Risk of Falling

by Syndi Powell

  “Rivals then.”

  “Definitely that.” Mrs. Stone expelled a long breath. “Don’t they say deaths come in threes?”

  “Not here at the seniors’ home. So you don’t have to worry.” Suzy rubbed her shoulder. It wasn’t exactly the truth, but better to hold on to hope and thus life instead.

  “I wasn’t thinking of me. But that Mrs. Henderson says she’s got weeks. And Thomas isn’t doing much better.”

  The older woman could say what she wanted, but Suzy knew that everyone wondered about their own mortality after a death. Instead of pointing that out, though, she nodded. “If you don’t need me, I have paperwork to finish. Can I get you anything?”

  Mrs. Stone looked as if she was about to say no, but then paused. “I’d love a cup of hot tea with honey. Might take the chill off. The weather is definitely getting cooler.”

  “You’ve got it.” Suzy left the room and returned to the nurses’ station where she kept a stash of tea bags and honey packets. She’d learned to have them ready rather than making the trip to the cafeteria. She used the microwave to heat up a mug of water then took everything into Mrs. Stone’s room.

  And found that she’d fallen asleep holding a picture of her grandsons.

  Suzy set the tea and honey on the bedside table then gently pushed Mrs. Stone’s bangs away from her face. Most residents found their way into her heart, but then there were a certain few who took up space and never left.

  She had a feeling that Mrs. Stone was one of those.

  Suzy left Mrs. Stone’s room and went back to the nurses’ station. She found Tori waiting for her there. “Do you have a minute, Suzy?”

  “I’ve got all evening.” She leaned against the counter. “What’s going on? I thought you left over an hour ago.”

  “I heard about Mrs. Duff and I thought...” Tori swallowed hard and closed her eyes. “I know she’s not Ma, but it got me thinking, you know? What if that happens to Ma? What if she doesn’t beat the cancer?” The tears spilled down her cheeks, her shoulders shaking slightly.

  “Death is hard to face, whatever the circumstances. Something like cancer certainly doesn’t make things any easier, if that’s even possible. It robs you of the person and leaves only a shell.”

  “Oh.”

  “But it can be beat.” Suzy put a hand on Tori’s shoulder, trying to send comfort through her touch. “Your mother is tough. Trust her to fight this, and be there for her when she doesn’t think she can.”

  “How did you get to know so much?”

  “I watched my mother die from this horrible disease. But she gave up, didn’t even try to fight and so didn’t have a chance. Your mom does.”

  Tori wiped at her eyes. “Are you sure? I can’t bury her. I just can’t. I need her too much.”

  “So let her know. Give her a reason to fight.”

  “Thanks.” Tori gave a tentative smile. “I understand why Will likes you so much.”

  “More like tolerates me.” Suzy rubbed Tori’s arm a second time. “You going to be okay?”

  “Better now that I’ve talked to you.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  SUZY TOOK A deep breath then opened the door to her mother’s bedroom. The last time she’d been in this room had been the day after her mother had died. She’d chosen her mother’s outfit for the burial then shut the door with no intention of entering again.

  And yet here she was, standing at the threshold and trying to take that first step inside.

  She had to start cleaning out these rooms if she was going to meet Will’s thirty day deadline that had now dwindled to twenty-one. And that meant going into this room and dealing with Mama’s closet.

  Suzy walked past the bed, but avoided any glance towards it. Seven months, and she still expected to see her mom lying there, fighting the cancer that robbed her of her health. Still thought she’d find the rows of bottles and ointments on the dresser. The medical equipment she’d bought and borrowed to try to extend her mom’s life. Instead, she’d cleared it away that last day and disposed of it, hoping to never see it again.

  Suzy opened a the trash bag and decided to tackle the pile of books and papers that had spilled from the nightstand by the bed. She picked up a few paperbacks, glanced at the contents then stuffed them in the bag. Utility statements from three years ago. Receipts from purchases before her mom had gotten sick.

