Need You (Unrequited #1)

by Charlotte J Cowan

  Other days I felt furious—angry at them but mad at myself for even caring. Those days I spent running and working out instead of eating. I ran out my frustrations at myself for being so pathetic that I still cared about him and I punched out my anger at them for doing something so heartless to someone they were supposed to care about.

  But the bookstore was my saving grace. I loved being surrounded by books and the Romanovs were beautiful people. I spent my days cleaning and cataloguing the novels, and helping customers. When there was nothing to do, I got to curl up on the couch with a cup of tea and read. I couldn’t ask for a better place to work.

  The money I earned from working nearly every day was unbelievable. Within two weeks, I completely made over my wardrobe. Gone were the polo shirts and floral dresses to be replaced only with clothes I felt comfortable wearing.

  I dyed my hair as well. I decided it was better to go back to my natural dark brown instead of the platinum blonde Christina had talked me into years ago.

  “We can be twins. It’ll be great,” she’d said. Yeah, I didn’t want to be her twin any longer. I wanted as much distance between us as possible in a town as small as Blackhill.

  It was a slow day, so I was curled up on the sofa re-reading The Outsiders, one of my favourite books, when the bell above the door alerted me to a customer. Placing my bookmark in, I made my way to the counter and waited to see if they needed help. I was busying myself with putting away stray books when I heard his voice.

  “Mrs R? Hello?” he called. “Excuse me? Can you help me with something?” he asked.

  I froze. No way. He can’t be in here. Can he? I thought I had imagined things.

  “Excuse me?” his voice called again. I didn’t want to turn around but I had to. If he was a customer, then I needed to put on my big girl panties and face him. I hadn’t seen him since that day the road trip from hell finally ended.

  Taking a deep breath, I turned around slowly hoping the voice belonged to someone else. But it didn’t. It was him. I stared at him in shock, still unsure why he was there. He was looking at me the same way.

  “Bailey?” He furrowed his eyebrows and stepped closer to me. I nodded and bit my lip unsure of what else to say. The last time I had seen him, I wasn’t exactly a model of self-control.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” he asked, sounding as surprised as I felt at seeing him in there of all places. A bookstore. The last place I’d ever imagine him stepping foot inside.

  “I work here. Why are you here, Ryder? This is the last place I’d expect to see you.” I started fidgeting with the books on the shelves next to me to keep from looking at him.

  “I like to read.” I felt him staring at me. “You look different. I like the hair.” He reached across and flicked a few strands of my newly dark locks before letting his eyes slowly drag down my body.

  “Uhm, thanks. I needed the change,” I muttered uncomfortably. I didn’t know how to react to him staring at me the way he was. He had never paid me this much attention before. No one had. Except for Chace, and that ended wonderfully.

  “Well, you look hot. Chace is gonna piss himself when he sees you next. Christina’s got nothin’ on you,” he told. I felt my lips curl into a small smile, making Ryder grin a heart-stopping smile that showed off his beautiful dimples that I’d somehow never noticed before. He knew just what to say.

  “Bet you don’t smile too often lately cos of that douche, huh?” he whispered. I shook my head in response wondering why he was there and why he was talking to me. I hadn’t spoken to him since the day he picked me up. I’d shut myself off from the world and by the time I’d ventured back out into reality, I thought it was too late. I felt terrible for ignoring him after he’d gone out of his way to bring me home when I was upset.

  “So, you decided to show them you don’t need them?” It took me a moment to realise what he was talking about.

  “Yeah, I realised you were right. I don’t want them to know how much I’m hurting. I want them to see that I don’t care. Maybe if I can convince them, I will convince myself too. So, what can I help you with?”

  “That’s good. You shouldn’t waste your time moping over him of all people. He’s a dick,” Ryder said. I burst out laughing.

  “Yes, he is.” I nodded. It felt good to be able to laugh with someone.

