love that you can be so damn badass, but when it counts, you have a heart of pure gold. I believe you. We will show the world.”

  I nodded, love filling me and gluing the cracks of my broken heart together. I’d never realized just how much I'd wanted this baby with Jade. Sure, it wasn’t planned, but the idea had grown on me. I was eager to be a daddy with Jade by my side. “This tragedy will only make our love stronger, Princess.”

  Drinking in every detail of her beautiful face, a strange calmness settled in my heart. She smiled at me, and even through her sadness, it was the most arrestingly beautiful smile I'd ever seen. Tears glistened on her eyelashes, and in that instant, I knew exactly what I wanted.

  For the first time in my life, I wanted someone else’s happiness above my own.

  “Babe?”

  “Yes, Ryder?”

  “When you get out of here . . . I want to make you mine. Forever.” She sucked in a breath, biting her bottom lip, her hands trembling on my chest.

  “Will you be mine, Princess?” Her eyelashes fluttered. I smiled at her sudden shyness, but pressed on, knowing this was exactly what I wanted. “Jade, will you marry me? Will you make me the happiest man alive?”

  The brilliance of her smile overwhelmed me. Yet more tears spilled down her cheeks as she nodded. “Yes, Ryder, I will marry you. As soon as we have healed from this.” One hand cupped my cheek as the other rubbed over her stomach. I laced my fingers through hers, and together we stroked over where Peanut was no more, both lost in our thoughts for a moment.

  “Thank you, Jade. This is the saddest and happiest moment in my life . . .”

  “Bittersweet.”

  “Yeah. We’ll start a new family. But this time, we will do it the right way round. We’ll get married first, then we will try again. Peanut would like that.”

  She gripped my hand and brought it to her mouth, then kissed my palm.

  “You are the sweetest man alive, Ryder. I love you so much.”

  I grinned. “Yeah, don’t let the brothers hear you say that. I’ll lose all my credibility.”

  “Ah, one small woman can take a big, mean biker down, just like that.” She snapped her fingers.

  She was only a woman, but she was strong beyond belief.

  “Yeah, you can. Because I love you so much. Losing Peanut is heartbreaking, but I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you—” I buried my face in her neck because I didn’t want her to see just how shattered I was at the mere thought of having her taken from me. She didn’t need to know that at this very moment I wouldn’t want to go on breathing if she had been taken too.

  I wanted my own family more than anything I'd ever wanted. Growing old with Jade. Yeah.

  There was nothing better on this planet.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven — Ryder

  “Summers, outside,” I growled as I emerged from Jade’s room, gripping his arm and holding him back as he tried to brush past me. It was time to tackle him head on. I would try to reason with him, man to man, for Jade’s sake. If she was going to marry me, this crazy fuck was going to be my family too.

  Sylvia and Owen had gone to see how she was doing, and I didn’t want to be there when she told them that Peanut was gone. Jade needed a moment alone with her parents. They hadn’t known they were going to be grandparents, and now they’d had it ripped from them by some cruel twist of fate.

  It was ideal timing to take on Summers. Fuck, in reality I wanted to kill him; he had a lot of explaining to do. He shrugged my grip off his arm, as if my touch would infect him with a deadly disease.

  “Listen, motherfucker, you stay away from my sister,” he hissed.

  The cool night breeze slapped me in the face as we stepped onto the veranda. I reached into my pocket and brought out my packet of smokes. This was a fucking emergency, I needed to stay calm—keep my hands busy, or else I’d want to plant them into his body and cause some serious damage.

  I leaned against the wall, lighting a cigarette, keeping a watchful eye on Summers. I didn’t trust him; I wouldn’t have been surprised if he tried to take a swing at me. I inhaled the nicotine deep into my lungs for an instant hit. “I asked Jade to marry me. She said yes.”

  Summers narrowed his eyes, studying my face. “You can’t be fucking serious.”

  “I am. Once Jade has healed, we’ll get married. Then we plan to start a family again. Nothing is going to stop us. We belong together,” I said, blowing smoke out through my nostrils. “Just wanted to tell you in person.”

  I was surprising myself with how calm I’d managed to remain. Summers punched the wall, demonstrating what he’d like to do to my face. “No.” He drew in a breath and fixed his gaze on me. “Knox, if you have any decency, if you really care about Jade as you say you do, you will walk away from her. Tonight.”

  My head jerked up as I glared at him. “And why the fuck would I do that? She needs me now, more than ever.”

  “I will be there for her. She’ll get over you. Don’t you see? Losing the baby is the best thing that could’ve happened.” His tone was hard, cruel, even.

  “I'm going to pretend you didn’t just say that shit. What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Are you fucking crazy?” I shoved my hands into my pockets in an attempt to restrain myself from taking him down. I wasn’t sure why I’d thought talking would solve anything.

