Catch Your Breath

by Shannyn Schroeder

  Moira stepped through the front door and heard Colin yelling. He and Liam were on the couch watching a baseball game. She never understood the appeal. They didn’t even like baseball all that much. It was like they just wanted to have something to yell at.

  “Guys,” Quinn called. “I just put Patrick down. Please stop yelling.”

  Colin smiled. “He might as well get used to the noise while he’s young. It’s not likely to get any quieter.”

  Quinn rolled her eyes and went back to the kitchen. Moira followed, but slowed because she felt Liam come up behind her. “No, Liam, you are not getting any brownies until after dinner.”

  “Like I need your brownies. I can bake my own whenever I want.”

  She turned to face him and set the pan on the dining room table. “Then what do you want?”

  “Why did you go to the O’Malleys’ house?”

  Nothing got by her family. At least not when she really wanted it to. “I had something of his I needed to return.”

  “Whose?”

  Like she wanted to visit with any of the O’Malleys besides Jimmy? “Jimmy.”

  “How did you end up with something of his?”

  “He dropped it at my apartment.” As soon as the words left her lips, she clamped her mouth shut. One day, she’d learn not to talk so much.

  Liam’s usually serious face became more solemn. “What was Jimmy doing at your apartment?”

  “I told you I’m helping him with some stuff for work. We ran into each other at an event last night. He had some questions and stopped by to talk.” God, she hoped the partial truth was enough.

  “Last night?” Colin called from the couch. “Elizabeth said you had man trouble last night.”

  “Aren’t you supposed to be watching the baseball game?”

  He laughed loudly. “I think the show in there is better than the one on TV.”

  Liam’s jaw tightened. Through clenched teeth, he hissed, “Follow me.”

  If it had been any of her other brothers, she would’ve refused and headed defiantly in the other direction. But Liam wasn’t like them. He was levelheaded, so she followed him onto the front porch.

  He inhaled through his nose a couple of times before speaking. “What’s going on with you and Jimmy?”

  “Truthfully? I’m not sure.”

  “Shit, Moira. I know you were stuck on him as a kid, but I thought you outgrew it. Please tell me you’re not playing out some childhood crush.”

  “It’s not one-sided, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m not a stalker.” She sat on the concrete step and waited for him to join her. “I’ve always been a little in love with Jimmy. You know that. But something changed between us. I’m not sure what, but he’s attracted to me.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “I’m not stupid, Liam. The man kissed me. I know lust when it smacks me like a freight train.”

  “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “What makes you think Jimmy would hurt me? He’s a good guy.”

  “He is. I’m not sure you both have the same goals in life, that’s all.”

  She bumped her shoulder against his. “That’s what dating is for, isn’t it? Figuring that stuff out. Please tell me you’re not going to go bonkers about this because I already told Jimmy you’d be okay with it.”

  “You did, huh?”

  “Of course. You’re Liam the levelheaded. I’ve always been able to trust you with my secrets.”

  He threw his arm over her shoulder and gave her a noogie. She swatted his hands away.

  “Moira, get in here and set the table,” their mother called.

  She sighed. “Like Colin is incapable of putting out dishes?”

  “Come on. I’ll help.” He stood and held his hand to pull her up.

  They walked back into the house together. Moira always felt comfortable with Liam at her back.

  Jimmy finished washing the dishes and checked the time. He had maybe an hour until Moira was done with dinner. He’d never attended an O’Leary dinner like Griffin had. Liam had invited him, but he never went because he didn’t want the family’s pity. Back then, he believed people were only being nice to him because his mother was dead.

  He knew better now, and looking back, he wished he would’ve gone to some of those family meals. It might’ve taught him how to keep his family together. It would be nice to share time together over a meal instead of beers in the middle of the night. He longed to have what Liam always had.

  He wiped his hands on a towel and headed upstairs. Norah had taken over his space, leaving him to sleep on the couch or at Kevin’s, but having his stuff in his room gave him a reason to check on her. He knocked on the door and waited for her to welcome him.

  “Hey, I just need to use the computer.”

  She sat on his chair in front of the TV, watching some sappy movie. Without looking away from the screen, she said, “Who was the woman at the door?”

  The question threw him as he booted up his computer. What woman? Then he realized she was talking about Moira. “Moira O’Leary. Do you remember her?”

  “I remember the O’Learys.” She shifted in the seat, dangling her legs over the arm. “So is she your girlfriend?”

  “ No.”

  “But you’re taking her out.”

  “We’re going on a date.”

  “Where?”

  “That’s what I’m trying to figure out now.” He pointed at his computer screen.

  “Don’t take her to a movie.”

  He stared at the movie times he’d already pulled up. He needed to keep her nearby so there was no chance of his cover being blown. No one would look for James Buchanan in this neighborhood. “Why not?”

  “This is one of your first dates, right? You have to go somewhere to interact. At a movie, you sit in silence for two hours. What’s the point?”

  How sad was it that he needed to take dating advice from his pregnant little sister? “Any suggestions?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t live here anymore, remember?”

  The words were spoken with enough bite to let him know she was still bitter about him sending her away. He’d believed they’d gotten past that.

