The Surgeon and the Cowgirl (Harlequin American Romance)

by Heidi Hormel

  The heat in his groin flared again. Think, man. He imagined the intricate surgery that he’d do tomorrow, the first incision and the delicate manipulation of the tendon and...finally, his hormones were safely corralled by his physician’s control.

  He cleared his throat and said in his professional, just-out-of-the-operating-room surgeon’s voice—cool and unaffected, “Where do we start? Which horse?”

  * * *

  JESSIE REFUSED TO glare at Payson’s all-powerful, I-never-lose-control doctor look. She could be just as collected. She forced a rodeo smile onto her face. No way she’d let him know that the kiss they’d just shared had weakened her knees and made her heart pound. She said without a tremor in her voice, “Each horse gets one flake of hay.”

  Not waiting for him to answer, she went to the feed bins to get the buckets ready. Far away from Payson. She just needed a few minutes for her heart to slow down.

  That man can kiss. No one else made her want to curl up and be taken care of. No other man made her feel clingy and desperate for his approval, his notice. That was then, she told herself. Three years had made a big difference. She knew now she could do it all on her own—and that she could ask for help. Payson and his crew had helped with Hope’s Ride and so had all of the volunteers, and she hadn’t stopped being herself. Didn’t she always tell the kids that they had to ask for help?

  The kids. The ache deep inside her started again. She missed every one of them. Whatever did or did not happen with Payson only mattered when it affected Hope’s Ride and all of those little children. So, feed the darned horses, lock everything up for the night and go back to Lavonda’s to figure out how to get more money. No more thinking about Payson...or remembering what he could do to her in bed. Their relationship had to stay professional. She looked down at the bucket in her hand, no idea what she’d put in it. Dang it. Of course it was Molly’s feed. Jessie glared at the contents. One bucket of mixed up food wouldn’t kill the pony, especially considering the junk she normally ate.

  Jessie concentrated on filling each bucket correctly. She didn’t meet up with Payson until she put her last bucket in place. He stood in the aisle between the stalls, his dark, intense gaze on her. “What?” she asked, looking away because she didn’t want to glimpse the heat that had been there earlier.

  “Anything else you need done?” His voice remained cool, although she could see his shoulders were overly squared.

  “That’s it. I just have to lock up.”

  “I’ll wait.”

  He didn’t move and the need to fill the silence pressed down on her. “So...” She dragged out the word, groping for something to say. Something that had nothing to do with the scorching kiss they’d shared. “Lavonda’s sure that the money will come pouring in, so I can get the bank off my back, which also means that I definitely won’t need that money from the hospital. It won’t be long until you and your crew are back here.”

  He nodded. She could feel his gaze on her. She fiddled with each stall-door lock as they walked out of the barn. She always double-checked them before she left and made sure that Molly and Bull’s pen had the extra lock in place. “Since your job is safe and we’ll be back at work soon with all of the donations we get, that promotion should be coming along, right?”

  “That’s the plan,” he said.

  “Good. The hospital will get a good director.” She really meant that. She’d never doubted that he was good at his job. “Then you’ll be too important to worry about Hope’s Ride.” That’s what she prayed would happen. Her heart couldn’t take the idea that he’d been helping her for any other reason.

  “Since Desert Valley pediatric patients will use the facility, I’m sure I’ll still be involved.”

  That was not what she wanted to hear, and she told her fluttering heart to stop being excited. “All done,” she said with relief, moving as quickly as she could through the large sliding door. Of course, her quick exit went wrong when she stumbled on a bit of uneven ground. She couldn’t stop the gasp. “It’s nothing,” she said quickly, catching her breath as the sharp pain dulled. Her knee actually had been better lately because her work days had gone from twelve hours to eight.

  “I can get you an appointment.”

  “I know. Later. Once Hope’s Ride is on its feet... No pun intended,” she said, working hard not to limp. They stood at their vehicles—his barely dusty Range Rover and her beat-up pickup. “Thanks again for the help.” Payson stood staring at her and she couldn’t read his expression.

  “Do you think if we’d gone and talked with someone we wouldn’t have gotten divorced?” Payson asked, his voice level.

  Her breath exploded out of her. This was not what she expected from him, and she had no idea how to answer him. “I don’t...maybe.” Sad as it made her to admit it. If they had worked a little harder, maybe they could have salvaged their marriage. Three years of distance allowed her to admit that now.

  “That’s what I think, too, especially...” He trailed off.

  She didn’t need him to say more. The kiss they’d just shared, yesterday’s closeness and the morning at his condo—their sexual connection had stayed strong. “But we’re divorced now, and we both have new lives. You’re going to be director of pediatrics, and I’ll run Hope’s Ride. Our marriage is ancient history.”

  He didn’t smile. He didn’t move. For several moments, their gazes were intent on each other, linking them and making her feel as if she’d come home. Dear Lord. Not again. She couldn’t love him again. “See you, Payson. I’ll call the hospital as soon as I know our reopening date.” She hopped into the truck and made herself not look back.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Since you haven’t said anything about the call from Children’s Hospital, I’m just going to ask,” Helen said as she handed over another folder for him to sign. “Are you leaving?”

  His pen hung poised over the stack of papers. “Why would you think I was leaving?”

  “Because you got a call from the country’s—maybe the world’s—best children’s hospital, and I can’t imagine they were phoning to give a donation.”