  “No. Not crazy. Just looking out for Jade. If you had half a brain, you’d know you were fucking up her life. Don’t you see that it can’t work? That you are robbing her of a brilliant future? Of everything she has worked so hard for?”

  “How would I be doing that? I support everything that Jade does. I'm not stopping her career in any way.”

  “You’re a dumb fuck, biker. Don’t you realize that she’ll never be anything more than a low-level lawyer while she is associated with the likes of you? If she marries someone with clout, with prestige and standing in the community, she could rise to be the very best female attorney in the state. It's what she’s always wanted.”

  “What—you mean like the so-called boyfriend she had, who fucked her over with his secretary? Don’t tell me you’d rather have Jade with a cocksucker like that—so she can be a success in your eyes . . . than with a man who truly respects and loves her? You are the dumb fuck here, Summers, not me.”

  “Is it money you want? I can arrange for a cash payout if you guarantee to stay away
from her. You know it's only a matter of time, anyway, before you tire of Jade and move on to some fresh pussy.”

  “Christ, Summers, I wish you hadn’t said that,” I said as I threw the half-smoked cigarette onto the gravel, crunching it under my boot. My eye twitched—and that was never a good sign.

  “How much will it take, Knox, to see you ride out of Jade’s life forever?”

  That was it—I couldn’t take any more of his bullshit. My fist connected with his jaw. As he staggered backwards, I followed it up with a swift punch to his stomach.

  “You’re dead now, fucker. I’ll take you out myself,” he roared as he thundered down on me, his eyes glistening in the near dark with a streak of madness so real I knew he would kill me if he could.

  Razor had taught me a few sharp tricks I didn’t think they’d learned at the cop training grounds. As he lunged at me, I sidestepped him and gripped his head under my arm, squeezing his neck so that he could barely breathe. I twisted his arm around up his back so that I had more leverage to inflict pain.

  “Fucker!” he yelled as I nearly pulled his arm out of its socket. It wasn’t whom the bigger man was who won the fight—it was he who moved swifter and used the element of surprise best. Summers had made the fatal mistake of thinking I’d use my fists only. But I knew if I tried beating him like that, I'd be the one in pain taking a beating from him.

  A smile twisted my lips. Yeah. Having brothers as mean as Cobra and Razor sure had advantages. The number of times they’d nearly killed me in training was now paying huge dividends. I could fight dirtier than any fucking cop—even ones with a death wish.

  Summers grunted as he tried to knock my wind out with his elbow. Fuck, that only drove me wilder. My blood rushed through my veins, adrenaline spiking my bloodstream. I chopped him in the balls, causing his eyes to roll back in his head. Then, just as he fell down like an ox, I dealt one swift punch to his throat.

  He lay on the gravel, squirming.

  I laughed. It sounded crass and a little crazy. “Not sure what’s hurting more, huh, fucker? Your balls or your windpipe?” I leaned over him and spat in his face. “Never tell me what to do. And never threaten to split me up with my bitch. Because like it or not, Jade is my woman now.” I kicked him in the ribs. Normally I didn’t kick a man on the ground, but I hadn’t paid him back for Peanut yet. I kicked again, harder, and he winced. “And that’s for the baby. Because I know you had something to do with Jade losing her. Yeah, it was a girl. An innocent baby girl. And I’ll never forgive you for that as long as I breathe.”

  “Look over your fucking shoulder from now on, biker, because you’ve just signed your own death warrant. You’re as good as fucking dead. Even if it costs my own life, I won’t rest till you’re six foot under and out of Jade’s life for good.”

  “We’ll see about that, Summers. You have no fucking idea how strong the love of a woman makes a man. I pity a fuck like you.”

  I lit another cigarette and took a deep drag, needing the nicotine kick to calm me down.

  “Now go inside and apologize to your sister. That’s the only reason I didn’t fucking take you out tonight. I don’t want to distress Jade any more than she’s hurting already. But if you harm her again, believe me, you’ll wish you were never born.”

  What a fucking nightmare of a day it had been. But for Peanut’s memory, I’d fight for Jade and me. I’d let nothing stand in our way ever again.

  Then I remembered she’d said yes—my Princess was going to marry me. And that alone made it worth being alive. We had the rest of our lives to make it up to one another and build a family that Peanut would always be a part of. Always.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight — Harrison

  Revenge. All-consuming, revenge. I wanted that more than anything. I breathed for it. It was the only thing that kept me going. Because what else was there left to live for when the person you loved with all your heart was no longer there? And taken with her was the seed of our love, a tiny life that had never had a chance to experience life outside the womb?

  My hatred was laser-sharp and focused on all the scum-of-the-earth kinds of people who caused innocent members of society to have their lives cut short.

  Hatred drove me; it fed me, fueled my actions. Yet I never felt fulfilled. Never satisfied. Maybe I needed one more hit. One more act of revenge. Yeah, that should do it—quell my need to get an eye for an eye.

