The Price of Desire

by PE Kavanagh

  Saying goodbye was difficult. Every time I looked at his sister, and remembered what she’d said to me, I thought I might cry. I gave her a warm hug as we left.

  She whispered, “We are so glad you are here. It is wonderful!”

  I fell asleep nearly as soon as my head hit the pillow. The day had taken a lot out of me. I didn’t have to work nearly as hard as I’d thought to impress everyone, but I was still on my absolute best behavior. Keeping up with the Spanish also fatigued my brain.

  I woke up in the middle of the night to Marco, watching me.

  “What are you doing sweetheart?”

  “Just watching you. It's better than dreaming.”

  “You should sleep. It's going to be a busy day.”

  “I know. My head is just full. Actually I’m very happy. With you here, and my whole family going to be in one place. I can't really believe it yet.”

  “Are we picking up the boys in the morning?”

  “No, they'll take the car. And they'll probably go straight to bed. My dad is taking them riding in the afternoon, with their cousins, which they will love.”

  “Okay, love, can I do something to help you sleep?”

  “Just lay here with me. That's all I need. That's all I ever need.”

  “That and a nice clean shower every now and then,” I joked, referring to our morning's activities.

  “I’m so glad you enjoy being with me in that way. It is... wonderful. And not something I'm used to.”

  “Really? I don't think there exists a woman who could resist you. Don’t you know you are the sexiest man alive?”

  “Ha, ha. I’m not sure everyone received that memo. But I’m glad you think so. And the feeling is mutual, you know.”

  “You think I’m the sexiest man alive? Why thank you.”

  “Maybe the funniest one too.”

  “Yes, that I am. Now let's sleep.” I snuggled under his arm and wrapped myself around him. The strong, regular thump of his heart escorted me into sweet dreams.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  A Secret Spot

  The knock on the door woke us up.

  “Señor Gonzales. The boys are here!”

  It was the maid, excited.

  “Thank you, Isabella.”

  “I’ll go down to greet them, and rescue them from my father's planned interrogation. Stay up here if you like, darling. Get some rest.”

  “No, I want to come down and see them.”

  We put on our robes and skipped down the stairs to see Andres holding each of the boys by the arm.

  “Marco, you didn't tell me what men they had become.”

  “Papa!” They ran to their father with hugs and kisses. I even got a few myself. Andres couldn’t stop beaming. Grandpa was clearly very proud.

  “How was your flight, boys?” Marco asked.

  “Other than Pablo thinking he had a chance with the flight attendant...” ribbed Diego.

  “Shut up! You’re just jealous that I got extra dessert.”

  “Boys,” interrupted an amused Marco. “Don't you want to rest?”

  “Actually, we’re okay, Papa. We slept some on the plane.”

  “Between the fights?” asked Andres.

  We all smiled. “Glad you’re here, guys. Maybe eat something and then lay low. You know how much energy you'll need for riding later.”

  “Are we still riding later Grandpa?? We can't wait!”

  All the men begin speaking in Spanish, hyperspeed. I had no chance of keeping up.

  “I think I’ll go for a run,” I whispered to Marco.

  “I’m sorry amor, are we leaving you out?”

  “Not at all, sweetheart. I want you to catch up. All this male Gonzales energy, in one room, is too much for a sensitive gal like myself.”

  It felt good to get outside before the sun rose too high. Winter at home, it was summer here and the temperatures were scorching. Two of the grounds-people vehemently offered to accompany me, not understanding I was trying to exercise. I did my best to explain, but wasn’t sure I did.

  When I returned from my run, the main floor of the house was much quieter. The boys must have succumbed to fatigue and gone upstairs. But where were the older men?

  A trip to the kitchen for some water uncovered the elder, having a heated discussion over the menu for the day, I believed. He stopped his conversation to offer me about ten different things to eat and drink. “Just water,” I repeated, as kindly as possible. He didn’t know where Marco was. Maybe working upstairs.

  A search in our room came up empty, so I started peeking my head into random rooms. I found Marco in the library, nestled into a huge, brown chair, smiling down at an oversized book. He was looking at pictures.

  “There you are!” I said.

  “I thought you’d had enough of this craziness and ran away from me.”

  “Not yet, love. Not yet. What are you looking at?”

  “Come sit with me and I’ll show you.”

  “But I’m so sweaty.”

  “My favorite,” he said with a grin.

  It was true. Marco loved the way I smelled, no matter what. Sometimes I did believe he was intoxicated with me, as he often claimed to be.

  “Is that your mother?”

  “Yes.”

  “My God, she was so beautiful. Wow. She looks like Marilyn Monroe.”

  “Funny for an Italian girl, yes? Her family is from the North, and they look more Swiss than Italian.”

  “Either way, she is stunning.”

  As he flipped through pages of the album, I recognized some of the pictures from his house, and some of the people I’d already met. The pictures of him as a child were adorable.

  He told me about all the people I’d be meeting at the party the next night. It was going to be a huge affair and I would likely forget most of the names, but it was wonderful getting a tour of his extensive family.

