A Second Chance

by Bernadette Marie

  She felt lightheaded and sat down on the couch.

  None of the pictures had Carlos or Matt in them. Madeline had done her best to remove the men from her life.

  One frame across the room caught her eye. It had three slots on it and was tucked behind the lamp. The photos were small, but in each one of them, there was a family. The first picture was of a newborn Eduardo nestled in a hospital blanket between the adoring faces of his mother and father. Next the same pose with Christian and next with Clara. Tears stung her eyes. Carlos was so young then and so handsome. But the hardest part was seeing the love in his eyes. He wasn’t even looking at the babies or Madeline in the pictures, but it was there. It was deep inside of him. Her lip quivered. He’d never looked at her like that.

  “Sorry to keep you waiting,” Madeline said as she entered the room with two cups of coffee and set them on the table. She’d changed into a pair of sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt. Her head was now wrapped in a bright orange scarf, and her feet were covered in fuzzy pink socks.

  Kathy readjusted her position on the couch to better see Madeline as she sat across from her. “I should have called. I’m so sorry.”

  “No, not at all. This is nice.”

  Madeline’s eyes were soft, and Kathy knew she sincerely meant it. Clara’s eyes looked the same when she gave compliments, which Kathy realized for a young girl, she did often.

  She picked up the flowers she’d brought for Madeline and handed them to her. “These are for you.”

  “Thank you. That was thoughtful of you.” She smelled them and smiled.

  “I was just admiring the pictures of the kids.”

  “They’re growing up so fast. Everyday Ed gives me a countdown until he can drive.” She shook her head as she laid down the flowers and picked up her cup of coffee. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

  “I don’t think his father is either.”

  “It’s funny. Regan and I are the same age. My kids are ready to drive, and hers is learning to hold his own bottle. All big milestones.”

  Kathy sipped her coffee and hoped Madeline didn’t notice her hands shaking.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m doing better. It’s nice to have a little energy again. I still have a long road, but I feel much better.”

  “Clara says you’re going back in for surgery soon.”

  “Yeah. I’ll have reconstruction done at the end of the month.” Madeline’s eyes clouded over, her shoulders stiffened. “I’m scared as hell.”

  “Why?”

  “Just have read too much.” She rolled the tension from her shoulders and then tucked her feet up under her. “You know having your breasts removed sucks, you anticipate the hard times to come. Getting them back should be the easy part, but it’s not.”

  “Let me know if I can do anything for you.”

  “I’ll be fine, but thank you.”

  The brush-off hurt, but she didn’t know what else she’d expected Madeline to say. The few minutes she’d been there suddenly felt like hours. Kathy set the coffee mug back down on the table and picked up her purse. “I should be getting home. I promised everyone I’d bring home something for dinner. But I wanted to bring this by for you.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a wedding invitation.

  “Thank you,” Madeline said as she reached for it, and Kathy noticed her hands shook too.

  “I just wanted you to know how important you are to everyone and that it wouldn’t be the same without you there to share this day with us.”

  Madeline bit down on her lip. “Are you sure? This is your special day, and I don’t want to intrude on it.”

  “I’m sure,” she said as she stood. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

  “Thank you. Thank you for coming by.”

  Kathy nodded and moved toward the door. “By the way, I really liked the red hair.”

  Madeline laughed. “Did you? Arianna brought it for me. It’s been fun. I have six wigs in all different colors and lengths. It’s like being someone new every day.”

  Kathy clutched her purse under her arm tightly. “Call us if you need anything.”

  Madeline nodded. “Thank you.”

  Kathy walked through the back door of the house with her arms full of bags. She’d driven around for an hour before she finally stopped at the grocery store and picked up sub sandwiches and chips. Carlos jumped up from his chair and helped her with the groceries.

  “This wasn’t the takeout I thought you’d bring.” He crinkled up his nose.

  “I just couldn’t come up with anything better,” she said as she shrugged off her coat and hung it on the hook.

  The kids picked up their books and papers, and Carlos walked back toward her after setting down the bags.

  “Are you all right?” he whispered as he touched her arm.

  “I’m okay.”

  “Did something happen?”

  “Nothing bad. Let’s talk about it later, okay?”

  Carlos nodded and went about cutting up the sandwiches and opening bags of chips.

  When everyone had settled in for the night, Carlos found her in the living room with a magazine on her lap, looking out the window into the darkness.

  “Hey, what’s up?” He sat down next to her on the couch, and she adjusted until she was wrapped in his arms.

  “I wasn’t at a meeting tonight,” she admitted and felt his body stiffen. “I went to Madeline’s house.”

  He didn’t respond right away. When he did he asked, “Is everything all right?”

  Kathy nodded her head. “I just haven’t been dealing well with the way I acted a few weeks ago. I’ve never been a jealous person before.” She turned so she could look him in the eye. “I never had anything to lose before.”

  “You’re not going to lose me.”

  “But I think I was threatened that I didn’t have all of you.”