  “There’s a carnival.”

  “Huh?”

  “One of those neighborhood carnivals. There are rides and games and cotton candy. I saw it when I went for a drive earlier.”

  The way she said it told him she wanted to go. He looked at her bulging stomach. “Want me to bring you cotton candy?”

  She smiled, the first he’d seen since she arrived. “The blue kind.”

  “You got it.” A carnival was the perfect place for Moira. He remembered her begging Liam to take her when they were kids. Her parents wouldn’t let her go with her friends, so she begged Liam.

  Jimmy hadn’t wanted to babysit. That’s what he told Liam anyway. They were sixteen, and he wanted to look for girls, not hang out with Liam’s fourteen-year-old sister. In truth, Moira always distracted him in ways she wasn’t supposed to.

  But Liam had felt sorry for her and agreed. When they arrived at the carnival, Liam told Moira to go off with her friends, sure she’d be fine. Jimmy spent the night keeping an eye on her and ignoring every other girl there. Moira was young and beautiful and far too trusting. He needed to keep her safe.

  He showered and changed and then went downstairs to make sure Dad had taken his medicine. He’d never thought that at the age of thirty he’d have to play nursemaid to not one, but two members of his family. Norah still hadn’t said anything about what she’d planned to do about the baby, and he was doing his best not to pressure her, but it’s not like they could pretend and it would all go away.

  The pressure of having to do everything in the house pressed down on him, so he went to the porch to wait for Moira. He should probably go and pick her up, but then he’d be under the scrutiny of her entire family, and he wasn’t ready for that. The heat and humidity outside pressed on him too, but it
wasn’t nearly as oppressive as the O’Malleys inside. He looked to the sky and saw some ugly gray clouds. He hoped the storm would hold off until after his date with Moira. It would be just his luck to get her excited over a carnival and then be rained out.

  Voices across the street drew his attention. Colin and his girlfriend were leaving. Dinner must be over. He kept his eyes trained on the house, waiting for Moira. Ryan came out next, carrying a baby car seat, followed by his wife. Immediately behind them, Moira bounced out. She pulled back the shade on the car seat and made noises at the infant. Ryan gave her a little shove, but she walked them to their car anyway. Once they were settled, she looked across the street at Jimmy.

  He couldn’t stop the smile from forming. Moira always had that effect on him. She continued her springy step across the street without looking for cars. When she reached the lawn in front of his house, she said, “Anxious for our date?”

  “No, just waiting patiently. I know how the O’Learys like their all-afternoon meals.”

  “Our family dinners don’t take all day. We have lives, you know.”

  He stood and walked down the steps to meet her. The smile on her face caused something in his chest to swell. It strangled him in a different way than being in the house with his dad and Norah had, but still forced his lungs to constrict.

  “So what’s the plan?” she asked as she grabbed his hand.

  She was always so easy with affection. Most of the O’Learys were. They were the kind of family that hugged and kissed hello. The girls squealed in delight, even as adults. He had no idea if Norah was a squealer.

  “Hello?”

  His attention snapped back to Moira, who was staring up at him. “What?”

  “I lost you to something there for a minute.”

  “Nothing. I hear there’s a carnival we could check out.”

  Her eyes brightened, and she skipped a little next to him. “I love carnivals. I haven’t been to one in a couple of years. Remember when they used to do one at Saint Matthew’s? All the families would come out. The eighth-graders ran the games, and everyone won a prize.”

  “That’s probably why they couldn’t afford to continue doing it.”

  “That was fun.”

  He led the way to his car. “I’m surprised you liked it. They only had a handful of rides every year.”

  “But they always had the Tilt-A-Whirl. God, I love that ride.”

  The thought of spinning uncontrollably in circles held no appeal for him. Before he unlocked and opened the passenger door for her, he asked, “Is your car locked?”

  She shrugged, but said, “Yeah.”

  “Go check and make sure.”

  “My car is a piece of crap. No one is going to steal it, and there’s nothing of value inside.”

  He grabbed her chin to face him. “You’re inside the car. If it’s unlocked, someone could sit and wait for you.”

  She shuddered. “You have a lot of creepy thoughts.”

  But she pulled away and went to her car. When she tugged the handle, the door popped open. She pressed the button to lock and slammed the door. When she returned, he held his car door open for her and tried not to look smug. Had her brothers taught her any personal security measures?

  He settled behind the wheel and drove to the carnival. Moira chatted about dinner with her family and the new baby, Patrick. One thing he could count on Moira for was chatter. He never had to make small talk, and it didn’t seem to bother her that he didn’t need to fill every moment of silence.

  The odd thought struck him as he half listened to her. For as long as he’d known Moira, she’d been a talker. Not forced and uncomfortable conversation, but something natural for her. She drew people out and into the conversation, but never forced participation.

  She suddenly grew quiet. “Were you even listening? Or is this another ‘shut up, Moira’ moment?”

  “I was listening. You’re totally in love with your new nephew and you hope that Colin and Elizabeth get married soon and have babies. You’re thinking about who you can set Liam up with because you don’t want him to be lonely.” He glanced at her fast enough to see her mouth hanging open. “If you want my input, leave Liam alone. When he wants to find someone, he will.”

