by Trudi Jaye
Cal appeared on one side and winked. “We’re going to make a little bit of magic happen, Tilly.”
Tilly’s breath stuck in her throat. Did they think she could help them with that? The memory of the pain she’d experienced last time she’d tried was still vivid in her mind. “Oh no,” she said, shaking her head. “I can’t do food magic.”
Cal grinned. “Don’t worry. I’ll do that part. I just need you to do the actual work.”
He looked at her so warmly that she forgot her fear. Maybe nothing would happen. Maybe it would be fine.
And it was fine at first. Tilly followed the recipe Cal laid out for her, little rice balls using a thick mascarpone cheese sauce to make a delicious soft centre. Simple enough, and Tilly worked through it with ease, chopping and slicing the vegetables and cheese, preparing the rice.
Cal came back as she was stirring the soft white cheese mixture and leaned over the bowl to take a sniff. “Hmmm, that smells so good. Did you add something else to it?”
Tilly blinked. She’d snuck some more spices into the mixture, convinced she could enhance the flavor just a little. She nodded reluctantly.
Cal smiled at her. “It smells delicious.”
“Thanks.”
“Now if you’ll step aside, I’ll just weave a little of our magic into the mixture. We want to make sure they love our food, right?”
Tilly’s whole body tensed. Everything inside her fought against what he was about to do. “Maybe you don’t need to. It tastes pretty good.” Her voice wavered as she fought to suppress her panic. She didn’t know what would happen if he did the magic next to her, and she didn’t want to find out.
Cal frowned at her, his sharp eyes picking up her distress. “Are you okay, Tilly? You look a little pale.”
“I’m fine. I just don’t need you ruining my recipe with your stupid magic.” She spoke more sharply than she intended, and Cal’s stiffening body told her she’d offended him.
“It’s my kitchen, Tilly, and I’ll do what I like,” he said, stepping in front of the bowl and stirring the mixture with the wooden spoon. Tilly could feel the power gathering like an invisible mini-thunderstorm that melted into the food through the very air they breathed. It called to her, and without warning, her magic stirred in answer. Tendrils of her power reached out to Cal and tried to expand on what he was doing, to make it bigger and stronger.
As her power surged toward Cal’s, a terrible pain radiated out over her whole body, like sharp nails piercing her skin in a thousand different places, both inside and out. She tried to fight it, tried to push away the pain, but it just kept getting worse, the nails hammering into her body so hard it felt like she must be bleeding from every pore.
Tilly reached out to Cal, intending to tell him to stop, but a giant wave of pain washed over her, making her gasp in agony. She staggered to one side, putting out her hand to catch the metal bench top to break her fall. Her vision blurred, and she missed the edge of the bench, her body collapsing under her. Her head hit the metal, pain flared… then nothing.
CHAPTER SEVEN
She woke slowly, keeping her eyes shut as she tried to work out where she was. She could hear voices arguing in the background, maybe in another room. Cal’s she recognized, and others seemed familiar, but she couldn’t immediately place them. Then Garth spoke up and Viktor as well. They were fighting over her, she knew, even though she couldn’t quite make out the words. Her fingers found a knitted bedspread, and she realized she was back in her room at Cal’s house.
“You’ve been out for a while now, love.”
The quiet voice made Tilly jump. Cal’s mom.
Tilly turned her head slowly and opened her eyes. She knew it was going to hurt, but she did it anyway. Mrs. Flyers had always been good to her. She was a little crazy, but Tilly had appreciated that because she was crazy in a kind, warm, good way, not in a mean, sharp way like Tilly’s mother.
“Hey, Mrs. Flyers,” she croaked out, the stinging pain behind her eyelids making her blink a few times.
Cal’s mother was sitting on an armchair next to the bed.
“What have you gotten yourself into this time, Tilly? You’re causing quite a fuss in the next room.” Nodding her grey-blond head in the direction of the voices, she smiled sympathetically at Tilly.
Tilly glanced again toward the door and tried to think. Her brain was stuffy, would be for a while. What could she say that would cover this? She couldn’t even begin to sort it out in her head.