  His brows knit together in obvious confusion. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve never needed you in the way that she has. You shared something with her that I’ve never shared with anyone. You were in love when you were young. I was still searching. You’ve seen your children born and looked at their mother like she was the most perfect person in the world. I’m still waiting for that day. You have a friend in her that I don’t have with anyone I know.” She sighed and a tear fell. “When I was trying on dresses with your sisters, I realized that your family is so amazing. I don’t have the kind of relationship your sisters have with my own sisters. Yours don’t even live nearby, and yet they’re still so close you wouldn’t know they only speak on the phone a few times a week.”

  He sat quietly and let her talk. “When I was at Madeline’s, she had pictures all over of her and the kids. It was like nothing I’d ever seen. My mother only ever kept up our school pictures.” He gave her a gentle squeeze as if to tell her he understood what she saw. “But what got me were three little pictures hidden behind a lamp.”

  “Newborn pictures,” he said simply.

  “Yeah, newborn pictures.”

  He nodded and kissed the top of her head. “Is that what bothered you? Pictures of me in her house?”

  “Maybe a little.”

  “Why were you there?”

  Kathy turned again to look at him. Her stomach tightened. “I took her an invitation to the wedding.”

  He gave her a slow nod, and the crease between his brows deepened. “Why did you do that?”

  “Because she should have been on your list. You should have had her on your invitation list, and because I was being childish, she wasn’t there.”

  “It’s okay. She’s my ex-wife. Most ex-wives don’t attend the wedding of their ex-husbands.”

  “But the two of you are different.” She wiped at her eyes. “When I was trying on dresses, I was looking at myself. I realized everything she had gone through in the past few months. Except for the kids, you were all she had. I took that away from her in her time of need because
of my own selfishness. I had to change that. I can’t be the bad person I was feeling I was.”

  His mouth softened into a smile, but the crease between his brows didn’t lessen. “I don’t think you have it in you to be a bad person.”

  “She’s going to have surgery again at the end of February.”

  “Clara and Ed mentioned that.”

  When he said it like that, she knew he’d completely stepped away from Madeline, just as she had asked him to.

  “I want you to be there for it.” Her voice was finally unwavering. It finally felt good to encourage him to take care of Madeline. “I want you to be there when they take her in and while she’s in recovery.”

  “Kathy, don’t do this.”

  “No. You need to be her support. She needs you. Please.”

  Carlos kept his eyes on her and his face softened. He bit down on his lip and began to slowly nod his head. “Okay. I’ll call her and get the details.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Come here.” He stood and pulled her hand. “I wasn’t going to show this to you until Valentine ’s Day, but I think I want you to see it now.”

  He led her to their bedroom and shut the door. She sat on the bed, and he walked to the dresser. He pulled an envelope from his sock drawer and turned toward her.

  “I took my mother shopping the other day. When we couldn’t find anything, we called in reinforcements. So Regan and Arianna met us. Can I tell you it was the longest day of my life?” He laughed and she shook her head, not understanding him at all. “Anyway, when I couldn’t find what I wanted, and the women in my life hadn’t been any help, I called your mother for some insight.”

  “Insight? Into what?”

  He sat down next to her and opened the envelope. “Your ring.” He pulled a familiar ring out of the envelope, and Kathy’s lips quivered.

  “Carlos, that’s my great-grandmother’s wedding ring.”

  “I know. I’m glad I called your mom. She said you’d always had your eye on it.”

  “It was like no other ring,” she said, smiling at the princess-cut ruby set in rose gold.

  “She asked me to give it to you. She wanted it to be your wedding ring.”

  She lifted her hand to her lips to stop them from trembling.

  Carlos examined the ring he held between his fingers. “If you want to wear it as your wedding ring, we’ll put it on your left hand. If you just want to keep it and have me get you another one, we’ll put it on your right.”

  Kathy stuck out her left hand and Carlos slid the ring onto her finger.

  He was going to marry her. In his heart he loved her. But when he looked at her and smiled, she wondered when the love he had in his heart would reach his eyes.

  Chapter Eight

  Madeline laid the necessary items she’d need for her hospital stay on the bed. One by one she checked them off her list as she put them into the suitcase.

  The next time she put things into a suitcase she was going somewhere far, far away and warm. A beach. An ocean. A margarita!

  Clara stood at the doorway and watched her mother’s process. “So will you look normal when you get done?”

  “Don’t I look normal now?” Madeline asked with a smile.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I do, and I’ll still look different. But I think I’ll feel better about myself.”

  “What are they going to do?”

  Madeline decided it was a good time to sit her down and explain the procedure. Besides, maybe she could instill in her eleven-year-old daughter the importance of taking care of herself. Especially since she noticed Clara’s breasts were starting to fill in.

  “Come here.” Madeline walked to the large overstuffed chair in the corner of the bedroom and sat down. She patted the seat next to her, and Clara climbed up. She reached across to the nightstand and grabbed the pamphlet that she’d studied over and over again. “This little book tells you all about what the surgery is going to be like.”

  Clara took it and flipped through the pages. “This sounds gross.”

  “I suppose it is.”

  Clara crinkled up her nose and looked at Madeline. “They’re going to cut your stomach and take off the skin?”

  Madeline only nodded, but she wanted to laugh. Clara was right. It sounded gross.

  “They have to take the skin from somewhere to rebuild the breast.”