  A photo album. Suzy picked it up and took it with her to sit on the bed. She opened the album. Sighed. Empty, of course. Mama bought it but didn’t have the time to put the pictures in it.

  Suzy worked through the rest of the pile and found an envelope of pictures. She dumped them on the mattress and started to tear up. Here were her memories. But neglect and age had left them yellow and aged. Ruined. She couldn’t make out the faces thanks to the splotches of water on them.

  She couldn’t get mad at Mama, right? Her mom had a problem. A disease. Depression had pressed down on her until she could barely keep her head up. Ever since her dad had left, Mama had never been the same. He’d taken her spirit, her joy. And Suzy had been left with her shell.

  But still...

  Suzy left the pile of books and papers and decided to organize the closet instead. Carefully squeezing between the bed and dresser, she reached to open the closet door. Her knees almost buckled from the trapped rose scent that still lingered on her mom’s clothes.

  I miss you, Mama. Every hour. Every day.

  Suzy tried to push hangers along the pole but they wouldn’t budge since they overlapped each other. So many clothes crammed in there, at least half still had tags attached. Pretty ironic considering her mom had lived in the same pair of jeans and a handful of sweatshirts most of the year. Suzy opened another of the trash bags. A friend at Goodwill had told Suzy she could drop off the clothes anytime. Good thing too. There would be plenty.

  Suzy yanked out a red sweatshirt near the front. One of Mama’s favorites with puppies tumbling across the chest. She brought it to her face and inhaled deeply. She could definitely still smell the scent of roses.

  Unable to hold herself up anymore, Suzy crouched on the floor, crying and rocking as she held the sweatshirt to her chest. She couldn’t give it up. Couldn’t throw it away. That would be like throwing away her mother.

  She surveyed the crowded room. Every item had belonged to her mother, some to her grandmother. Though they wouldn’t bring a good price, each one had value because they had meaning. Especially now that Mama was gone.

  She rested her head against the bed. How in the world could she do this? She got to her feet and left the room without clearing a single item.

  It was only the first room. There was her bedroom down the hall that had to be cleaned and the attic. Not to mention the living room. The kitchen. Dining room.

  Suzy groaned. She couldn’t do this. Not alone.

  She flipped open her cell phone. It was time to get help.

  * * *

  SUZY WAITED ON the porch until Pres drove up in her car. She got out and walked to the house. Put her hand on Suzy’s shoulder. “What do you need me to do?”

  “I can’t do this.” She rocked back and forth, clutching her stomach. “It’s too hard.”

  “Cleaning out the house?”

  “Getting rid of Mama.” Suzy looked up at her friend. “I need help, Pres. And I don’t know who to go to.”

  Pres took a seat next to her on the concrete porch. “I might.” She got her cell phone out and punched in a few numbers, waited then asked for Dr. Layher. “Hey, Page. Do you have time to see a friend of mine?”

  Pres made an appointment for the following day then put the phone back in her pocket. She slipped her arms around Suzy and pulled her head down onto her shoulder. “We’ll help you. I promise.”

  * * *

 
; WILL MET TORI at their mom’s house before they’d visit her for the day. He needed to talk to his sister without their mother listening to their every word. “The doctor said Ma could be released as early as two weeks. What are we going to do?”

  “So she’ll come home. What’s the big deal?”

  Will scanned the living room. “Look around you, Tori. She can’t live alone like this. She needs to be with someone who can take care of her.”

  Tori nodded, but didn’t offer any solutions. She groaned. “You’re right. She can’t live on her own anymore. But she’s going to fight you on this. She won’t want a live-in nurse. Or worse, one of us.”

  “And that leaves us where?” He ran a hand through his hair. “Our sisters haven’t called since Ma got hurt, so I doubt they’ll step up and offer a hand. What about you? Do you think you could take care of her?”

