by H. Lane
“More than you,” he said. “Not that that’s hard.”
“Like I care,” Sam spat.
“If you did I still wouldn’t give a shit.”
Sam briefly bared her teeth before she took a deep breath. Getting riled up was just the thing he wanted, and she refused to give him the satisfaction. “Like you could care about anything outside of your chicken scratching.”
His jaw seemed to tighten for a moment, but a passing cloud obscured the sunlight the next moment, shadowing his face. Sam shrugged it and the shadow of regret off. Why should I care if I hurt his feelings? He’s done more than enough to hurt me.
“So what’s the plan when we get there?” Jason asked. “Mom didn’t give me too many details, and you’ve been quiet about it so far.”
“I’m going to follow Julia as she goes about her day,” Sam said. “Going to her classes, getting a tour of the campus when she’s got free time. After tonight I’ll try to get a place to stay at her dorm.” She blinked when Jason cleared his throat. “What?”
“When I said Mom didn’t give me too many details, I didn’t mean she didn’t tell me anything.”
Sam raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“You’re staying with me at the hotel for the entire week,” Jason muttered.
“You’re kidding,” Sam said. “Tell me you’re making a bad joke.”
Jason gulped. “You think I want to play chaperone for the entire week?”
Sam’s molars ground together loud enough she was sure Jason could hear them. “What the hell? What the fucking hell, Jason!”
He lifted his right hand from the wheel as if it could stop her onslaught. “Listen, I didn’t want to do it either, but Mom and Dad said they thought it’d be better if you were ‘supervised’ for the trip.”
Sam slammed her fist into the dash and heard the material groan from the force. “This is such bullshit. They’re still riding my ass because of what happened a year ago – because of what you did.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Jason said. The hesitation in his voice had been replaced by a firmness that rivaled his body. “You were the one who went to the party and got drunk.”
“And you dragged me in front of Mom and Dad and told them everything like a fucking nark!”
Jason squeezed the wheel until his knuckles became white. “So you’re blaming me for being honest?”
“Yes!” Sam shouted. “I trusted you, and you had to go and fuck everything up because you’re a gigantic asshole!”
He turned his head. “Are you pissed off at me because I told them about the drinking, or what happened after the party?”
His words were an iron fist to Sam’s lungs. They’d never discussed what had happened after the party. As far as Jason was concerned, the issue needed to be closed “for her own good”, and Sam was unable to confront him, too hurt, confused, and conflicted to address the feelings that had been unleashed.
Jason turned all his focus back to the road. “Guess it’s the latter.”
“Like you care about what I feel,” Sam spat.
Jason exhaled a heated breath that reminded Sam of a wild beast. “I’m your brother. I care if you get hurt, even if I don’t like you—“
Sam threw her hands into the air. “You know what? I don’t give a shit about what you want or think.”
“Just because I—“
“Fuck off,” Sam said. “Just shut up and fuck off.”
Emotion flared across Jason’s barely controlled expression as his body rippled with tension. Sam sucked in a breath through her teeth as anger washed across him. She wondered if he’d lose his temper at her, release all his scorn on her like had a year ago. Part of her wished he would – at least then she’d be seeing something besides boredom and contempt from him.
A moment passed, and Jason’s demeanor returned to its normal, stoic self. Despite his returning calm, Sam could tell that his emotions played beneath the surface. The twitch of his jaw, focused eyes, and terse energy filling his frame were the same traits he had whenever he sparred in karate; his display of them now showed he was fighting something inside him, even if it was just the desire to lay into her.
Good.
* * * One And a Half Years Ago * * *
“I call dibs on the shower,” Sam said as she climbed out of the car.
Jason frowned, but leaned over and wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, guess you need it more than me.”
Sam’s cheeks heated as her brother remained close for another moment before pulling away. She wasn’t embarrassed about her smell, but his proximity. The tank top she wore exposed a fair amount of cleavage, and the hard night of karate they’d just returned from had given her ample sweat to make it cling to her skin.
But that’s why you wore it, right?
“Dork,” she muttered, grabbing her bag from the trunk.
She followed Jason into the house, eyes glued to his shoulders the entire time. Sam felt more open about ogling her brother ever since she’d kissed him on her birthday. There was still shame to her cravings, but the heaviness it brought in her chest made her fantasies more vivid and her releases more powerful. Her affection for him felt explosive at times – dangerous but brilliant to see and feel.
Jason wiped his brow as they entered the house. “Finish fast, OK? Mom clipped my shoulder bad tonight and I want to run hot water over it.”
“She was really aggressive tonight,” Sam said, climbing the stairs besides him. “Must’ve been a rough day for her.”
He rolled his right shoulder and winced. “Yeah. Although you didn’t make it any easier. Tone it down a notch against me next time – I’m your brother, remember?”
Jason’s wink and cocky smile left Sam bereft of breath. “Yeah, sure thing.”
“Thanks.”
He gave her arm a light punch before heading to his room and closing the door behind him. Sam stood in the hallway, unsure of what to do. She knew a quiet night reading was the best option, but her need to be closer to her brother – to become more than his little sister – urged her to take action.