  Clara flipped though a few more pages. “Will you be”—she grew quiet—”as big as you were?” she whispered.

  “I’ve opted for a smaller size.”

  Clara lifted the pamphlet. “Why do this?”

  “It’s just a personal thing, honey. I want to feel normal again.”

  “You don’t feel normal?”

  “No, baby. I don’t.” She touched her cheek to the top of Clara’s head.

  “Why?”

  “Well. . .” She gave it a moment’s thought. “It’s been hard. I didn’t know if I would die or not. I’m lucky. They have medications and procedures that make women strong, and we survive things like this. I had to have surgery to remove my breasts so they could take out the cancer. I lost my hair and got very sick from the medication that kept the cancer away. Now I have a little hair, and I can have surgery to have some of my body back. Maybe by next year it’ll be like nothing ever changed.”

  “Will they look the same?”

  “No. They’ll never look the same again. But that’s okay. I don’t need working breasts.” She smiled and Clara scrunched up her face.

  “Working breasts?”

  “Yes, I won’t ever be feeding a baby again, like Auntie Regan does.”

  “Oh.” She focused back on the pamphlet. “So you won’t have those?” She pointed to a picture of a nipple.

  “I could have that done, but I don’t think I will.” She swallowed hard. Never before would she have thought something like a nipple would be important to consider. “But who knows, I might change my mind.”

  Clara snuggled closer to her. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Mom. I was scared.”

  “You know what, honey?” She smoothed her daughter’s hair with her hand. “So was I.”

  “Maybe when you feel better about yourself, you’ll get married again.”

  Her heart ached when she thought about marriage. “Maybe I will, but I’m not too interested in that right now.”

  The day of her surgery, Madeline pulled into the driveway of Carlos’s house. The sun hadn’t risen yet, and the kids were still in their pajamas. They reluctantly climbed out of the car and walked up the back steps to the house.

  The kitchen light was on, and Madeline got out of the car and watched as they walked inside. She saw Kathy in the window and she waved. She was glad the kids had stayed with her for the night.

  “Today’s the day.” Carlos stepped out of the house and stood on the step with a cup of coffee in his hand.

  He was shaven and dressed for the day. She smiled up at him. It had been so long since she’d seen or talked to him. All of his hair had grown back in, and he was as handsome as ever.

  She suppressed the stirring in her stomach. “Yeah. In a couple of days I’ll look normal again.”

  “Couple of days?”

  “My doctor says I can probably go home in two days.”

  His lips tightened, and she noticed his eyes shift to her body. “Good.” He disappeared back into the house.

  Madeline shook her head. That had been more awkward than she’d expected. He’d stopped talking to her and coming by almost four weeks ago; why she thought he’d have a full conversation with her was beyond her. She opened her car door and caught sight of him though the kitchen window kissing his fiancée. Kathy smiled up at him, and Madeline watched him pull his coat from the hook and open the back door. She climbed into her car, not wanting to draw out a moment that had obviously made him uncomfortable, but he ran around the side and knocked on her window.

  Madeline let out a breath. She didn’t wan
t to talk to him, she wanted to drive away, quickly. Instead, she rolled down the window.

  Carlos zipped up his coat. “Park it over there.” He pointed to the side of the driveway. “We’ll take my car.”

  “What?” Her attitude had taken a nosedive after watching him kiss Kathy as though he knew he was on display.

  “I’m taking you to the hospital and staying with you.”

  “Carlos, don’t be…”

  “Park it, Maddie!” He smiled with a wink of his eye, and she sat staring at him. What was she supposed to do? First he’s in her face wanting to help her, then he just disappears. Now there he’s standing here grinning at her telling her he’s taking her to the hospital? Once she was done with the surgery on her breasts, maybe she could get a lobotomy so she could forget how much the man could twist her insides up.

  She reluctantly moved her car to the area where he’d pointed, turned it off, and climbed out. By the time her feet hit the ground, he had her bag out of the backseat and the garage door open. She looked up at the window where Kathy still stood looking out at them. She waved, but the smile on her lips was forced. Madeline knew she might be supportive, but it didn’t mean she was comfortable with Carlos’s decision to take care of her.

  Madeline followed him toward the garage. “What’s going on?”

  “I already told you,” he said as he walked toward his car.

  “No.” She grabbed his arm, stopping him from putting the bag in the backseat. “You were in my face from the minute Curtis called you and told you I was at the hospital, and then one day you stopped calling. I haven’t seen you in four weeks. Now here you are telling me what to do. Telling me that you’re going to take care of me again? I don’t need your charity, Carlos Keller.”

  The dimple in his cheek deepened. “Then think of it as Kathy’s charity, because she’s the one who told me I had to take care of you again. Now get in the damn car or you’re going to be late.”

  Madeline huffed out a breath and trudged around the other side of the car. She climbed in and fastened her seat belt. As Carlos backed out of the garage, she looked up at the back porch. Her children stood there in the pajamas. Kathy stood in a robe with a cup of coffee. They all smiled and waved, and the kids blew kisses. Tears fell from her eyes as Carlos turned the car out of the drive and proceeded to the hospital.