Blizzard: (The Brotherhood Journals Book One)

by Jane, Addison

  Rose made me crazy. She made me feel so many different emotions at once. I’d seen her with fire in her eyes once. Over the few weeks I’d known her, I’d slowly watched that fire shrink to a barely flickering flame. At the time all I’d wanted to do was bring it back, to see her face light up again. But now I knew what was going on behind closed doors, I know it would have been close to impossible.

  She was hurting. Hurting in a way that a lot of us would find completely inconceivable. I could relate. Her dad spent his time making her feel worthless and unworthy of his love. He broke her down, made her feel like she had no other options but him.

  I squeezed the steering wheel in my hands. The memory of what he did to her made me furious, it made me want to take a visit to the prison and ensure that he was never given the opportunity to hurt again.

  Rose suffered—she was manipulated and confused.

  He doused her fire and I wondered whether she would ever get it back. Even now, I ached to see the light that I’d once seen in her. But the anger of being hurt and deceived flooded me every time I even thought of her. I could only imagine what would come out of my mouth if I saw her face to face.

  My brain was so confused, understanding that there was a reason that she lied and did the things she did. But angry because of how close I’d allowed myself to get to her, including all that I’d offered so I could keep her safe. Then she still turned around and ripped a knife through my back.

  Pulling up at the clubhouse, the place seemed pretty empty. I knew there was a big rival football game going on in Huntsville, and with the club now working hard on our security firm, Op had taken the contract. We didn’t wear our club cuts while we were working for the company, but with the majority of us over six foot and covered in tattoos, we were already a force to be reckoned with.

  Opening my door, I walked around to help Jayla out of the truck. I could feel my muscles were coiled tightly after seeing Rose.

  “Harlyn?” Jayla asked curiously. I looked over my shoulder to see Sugar’s sporty red car parked just at the edge of the compound.

  “Guess so, kiddo. Why don’t you go find her?” I lifted her from the seat and she wrapped her arms around my neck. She squeezed me in a hug and it surprised me for a second.

  Jayla and I were close. Her shy nature kept her pretty quiet around the boys. But since she’d seen me interacting with Harlyn, she’d opened up a lot. My heart warmed and she let me go, wiggling for me to put her down. I placed her feet on the gravel and she took off running, shooting around the side of the clubhouse to the spot where we both knew Harlyn would be playing–the playground out back. She lived for it.

  I stared at her for a minute. Completely in awe. I wondered if maybe she could feel my emotions and that was her response to them. The thought floored me as I walked into the clubhouse. The room was empty, but I could hear soft voices talking nearby. Frowning I headed for the meeting room in which we held church, the doors were open but the people inside didn’t notice my presence.

  “There are children just outside you know,” I shouted, folding my arms across my chest.

  Sugar and Wrench flew apart. Sugar attempted to straighten her shirt and do up the front button on her jeans frantically while Wrench just stood and scowled at me.

  “Don’t glare at me brother,” I told him, shaking my finger and trying my hardest not to laugh. “You’re the one doing something wrong.”

  He adjusted his black cap—something he was never seen without—turning it so the cap shaded his face again. “We aren’t doing anything wrong.”

  I laughed and shook my head.

  “Please don’t tell him, Blizz,” Sugar pleaded silently.

  I didn’t look at her but stared at my brother, who in return glared straight back at me. “The longer you sneak around, the harder it’s going to be to tell him.”

  Wrench snorted before storming past me and out the door.

  “He wants to tell Op. But I just can’t do it.” She leaned against the wall, pulling her fingers through her tangled hair.

  “Making him keep it quiet means he’s lying to his president,” I warned her, hoping that those words would sink in.

  She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and rubbed at her face, “I don’t want to be responsible for them being at each other’s throats. We both know Op is going to freak out when we tell him, and he’ll try to beat the shit out of Wrench. I don’t want that.”

  It was true. Even though they weren’t together anymore, Op still felt he was Sugar’s protector. Even if that meant protecting her from one of his own brothers.

  “But you’re okay with forcing him to lie and sneak around? He could get kicked out of the club for this, Sugar.” I kept my voice deep and low, trying my best to be stern without letting whoever was in the clubhouse know about this little… development. “Lying is a seriously punishable offense, especially lying about something that concerns Op’s family.”

  “Punishable?” she questioned, her eyes popping open.

  “Yeah, he could be barred… sent away… kicked out. This isn’t just some stupid love affair, Sugar. This could affect Wrench’s place in the club.” I shook my head. “Love him or leave him. If you love him, stand up and fight for it. If you don’t, stop fucking around and let it go. You’re playing with fire, and he’s the one who’s going to end up burnt. Not you.”

  She pushed her back against the wall, and for a second I thought she might collapse. I couldn’t get involved in this shit. Op was my best friend and my president. Everything inside me screamed tell him but I knew this was a mess that they needed to sort out themselves.

  “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” she whispered sadly. “I never thought I would find myself back here. I love the club, you know? But as soon as I had Harlyn I had someone else to protect. And the club life… it’s dangerous.”

