Blizzard: (The Brotherhood Journals Book One)

by Jane, Addison

  “I hurt you. And for the rest of my life, I will regret that. It’s enough that I hate myself for what I’ve done, but I don’t need you or everyone else reminding me of it.” She held her head high, but I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

  I didn’t have any words. She was fucking right. If I was going make this work between us, I needed to let it go. “Baby, I’m sorry.”

  “I need to get ready. He’ll be here soon, so you better go.” She turned and walked down the hall. I listened as she closed the bathroom door and turned the lock.

  I wanted to go to her. But she was right. I needed to get out of here before Edge showed up and I blew everything she’d done. I found my shirt in her room, taking one last look at the bathroom door before stepping out and heading for the truck.

  I needed to remind myself that there was always tomorrow. I could talk to her then. We could sort this shit out because despite my asshole tendencies, I wanted this and I wanted her. That wasn’t a question anymore.

  Just make it through today.

  The slip of paper sitting on my passenger’s seat taunted me. “Fuck,” I groaned out loud, slamming my hand on the steering wheel before turning the key and feeling the truck roar to life.

  Dinner with my mother and Judge.

  Maybe making it through today would be harder than I thought.

  “Are you trying to get me drunk?” I laughed as Edge ordered me another vodka.

  He just ignored the comment, grinning as the waitress poured my drink and slid it across the bar to me. “I think you’re already drunk.”

  I was a little tipsy, it was true. But I knew how to handle my alcohol. I wasn’t a lightweight like he seemed to assume I was. I held my hand up and tilted it from side to side.

  He laughed. “Last one, then we’ll head back to my place. The boys appear to have taken a liking to you, and asked if you were coming back around tonight.”

  My stomach sunk at the thought, but Edge seemed proud that his men had seemed to accept me into their folds. I didn’t get the same vibe from them as he did. I knew Sith was still very suspicious of me, and Rip just seemed to find me amusing. There were one or two other men who had come and left last night. Why they hadn’t stuck around, I wasn’t really sure, but they wore Vicious Vultures club cuts on their backs, which made me think that there was more of the club around than we’d initially thought.

  That alone made me very nervous.

  Satan’s Sanctuary was not a big club. And even with The Brothers here, Kev, Ham, and Blizzard, they could easily be outnumbered.

  I threw back the short drink and smiled through the harsh taste. “I’m ready, let’s go before I can’t walk, let alone sit on the back of your bike.”

  Edge threw some money down on the bar and placed his hand on the small of my back as he led me out the front doors. Being with Edge was a rollercoaster ride at its finest. He was such a gentleman, holding doors for me and his touch was always soft. It wasn’t until we were around his brothers, or he talked about his club, that I got the feeling that there was more to him than what I was seeing.

  He turned a little colder, he laughed less, and he said things that I wouldn’t expect.

  It was like his club was a venom if even the tiniest shot of them was injected into his veins he became infected with their poison. The more time I spent with him, the more I understood what he’d meant when he explained how he’d gotten his road name.

  It was like watching Jekyll and Hyde. So far, I’d managed to curb the anger but I knew eventually my time would run out and I would get to see first-hand who the real Edge was. I just hoped that when that time came that I wasn’t alone. Because I was sure I wouldn’t survive it.

  There were four bikes parked outside the house when we pulled up, and I could hear loud music blaring from inside. My senses told me straight away that this wasn’t good.

  The second Edge opened the door Sith spotted us, a beer in one hand and a white glass pipe in the other. He grinned, but it wasn’t welcoming, it was dark and sadistic.

  The door closing behind me was like a dark omen.

  “Ah, our lovely Lily! I’m so glad you could join us!” he exclaimed, holding his hands in the air like I was the best friend he hadn’t seen in years. The music was lowered to a soft melody in the background. “Come, join the festivities!”

  “Celebrating something?” I asked warily, but with a forced smile. I stepped into the living room where the men sat. One had a woman draped over his lap, but she looked almost like she was falling sleep as she struggled to keep her eyes open and alert.