  “What a wonderful family you have.” I meant it.

  “They are your family too,” he said. I looked at him oddly and he turned away. I wondered if he was offended. I hoped not.

  “Let me go get cleaned up, my love. What is the plan for the day?”

  “I told them we'd like a late breakfast, then we have a couple of visits, and... another appointment this afternoon.”

  “An appointment?” That sounded strange, especially since he stumbled on the words.

  “Yes, yes, don't worry. Nothing you need to worry about.”

  “Okay,” I said, a bit confused as I headed toward our room.

  We ate in the small room adjacent to the kitchen. Everything was delicious.

  “I’d love to get my hands on that kitchen,” I said over breakfast. It was a dream kitchen.

  “I’m not sure that will happen darling. There is not a lot of acceptance for people crossing lines here.”

  “You mean because the help will not like me in their territory, or because the family will not like me consorting with the help?”

  “Well, neither, I believe. But maybe we can arrange something.”

  We prepared ourselves for the start of the day and Marco let me know we’d likely be out all day. There was a dinner for only the immediate family tonight, as the kickoff for the major celebration tomorrow. The house was buzzing with preparations and I was not unhappy to be heading out away from the frenzy. Andres and the boys were leaving for the riding grounds shortly.

  At each house we visited, we met more aunts, uncles and cousins, who each wanted to feed us more than the ones before. I had to learn more ways to say no thank you if I wanted to fit in my dress for tomorrow.

  The family visits ended and off we went to the secret appointment. Marco was distracted, agitated even, but he wouldn’t say why. I wondered if I’d done something to embarrass him or myself. I kept thinking that everything had been going so well, and didn’t understand his strange mood.

  Was he worried? Or upset? I tried hard not to take it personally.

  I snuggled closer to
him and whispered, “Hey.”

  “Hi, darling.”

  “Have I told you today how much I love you?”

  His body softened. “Tell me again.”

  With small kisses between each word, I said, “I... love... you... so... much.”

  “Don't stop, okay?”

  What a strange response, I thought. “I wouldn't think of it.”

  We were quiet for the rest of the ride through the congested city, but he never let go of my hand, holding it a bit tighter than usual. He gave our driver some instructions which I didn’t understand as he pulled over near a small patch of green in between buildings. We were in a very busy part of the city. Downtown perhaps.

  “Where are we, Marco?”

  “I want to show you something, okay?”

  “Of course.”

  We walked into what I initially thought was a small grassy area, and then was surprised as I rounded the corner and realized it was an idyllic urban retreat. Tucked away between skyscrapers, with an amazing view of the Buenos Aires skyline. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, and watched with my eyes and mouth wide open.

  “This is incredible, Marco. What is it?”

  “It's one of our many secret parks. My father's office used to be in that building,” pointing to a shiny skyscraper, “and I would come down here as a child after school, waiting for him. I sat on the bench over there and watched the buildings and the people all day. I would look down here,” pointing me toward the skyline, “and draw what I saw. It's where I first realized that I loved structures and shapes, not in an artistic way like my mother, but in a practical way. I wanted to build things.”

  I followed the images he created in my imagination.

  “Let's sit down,” he said as he guided me to the bench.

  “This is so beautiful Marco. Thank you for bringing me here.”

  “It's an important place for me. When I think of my childhood, I think of this bench, right here.”

  I was incredibly touched.

  “When I got a little older I started noticing the people a bit more than the buildings. The businessmen - it was only men back then - the families, the couples. That's when I started thinking about what I wanted my life to be. I imagined my career, how successful I would be, my family, who I would love.”

  “And who was that?”

  “Well, back then it was Linda Sanchez, the tallest girl in the eighth grade.”

  “Did she love you back?”

  “Unfortunately, no. She had eyes for my brother, who spent much more time wooing girls than... staring at buildings.”

  Despite the mention of his brother, I could see he was relaxing a bit. I was so happy that he was sharing this part of his life with me. Marco remained quiet for a moment, and then started again, this time more seriously.

  “I didn't really know what love was, back then, but I knew what it looked like from all those hours watching the couples hold hands, kiss, and gaze at each other. I imagined what it must feel like, inside, to be that way, and I wanted it. I wanted to feel that.”

  He looked out in the distance, probably remembering those scenes.

  “I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, Monique... done so many things wrong. But somehow it all worked out. I got everything I dreamed of, nearly. I’ve had such a wonderful life... the boys, my career, almost everything.”

  He smiled. “But that feeling... what I imagined those couples must be feeling... that one was... elusive. I thought I knew what it would be like, to be in love, but it was never as I imagined. Never that feeling...”

  “Not even with Carla?” I wondered if it was awkward for me to bring up his late ex-girlfriend.

  He shook his head. “We had great affection for each other, and so much in common. I think we confused friendship and familiarity for some other kind of love. It just wasn't... it.”

  I remembered him describing the relationship with his ex-wife Anna in similar terms.

  “I more or less decided that what I imagined wasn't real. That I had just made it up.”

  I didn’t know where this conversation was going, but I felt anxious, all of a sudden. And sad about his story.