Time to do this.
She grabbed a change of clothes from her room and headed into the bathroom. Cleaning herself off in the shower, she tried to keep herself focused on what she’d planned, but it was difficult to keep her mind on her plans.
Once done, she dried herself off and pulled on her denim shorts and black t-shirt, the same she’d worn on her birthday. Ever since she’d kissed Jason she’d considered them her lucky clothes. Taking a deep breath, she walked in front of his bedroom door and raised her hand to knock, but her wrist froze at the thought of what she wanted to do.
Just do this. You’ll never get anywhere by holding back and wishing for things to change.
Sam knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
She opened the door. Jason was sitting at his desk, lamp on and hunched over a textbook. Taking only a moment to admire his shoulders through the thin fabric of his t-shirt, she stepped inside and took a deep breath.
“So,” she said, swallowing a lump down her throat. “I was thinking that since I kicked your butt so badly tonight that I should do something to make up for it.”
Jason spun around in his chair. She heard him gulp before straightening and raising an eyebrow at her. “You didn’t kick my ass,” he said.
Sam shrugged. “You want a favor or not?”
“Make it quick. I gotta shower and do homework.”
Go time.
“I was thinking that you could use some help relaxing,” Sam said. “You’re going to be moving out soon, doing karate and gymnastics and your art – you’ve gotta be under a lot of stress.”
Jason shrugged and winced when he moved his right shoulder. “Could say that.”
“So how about a massage?”
“A massage?” Jason muttered. “You even know how to give one?”
“Uh, yeah,” Sam replied. She flicked a
still-damp lock from her eyes in an attempt to look casual. “Amanda’s been showing me – her dad taught her.”
Jason shifted in his seat. “What’s in it for you?”
I get to feel you up. “It’s a favor, stupid. So you want one or not?”
He snorted. “You make it sound so tempting.” Standing, he glanced at the bed. “Do I need to lie down for it?”
Sam sucked in a hard breath as her legs almost gave way. The thought of straddling him, even from behind, made her weak at the knees. As much as she wanted to grind against him and feel his hard body between her legs, she knew that her already weak pretense would vanish if – when – she grew excited about the contact.
“You can sit up,” she muttered.
Jason walked to his bed and sat down. Meeting her gaze, he pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside in a single motion. He looked amused, but the intensity behind his eyes belied deeper emotion. Sam couldn’t tell if it was focus or something else, but she felt weak yet invigorated at being the center of his attention and half-nakedness. She’d seen him without his shirt before, but it was different now – alone with him in his room, he was almost predatory, raw masculinity and power that was demonstrated with every flex of his magnificent muscles.
“Well?” Jason said. “Gonna stare or actually do something?”
Sam hopped onto his bed and moved to sit behind him. Flexing her fingers, she rested her palms on his back and nearly recoiled from the shock of contact. His muscles, built up from years of athleticism and hardship, rippled beneath her hands, creating a fire that burned through to her conscience and seared him into her mind.
“I can definitely see Amanda teaching you how to do this,” Jason said. “Is this it?”
“Shut up,” Sam replied.
She squeezed her fingers into him, admiring the toughness of his muscle. Raking her digits across his shoulder blades, she wondered what it’d be like to bite him, and what he’d taste like. His natural scent mingled with sweat was already alluring – she wanted to take him into her mouth. Her cheeks flushed as the thoughts formed in her mind.
Thank God he can’t see me now.
Jason quietly sighed as she moved her hands down his body. “Guess I’ll need to thank Amanda next time I see her.”
Sam worked her way up and forced her palms just below his nape. “And what about me?”
“Don’t all sisters give their big brothers massages?”
She slapped his back and couldn’t help but admire the hardened wall that was his firm musculature. “What do I need to do to get you to thank me?”
“You sure you want to know?”
Sam’s breath caught in her throat. She wanted to say yes and give herself to him in all meanings of the word, but the shame she thought she’d pushed past resurfaced with a bitter vengeance. Fantasizing alone or when Jason couldn’t notice was one thing. Thinking about acting on them when he was alone in the house with her half-naked set her heart ablaze with a thunder she could hear and feel from the roots of her hair down to her toes.
Jason cleared his throat stood from the bed. “Sorry,” he muttered. “Been hanging out with the guys too much, I guess.
“You’re fine,” Sam said.
More than fine.
He gulped and headed to his dresser. “Gonna take my shower now. Thanks for the massage.”
“No problem,” Sam said. “Just what any sister would do for her big brother, right?”
Both of them laughed, but the mirth sounded fake in Sam’s ears. She left his room and went into hers across the hall, closing the door and flinging herself on her bed. Bringing her hands to her face, she inhaled Jason’s scent. It was intoxicating – there was no way she’d end her night without finding release.
Sam fought back the shame as she readied herself. It’s just a fantasy and we’re not really siblings. It’s fine for me to do this.
The thought that she would only ever be able to fantasize about Jason killed her pleasure.
I’m never getting him.
