Need You (Unrequited #1)

by Charlotte J Cowan

  “Bailey” He mumbled my name into my neck before kissing the sensitive skin around my collarbone. “I need you. So bad.” My fingers found their way under his shirt, trailing across his stomach. Somewhere in that moment, I decided to give in to my feelings and let him know how I really felt. I needed him too.

  “Take me.” I gasped when I felt his teeth graze across the top of my shoulder. I slipped his jacket over his shoulders and tugged open his shirt. He sat forward and slid it off, throwing it somewhere in the backseat.

  “You sure?” He looked up at me seeking confirmation. I nodded my head and pressed my lips to his. That was all the confirmation he needed.

  “I’m yours,” I whispered.

  XXI.

  My mother was standing in the front yard talking to Mrs Gibbons, our elderly neighbour, when Ryder pulled into the driveway. Dammit. I had been hoping she’d be in her studio working on a new routine or something and I’d be able to sneak in without her noticing. No such luck. Her head whipped around in our direction as Ryder shut off the rumbling engine. I watched as she quickly said goodbye to Mrs Gibbons and walked toward us, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. Not a look I got to see too often on her features. I knew what she was thinking. She thought I had stayed at Indie’s last night after Prom. After Jayden had blown Indie off and I changed my mind about going, Indie had asked if I would stay at her place to make a proper girls’ night of it. That was the plan. Honestly. Till Ryder showed up and changed everything.

  I was late. Very late. And I was going to be in so much trouble. Yes, I knew my mother was kind of laid back and open minded and I was beyond lucky to have her but she still liked to be informed of what I was doing, when I was doing it, where I was doing it, and who I was doing it with. I hadn’t let her know that I’d be late home that day because I was spending it with Ryder. In my defence, I hadn’t expected any of that to occur. At all. Ever. Just thinking about what we were doing the night before right there in this car was enough to cause my cheeks to heat up.

  “You should go. Bye,” I said to Ryder as I opened the door and got out.

  “Bailey, wait for a—” But it was too late. I had cut him off by slamming the door the shut. The last thing I needed right then was him telling my mother what had happened or telling me that it should never have happened. I straightened up and turned to face my mother.

  “Bailey.” She raised a questioning eyebrow at me and glanced over my shoulder. “Ryder, it’s lovely to see you again. Glad you’re back.”

  “Glad to be back, Mrs Mitchell.” I was surprised to hear Ryder’s voice right behind me. Before I could turn to look at him, I felt his hand on my waist. “Sorry to bring Bailey home so late. I wanted to surprise her and we, uhm, just lost track of time,” he explained, pinching my waist slightly and making me squirm.

  “Yes, I assumed as much when I realised she was with you and not at Indie’s.” My mother smiled at him and glared at me. Shit. “Would you like to come in, Ryder? I am just about to start dinner.” I silently prayed that he’d say no.

  It wasn’t that I didn’t want him around. I did. But I needed to process things. I didn’t know what this meant for us. Everything about the previous night was perfect. He was perfect. But now that the excitement and relief at seeing him again had dimmed, I was beginning to second guess it all. Maybe we were just too caught up in the moment. Him coming home, the dance, being crowned King and Queen. I mean, it had been two months since we’d seen each other. What if he regretted it now?

  “Love to.” Ryder smiled as he nudged me toward the house.

  “So when did you get back?” My mother enquired as we followed her into the kitchen. I tried to suppress a cough and ended up choking, a blush creeping onto my cheeks again. I couldn’t answer the question.

  “You okay, love?” Ryder whispered in my ear, lips brushing against my neck as he soothingly rubbed my back. I shivered and felt him smile.

  “Yep, all right,” I said quickly. “Just need some water.”

  I jumped up from my stool avoiding the strange look my mother was shooting in my direction and filled a glass of water.

  “So you were telling me when you got home?” My mother asked again when I sat back down on the stool next to Ryder. I took another mouthful of water to prolong the inevitable and choked on that too. Would she believe that he surprised me at Prom, left me at Indie’s for the night and then picked me up this morning instead of me [AL31] knocking on Indie’s door at 7 a.m. after sleeping in Ryder’s car all night in the sticks and demanding clothes to wear for the day?