  The sad thing was that I couldn’t stop, even now that it was coming closer to home—to my own blood and flesh. Because I wanted the baby that the biker had planted in my sister’s belly dead. I didn’t care that I'd burn in hell for all eternity. Fuck, that was where I'd been headed for a long time. This wasn’t going to change a fucking thing. There was no place in Heaven for evil fuckers like me, no angels to rescue me from myself, and my all-consuming hatred.

  Sitting with my hands in my hair, nausea took hold of my gut, swirling in it all the feelings of loss and rage and helplessness. Despair.

  What had I become? A fucking monster that wished for the death of an unborn child. Despicable. Hate-worthy. Yes, I was all that and even more.

  Aware of someone entering my office, I didn’t even bother to look up. This shit was eating me alive, but I had no idea how to stop it. Or if I even wanted to. I just wanted it all to go away. To leave me in fucking peace.

  “You look like fucking shit.”

  My head jerked up. That fucking obvious, huh?

  “What the fuck do you want? Can’t you see I'm fucking busy?” I grunted. The last thing I needed was a pep talk by my boss.

  Callahan sat his ass down on the only other chair in the room and proceeded to put his feet up on my desk, his hands behind his head as he appraised me between narrowed eyes.

  “Over the years we’ve been through a lot of crap together, dipshit. But I've never seen you come apart like this.” Even though he insulted me in camaraderie, the concern in his voice couldn’t be hidden.

  “Jade got pregnant by a biker. A fucking biker!” I ranted, my heart racing at the thought. It was ludicrous that the little sister I’d protected all my life was now involved with the very type of person I wanted to see wiped off the earth.

  He whistled through his teeth. “Christ, Summers, hasn’t anyone ever told you that whatever you fear most in life will be put in your fucking path to test you? Even I know that.”

  “What the fuck do you mean? I never wanted Jade to get involved with a fucking biker . . . that’s the last thing I want for her—”

  He picked up the letter opener from my desk and scraped under his nails with it. “Exactly my point, asshole. The less you want something, the more likely it will happen to you.”

  “You can’t be implying that I brought this on. That it's my fucking fault—”

  “Not in so many words I wouldn’t, because I value my balls. But this unhealthy hatred you’re harboring . . . it can do no good, man.”

  “Callahan, you’re my boss, not fucking God. Stay the fuck outta this. Besides, we are on the same team, remember? To rid this planet of the scum—”

  “Well then, you’ll be pleased as fuck to find out we have a raid planned for the Scorpio Stinger MC.” He raked a hand over his buzz-cut, eyeing me for my reaction.

  This bit of information got me sitting upright in my chair, my personal woes forgotten for the moment. I cocked an eyebrow at him. “Seriously?” I couldn’t help the snarl that curled around my lips; I was like a Rottweiler smelling his prey.

  His eyes glistened. “We got inside information . . . one of their crew leaked it—spilled his fucking guts in exchange for witness protection. Texan is what they call him. We caught him red-handed dealing drugs with a street value of over a half million bucks. And a woman was found dead in his motel room . . . naked and brutalized. His fault—at least, that’s what the rap sheet says. He had no choice if he wanted to stay the fuck alive.”

  We’d been trying to nail the fuckers for months and now they were falling into our lap? Yes,
this was going to work out just fine. I’d get my hit—blood would spill, and I didn’t even care if it was mine, I was that far gone.

  “When is it going down?”

  “This weekend. They have another infamous barbeque planned for Sunday. Those dumb assholes actually think they can pretend nothing is going on. So while we are watching the decoy fucking party, they will be smuggling weapons from their underground hideout. But we have a little surprise party for them. We’re going in strong.”

  I rubbed my hands together. Just what I wanted. “Promise me one thing?” I said, keeping the growing excitement from my voice.

  “What’s that? You wanting the weekend off, or something?”

  I chuckled. “Hell no. I want you to promise me Ryder Knox. I want to end that fucker’s life.”

  Callahan appraised me for a long moment. “Know what? You are one sick fuck. I pity Knox. He’s not going to know what hit him.”

  I rubbed over my chin in the exact spot the biker had punched me. It still hurt. “You got that part right. I have a long overdue score to settle with that lowlife.”

  “What about Jade? How will she handle it?” Callahan sounded nervous. He knew what a ruthless fuck I was when I’d set someone as a target.

  “Jade will be better off. I'm doing it for her. She’s lost her mind, hooking up with a biker. He’s going to ruin her life. But I'm going to fix that. Once and for fucking all.” I grinned, pleased at the prospect of exacting my revenge on Knox. This was what I fucking lived for.

  By Sunday night, one of us would be dead. And it wasn’t going to be me. Fuck no.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine — Ryder

  An internal war raged inside me during my ride to the club hurting my head as my mind raced, going through all the possibilities. I opened the engine up and rode the hell out of it, taking my frustrations out on the bike and the road. Finally as I drove up to the gates, I made up my mind to tell Cobra about my hunch.