  “Every day is a celebration when you’re part of the Vicious Vultures, my dear.” He beamed.

  There was a round of lazy cheers from the men who filled the small space and Edge chuckled behind me.

  “Dee, Mal, this is our friend, Lily.” The two men who I had yet to be introduced to lifted their hands in hello. The girl almost toppled to the floor from one of their laps, but he caught her just before she fell. They all laughed, but she didn’t even attempt to move, her body sagging as he pulled her back closer to him.

  If it hadn’t been for her eyes flicking open occasionally, I would have assumed she was dead.

  “Take a seat, take a seat.” He gestured to a plastic chair that looked like it had seen better days, but I smiled tightly and sat carefully, gauging its stability before I let it take my whole weight. Edge shoved Rip and he shuffled down the sofa to make room for Edge’s big frame, the three men sitting on the small seat looked almost comical.

  “Glad you came back.” Rip grinned lazily over at me.

  “Think you guys could scare me off that easily?” I laughed.

  I caught a smirk flicker on Sith’s face. “Nah, we like you. You’re good people, just like us.”

  That’s debatable.

  “We wanted to welcome you to the Vultures family. Edge here mentioned that you’ve had a few family problems.” My eyes shot to Edge, who gave me a sympathetic look which told me he’d shared more than I would have liked. “Well, no more. Because now you’re one of us.”

  The tone Sith used was low and devious.

  I slipped my hands into my pockets and slid down in the chair, hoping that they wouldn’t notice that they were shaking profusely.

  “Wow! I dunno what to say.”

  “You could say no.” It was a challenge, a dare. He was forcing me out onto the plank and this was where I either jumped in and was feasted on by the sharks, or I came back aboard and joined the pirates.

  Both could have devastating consequences—both were life threatening. But I knew only one was going to give me the opportunity to leave this house alive tonight.

  I shrugged like the decision was completely obvious. “Who could say no to that?”

  Sith’s smirk only grew, the other boys also smiled, and Edge looked at me like he was excited.

  He’d told me about his Old Lady back home, how he’d been hearing stories about her hooking up with the brothers while he was gone. But the idiot, despite his choice in women or friends, was loyal to a fucking fault and believed every lie she spewed him.

  From what I gathered, she was the type of woman who wanted power. Giving her status in the club had given her a taste but she wanted more than just a regular club member. She wanted to be the queen and she was working her way to the top. Edge was just a step on her ladder.

  At first, I’d thought this whole friends thing was great, but the more time we spent together, the more I saw him wanting more. The touching, the sideways glances, the excitement of me being accepted by his brothers. He finally saw that there was something better out there, and for him, that better was me.

  Everything inside me screamed run.

  Just when I thought I was getting to the top of the hole I’d already dug myself into with Marco and The Brothers, I’d fallen straight back into another one. Only this time, it wasn’t just a normal hole. It was a grave.

  “Lily.” I blinked, seeing that Edge was hol
ding out a beer to me. I smiled in thanks and took it. It wasn’t long before the music was turned back up and the room was filled with loud laughter and crude comments. The man who I now knew was Dee, groped at the woman on his lap, everyone laughing when he got no response.

  “Is she okay?” I frowned as I took a sip of my beer and attempted to calm my nerves.

  Dee laughed. “Yeah. Couldn’t handle her shit.” He nodded to where Rip sat, bent over the table, sucking a transparent substance off a spoon into a needle.

  “This one’s yours, Edge,” Rip told him excitedly.

  Edge licked his lips. “Just one, bro, I’ve got shit to do tomorrow.”

  “Aww, maybe you could go halves with Lily over there, you fucking pansy motherfucker,” Mal taunted from the other side of the sofa. Edge reached around the back of the sofa and smacked Mal around the head.

  I took another drink and my body began to tingle. It was a strange feeling, one I didn’t normally get from drinking. I may have had a few vodkas, but I’d sobered up pretty fast when we got to the house. My brain couldn’t comprehend why I was feeling so dopey.