  “Bailey, are you sure you’re all right? You look very flustered,” my mother asked, concern etching her face. She reached a hand across the counter and felt my head for a fever. I swatted her away and leant back.

  “I’m all right.” I smiled at her and risked a glance at Ryder, who had a massive smirk on his face. He leant forward and rested an elbow on the counter top, his other hand wrapping around my back.

  “Got back last night. Surprised Bailey at the dance.” Damn it! He admitted the truth.

  “Uh-huh.” My mother gave me a look. I just tried to smile and pretend I hadn’t done anything wrong. “I thought Bailey was staying with Indie last night.”

  “I did.” I answered too fast. Her eyebrows shot up and she looked at Ryder.

  “She did. I picked her up for breakfast and we just spent the day together.” Lying came so easily to him. He could charm the pants off the Queen. The real Queen, not the Prom Queen…well, me too. “We were just driving and talking, catching up. Time kinda got away from us for a little bit there.” Ryder continued with such ease I briefly wondered how many times he had been in this situation previously but quickly shook that thought from my head. It would only depress me.

  Ryder shifted in his stool and angled his body toward me slightly. I jumped when I felt his hand slip under my shirt and begin tracing patterns on my lower back. I wriggled forward trying to get him to stop but he didn’t. I could see a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. He was enjoying this way too much.

  “Oh well, that’s good. Glad you got to spend some quality time together. Bailey dear, are you really sure you’re all right?” My mother asked again while Ryder’s fingers slowly moved higher up my back. My cheeks were burning hotter than ever before.

  “You look a little hot.” She tilted her head to the side and examined my face carefully. I tried to keep it impassive but it was kind of hard when I had one of Ryder’s hands tickling up my back toward my bra strap and the other hand now massaging my thigh. I was just thankful that my mother couldn’t see Ryder’s hands for the huge breakfast bar.

  “You’re right. I do feel a little warm,” I admitted, and used that as an excuse to stand up and take off my jacket. Ryder wouldn’t be able to touch me then because it would be much more noticeable without the coverage of my coat. I slowly shrugged my jacket off and placed it on the counter in front of me before sitting back down again.

  “Better?” Ryder asked.

  “Much.” I smiled at him and leant forward to watch my mother prepare dinner. Ryder’s hands were fidgeting in his lap now. I tried not to giggle at him. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and pulled his lip ring into his mouth—an action that had suddenly become a thousand times hotter than before.

  “Bailey, please tell me you didn’t wear your shirt inside out all day today, did you?” My mother’s voice tore my gaze from Ryder’s soft pink lips. I glanced down at my shirt and sure enough, it was inside out. Shoot. I’d dressed in such a hurry at Indie’s that I hadn’t noticed.

  “Uhm, well...” I looked at Ryder with wide eyes when I heard his sharp intake of breath and a choking noise coming from him. I shoved my glass of water in his direction and glared at him for a moment while he tried to compose himself. He failed and ended up laughing, which he then attempted to cover with another cough.

  “You two are acting very strange.” My mother’s eyes darted between the two of us. Uh-oh. “Bailey,
why is your top inside out?”

  “Ah. I dressed in the dark...” I said quickly, hoping she would believe me. I was a terrible liar.

  “Hmmm,” she responded, before she turned back to the vegetables she was preparing.

  Ryder had finally calmed down. He pulled his phone out of his pocket when it beeped with a text message. A frown appeared on his face as he quickly typed out a response.

  “Everything okay?” I asked him. He shook his head.

  “Uhm, no.” With his eyebrows pulled together, he grabbed my hand in his and apologised. “I’ve got to go. I’m sorry.” He stood up and apologised to my mother for bailing on dinner and headed toward the door with me following.

  “Can I help with anything?” I asked when we reached his car. The look on his face worried me. He looked sad and pissed off at the same time.

