by H. Lane
“Smart woman, even if she had crappy tastes.”
“It wasn’t over, though,” Jason said. “My dad was a big shot where I grew up – golden child of a big CEO, American royalty, philanthropist and a bunch of other crap. He had an image to maintain, and I was going to ruin it just by existing. So he made a bunch of shit up about my mother, flinging it around to everyone who heard. We had to move to get away from it all.”
Valerie gulped and put her hand on his knee. “I’m sorry. He sounds like a real piece of shit.”
“And that’s how I ruined things for them. It’s why I shouldn’t – can’t – be with anyone.”
“Wait, what?”
Jason threw his hands into the air. “How can you have listened to that and not see it?”
Valerie looked at him as if she’d just been slapped. “What I heard was you had a terrible excuse of a dad who blamed you for not being able to live out his adolescent fantasies. Not that you’re unfit to be with someone.”
“I broke him and my mom up. If it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t have had to leave her home—“
“And she wouldn’t have had you,” Valerie said. “You don’t talk about her that much, but she doesn’t blame you for it, does she?”
“So what? It doesn’t change the facts.”
Valerie grit her teeth. “The facts that you seem to be conveniently twisting to make yourself take the blame for the dipshit that fathered you.”
“Why would I do that?”
“I don’t know,” Valerie replied. “I’m not a doctor. But you’re weird about it – like blaming yourself for his actions, and using it to justify not being with anyone. It’s like you see him in yourself and you’re afraid of who you’ll harm.”
“Even if you’re right – which you’re not,” Jason added hastily, “I already hurt Sam. That’s proof enough.”
“Have you never heard the term ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’? You think you’re like your dad and hurt people that way, so you end up hurting them – in this case, your sister. Your father is still affecting you even though he’s been out of your life since your mom left him.”
Jason steepled his hands in front of himself and hunched over. It was difficult escaping his father’s shadow – every time he looked in the mirror he could see the bastard in his face. And as hard as he tried to forget about his early years, it was impossible to completely leave them behind.
“You need to tell Sam about your issues,” Valerie said, her hand still on his knee.
“No,” Jason said. “I can’t—“
“You can’t, or your father couldn’t? You’re not him, Jason – you don’t need to be bound by his flaws.”
Jason buried his face in his hands. “What am I supposed to say to her? ‘Sam, I supposedly have daddy issues because he never loved me—“
He winced when she punched him, her large rings diving deep into his bicep. “Having an abusive father isn’t ‘daddy issues’, and you need to understand that if they’re still affecting you, they’re a big deal.”
“I became like him. Acted just like how he would, lashing out at Sam.”
“You did. But it’s your decision whether you keep acting like him or not.”
Jason lifted his face from his hands. “How am I supposed to tell her this?”
“I don’t know. But whatever you do, you should probably take a shower first.” Valerie leaned over and sniffed him. “You smell like sex.”
* * * *
Sam was relaxing on top of her bed when her phone buzzed on her bedside drawer. Tired from hours of practice after receiving a crash course in Hartford’s administrative center by Julia’s friend Anita, she let it ring. If the call or caller were important they’d leave a message.
What if it’s an emergency from Mom or Dad? What if it’s from Jason?
Her anger rekindled when she thought of her brother, but it was a shadow of the seething anger from the night before. It’s probably not him; he wouldn’t think about calling so soon. I should still check who’s calling.
She picked up her phone out and frowned; CALLER: JASON was emblazoned on the screen. Thumb hovering over the RECEIVE button, the call ended before she could make a decision. Talking to him again so soon would’ve put her more off-balance than she liked.
Her phone displayed a new voice message. Sam opened it before she could stop herself. Jason’s voice was quiet, but she clung to his every word as if she could reach out and touch them.
“Hey Sam. I don’t know if I should apologize now or make a promise to never see you again. But before I do either, I need to tell you something. Last night I dodged a question you asked, and a friend said it was important I tell you. I’m not sure if it’s worth talking about, but it might be to you. I’ll be at the park by the hotel at nine tonight if you think I’m worth listening to.
“And if not, then I guess this is goodbye.”
Sam clenched her phone tight enough to strain its casing when the message ended. The rush of anger and pity mixing inside her told her that she’d have no choice but to meet him tonight. It bothered her to feel so weakened and helpless by him, but it also reminded her of the sex they’d had; she’d opened herself and become vulnerable, and the memory of her intense climax still lingered with her.
Goddamn it.
She checked the time – eight thirty. Easily enough time to make it down to the park even if she walked. Sam briefly wondered how he’d get there, but pushed the thought from her mind. Grabbing her coat, she strode from her hotel room with all the confidence she could muster.
Gray clouds filled the sky as Sam went to Jason’s car and droplets of rain began to fall when she pulled out of the parking lot. By the time she reached the park it had settled into a steady downpour. Zipping up her jacket, she stepped outside, hand blocking the rain as she scanned the large park. Jason was sitting at a picnic table, hunched over his knees. Despite his t-shirt being soaked to the skin, he remained motionless.