“I don’t know what you mean.” She improvised desperately from where she lay, still too weak to even sit up.
“Oh, love, they already know something is up. You’ve got some rather vicious curse magic clinging to you. That much has become obvious. They’re out there trying to decide how to deal with you. There’s some that want to throw you out right here and now. We can’t afford to take risks right now. You’re lucky that boy of mine still has a spark for you, because he’s defending you like he’s the last lawyer of the only innocent client left in the world.” Eyes the same color as Cal’s sharpened on Tilly. “He better not be making a mistake.”
Tilly wanted to shake her head, to say of course he wasn’t, that she was pure and good and kind. But in her weakened state, with Mrs. Flyers watching her with a mother’s concern for her son, she couldn’t do it. She was a spy, sent here to find out information that could be used to destroy them all. They should throw her out.
They shouldn’t just throw her out; they should ban her forever, make her an outcast, just like she deserved. At that thought, a single salty tear spilled from her eye and trickled down her face. Another followed, and Tilly didn’t even try to stop their path. She deserved everything they decided to do to her. Cal needed to know what kind of person she’d become, how she’d been helping the wrong people. He’d been right to hate her when she first arrived. Maybe not for the reason he’d thought, but that didn’t matter.
“Tell me, love. What is it?”
Tilly shook her head. “I can’t.”
“Don’t be afraid. We can help you.” Mrs. Flyers reached over and put one warm hand on Tilly’s where it lay on the blanket.
Tilly stiffened. “No, you can’t. Not with this.” She pulled her hand away and closed her eyes.
With a sigh, Cal’s Mom stood. “If you decide to trust me, I’m here.”
Tilly squeezed her eyes, trying to block out the image of those kind eyes, that familiar face. The door opened, and she heard Cal saying, “You can’t do that. It’s not right,” before it closed again and muffled the noise.
A sob hitched in her chest, and Tilly tried not to think about the consequences of being banned from the Carnival. It was the one place she’d been happy. She’d kept the memories as a refuge against the despair her life had become. And there had always been the small sliver of hope in a corner of her mind that maybe the Carnival could help her. That she and Kitten could somehow escape from their mother and Veronica, leaving behind the curse magic that followed them around, and come to the Carnival for refuge. If that hope were gone, she would be lost, adrift in the world.
She’d destroyed the last safe port in her life.
A sob curled its way up her throat and escaped her lips. Her body twitched as she tried to stop the flow of tears.
What was Veronica going to say when Tilly arrived back in L.A. empty-handed? Despite the phone call with her mother, and Daphne’s confidence that she’d found a crack in the armor, Tilly really didn’t think she’d found out anything important. A small part of her was secretly pleased that she didn’t have anything useful to tell them. Another part was terrified. Veronica knew how to exact her revenge. The thought made her fingers curl on her bedspread. She would figure out a way to get Kitten out. She had to.
She twitched again, and Tilly finally realized it was more than an agitated reaction to her thoughts. The second part of this torture was about to begin. She wanted to call out to them, to warn them about her imminent fit. But then perha
ps this was what she deserved. She was here as a spy, an interloper abusing their trust. The first spasms rocked her and Tilly leaned into it, pushing the muscle spasms out across her body. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and she felt nothing for a while.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The next time she awoke, she was in a small white room in what could only be Madison County Hospital. Cal sat next to her on an uncomfortable-looking chair, his neck crooked awkwardly, his eyes closed. A faint snore emerged from his mouth. Tilly smiled and used the moment to drink in his features. Solid, good, familiar. But also so sexy it hurt. She would miss him when she left.
“Good to see you’re awake, girl. Now we can talk.”
Tilly’s head whipped around as the rough voice from the other side of her bed spoke. She saw Viktor’s grizzled features and smiled. She should have felt fear because the Thrillmaster was notoriously grumpy and impatient. If anyone were going to throw her out, it would be him. But after Cal and Garth, she loved Viktor best.