  “No. It’s just stuff I was dealing with while I was away.” I felt his lips press on my forehead. Something was off. “I’ll pick you up in the morning.”

  “I thought you’d dealt with everything,” I blurted out as he began to get in the car, stopping him midway. That was why he’d come back. He said he’d sorted everything out, yet now he was telling me there was more he had to deal with. Why him? Why now?

  “Not enough. I can’t explain now. But I will soon. I swear.” I nodded my head knowing I wouldn’t get any more of an explanation from him then and turned around to walk back inside wondering what was going through his mind. I had so many questions and couldn’t ask them because I knew he wouldn’t tell me.

  Why is he so reluctant to tell me what is going on? Is it because he doesn’t trust me? Is it that I don’t mean anything to him? Is he worried whatever it is will hurt me? Has he done something he knows will hurt me and he is trying to keep it quiet?

  “Bailey.” Ryder’s voice called out to me when I reached the first step. I slowly turned to face him. He ran the four steps it took to close the distance between us and grabbed my face in his hands before slamming his mouth on mine. It took me a second to respond but when I finally did, I felt both his body and mine relax into each other. My hands gripped at his shirt trying to pull him closer. One of his hands trailed down my back while the other fisted into my hair, tugging slightly. When Ryder pulled away, we were both breathless. My heart was beating erratically. I rested my forehead against his and closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his arms around me.

  “I really did miss you, you know?” he whispered. “The last two months have been hell.”

  I nodded in agreement, feeling an all too familiar fluttery feeling in my stomach at his words. “Tell me about it. I’m glad you’re back.” I smiled at him before softly pressing my lips to his again.

  “I have to go now before I drag you back into my car and take you in your driveway.” A wicked grin spread across his face.

  “Ryder.” I gasped, smacking his chest at the same time. He just laughed and walked away. Boys!

  “See you in the a.m., love,” he called as he drove away, leaving me standing there staring after him like an idiot. I couldn’t help but feel happy, though. That little comment and that kiss were enough to reassure me that I at least meant something to him. I just hadn’t quite worked out what yet.

  “So?” My mother raised a questioning eyebrow at me when I walked back into the kitchen. I coughed again and lunged for the glass of water still resting on the breakfast bar, “Ryder’s back.”

  “Yes,” I deadpanned. I didn’t want to give anything away.

  “You were awfully late home.”

  “Sorry. Time just got away from us.” I smiled, hoping I looked apologetic.

  “Uh-huh.” She tilted her head and eyed me carefully. “I’m not stupid, Bailey.”

  “Never said you were.” I gulped down the last of the water. She knew and she was waiting for me to admit it. It wasn’t going to happen, though. As laid back as she was and as close as we were, I was not telling her about my sex life. That would just be way too weird.

  “Okay, just as long as you’re okay with everything and you’re happy, then I am too. You’re eighteen and a grown up but just don’t rush anything, okay? I’ve seen the way you two are together. It’s intense. I don’t want you to get hurt.” She gripped my hand briefly and I simply nodded my head not knowing what to say. “Now, go and put Indie’s top back on properly.” She laughed and turned back to the stove.

  XXII.

  Ryder knocked on my door early. Far too early for school.

  “Uhm, hi. You’re earl—” I began to say but was cut off when Ryder’s mouth crashed against mine with such force that I stumbled backwards a couple of steps.

  Taking advantage of my momentary lack of balance, Ryder’s hands, which were gripping low on my hips, pushed me back further, steering me in the direction of the stairs until my back was pressed against the wall. His hands came up and cupped my face, tilting my head back slightly so he could deepen the kiss. I felt his tongue invade my mouth as my hands wound themselves into his hair, pulling him closer. I could never seem to get him close enough, though. I was in way too deep already and it was only going to lead to trouble.

  We were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Ryder pulled his mouth away from mine but still kept me pushed against the wall as we both turned to look up the stairs. My mother walked down with a smirk on her face.

  “Good morning, Ryder. You’re here rather early. Morning, Bailey.” She raised an eyebrow at us as if to question what we were doing kissing against the wall at six thirty in the morning.