Sam marched toward him. As he lifted his head, she held out her palm. “Before you say anything, I want you to know that the only reason I listened to your voice message was because I was worried you’d done something stupid.”
Jason blinked, a rueful smile forming on his lips. “Sorry. Didn’t want to worry you.”
“Is there anything else you’re going to apologize for?”
“I think that any apology I made wouldn’t begin to undo the damage I’ve done,” Jason replied. “And that doing so would offend you.”
Sam snorted and shook a wet lock from her face. “So you’re not guilty?”
“Another reason I’m not apologizing is because it would be giving me absolution for what I’ve done.” Jason shook his head. “I don’t want that. I can’t have that. What I did hurt you, and I don’t deserve to be forgiven for it, no matter how I try to justify it. It’s a burden I’m going to carry for the rest of my life.”
Good. Despite her thoughts, Sam felt no real satisfaction over his admittance. She crossed her arms, shoulders still terse. “You said you wanted to talk to me about something important. If it’s not an apology, what is it?”
Jason sighed, head hung low. “It wasn’t my idea to tell you about this. It doesn’t feel that important, and it won’t change anything I’ve done.”
“So why tell me anything?”
“Because the only thing worse to me than wasting your time is living with the knowledge that you hated me. It’s been unbearable – I don’t want to have it for the rest of my life.”
Sam let out a deep breath. “So quiet wasting my time and tell me.”
Jason began to speak and Sam listened, clinging to every word. She tried to remain hard as he discussed his biological father, but couldn’t maintain her cold pose as he detailed how he’d been treated by him. The revelations about him took her completely by surprise – Sam had known that the man was no prize catch, but the abuse he’d inflicted on Jason and Haruka made her he
art cringe in revulsion and pity.
“And so, according to Valerie, my dad made me afraid to get into a relationship,” Jason said. Rain dripped down his face; even if he wasn’t crying he certainly looked like it. “So I guess I was afraid of hurting you. That’s why I hurt you.” He gave a hollow laugh. “Stupid of me, right?”
Sam opened her mouth to speak but couldn’t summon any words. Jason had poured all of himself out, exposing himself so thoroughly that he couldn’t have been more naked than if he’d stripped. His confession, although not an excuse for his behavior, gave her a deeper understanding of why he’d done it. She felt closer to him now than she had during their sex.
Jason lifted his head. “So—“ He sneezed and blew his nose. “So what now?”
Good question.
Chapter 21
Sam flinched as thunder rolled through the air. “I’ve got a lot to say, but this isn’t the place to do it. We’re talking somewhere else.”
Jason nodded. “You took my car, right? Because I don’t—“ He sneezed again, wiping his nose afterwards. “I don’t think walking sounds fun right now.”
“Why didn’t you bring a coat?”
“Guess I wasn’t thinking.”
Sam took his wrist and dragged him toward the car, getting into the drivers seat when he began to object. “Just trust me on this.”
He nodded and went to the other side to sit. Once seated, he tried to speak, but continued to sneeze, his body’s shaking drenching the seat. Sam’s residual anger dwindled as she observed him – just like with his confession, he’d become vulnerable for her.
Although he probably didn’t want to sneeze his brains out.
“You were right about the apology being pointless,” Sam said. “I can’t forgive or forget what’s happened between us just because of a few words.”
Jason nodded. “I figured as much.”
“But you were wrong about your past being unimportant. It changed you, made you different, and talking about it helped me understand where you’re coming from.”
“It is unimportant,” Jason muttered. “It—“
Sam pounded her fist on the wheel. “And you need to realize that it’s still affecting you. Denying it is part of the problem, and doing so is making it impossible for you to move on from it. You need help.”
Jason gulped and looked away. “I’ll think about it.”
“I’ve got a feeling you’ll do it.”
“Why?”
“I’ll talk once we’re in the hotel room.”
The rest of the drive was quiet, tension so thick that it turned the steady downpour of rain into an unrelenting drumming. Sam barely paid attention to Jason when they walked out of the car and into the hotel. Her heart was ready to burst from the anticipation, but she forced herself to remain quiet; she didn’t want everything to spill out in a way that could be misinterpreted.
Once at the door to their room, she hurried Jason inside and hung the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the knob. She stepped in, jaw shifting as she sized him up. He returned her gaze with one devoid of emotion; the water showed more expression than he did.
Here goes everything.
“When you first started talking, I never believed I could forgive you,” Sam said. “But now that I know what you did wasn’t entirely conscious, I think I can. If you’re willing to try.”
Light returned to Jason’s eyes for the first time since meeting him at the park. “You mean it?”
“Only if you do,” Sam replied. “You need to do whatever is necessary. Psychologists, talking to your mother, punching your dad in the dick – anything.”
Jason’s lips twitched into a smirk. “I think I’d do more than just punch.”
Sam stepped closer to him. “So you’re going to try?”
“I couldn’t do anything less.”