  “How’s that drink, Lily?” Sith asked, walking around the sofa and coming toward me. “You seemed a little tense last night, so I added something to help you chill out a little.”

  My heart pounded in my chest. I licked my lips, trying to stop the pins and needles that attacked them.

  “Oh man, Sith. What’d you do that for?” Edge asked. But he didn’t seem worried, just rolled his eyes like it was something he’d done before.

  Sith grinned. “I wanted to help her relax, so she could join in the fun.”

  I tried to talk but nothing came out. Edge smiled at me. “It’s okay. We’ll look after you.”

  I watched, my body feeling like it was made of stone as Rip pushed the needle into Edge’s arm. His eyes glazed over almost instantly, his body relaxing back into the seat. Rip started heating the spoon again, everyone watching as he pulled the substance into the needle and flicked it.

  “Just give her a little, Rip,” Edge slurred. “This is fucking strong.”

  I wanted to shake my head, to scream or run. But I was frozen.

  I didn’t even feel anything as Sith held my arm while Rip injected me.

  No.

  This couldn’t be happening.

  It couldn’t.

  I could feel tears in the back of my eyes.

  Sith pulled my hair back from my face and stared down at me. “One of us now, Lily. Get ready for the ride of your life.”

  I caught an encouraging smile from Edge before everything turned to black.

  The atmosphere was different when the haze that filled my head finally cleared.

  My body raged.

  I forced myself out of the small plastic chair. The room was fuzzy but quiet. Edge and Rip were both passed out on the sofa. It almost seemed like they were too still, I had to wonder if they were breathing. Then I reminded myself that after what they’d just done to me, that I didn't fucking care.

  “How you feeling there, Lily?”

  Pressing my back against the wall, I sought out Sith’s voice. He sat in the large armchair across the room. His face blank and two intense eyes watching me. Chills shot through my spine, both my body and mind begging for an escape.

  “I'm going home.” My words were barely understandable as they slurred together, my tongue refusing to be controlled.

  “You sure you don't want to stay and have some fun?” Ignoring him, I shoved off the wall and headed for the front door, freezing when I heard him call out to me again. “You're lucky I like you. You try and fuck us over, and next time you won't be waking up.”

  The drugs that were now poisoning my system battled against my senses and my mind. I wanted to run around the block at full speed, without stopping, ever. But at the same time my stomach churned and the need to puke overcame all of my other emotions.

  Falling against the front door, I used the hard wood to help me stay upright.

  I was scared.

  I’d never felt this way before. It felt like I was losing control of my body and I couldn’t figure out how it was moving when I wasn’t giving it permission to.

  The shiny door handle slipped and slid in my hand, but for the life of me I could not open the door. Hearing footsteps in the room behind me almost caused me to drop to my knees and give in. Feeling something wet on my face I managed to raise my hand and pat my cheeks.

  It was tears, I was crying.

  I needed out and I needed out now.

  My whole body began to shake, but the wetness on my hand gave me the friction I needed to turn the bastard handle.

  I stumbled off the porch, my foot catching on one of the stairs and resulting in me flying forward and landing on my hands and knees. I wanted to say it hurt like hell, but it didn’t. I didn’t even feel it. My body was numb.

  A body pressed against my back and I shuddered as two arms wrapped themselves around my waist and began to pull me back. I tried to push away, but they squeezed me tighter, my fight completely worthless. Sobbing silently, every part of me screamed give up, the darkness fighting to take over again. It begged me to stop fighting and just close my eyes.

  I was done.

  Dinner wasn’t as awkward as I was expecting.

  The malice I had toward my mother had morphed from a raging demon to angry puppy. It was still there, and there was still shit that we needed to discuss, but we’d come to a silent understanding. It wasn’t the most important thing in either of our lives right now.

  She was worried about Lane, and I was freaking out about Rose’s safety.

  Right now, we all needed to focus on what was in front of us, not what haunted us from behind.