  “Morning, Mrs M. Sorry, but I wanted to take Bailey out to breakfast before school.” He smiled at my mother.

  “Oh, that’s a lovely idea.” She smiled back, her eyes briefly dropping to where our hands were linked.

  “I have a seminar in the city, so I’m leaving now and won’t be home until late. You’ll have to organise your own dinner.” She kissed my cheek before picking up her bag and walking out the door.

  “What exactly does your mother do anyway?” Ryder asked, bringing our linked hands up and pinning them to the wall either side of my head. The closeness of him made it hard to think straight.

  “Uhm...well, she’s…” I stuttered as Ryder’s lips pressed against the base of my throat trailing soft kisses up to my jaw.

  “Hmmm?” he hummed against my skin, making me tip my head back so he had better access to my neck.

  “She’s a...a... yo…” I couldn’t even form a coherent sentence. Ryder’s mouth was making me lose my mind. I felt him press his hips into mine and I tried to move my hands so I could touch him. Anywhere. His hair, his face, his chest. I just wanted to touch him but he wouldn’t release his grip on my wrists.

  “She’s a?” he prompted, grazing his teeth along my earlobe. That action made me gasp and arch my back to press my body against his.

  “Yo…yoga...medit…med…it...at..or…” I finally managed to stutter out half an answer to his question. “She’s a…”

  “Shhh. No more talking,” Ryder said, finally bringing his mouth to mine again. He released my hands and lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. Before I could even come to my senses, he was carrying me up the stairs and heading directly for my room.

  Once we stumbled into my room, he threw himself down on my bed, pulling me down on top of him. His fingers trailed up my spine and threaded themselves into my hair as he brought my lips to his, wasting no time in slipping his tongue into my mouth.

  “Ryder,” I gasped, trying to pull away. As much as I wanted to stay right there and continue what we had started, I still had to get ready for school and I could hardly go for breakfast in my shorty pyjamas.

  “Ryder, I have to get ready so we can go.” I laughed when he grumbled at me pulling away and sitting up in his lap.

  “I don’t want to go, Bailey. I just want to stay here.” He looked up at me and rubbed his hands over his face. It was only then that I realised how tired and drained he looked.

 
“Hey, are you okay? What’s up?” I asked, pulling his hands away from his face so I could see him better.

  “I just want to stay here. I don’t want breakfast. Please? I had a shit night. It was late and just all kinds of fucked up.” He sighed, removing his hands from my grasp and placing them on my hips.

  “Want to tell me about it?” I asked, trying my best to ignore the tingling sensation his fingers were leaving on my skin. I didn’t really expect him to answer because he still wouldn’t tell me what it was he had been dealing with but I could try. I wanted him to know I was there for him.

  “Maybe I can help.”

  “No. Not yet at least. I just need you, Bailey,” he told me, pushing himself up to a sitting position. The combination of his fingertips on my skin and the look in his bright green eyes was impossible to resist and I found myself pulling his shirt over his head without a second thought.

  ***

  I quickly stepped out of the shower and dried off. We were going to be really late for school if I didn’t hurry. I didn’t bother doing anything with my hair because I had no time. Instead, I opted for a high ponytail. Quickly getting dressed and throwing on some light makeup, I walked back into my room to find Ryder fast asleep in my bed wearing only his boxer shorts.

  I stood there watching him sleep for a moment. He looked so peaceful and relaxed. A small smile was on his perfect lips and he was breathing softly. I realised that we needed to talk about this whole situation soon. Last night he told me he missed me and that he wanted me but I wasn’t sure if he just wanted me and missed me as a friend and if he only needed me this morning because we’d already slept together and I was convenient. I hoped that wasn’t it.

  Was he just using me? That thought made me feel sick. I didn’t want to just be another of Ryder’s hook-ups. I liked him too much and needed to know his real feelings—whether he actually felt the same or if this was all just for show to piss Chace off. If it was just for a show, he was a brilliant actor. I just needed to know where I stood and what it meant for our fake relationship. But first, we needed to get to school.