  “It’s also the most protective and loyal family that you could ever ask for.” I pointed at the table, and the vivid Brothers by Blood symbol that was carved deep into the wood. “That shit is more than just the patch we wear on our back. It’s who we are. It’s what we stand for. It’s who we stand beside, and it’s who we love.”

  She stared, her eyes flicking and grazing over it like it was the first time she was really seeing it. Like it was the first time she believed it was more than just a logo or sign.

  She nodded. “I get it.”

  I wondered if she really did, but I’d already had my say. The rest was up to her.

  She kept her face low as she walked past me. It was so unlike her. Sugar was strong. Even during the war in which we lost Op’s dad, she stood beside him and she stood with her head held high. I wondered what had happened so recently for her to feel so broken, so worn down.

  A part of me hoped I hadn’t completely crushed her, I didn’t enjoy seeing her hurt. She had become like a sister to me. She technically wasn’t an Old Lady, but she was well respected within the club. And not just because she gave birth to the president’s daughter. But because she had the kind of aura that drew you in. She had a backbone, but she was also sweet and cared for all of us.

  Seeing her hang her head hurt me, but I knew she needed to hear it. Blunt and straightforward. If she pussyfooted around this shit and ignored how major this was, then when shit hit the fan, we were all going to get sprayed.

  I’d managed to get my dad into a care facility within Huntsville. It specialized in what my dad needed and it had taken a lot to get him there.

  I’d had to drag in Optimus. My father may not ride with us anymore—he was what you might call retired—but he still received benefits from the club and from me, so I had to get our great president to pull rank. Lucky for me, he respected Optimus a lot more than he did me.

  Huntsville was still close enough for me and the old ladies to visit, and the bonus was he could get the help he needed. The doctors told me he could possibly get better—not entirely but better than he was—if he followed the program they had set up for him. But I wasn�
��t counting my chickens before they hatched.

  I checked in at the front desk and they pointed me in the direction of his room. The place was like a hospital—so white, so clean. The smell was strong too.

  A nurse walked toward me just as I grabbed myself in a useless attempt to readjust. She caught the movement and a blush covered her cheeks. Any normal time I probably would have been tempted to follow her to the nearest supply closet and fuck her stupid, but she wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted fucking Rose, but last time I followed my cock with her, people I care about almost died. I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

  I found Dad’s room number and stormed in, just at the moment he took a shot from the miniature sized tequila bottle in his hand.

  I scrubbed my hand down my face. “Are you fucking serious?” He didn’t flinch or move to hide it. He didn’t care if I saw or not. Tequila wasn’t his drink of choice, it was always beer. It didn’t matter what label or where it was from—beer was beer. But obviously, whoever smuggled them in, had to go with what was easy to hide, and a case of beer was not.

  I guess it could be worse.

  Couldn’t it?

  He didn’t even acknowledge me as I dropped into his lounge chair. The room was big enough for a bed, a chair, a small desk and a few other things. There was a television mounted on the wall and a bathroom off to the side that had a shower, toilet, and vanity.

  I knew he was going to hate it here, but I didn’t care.

  I was sick of being the parent in this relationship, dragging his ass home from the bar, keeping him from getting arrested or fucking killed, and I still let him take his shit out on me constantly. I took the verbal hits and the physical ones, and I still came back the next week.

  “That shit put you in here, yet you’re still throwing it back like it’s water,” I muttered as I shook my head. I was disappointed but I wasn’t shocked.

  “Wrong,” he gruffed. “You put me in here you ungrateful little asswipe.”

  The cheap shots didn’t even register anymore. It was like a normal conversation for us. Well, for him.

  “Not going to apologize for trying to keep you alive a little longer.”

  He took another swig from the tiny bottle, its contents now gone. But that wasn’t it. He pulled another one from under his mattress and started on that too.

  “You come to gloat? That it? Finally got me put away? Locked up like a fucking criminal.” His words weren’t accusing, but more like it was a matter of fact. “Optimus, just like his fucking father, ordering me around.”

  “He’s our fucking president! If you want a roof over your head, I’d respect that fact,” I told him harshly, not about to listen to him put down my brother.

  “Wouldn’t be here if—”

  “Don’t fucking say it,” I snapped. I’d heard it every single time I saw him. My father never took another Old Lady after my mom left. She was it for him, even after he found out that she didn’t feel the same. Everything boiled down to the fact that she’d left, and never once, in all these years had he taken a single ounce of responsibility for her being gone.

  He slammed the small bottle down on the table beside his bed. With the force he’d used, I was stunned nothing broke. “If she were still here then I’d be at home. But instead, I get stuck with some cunt who doesn’t even have the balls to care for his father.”

  I gritted my teeth, we’d gone head to head about this more times than I could remember, but this time was different. This time, I knew more. “She came back.”

  His body stilled, but he continued to stare at the wall ahead of him. I wasn’t even worthy of a simple glance.

  “Yeah, she came back a few days ago. And you know what?” I pushed off the chair and stood tall, forcing my shoulders back. “She’s doing just fine without you.”

  “You little bastard,” he snapped, grabbing hold of the empty bottle of tequila and tossing it across the room at me. I ducked and it shattered against the wall behind me. “She’d be looking after me now if it wasn’t for you!”