  “Oh, Will. You know I love Ma, but I’m barely hanging on as it is.” She collapsed onto the sofa and crossed her legs. “At least we have the next two weeks or so to figure this out. Longer, if the surgeon decides to go forward with another surgery.”

  “And my townhouse has stairs, so that’s out too.” He sighed. “I want a solution now. But I don’t know what it is.”

  Tori got up and gave her brother an affectionate nudge. “I know. But we have time.” She looked around the room. “You could move in with Ma here. No stairs. She’d be at home with her stuff.”

  “And my job? Am I supposed to quit and take care of her?”

  “Hey, I’m trying to help here.”

  “No, you’re pushing it on me rather than doing it yourself.” He rubbed his face and shut his eyes. “I don’t have any answers, Tori. Not a single one.” He held his arms out. “I’m clueless.”

  Tori looked him over, surprise etched on her face. “But you always know what to do. That’s why we all look to you. You’re supposed to have the answers.”

  How he wished he did in this case. He didn’t like not knowing what to do. He liked being in control and having all the solutions at the tips of his fingers. Annoyance warmed his chest. “Not this time. So back off.” Tori’s brow furrowed, and he winced. He hadn’t meant to get so angry. Not at Tori, especially. They were in this together. “Sorry. This frustrates me.”

  “Well, it frustrates me too. I don’t know what I’m doing either because I’ve never had to deal with something like this.”

  “That makes two of us. Although I’d rather be dealing with this than the alternative.”

  Tori gave a solemn nod. “So do we have it settled?”

  “No.” Will tried to smile but found the effort too difficult. “We have to be united on things. You can’t side with her because it’s easy. You and me, we’re a team.”

  “And Ma?”

  “She’ll have to go with what we say.”

  “And you really think she’ll do that.” She patted his shoulder. “Must be nice to live in your fantasy world.” She glanced at the clock. “I’ll meet you at the home. The doctor said five, right?”

  Will nodded. “I hope he has good news.”

  * * *

  THE DOCTOR’S FACE indicated this would not be a pleasant conversation. The fact that he’d had more chairs brought into Ma’s room so that they could all be comfortable seemed to show that this was going to be bad.

  Will took the chair closest to the bed and reached up to hold his mom’s hand. She looked down at him and tried to smile. But it was as if even she knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

  Dr. Lewis cleared his throat and kept his focus on Ma. “We got the test results I ordered. And I’m not happy with these numbers.”

  He laid out a chart with a bunch of lines and numbers that made no sense to anyone but him. He pointed to one section. “Your white blood cell count is low, which we expected. The leukemia is attacking your bones and that drives those numbers down. But when I compare them with the tests run earlier...” He glanced at them all. “We know the reason you aren’t progressing as much as I’d like is the cancer. The bones that are trying to heal are fighting off an attack, and they aren’t winning.”

  Silent tears streamed down his sister’s face, and Will reached out across the gap to take her hand in his. He hated that it seemed like he couldn’t breathe. “So what do we do to fight this?”

  “I’d hoped to let the hip heal before chemo began, but I think we’re beyond that. We need to attack the cancer before it gains any more ground. I’d suggest chemotherapy now. Aggressive enough, it could turn this around.” He looked at Ma. “But Mrs. Stone, it’s up to you. What do you want to do?”

  She took a deep breath then stared at them both. Will longed to tell her that the doctor was wrong. That she was getting better. Finally, she said, “Could I have a moment with my children alone?”

  The doctor stood and left the room. Ma turned to them. “You need to let me go.”

  Tori was the first to respond. “What? You’re not going to fight this? Ma, it’s cancer but you can beat this.”

  “I don’t think I have the strength to fight. I know this is difficult to hear, but it’s my choice. I want to be comfortable but I don’t want anything aggressive.”

  Will refused to accept what his mother was saying.”No. We’re Stones. We fight. We don’t give up. And you’re going to do exactly what the doctor tells you to.”