“Hey, Viktor. Long time no see,” she said softly.
“You’ve gotten yerself into another fine mess, ain’t cha, girl? Some things never change.” His fuzzy eyebrows drew together and he frowned down at her.
It didn’t matter. He’d always looked at her that way, and Tilly had always loved him for it. “I attract trouble,” she said. “You always told me that.”
“And now you’ve gone and got your power tied up in knots,” he said.
She nodded, not sure what else to say. There was no point denying it now.
“There’s someone who can help you. But you can’t say anythin’ nasty, because she’s only agreed to help if you agree to bein’ nice.”
Tilly frowned, trying to understand what he was saying. Who could he be talking about? Someone she wouldn’t want to be nice to? There was only one person she could think of. “Digger?” she said. “You’re going to make me take help from her?”
“Her name is Indigo, Tilly. And she’s the only one who knows enough ‘bout this kinda thing to help you.” Viktor spoke softly but with a reprimand Tilly knew she would have to obey.
“How can she help me?” Tilly had a hard time imagining Digger being able to help anyone. She’d been annoying and uncoordinated as a kid.
“She’s the librarian now. Has been for a few years. She can look at this block you’ve got, try to set you free.”
“Set me free?” said Tilly weakly.
Viktor nodded. “Your abilities are tied up like a Christmas turkey. Indigo is gonna see if she can git the block out.”
Tilly tried to reconcile her image of Digger, her long, messy plait and big glasses that enlarged her eyes to gigantic proportions, to the stern and menacing librarian they’d known when they were kids. She couldn’t do it. “You’re kidding, right?”
Viktor frowned down at her. “That’s the kinda thing I’m talkin’ ‘bout, girl. You be nice to her or she’s gonna walk outta here, and you’re goin’ to be on yer own. Milton’s already baying for your blood.”
Tilly’s face paled. If Milton was back, she was in real trouble. He’d been right up to his eyeballs in the curse magic with her mother. “I thought…” Milton was supposed to be practically in a coma, had been for a long time.
“He’s here, and he’s been telling us a few stories about your mother, Tilly. We know what they tried to do.”
Tilly swallowed. She tried to sort through all the terrible things her mother had done, to figure out the one thing Viktor was talking about. If it was to do with Milton, it must have something to do with the Gift. Then she remembered. Milton wouldn’t know about the death of his wife, but he would be upset about their pact over the position of Giftmaster. That was, after all, why they’d run all those years ago. “That was a long time ago,” she said with a sigh, wishing she had the nerve to tell him the really bad stories about her mother. “Milton was an alcoholic. He didn’t deserve to be Giftmaster.”
“Neither did your mother. Milton’s been pretty much out of it since around that time. It’s all like yesterday to him, and he’s upset you’re here.”
Tilly nodded. “Okay, I’ll be nice to Digger.” She had to let them try.
“Indigo.” Viktor reminded her as he stood using both hands on the arms of the chair to push himself up and went to open the door.
A tall, elegant woman in a pencil skirt and cream shirt walked into the room. Her hair was held off her face in a French twist, and her face was calm and composed. She looked nothing like the old Digger and nothing like the rest of the Carnival folk.
Tilly tried to keep her face blank, but some of her thoughts must have leaked out into her expression.
“If you’re going to look at me like that, Tillemina Shaw, I’m going to turn around and walk back out,” Indigo said softly. Her eyes were hazel, and they glared at her from the serenity of her face. She glanced over Tilly’s shoulder. “Hi, Cal.”
Tilly turned to see that Cal was watching the proceedings with his dark-blue eyes. She turned away, afraid to see the condemnation she expected from him.
“Can you help me?” she asked.
Indigo nodded. “I can. But I don’t have to. They’ve said it’s entirely at my discretion.”
Tilly swallowed over the lump in her throat. “I’ll be nice.” Her heart ached at the thought of being able to use her magic again. Of getting rid of the block they’d placed inside her.
Indigo came over to the bed and grasped Tilly’s hands in her long fingers. She closed her eyes. Tilly watched her face closely, trying to see something that would tell her if she could get her hopes up.