  “Then one day I saw this woman, this stunning woman, daydreaming at the San Francisco airport.” He looked at me and smiled. “And then we spent the most magical days of my life, up to that point, together. And then she left me...”

  I didn’t like this new turn. “And then you found her again,” I added.

  “It was during that time that I realized that that feeling I had imagined, so long ago, here on this bench - it was real. I did not just make it up. It was real and I was feeling it. Or I was feeling the absence of it. I knew, Monique that I just wanted to love you. I knew that I would have to find a way to be with you. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my days loving you.”

  My breath quickened and tears pressed against my throat. I couldn’t take my eyes off him, although it added to my rising emotions. Oh my God, filled thoughts.

  “I can't explain what happened, or what is happening, with us. It is our fairytale, amor. You have made this boy's dreams come true. Being with you is everything I dreamed being in love would be.”

  Marco slid off the bench and got on one knee. I couldn’t process what I was seeing. He released one of my hands to reach into his pocket, removing a tiny red silk pouch, then used his other hand to open it. Out came a magnificent diamond ring. He turned to face me. I was crying and having trouble breathing.

  “Monique, you are the love of my life. I don't want to spend any of it without you. Would you marry me?”

  I felt paralyzed. My head spun and my heart pounded and I couldn’t move or speak. My mouth was probably wide open. In my head all I heard was, oh my God, oh my God...

  He tilted my chin so that I could see him. When our eyes met, the whole world dissolved. It was just us, me and my beloved, the man who captured my heart in a way I had never experienced. I wanted nothing more than to be with him… forever.

  “Yes,” I said between sobs. “Yes, of course. Marco… I can't believe...”

  I stopped speaking as he slid the ring on my finger. In the sunlight it looked enormous, with a hint of pink. It fit perfectly, in every way.

  “Oh my God,” I kept repeating. Marco moved back onto the bench, took my face in his hands and kissed me. I melted under the heat of his mouth. My head was still spinning but I stayed connected to him, to keep me from floating off into space.

  I moved slightly away, to take a breath, and I couldn’t tell if it was my tears on his face, or his. He smiled that smile that had captured me in the very beginning.

  ‘Did you plan all this?” was all I could say.

  “Yes, for quite some time. I wasn't sure if there was going to be too much going on during this trip, this weekend, but I couldn't wait any longer. This ring was burning a hole in my pocket.”

  “It's so beautiful, Marco. It’s perfect.”

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  “Of course I like it. I love it. Because it came from you. I can’t believe it…” I tried to compose myself. “I love you so much Marco. I didn’t need any of this, you know. You had my heart, regardless.”

  “I never thought of myself as old-fashioned. But I wanted to do this. I want our bond to be formal. And as serious as my commitment to you.”

  “I don’t doubt you, darling. I don’t doubt us.”

  When he kissed me again, I felt the relief in his body. I’d put him through more than he deserved. To make him happy was all I wanted.

  “How long were you planning this?”

  “About five and a half weeks. More or less.” We both laughed.

  “It sounds so trite, but it's true. You've made my dreams come true, Monique. I’m going to do everything I can to make yours come true too.”

  “You already have, darling. I never thought I would find love like this... I didn't believe it was possible for me either. And then you appeared, like a mirage. You have chang
ed everything about what I see for my life. I... I’m just in shock right now. Sorry I’m being incoherent.”

  “You're never incoherent. Or maybe we both are.”

  “We belong together, I guess.”

  “You guess?”

  “I love you, Marco,” I stroked his face, “and I promise to keep loving you for as long as I breathe. And maybe a few lifetimes after that as well.”

  “Just a few?”

  “Well it's already been several thousand! How many more do you want?”

  “All of them. I want all of them.”

  As if on cue, we both started singing my favorite song. We sat on the park bench, singing and kissing and watching the buildings and the people.

  As we walked back to the car, hand in hand, I said, “Look, darling. Now you are one of the people you were watching as a boy. Maybe we will inspire someone to believe in their hearts too.”

  “I hope so.”

  We hardly spoke on the way back to the house. I was still processing what had just happened, and hyper-aware of the new sensation on my ring finger. Empty for so long, and now full.

  Marco held me. He was so much more relaxed, and I now understood why he had been acting so strangely. It must have been nearly impossible to keep it all in for so long. His thoughtfulness never ceased to amaze me.

  I hoped that the house would be quiet, or everyone would be busy preparing for the family dinner so that we could have some time alone. As soon as the door opened, however, shouts of congratulations filled my ears and a glass of champagne appeared in my hand. Andres was the first to greet me.

  “Welcome to the family, my dear. We are very happy to have you.” He squeezed me so tightly I could hardly breathe, then kissed me square on the mouth. I didn’t have time to be startled because the next family members had their arms around me. I kept trying to look over at Marco, to find out how he’d told everyone, but he was swarmed as well.

  It looked like everyone had arrived early for the dinner, or maybe the dinner was just a ruse. I wasn’t sure of anything at that point.

  The boys each took me aside to welcome me to the family.