  “But it’s my body, not yours.”

  Will gestured to Tori. “You tell her to fight. You make her do this.”

  “Since when have I ever been able to tell Ma to do something?” Tori brought out her phone and pulled up a picture of the twins. “If you won’t fight for yourself, do it for them. They need you.”

  “For what? To give them presents and money? No one needs me.”

  Unbelievable. This whole conversation was impossible to believe. “I can’t talk any more about this.” He stormed out of the room and down the hallway to the main door. He threw it open and took in deep breaths. Placed a hand on one of the pillars and closed his eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out.

  He stood for several moments like that, trying to tame his heartbeat, then he felt a hand on his arm and noticed Suzy looking up at him. “You okay?” He opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t find the words. He shook his head. Suzy rubbed his arm and nodded. “I know the feeling. Bad news turns your world upside down, right?”

  “How did you know it was bad news?”

  “Because I’ve been where you are. I recognize the look.”

  Her warm gaze smothered his fear, and he longed to put his arms around her. To feel the silkiness of her skin through her scrubs. To put his fingers through that curly mop of hers. To hold her close to him. He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. His mom was dying, and he was what? Hitting on the nurse?

  “What did the doctor say?”

  “It’s more what my mom said.” He opened his eyes, but they burned. “She doesn’t want to fight. Doesn’t want to try chemo or anything.” He couldn’t look at Suzy anymore. “What are her chances if she doesn’t do anything?”

  “Will, you know they’re hopeless if she doesn’t have treatment.” Suzy’s phone beeped but she ignored it. “You’re sure that’s what she said?”

  “Yes, I heard her with my own ears. She’s tired and doesn’t want to fight.” He glanced out over the parking lot. He longed to get in his truck and drive far, far away from all this. “Why won’t she fight?”

  “Forever or just for today?” Suzy took his hand in hers and squeezed it. “She might just be reacting to the news and needs time to let it sink in. She doesn’t want to die. If she did, she’d have done it already. But your mom is a fighter. And she’s not going to give up.”

  Words he wanted to hear. Needed to hear. He caressed her hand. It felt good to have someone there for him. Supporting him. “Are you sure?”<
br />
  “Absolutely.”

  She gave him a smile, and he longed to join her but he couldn’t do it. Didn’t feel it. Instead he gave a short nod. “Okay. Will you talk to her?”

  She sputtered out a soft laugh. “What makes you think she’ll listen to me and not you?”

  Because she had the answers that he didn’t. “I’m just her son. But you, you’re her nurse. You have authority.”

  Suzy laughed again at that. “Authority. That’s a good one.” She looked him over. “I tell you what. When I stop in later tonight to see how she’s doing, I’ll give her my opinion if the subject comes up.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Don’t be thanking me yet. I haven’t convinced her to sign up for chemotherapy.”

  He tried another smile. “Not yet.”

  * * *

  SHE DIDN’T WANT to go in there. Knowing what Mrs. Stone’s diagnosis was made it difficult to pretend that everything was going to be okay. Because it might not be. She could fight this, but the end result wasn’t guaranteed.

  Much like her mother’s.

  But Suzy forced a bright smile and pushed through the door into Mrs. Stone’s room. Both Mrs. Stone and Tori were asleep, the mother in her bed, the daughter in her chair. Suzy walked over to Tori. “Wake up, sleepyhead. Visiting hours are over.”

  Tori’s eyes fluttered open. “What time is it?”

  “After nine.”

  She reached down for her purse. “I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

  “It’s been a rough day.”

  Tori nodded. “I don’t think I convinced her of anything. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Just be there for her, no matter what.”

  “I will.” She adjusted the purse strap on her shoulder. “Would you like to go to lunch or something soon? Just the two of us?”

  Suzy peered at her. “Why are you asking?”

  “It just seems like we could both use a friend.” She glanced at her mom. “You’ve been through this before. I’d like your advice.”