  “If you really wanna show them you don’t care and that you’re happy, you need to move on, get yourself another boyfriend. It will kill him to see you happy with someone else. Trust me.” He smirked, raising an eyebrow. I wasn’t sure about that. Chace had never really been the jealous type and if he’d cared, he wouldn’t have dumped me for Christina. Besides, I was still hurting and wasn’t sure I trusted anyone else yet. How could I trust anyone with my heart when the two most important people in my life had betrayed me?

  “I’m not ready for a new relationship. You make it sound so easy. Like going to the store and buying a new one.” I shook my head at him. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t find a boyfriend that quickly. Against my better judgment, I still loved Chace.

  “It is that easy,” he said, biting the ring through the side of his bottom lip.

  “Yeah, for you. A walking sex god.” He raised a pierced eyebrow and chuckled.

  “Sex god?”

  “Oh! Did I say that out loud?” I asked, my cheeks heating up. I ducked my head in embarrassment.

  “Yes, you did. Glad to know you think I’m so hot. I’ll help you with the boyfriend thing. As I said at the end of the year, I want to make him suffer just as much as you have, if not more.”

  “Why?” I looked up at him. His eyes clouded over before he shook his head as though to clear an unwanted thought.

  “I have my reasons. Just know I’m more than happy to help you.”

  “You’ll help me? How?” I asked, still wondering why he wanted to make Chace suffer so much. What had Chace done to make Ryder so hell-bent on revenge?

  It was common knowledge that Chace and Ryder used to be best mates but a month or so before Chace and I started dating, Ryder left town for months. No one knew where he’d gone or why. But when he came back, he was totally different. The Ryder who was kind, clean cut and quiet left Blackhill and returned as the bad boy Ryder who was standing in front of me. He and Chace had hated each other ever since and no one knew why. How could they go from being best friends to enemies so easily?

  “How about a little payback?” he asked with a mischievous look in his eyes.

  “Payback?”

  “Yeah, you know, give karma a little helping hand.” He turned and strutted—not walked, strutted—to the sofa in the middle of the shop. I followed slowly.

  “And how do you propose we do that?” I asked, taking a seat next to him.

  “I’ll be your boyfriend,” he said, looking at me as if I was stupid. What? Why would he do that? It made no sense. Apparently sensing my confusion, he reached out and touched my shoulder.

  “Nothing would piss him off more than seeing you with me. He hates me,” he said, shrugging like it was no big deal. “Look. No pressure. We can pretend to be in a relationship at school and school events, make him think you’re over him.”

  He wanted to act. And if I was honest with myself, it sounded like a good idea. I was just angry enough to want to piss Chace off and I knew how much he hated Ryder. Everyone did. But I was worried about Ryder’s reputation with the girls. He was known for not doing relationships. When I asked him that, his answer made perfect sense.

  “All the more reason for me to be your boyfriend. You’ll be the girl that caught Ryder Jones, the girl to tame the player, and all that rubbish. Chace will hate that.” Ryder kicked a foot up on the coffee table and relaxed back into the cushions. “As for the girls I’ll be missing out on, they don’t compare to seeing Chace’s face every day when I walk into school with you on my arm. I can live without the girls, Bailey. It’s not like I give a damn about any of them. They just relieve the boredom. What do you say
? Be my fake girlfriend?”

  How could I argue with that logic and refuse those green eyes?

  “Okay,” I agreed. My fate was sealed.

  V.

  “Favourite colour?”

  “Seriously, Ryder?” We were sitting in the kitchen of the bookshop coming up with a story for when we returned to school.

  “Yes, Bailey. You wanna sell this story, or what?” He rolled his eyes and stood up to make another cup of tea. “Mine is black.”

  “Black’s not a colour,” I argued with him.

  “Fine. Orange then. I like orange.” He shrugged and continued brewing tea.

  “Purple.” I sighed and buried my head in my arms. I couldn’t believe we were playing twenty-questions so that we could make this fake relationship seem real.

  “Favourite food?” He turned and set a cup of tea down in front of me and waited patiently for me to reply.