Chapter 9
Jason tore into the bathroom as if he were on fire. Turning the water to hot, he hastily stripped from his pants, swearing as they caught on his erection. It’d been solid steel from the moment Sam had touched him, only growing harder the more she teased and probed his body. Every ounce of his masculinity screamed at him to turn around and take his sister on the bed like a beast until she was hoarse from screaming his name. Only the knowledge that what he was doing was wrong made him hesitate.
He took a deep breath as he stepped beneath the water. His lust reached a peak when he inhaled the remnants of Sam’s shampoo, a sweat strawberry that was almost as luscious as her. Grabbing his cock, he pumped the shaft, all efforts to restrain himself gone as if they’d never existed.
Jason had never experienced such a painful urge to fuck. He’d been with girls before, but those were transient connections, more the result of the moment or the mood of a party than anything real. Nothing ever came of them, and it was for the better – he’d only end up hurting them. Besides, they could never equal Sam – even if they’d been able to rival her beauty, her heart and soul would always be leagues above them.
Nothing gentle animated his thoughts as he worked himself and his shaft. He wanted to fuck her, make her time with him one they’d both remember for the rest of their lives. Jason wanted to make her moan, feel her sigh with pleasure as they joined. Above all, he wanted her to be happy. Nothing would give him more pleasure than to see her rapturous smile as the finale to her climax.
He came hard, the strength in his legs fleeing so fast he had to sit down on the shower’s bench. The water washed away his sweat and soothed his sore muscles but did nothing for the powerful exhaustion that had swept his body. His mind cleared of lust, an illness came upon him, wracking his stomach as the realization of what he’d done fully struck him.
I am so fucked up.
Jason slumped against the shower wall. Even if it wasn’t criminal, he was still guilty of lusting over one of his closest friends. There was no way to justify his actions besides selfish lust. They might love each other as siblings, but Sam would never give him the affection he’d just spent himself over fantasizing about. And even if she did, what would the rest of the world think?
He shook his head. I need to keep my distance from her. This isn’t like with Mom and the asshole – I have a choice to keep things the way they are, and I’m not going to screw things up with her.
* * * Present Day * * *
Jason pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot and looked at Sam. She’d fallen asleep an hour ago, no doubt tired from her outburst and the heat. He was tempted not to wake her up; it was rare for him to see her so peaceful. Her remarks had cut deeper than any blade, and the pain she’d caused was still raw.
Not like I didn’t deserve it. And it’s what I wanted in the end, isn’t it? I might’ve lost her, but I didn’t fuck her life up. She’s going to be fine, and we’ll both be able to move on. Happy ending for everyone.
Even in his mind the words were ashen.
After a long moment he took her shoulder and gently shook it. “We’re here. You might want to put on a top.”
Sam awoke slowly, her peaceful demeanor lasting until she opened her eyes and saw him. “You should’ve gotten me up sooner,” she muttered. “I look like shit.”
You’re never ugly, Sam.
Jason reached into the back for his shirt and pulled it on. “Looking like shit would be a net improvement for you.”
He prepared himself for one of her punches but was left waiting in his seat when she climbed out of the car. Following her lead, he leaned against the hood as she opened the trunk and took out a tank top. Jason made sure the center of his attention was somewhere besides his sister’s body – letting himself be tempted by her svelte, toned figure was the last thing he needed.
Why do all the best things end up being the worst for you?
Sam walked toward the
restaurant and Jason followed behind her. The air conditioning that hit them on entry was a welcome change from the blistering heat. The establishment’s demeanor was also a comfort; more genteel than Olive Garden but not enough for an unofficial dress code. He disliked the high-class places his parents favored; the restrictions chafed him, as did the attention and unspoken derision he often received for his tattoos if he didn’t make an effort to cover them up.
The hostess glanced up from her phone when they reached her podium. “Good evening, and welcome to Pizza-Luce!” She eyed them up and smiled. “How does a table on the patio sound?”
Sam grimaced, and Jason rolled his eyes. “We’re good,” he replied.
“We’re here to meet with someone,” Sam said. “Julia Reed?”
“Julia…” The hostess glanced down at the podium and nodded. “She’s already seated. I’ll take you there now.”
Jason followed the hostess toward another section of the restaurant. With the large parties and couples filling the porch area, it was easy to spot Julia. Tall, redheaded and wearing thick-rimmed glasses, he was able to recognize her from high school, although she’d certainly matured in other areas.
Sam’s smile exploded across her face as she ran to embrace her friend. Their hug was awkward with Julia sitting down, but it didn’t detract from the warmth that was obvious between them. After they disentangled themselves Sam took a seat across from her, her attention fully on her friend. Jason sat down across from them, feeling like a flat third wheel on a mountain bike.
“It’s so good to see you,” Julia said, her smile as bright as Sam’s. She turned to Jason without losing a hint of exuberance. “And hey, Jason. Long time no see. Really grateful you could make it up here.”
Jason blinked. “Really? Wasn’t expecting that.”
Julia laughed. “Sam told me you were driving her up here since your mom couldn’t do it. I’m betting that if you didn’t agree she wouldn’t have been able to come.”
“Probably,” Jason said, shrugging. “Just trying to be a decent brother.”