  Personally, he didn’t think settling down was even a blip on Liam’s radar. He’d known Liam to have girlfriends, but nothing serious, and ever since setting his sights on getting a restaurant of his own, he’d focused all of his energy there.

  “Are you kidding me? My brothers don’t do anything without a bit of prompting.”

  “They seem to be doing fine.”

  He didn’t have to look to know she was rolling her eyes at him. “Liam’s different, you know? I always feel like he’s a little lost.”

  Jimmy couldn’t argue. The description fit Liam. Jimmy turned down Lawrence and hit a traffic jam. Looked like everyone wanted to get one last night at the carnival.

  “Can’t you turn on your police lights and zoom through?”

  “No. First of all, this is my personal vehicle. Second, that would be abuse of power and wrong.”

  He cut down an alley and drove a couple of blocks. He managed to find a spot on the street that didn’t require a permit to park. Unfortunately, they’d have to walk to get back to the carnival. Jimmy checked Moira’s feet. Gym shoes.

  “What are you looking at?”

  “Making sure you can walk back to the carnival without breaking your ankle.” He exited the car and walked around. Before he got to her door, she’d already stepped out.

  “Who the hell would go to a carnival wearing heels? Or to family dinner at home for that matter?”

  He shrugged and locked the car. They walked to the carnival in relative silence. As they neared, he felt his muscles tense. The crowd was thick and many were already drunk.

  “Something wrong?” Moira asked as she took his hand and tugged on his arm.

  “ No.”

  “Liar.”

  “You look at this place and see lights and laughter, fun and excitement. All I can see are the drunks who are going to get belligerent and the gangbangers looking for an opportunity to start trouble or steal something. Parents who aren’t paying attention to where their kids are wandering off to and the pedophiles who might strike at any time.”

  He expected her to shoot a cocky remark back at him, but instead she released his hand and circled her arms around his neck. He felt her sigh against his ribs. “I wish you could forget being a cop for a little while.”

  “I don’t know how.”

  “I know, but it’s got to be hard always waiting for the bad and not being able to see the good.”

  He hadn’t thought about it quite like that, but she was right. His vigilance was always on high. Holding on to Moira reaffirmed the need for that vigilance, though. He despised the thought of anything bad happening to someone he cared about.

  And just like that, she slid from his embrace and took a few steps. She turned and walked backward. “Come on, let’s go play. I want to see if I can make you relax a little.”

  Then she winked and crooked her finger at him. He had many ideas of how she could help him relax, but a carnival didn’t appear anywhere on the list.

  Moira slid through the crowd without a care for all of the dangers he saw, even though he’d pointed them out to her. Part of him loved that about her, despite the fact it scared the shit out of him.

  Of course, she walked straight to the Tilt-A-Whirl, but forgot they needed tickets to ride. He hooked right to the ticket booth while she stood in line. He bought enough tickets for her to go on whatever ride she wanted.

  He joined her on the Tilt-A-Whirl and decided one trip was enough, but for the sound of her giggling as she spun, a queasy stomach might be worth it. As they stumbled down the metal ramp, clomping their feet toward the exit, he asked, “Where to now?”

  She pointed toward the row of carnival games designed to take money and give little or nothing in return. “Let�
��s play some games.”

  CHAPTER 10

  As Moira strode through the midway of games, Jimmy scanned the options. She hoped he wouldn’t pick something like basketball; she sucked at basketball, and he was like a foot taller than her. It wouldn’t be a fair competition. She walked a few steps in front of him, but he caught her quickly and put his arm around her shoulder. Other than kissing her, he hadn’t initiated any displays of affection, but she tried not to read too much into it.

  “This way,” he said, and pulled her to the side.

  When she saw where he was headed, she groaned. A shooting game. “This isn’t fair. Of course you’re going to be a better shot than me—you carry a gun for a living.”

  “I just thought you wanted a prize. I didn’t know you wanted to play too.”

  She stopped abruptly. “Have you met me? Of course I want to play.”

  He nudged her forward while pulling money from his pocket. “Pick a prize for me to win for you. Then we’ll play something else.”

  She smiled and studied the stuffed animals hanging all around. Pandas, ugly clowns, and strange-colored gorillas stared back at her. Then she saw it: a lion that had to be three feet tall. The light brown mane fluffed around the golden fur. Its eyes were dark and watchful. It made her think of Jimmy and his protectiveness. She pointed to the lion.

  “I should’ve known better than to think you’d take it easy on me.”

  In order for him to win the lion, he’d have to hit every target on three different turns. Jimmy set his money on the counter and then began to negotiate with the carny. Jimmy wanted free practice shots so he could get the feel for the gun. He argued that if he was going to spend twenty dollars to win a lion that only cost five at the store, he should get a couple of free shots.

  The carny was a teen who looked more interested in ogling girls than whether Jimmy took a couple of free shots, so he let him. Both plastic darts flew wildly away from the target. Moira snickered. She should’ve felt bad about setting Jimmy up for failure, but she didn’t. The man needed to have a few harmless flops.

  He stared at the gun intently and then at the darts the teen stacked up next to him.