  “Ah,” I groaned. “Come on. This is stupid. No one is going to ask if we know each other’s favourite colours, foods, books, lucky numbers, star signs or any of that, Ryder. All they will want to know is how long we’ve been dating. Trust me.” He couldn’t honestly think people were going to care that much about us, could he?

  “Food. Star sign. I didn’t think of that.” Ryder’s eyes widened. “Okay, I love burgers, my star sign is Aquarius, my lucky number is twenty-three—it’s the number on my soccer jersey—I like cars, girls. Well, I did like girls until I met you.” Ryder winked at me. “Now I only like you.”

  “Laying it on a bit thick there, don’t you think?” I laughed.

  “I’m a professional. Now you tell me about you.”

  “Mashed potatoes, Aries, [AL3] fifteen,” I stated, unenthusiastically.

  “And what else?” Ryder fiddled with the mug in his hands.

  “Nothing. I don’t like anything else. Books maybe.”

  “Me, Bailey. You’re supposed to say me.” He smirked.

  “Fine. You too.”

  “No one is ever going to believe you. I’m going to have to pull off this entire fake relationship by myself.” He shook his head slowly.

  “Sorry. It’s just weird. I’m not even sure it’s a good idea to pretend,” I told him truthfully. I was having doubts about being able to pull this relationship off and whether it would even do anything to remotely make Chace regret his actions. I doubted it.

  “You wanna back out? Break up with me now?” He pouted.

  “No, I just…I don’t know. It’s all too confusing. Can we not try so hard? Just let it unfold naturally?”

  “Okay, sure. But we do need to know the answer to one question. How long have we been dating?”

  “Easy. Since last week when you asked me to be your fake girlfriend.” I told him, as I stood up to put our empty cups in the sink.

  “Okay, cool.” Ryder sighed and leant back in his chair.

  “What?” I walked back over to the table and stood beside him. He peeled one eye open and looked at me.

  “What are we going to do now?”

  “Well… I have work to do. You know, out there.” I waved my hand in the direction of the shop. “Don’t you have plans, or friends, or something?”

  “Nope. Not today.” He grinned and I couldn’t help but smile back. He had one of those larger than life contagious smiles that just sucked you in every time. “Today I’m hanging with my girlfriend.” He jumped out of the chair and pressed a kiss to my cheek before running out of the kitchen leaving me standing there dumbstruck. He kissed me. Granted, it was my cheek. But still, Ryder freaking Jones kissed me. I ran out there after him and found him lying on the sofa with a book in his hands.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I asked.

  “Reading, Bailey. You know, that thing you do when you open a book and let your eyes flow over the pages. It’s quite relaxing. Wanna try it?” I had the urge to throw a book at him. He was being a smart alec and trying to annoy me.

  “Not what I meant, Ryder.” I folded my arms over my chest.

  “Ah, hanging with my girlfriend like a real boyfriend does,” he answered uncertainly. I rolled my eyes.

  “We’re not dating. It’s fake,” I reminded him.

  “So we gotta get in some practice, otherwise no one will believe us when school goes back. What’s your point, Bailey?”

  “Why’d you kiss me?”

  “Seriously?” he asked, before bursting into laughter, tears running uncontrollably down his face. He had to roll over and hold his stomach from laughing so hard. I didn’t think it was funny. “That’s what you’re worried about?”

  I didn’t say anything. I just waited silently for him to get himself sorted and answer me.

  “It was barely a kiss. My lips hardly touched your cheek,” he said. He pushed his body upright and stood and stalked toward me.

  I panicked. My heart was beating out of my chest. My palms were sweating. Why is he walking toward me and looking at me like that? I backed into the bookshelves and Ryder stopped in front me. He placed his hands on the shelves beside my head and caged me in. I was trapped.

  “Want to know what a real kiss feels like?” he whispered, letting his lips touch my ear lightly. I shivered and closed my eyes. No, I do not want to know what it feels like. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed. He didn’t budge from my efforts but he did step back chuckling.

  “Relax, Bailey. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. But you’re going to have to get used to me being close if you want Chace to believe this thing.”

