Her First Game

by Suzanne Hart

  My eyes were watering, watching him break down like that. I couldn’t even pick a side; the story was so sad. I didn’t want to hurt him. Suddenly, it was that much harder to say the words I could no longer hold back. But he continued.

  “She had been with him for a year. She asked for the divorce after that. No more point in trying.”

  I let out a slow breath. “I’m so sorry.”

  He cleared his throat and took another sip of his wine. “So, why did you ask?”

  I bit my lip, the lump in my throat wouldn’t go away. Those words held me in their grip, silencing me. “I’m sorry.”

  His eyes bore into me. “Tell me what you have to say.”

  “Marianne’s my agent.”

  It was his turn to have a lump in his throat. “Does she know?”

  I lowered my gaze, my own plate becoming blurry behind my tears. “I dunno…” I murmured.

  He slammed his fist against the table, standing up, repeating himself. “Does she know?”

  When I looked up at him, my quiet, thin tears broke through. “Maybe. She asked me, directly.”

  “And you lied.” He started pacing, his hand on his hip.

  “Yes.”

  There was a pause as he turned, his back to me.

  “What’s going on?”

  “I’m thinking.”

  I stood up, walking towards him, my heart pounding in my chest. I could feel that inevitable and dreaded decision pressing against my forehead. It was happening now and there was nothing I could do about it. “About what?”

  But he didn’t say anything.

  I had to know what he was thinking. “About what?”

  He turned to look at me, turning the full force of his gaze on me. “About how to tell you to give up everything for me.”

  I blinked, taken aback at this. I couldn’t believe it. He just told me about all those mistakes he made and about how he could never love a woman who risked everything for him. But now, here we were. “How can you even do that?”

  He came to me, holding both of my shoulders. “I need you.”

  “But what about my career?”

  He kissed my forehead. “We’ll figure it out.”

  But would we?

  Chapter Nine

  There was a mid-shooting recess for a week. I took the time to stay away from everything, especially David. Somehow, this whole thing had gotten away from me. I needed a moment to gather myself. Marianne had Jessica give me the manuscripts she had mentioned earlier and was on strict orders not to bother me again until I had a clear decision on which one I wanted to pursue.

  So I had a break from both of them. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, even now. And having these massive manuscripts sitting on my Ikea desk, staring at me, daring me to throw away the opportunity of a lifetime, wasn’t helping. I sat up from where I had been laying in my bed, rubbing the sleep out my eyes. I could hear my son’s voice down the hall.

  I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and went to get John.

  I could feel my body was much lighter as I picked my son up and headed to the kitchen. A smile played on my lips as I watched him rub his eyes, his little lips pursed, unintelligible murmurs coming out.

  I flipped the television on the celebrity news channel.

  Laila Laila Laila Laila.

  What could they possibly be talking about? But my answer came soon enough. There it was, a picture of David and I on his private island. Me on the beach, in my one-piece with my book, and him fishing, naked.

  I slunk into the nearest chair, my head spinning, my stomach lurching. A cold sweat rose on my skin as I kept listening to those damning words. Marianne would have already seen this.Then, like clockwork, there was a ring on my phone.

  Jessica.

  “Hey Laila, I’m gonna put you through to Marianne. Are you ready?”

  “No?”

  But she did it anyway. “I told you I would find out eventually.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “How do you think we got that photo?”

  “We?”

  “Laila, I despise liars.” She snapped.

  My life literally flashed before my eyes. “I didn’t-“

  “Please do not make the horrendous mistake of trying to defend yourself.”

  I nodded, realizing after the fact that she wouldn’t even see it.

  “You need to call him and you need to end it with him. ASAP. Once you have done that, call me and I will have you meet with my publicist so that you can release a public statement. You won’t have done that before. You’ll need the help.”

  “M-“

  But she hung up.

  I stood in my kitchen, struggling to grasp what had just happened. The whole world was talking about my love life, and it sickened me. After five minutes of standing there, my mind empty, my heart throbbing, I decided I needed a walk to clear my thoughts.

  But as I started to gather my things and get John ready, I could hear the noise from outside.There was a buzz of activity just outside the door and a strange chatter. As I walked down the long hallway, my eyes glazed over, I could see that the people right outside of my door were paparazzi.

  I froze in my place. I had actually dreamed of this for as long as I could remember. All of those people right out there, willing to chase me for a photograph, my face so valuable it would pay someone’s rent. I had dreamed of being that important, that powerful. I just never took into account that it likely wouldn’t have anything to do with my work. I hadn’t taken into account that David was the only reason they gave a shit about me.