She rose on her toes and kissed him. It was different than the ones they’d exchanged last night – there was no passion or heat, literally or figuratively – but it felt warmer all the same. Sam began to lose herself until Jason pushed her away and sneezed to the side.
“Sorry,” he murmured. “Think I kinda screwed the moment up.”
“Kinda,” Sam said, smirking. “But we’ll probably have a lot more from now on as long as we both try our best.”
She took his hand and led Jason into the bathroom. Once she grabbed hold of his shirt’s hem he began to strip, and she followed suit. Turning the water to boiling, she stepped into the shower.
“Need to get you cleaned up,” she said. “And I’m serious about the cleaning part – no funny business.”
Even if it’s hot as hell.
Jason nodded. Climbing into the shower, he let the hot water wash over him. Sam stayed out of the stream to marvel at his transformation. Less than half an hour ago he’d been lethargic, moving about and holding himself up as if by puppet strings. Now as the hot water washed over him, he stood tall, shoulders broad and head held high. She knew that the change was superficial – the real test would come in the future – but it was a good sign nonetheless.
“Turn around,” she said. “I want to wash your hair.”
Jason raised an eyebrow. “I can do that myself.”
“You’re in a shower with a hot woman and you’re refusing the chance for her to touch you? You need more help than I thought.”
He laughed and turned around. Sam squeezed soap into her hands and ran them through his hair, leaning against him in the process. Her throat went dry as she felt her nipples harden against Jason’s back; the contrast between her breasts and his muscle was deliciously sublime.
“I thought you said no funny business,” Jason said.
Sam nibbled on the back of his shoulder, grinning when he shuddered. “I’m allowed to do whatever I want with you.”
“Why?”
“Because if it were up to you, you’d want to have sex with me before bathing.”
Jason snorted. “Is that something you thought of yourself, or did Amanda and Jeanie tell you about it?”
Sam reached around his waist and gripped his stiff shaft. “I’d say that I have first-hand experience in the matter.”
She’d barely pumped her hand when Jason turned around and wrapped an arm around her waist. Turning her around and putting his hand under her right leg, he lifted it up as if it were a feather and stepped forward, cock brushing against her lips. Sam giggled when he pressed her against the shower wall and licked her nape, his powerful tongue tickling her warm and sensitive skin.
“Well,” he said, breath tickling her ear. “I’d say getting more experience wouldn’t do you any harm.”
Sam sighed as his lips traced a path up her neck, planting a tender kiss on her cheek before moving to her mouth. There was no frenzied coupling like the night before, only a gentle exchange, their hands moving across each other’s bodies through the water and steam. She held onto his shoulders, his strength on full display as he continued to hold her up; no matter how hard she squeezed when their chests brushed one another or his cock stroked her entrance, he remained strong.
But you don’t always have to be with me.
Jason broke the kiss, regarding her for a moment before lowering himself to his knees, quick kisses across her chest and abdomen accompanying the movement. Sam’s soft gasps turned into a loud moan when he kissed her lower lips, heart leaping to her throat. Her cheeks flushed as his tongue ran up and down her slit and a hot breath touched her clit; she was completely red when he pressed a finger inside her.
Fuck.
Sam’s knees buckled as Jason worked his tongue across her mound while he pressed another finger inside her. Her entire being seemed to contract around his digits, especially when he curled them and dragged the tips against her inner walls. She’d never experienced such a powerful surge of raw sensuality before; her lower body buckled from the force, knees weak as she let out a loud groan.
“So fucking hot,” Jaso
n murmured, words vibrating against her sensitive skin.
His words and another powerful series of drags and pushes against her inner walls triggered a knee-shaking orgasm in Sam. She was forced to support her weight entirely on Jason’s shoulders as her strength fled, but the sensation of helplessness and dependency on him only amplified the waves of pleasure rushing through her. There was no fear in her that he’d weaken and fail her – she trusted him with everything, body and soul.
Because you’re worth it.
Jason stood, hands on Sam’s hips to support her. Again lifting her leg, he bent it back until it lay flat across his chest. Her breathing grew heavy; she was again completely exposed to him but there was no worry or embarrassment, only anticipation when the head of his cock pressed into her.
“What are you waiting for?” she muttered.
He pressed in without a heartbeat of hesitation. Sam gasped as he hilted her with one smooth motion, nails digging into his back when their hips met. The penetration was completely different from before, as were his thrusts. Jason lifting her up and down, gravity adding to his strength, and the angle created an engine that pumped raw ecstasy through every nerve in her body.
But the most important difference was the contact. Sam could embrace him, kiss him, and bite his hard body as he took her without being impeded by his raw power. It was the best kind of lovemaking – one where they were equally capable of giving and receiving. The thought that they could do it again and again if they tried made her orgasm hard, falling against him once again as her frenzied movements drove him to spend himself deep inside her.
“I love you,” Jason said, shaking even as he supported her weight. “More than anything.”
Sam let her brow rest against his shoulder. “I love you too, Jason.”