  He was right, of course. No one was going to believe we were in a relationship if I freaked out every time Ryder went near me. Luckily, we had a few days to work on it before school went back.

  VI.

  I was scared. So very scared. Terrified even. My stomach was twisted into knots and I was on the verge of throwing up all day.

  It was the day before school returned and I didn’t want to go because it would mean facing them. I had managed to avoid them for most of the summer since they were away for half of it and I had been holed up in the bookstore getting comfortable with Ryder for the last few days.

  I couldn’t even bring myself to say their names for fear of breaking down. I had been doing great over the last week, mainly because of Ryder. When I didn’t have to see them, I could ignore the pain. It was easy to forget the humiliation and the betrayal but that was about to change. I was getting myself ready for my first day back.

  I could no longer hide behind my books or spend hours punching my anger out at the gym. I had to go to school and face everything and everyone I’d been trying so hard to ignore and avoid. I would walk in there as the new me. The real me…with a fake boyfriend and a fake smile masking my hurt. I would show them I didn’t need them and they hadn’t broken me. I would be happy and carefree and enjoy myself.

  I hoped.

  My phone buzzed on the side table as I was searching through all the new clothes in my closet for something to wear.

  Ryder: Pick u up in the a.m. B.

  My stomach dropped at the sight of the B and I felt cold. That was the name Chace would always try to call me. I hated it when we were together and I still hated it after we’d broken up. How had I not mentioned it to Ryder before after we spent every day of the last week together?

  Okay, not a lot of it was spent talking because we were reading most of the time. It was weird how easy Ryder and I were around each other. Most days when I was working, he’d happily come and sit with the Romanovs or read quietly on the sofa. Then when I finished my work or if it was slow, I’d join him. We didn’t need to fill the silence with useless chatter and it was never uncomfortable. It was nice.

  Me: Ok. Don’t call me B. I hate it.

  I winced as I typed the B and hoped that would be the end of the conversation. It wasn’t.

  Ryder: Y? I need a nickname 4u. It’s what happens in relationships, right?

  I laughed at him having to question what happened in relationshi
ps like I knew any better than he did. My last one was my first and it didn’t end well.

  Me: Yes, I guess so. But not B. I just don’t like it. He used to try and call me B but I wouldn’t let him and he hated it.

  I tried to explain to Ryder why I hated B even more now but I wasn’t sure it made much sense. He liked pet names and would try B out every now and then to see if I’d come around to liking it. I didn’t. I’d ignore him and he’d get mad but eventually he stopped calling me it.

  Ryder: Sorry B, ;) suck it up. I’m still calling u that. Imagine how pissed he’s gonna b when u let me use his nickname and like it.

  I could imagine the devious grin on Ryder’s face as he typed that response.

  Ryder clearly had no problems ignoring my request or feelings. I groaned knowing he was right. It would drive Chace crazy to hear Ryder call me B but I still didn’t like it. I knew I was making a big deal out of it but it wasn’t my name. If my mother wanted to call me B, that’s what would be on my birth certificate, not Bailey. Maybe we could compromise.

  Me: Grrrr you win, only when he’s around though, then it’s Bailey.

  I agreed begrudgingly.

  Ryder: I can live with that. C u 2moro. We will make a big entrance ;)

  An entrance? Oh no! I didn’t want attention but if we were making a big entrance, we would certainly gain the attention of the entire school. Ryder always had the attention of the whole school. There would be enough focus on us as a couple as it was. We didn’t need to draw any more attention to ourselves. Why did I agree to a fake relationship with Ryder? Oh yeah, to get payback for my broken heart. It had better be worth it because I am already beginning to regret it.

  I finished picking out my outfit for the next day and set my alarm for the morning, needing to get up a little bit earlier to wash and style my hair. Calling out good night to my mother, I slipped my pyjamas on and climbed into bed. I pulled my psychedelic printed comforter up to my chin and buried my face in my pillows.

  It turned out that my style was a little more random and bright like my mother’s and a little edgy and cool. My room no longer looked like a Harvard dorm room but now fitted in with the rest of the house and my mother’s unique taste.