  “Yeah, because living with a miserable, alcoholic husband who beats on his kid is just the type of person all women want, right?” I yelled back at him. I knew by now one of the nurses would have called security to come and deal with the commotion. “She has a new family… a fucking daughter. Did you know that? I don’t blame her for walking out on your sorry ass. I’m just disappointed I didn’t follow her out the door when I had the chance.”

  The words shocked even me. It was the first time I’d ever admitted that what she had done all those years ago was the right thing. I guess I always knew what he was like, everyone did. That was the reason the old ladies took me in, and Op’s parents helped to raise me.

  He pointed at me angrily. “I should’ve let her fucking take you.”

  My eyes shot wide open. “What?”

  I watched as the tension left his body, and just like that he was calm again. He knew he had something on me and he was smug. “Bitch begged to take you, but I wouldn’t fucking let her because that was the one thing she wanted. And if I couldn’t have her, she couldn’t fucking have you.”

  Just as I was about to cross the room and slam my fist into the old man’s face, security and a couple of nurses slammed through the door, crowding the room. My chest was heaving in anger.

  “You motherfucker!” I roared.

  The nurse I passed in the hallway placed her hands on my chest and pushed me toward the door, a security guard right behind her. “You need to go now, we’ll keep you updated.”

  I might have fought more if I wasn’t so stunned by what he’d said. Instead, I let her maneuver me out of the room, giving me a gentle nudge down the hall before she turned and re-entered herself.

  I walked through the maze of hallways in a daze, his words constantly resonating.

  Bitch begged to take you…

  If I couldn’t have her, she couldn’t fucking have you.

  I was done, done with the stupid bastard. This was the end.

  I managed to make it to the carpark, but before straddling my bike, I pulled my cell from my pocket.

  “What’s up?” Op answered casually.

  “Find someone to cover for me at X-Rated tonight. I’m going off the grid for a few hours,” I told him my voice sounded monotonous with no emotion.

  “What happened?” he asked, now on full alert.

  I scrubbed my hand over my hair, it was getting long and I needed to have it cut desperately.

  “I’ll explain later. Just can’t deal with shit right now.”

  Silence greeted me for a minute. “Okay, stay safe.”

  “Yeah.”

  I leaped on my baby and fired her up, the sound and the vibrations instantly calmed me. I didn’t know where I was going. I wanted to be alone, and the best way to do that was to just ride. Ride until I couldn’t hold myself or my bike up any longer.

  It was the only way.

  After the bar incident, I barely slept a wink. My mind was running and running and there was no sign of a finish line.

  I managed to drag myself to the college and meet with the dean. He’d greeted me like I was family, shaking my hand and grinning widely. But for someone on the DePalma family payroll, I expected nothing less.

  By the time I returned to the hotel, I still hadn’t decided what I was going to do. The lobby was quiet now, there were a handful of people in the bar enjoying a meal, but other than that, it was a complete contrast to the festivities that had been on last night.

  I guess everyone was still sleeping off their hangovers and waking up next to people they didn’t recognize.

  My room was serene. Some doors opened onto a small deck, it overlooked the busy street below. The sun shone through, hitting my bed perfectly and I couldn’t help but leap on it. The sun’s rays burnt at my skin but it felt so good, so warm.

  My plane left in three hours. It was time to make a decision. I buried my face in my pillow with a deep sigh, but just as I did, there w
as a harsh knock at my door. I rolled over, nearly flipping myself off the side of the bed. Nobody knew I was here. Who would be knocking? I clambered to my feet, tiptoeing over to the door.

  “Who is it?” I called out, but no answer came in return. Maybe they’d gone? Maybe they had the wrong room?

  I took a deep breath and turned the handle, unlocking it and pulling it open gently. When I saw him standing there, arms folded across his broad chest, my heart began to pound.

  “What… What are you doing here?” I asked breathlessly through the small gap. He placed his palm on the door and pushed. Stunned, I didn’t have enough time to stop him as he strolled through and slammed it behind him, flicking the lock.

  “Was about to ask you the same thing,” Blizzard said, a chill in his voice that I still wasn’t used to. His blue eyes stared me down, he stood tall and intimidating but I wasn’t afraid. I wanted to reach out to him, pull him closer, touch him, and remind myself that he was real and he was okay.

  “I had to come and pick up my Certificate of Completion for college,” I told him, stepping sideways, closer to the bed. My room was reasonably big, but with him in it, it seemed so confined. There was nowhere to run, even if I’d wanted to.

  But I didn’t.

  I gestured to the set of papers that I’d tossed onto the bed when I’d gotten in. He didn’t even follow. Instead, he continued to stare at me.

  Swallowing back my apprehension I asked, “How did you know I was here?”

  The corner of his mouth turned up. “It’s our job to find out everything that happens here.”

  I didn’t doubt that. I knew just being here, that there was a high possibility that one of them would spot me. I was actually surprised it had taken this long.

  He finally moved, taking his eyes off me and admiring the room. “Would have thought the DePalmas could afford something nicer than this?”

  It was meant to be a cheap shot, but the truth was, I didn’t even feel it. I was in too much of a trance to feel anything at that point.