  “She seem okay when you left?” Skins asked from across the living room. He was sitting on the floor, leaning up against the wall.

  I shuffled, the question making me feel slightly guilty. “Yeah, she was okay. Can’t say I exactly helped the situation, though.”

  “What happened?” Mom asked as she walked in, wiping her hands on a dishcloth.

  I tightened my grip on the beer in my hands. “Heard her talking on the phone with him. They sounded like old friends. You know? Laughing and shit.” I took a swig of the liquid which had now gone warm. “I brought up some shit I shouldn’t have, and she basically told me to pull my head out of my ass if I thought we were going to make things work.”

  Judge chuckled but my mom frowned, her concern for Rose evident.

  “We all say shit we don’t mean sometimes. The heat of the moment causes emotions to burn hotter. Don’t think anything of it.” Judges words did little to calm me. I knew I’d hurt her the moment the words had left my mouth, but I’d never been one to not speak my mind, no matter what the consequences.

  “Rose is a delicate girl. She portrays a strong image when she needs to, but deep down she’s broken.” Mom leaned against the entranceway to the kitchen, a sad smile on her lips.

  I leaned forward, bracing my arms on my knees. “That’s the thing, though. I want her to be her, I don’t want her to act tough or pretend she’s someone she’s not. That’s how we got into this shit in the first place.”

  “There’s a difference between faking an image to hurt someone or cause harm, and doing it to empower or protect yourself.”

  I nodded, Skins was right. We all at some time faked a laugh or a smile or pretended that we were stronger than we were, but it was never done to hurt others. It wasn’t all about lies and deceit. Sometimes it was about making ourselves believe that we were capable.

  I needed to remember that Rose wasn’t out to hurt my family or me anymore. She was just trying to get by the best way she knew how, and sometimes that meant holding her head high when all she wanted to do was crumble to the floor.

  “She needs someone strong at her side, so she doesn’t have to feel like she needs to do that. She needs someone willing to be strong for her.” Mom’s eyes met mine and I knew that
she had absolute conviction behind her words.

  My dad was an asshole. I knew it, she knew it, and every single person who came into contact with him knew it. But when they were together, he had the club at his back. They were his strength and he would always come first before an Old Lady.

  Even then, though, I thought the club would have supported her and helped her out. But it was obvious now that they hadn’t done that. They’d supported my father in his choice to keep me from her, even when they saw what he was doing to me.

  I would never let that kind of shit fly now, but that didn’t matter. It was done and the reminders were there for life. It was up to us whether we continued to let the wound be reopened or let them heal over and new skin begin to grow.

  “Moving on,” Judge cut through my thoughts. “Now we have more information, we need to decide what to do to get our girl back.”

  Light, who had spent dinner and our time together silent in the corner was now alert and sitting straight like a steel rod. His tell-tale flicking of the lighter filling the quiet room.

  “We need to end this quickly,” I told them. “Rose seemed to think that Lane was okay, but she could tell that this shit was wearing on her. The stress and situation aren’t good for the baby either.”

  There was a smash as a beer bottle hit the wooden floor and Light was suddenly on his feet, his eyes wide in shock and anger. “The what?” he yelled.

  “Oh, Jesus!” I scrubbed my hand over my face. “Rose told me, I thought you guys knew?”

  My mother sobbed loudly and Judge was instantly out of his seat, consoling her quietly.

  Light pulled at his short hair, looking up at me and finding my eyes as if he needed to see into my soul to understand what I’d just said. “She’s fucking pregnant?”

  “Look, man, she could have just said that. Maybe she thought they would go easy on her or something. All I know is Rose heard her say she was pregnant.” I knew it was quite possible that it couldn’t be true. People would say everything and anything when they were in a situation that could end up with them being hurt. It was a defense mechanism.

  “Fuck this,” he growled. Stomping his heavy boots and heading for the front door. Skins was on his feet in a second, grabbing his friend by the shoulders and pulling him back.