“There’s definitely something blocking her, like we thought. I need another connection to the Carnival for support. Cal, can you come over and hold Tilly’s hand for me?”
Tilly resented the familiarity in Indigo’s voice when she spoke to Cal. He used to call her Digger just like she did. What had happened?
She was so busy being annoyed that she wasn’t prepared for the moment Cal’s big, warm hand curled itself around her smaller one. Her fingers twitched as electricity zinged up her arm. It felt so good, and it terrified her. Instinctively, she tried to pull away, but his fingers tightened around hers. She glanced up into his face. His expression was grim but determined, and his eyes never left hers. She stopped struggling.
“Viktor, you might have to do it as well. On her leg.”
Viktor moved from where he was standing next to the doorway and, pulling up the blanket, touched Tilly’s bare foot.
“Stay still and concentrate on your bond,” ordered Indigo.
Tilly had a sudden thought. “Is this going to hurt?” she said. Remembered pain flashed through her head and pinpricks of fear ignited over her body. She wasn’t ready to go through that quite so soon.
Indigo paused and opened her eyes. “I have no idea. Pay attention to your reactions so you can tell me about them afterward.” Then she closed her eyes again and continued on as if Tilly hadn’t even spoken.
Tilly was stunned. If Indigo wanted to know her reactions, that meant… she hadn’t actually ever done this before. She was using Tilly as a damn guinea pig! Tilly tried to drag her hands away, but both Cal and Indigo must have been expecting it because they both held on tight.
A faint buzzing noise distracted Tilly, and she paused, shaking her head to clear it. The noise became louder and louder, until it began to hurt. Tilly tried to cover her ears, only to remember her hands were being firmly held by Indigo and Cal. She couldn’t pull them free.
“It hurts,” she said, half moaning.
“Just stick with it, Tilly.” Cal spoke for the first time.
Panicked, Tilly glanced at Cal, silently begging him to release her hand. His stony expression told her she wouldn’t get help from him.
She closed her eyes, and suddenly, she was somewhere different. Bright light and shadows filled her vision. Cloudlike wisps of substance floated around the edges. Three almost identical glowing figures stood beside her, and in
the distance, she saw an angry red ball of light humming discordantly. She was inside her Carnival mindscape.
Tilly couldn’t speak, but she knew the three indistinct figures were Indigo, Cal, and Viktor, all somehow here with her inside her mind. It hurt to look at the angry red light, but that wasn’t the worst part of being here.
Tilly took another panicked breath and glanced around. There was no way to hide anything in this place; her secrets were laid bare. What if they saw something that showed them exactly what kind of person she’d become? It was one thing for them to guess, to imagine, but entirely another for them to see her tainted and ugly insides.
One of the figures strode off toward the red light, probably Indigo. The other two hovered around Tilly. She recognized Cal on her left by the feel of warm honey scented with sweet spices that emanated from him even in this strange Carnival mindscape. His presence soothed her, and she managed a deep, calming breath.
The other figure, Viktor, she assumed, moved away slightly, as if he were examining the area. Looking into her dirty little secrets. Tilly tried to move, wanting to stop him, but she was rooted to the spot, unable to wander about as the others could.
The buzzing noise increased again. It was starting to hurt her ears, and in the distance, Tilly could see Indigo standing next to the ball of light that was the center of all the pain she felt. It was vibrating unpleasantly, making the ground under their feet rumble and shake, until it rocked them where they stood. Cal’s glowing figure moved to stand closer, his light overlapping hers. A warm feeling soothed her, and she took deeper breaths as she waited to see what Indigo would do.
Suddenly, a painful screech filled her ears. The red light that had been visible only in the distance now coated them all in its bloodied color.
Tilly screamed.
Instead of being contained in that one small section of her mind, the malignant red light was everywhere, inserting itself into every small and large thought inside her head, holding on to her dreams and her fears, attaching itself to her secrets and her memories. It became everything, and she became nothing.