  I kept walking, but slower this time, reveling in this moment. I opened the door, and the noise came bursting through the hallway, the lights blinding, the words reaching me as snippets. I could barely make out anyone voice to respond to it. Faces flashed in front of me, eyes wide, lips yapping open and shut, the camera flashing. My head spun as I stood there, feeling less like a star and more like prey. My stomach lurched over and over, with each camera flash making me feel more and more nauseous.

  I had been out there for almost a minute before I stepped backwards, slamming the door in their face. But the world kept spinning. My mouth watered with the upcoming bile threatening to break free. I rushed past my son, who sat in his high chair, to the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before the entire contents of my stomach came bursting through.

  I heaved out my insides and all the thoughts with it. As my body hunched, lurching everything out, I felt my mind clearing with it. As my throat burned from the expulsion of everything inside of me, I could sense a kind of peace.

  I sat up and flushed the toilet, resting my tired head against the wall.

  Chapter Ten

  I took another shower and got back in bed. As I cuddled with John, I stared at my phone, watching all the texts come in from my childhood and college friends. The manuscripts were burning a hole in my desk, my curiosity bothering me. But in order to pick them up, I would need to make a decision about what I was going to do, about how I was going to be honest with myself if I were to give up everything I had worked for, for a man.

  I was reading a notification of a text from my high school boyfriend asking about “How have I been,” when my phone lit up with a call from David. I couldn’t deny the relief that filled my body at the thought of hearing his voice. “Hello?”

  ”Laila,” The sound of his voice put a smile on my face.

  “How are you, love?”

  “Terrible.”

  “I thought so.”

  “Actually, I have to tell you something.”

  “No, wait. Don’t do this over the phone.”

  “David, it’s ripping me apart.”

  “Please just meet me at Clara’s house before you say anything.”

  “David I-“

  “I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.” With that, he hung up the phone.

  I sat there in my own silence for a short moment longer before taking an elevator down to the
garage and sneaking John and I out of my own apartment in a Jeep.

  ***

  I rang the doorbell, still not sure of what I would say when it opened.

  Clara answered, catching me off guard. “Hello, Laila.” She glanced at me, then smiled at him. “Hello, you!” Her eyes went wide as she reached for him. “You can meet him in the study.” She stepped aside for me to get in, then went in the opposite direction towards the kitchen, cooing at John the whole time.

  I shut the door and wandered through the first floor of the house, trying to remember from the party, where I had seen it before. Finally, I came across a set of glass double doors, my David sitting behind a desk.

  He looked up when he saw me, a smile spreading across his face. “There you are.”

  I sucked in a deep breath as I entered and embraced him. His kiss was like oxygen, supporting the life inside of me, nourishing me. How could I ever let this go? I wrapped my arms around his neck, closing my eyes as he kissed my chin, my throat, my shoulder. I tugged on his ear with my teeth, took in the smell of his hair, let my body melt in his. “I missed you so much.”

  “I know. I missed you too.”

  He kissed me more, his tongue jutting into my mouth, my body coming to life with desire, my skin calling to him. He guided me towards the couch his hands finding their way into my elastic shorts, my hands finding their way to his crotch. There he was, throbbing in my grip. I needed to have him.

  I mounted him, gazing down at him as I slipped my t-shirt off and pressed him into me. He clutched my waist as I rode him, the seat of his legs warming my inner thighs. I clutched his shoulders, his chest, glared at him, with desire, kissed him, bit him. All the while, his fingertips pressing into every bit of my body, holding me, possessing me.

  He turned over, covering me in himself. I felt caged by him, trapped inside of him, yet fully free. How could I let that go?

  We fucked and fucked and fucked.

  Time got away from me as I came again and again.

  Then, with one final thrust, he filled me with his seed, collapsing on top of me. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, holding him closer and tighter. How could I end it after this? “I have no idea what to do, David. Tell me what to do.”

  He buried his face in my chest. “I’m falling in love with you.”

  My heart expanded, filling my chest, making it impossible to breathe. “Me too, David. But that doesn’t help.”

  “What if I told you I wanted you to leave Marianne?”

  I had to tread lightly. “I would tell you; you’re unbelievably selfish.”

  “But what if you could leave her without giving anything up?” He lifted his head, gazing at me.

  “How is that possible?”

  “I have contacts.” He hovered on top of me, showering me in his gaze.

  I sat up on my elbows. “What are you suggesting?”

  “I have about five manuscripts coming up that I know you could fit into. And if you do this movie like I know you can, we can find you a new agent. I need one too.”

  I blinked. “You would do that? You would risk your entire reputation on me?”

  He kissed me, the most natural thing in the world. “I would do anything for you.”

  I held him close, knowing I felt the same way.

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