  “Helen, there’s nothing to say.” He stared at the papers. He didn’t want to talk about the call. He wanted to focus on his upcoming surgeries and his patients.

  She carefully set down another pile of papers and pointed to where sticky notes told him to sign. “I cleared your schedule this afternoon so you can go out to Hope’s Ride.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “The grand reopening. Alex told me that you said that you’d be there to see him lead Molly in the horse parade. ‘Like in a real rodeo’ is what he said.”

  Of course, he knew that Hope’s Ride had pulled through its crisis. Spence told him that the foreclosure had been cleared up. Payson had stayed away because he knew that seeing Jessie was just too dangerous. When they were together, he had trouble remembering they were divorced.

  Plus, he’d been busy. Because Payson’s team had been delayed for so long by the foreclosure, the hospital had moved on, focusing on other programs to investigate—programs not dogged by financial scandal or media-savvy cowgirls. The administration refused to read Payson’s preliminary report recommending the endorsement. Hope’s Ride would become just one of the many “alternative therapy programs that patients are welcome to investigate but are not, at this time, seen as medically necessary.”

  On top of that, with Hope’s Ride out, Payson’s own promotion had evaporated. He’d been the one overseeing the program, then that same program had put the hospital in an ugly and untenable light.

  Spence had let him know Jessie had enough to pay off the mortgage and then some, but Payson worried about what would happen in the long term.

  “You cleared my schedule?” he asked, when what Helen had said cut through his brain fog.

  “Yes.”
<
br />   “I don’t remember me asking you to do that.”

  “Of course you didn’t. Right now, you’d forget to eat if I didn’t remind you. I knew you wouldn’t want to disappoint Alex,” she said, snatching up the stacks of papers and giving him a motherly I-know-best smile.

  “That’s a low blow, using Alex,” he said.

  She shrugged. “You need to get out of the office. I know you’ve slept here at least two nights. Settle what is going on between you and that ex-wife of yours.” She walked out of the office before he could say anything else.

  Damn it. He stood to follow Helen. But for what? To ream her out? Yeah, that would work. Then she’d quit and where would he be? Drowning in even more paperwork. He turned back to the desk and sat down to finish up his case notes because apparently he was going to Hope’s Ride this afternoon...for Alex. From the beginning, his connection with the little boy had been different. Payson hadn’t been able to keep the usual distance he put between himself and his patients, which in the course of treatments allowed him to make split-second decisions in the operating room. One afternoon watching him at the program would be fine. He could say hello to Jessie—just hello—and wish her luck.

  They wouldn’t be alone, and it was past time to move on, as he’d often heard these past three years. Anything else he’d felt since working with Jessie had been strictly a physical reaction based on proximity and memory. When he no longer saw Jessie, he’d totally forget about the feel of her skin and his instant flash of desire when they touched.

  * * *

  PAYSON WATCHED ALEX and the other children march past, leading the horses, ponies and dogs in a short parade. As soon as he congratulated Alex and the other children he knew, Payson would head back to the hospital. He waved to the excited Alex, who stood behind Jessie as she announced the reopening of the ranch and thanked everyone. Payson got up. He had to get out of there. Seeing Jessie with the kids restarted the painful ache in his chest. He’d catch up with Alex as he came out of the building to take the pony back to her stall.

  The desert heat pounded down on him. He looked for a bit of shade somewhere and wandered over to the barn. The overhang created a bar of cooler space, and he could easily see the arena. Watching Alex and the other children reminded him of why he’d chosen pediatric surgery. The difference he could and did make in their lives always humbled him. It also broke his heart when he couldn’t help. He never let it show, but the detachment he kept in place during each surgery and consult crumbled anytime he had to say there was nothing more he could do. Today, though, he’d concentrate on the successes. Would those successes be sweeter in Philadelphia?

  The hospital there had made him a great offer, including not only a directorship but also his own budget for research. The downsides were that it was thousands of miles from the patients he had now, and he wouldn’t directly treat the children. On the other hand, at such a big hospital he would have the chance to make a difference in more children’s lives.

  He’d always planned that his work and sacrifices would lead to an executive position at a big research-and-teaching hospital where he would have control over an entire program. So that goal was right there. He just had to pick up the phone, say yes and he’d have his dream job. It’d mean that he and Jessie would never see each other again. The final link to her and their shared past would be severed. That’s what he wanted, too, he told himself for the hundredth time. He’d make the call as soon as he got back to his office.

  Faint applause brought his focus back to the corral. The parade was over. Time to see Alex and Jessie, too. After all, this would be the last chance to speak with her, because once she found out about Desert Valley’s decision, she wouldn’t spit on him if he were on fire.

  * * *

  JESSIE LOOKED OVER the children, parents, staff and volunteers as they clapped at the end of her very, very short speech. She gave a real smile, not one of her bright, false, rodeo ones. She could hardly believe that just weeks ago she’d lived through the second-worst day of her life—kicked off her property, locked out of her house and faced with bankruptcy. According to Lavonda, this grand reopening was just the start of what Jessie needed to do to keep the program solvent, even with the hospital’s support. And she was still mostly sure about that support—in spite of the rumors she’d heard. She had to talk to Payson about that when the parade was over.

  Lavonda’s advice had been to not put all of her eggs in one basket, suggesting Jessie seek similar affiliations with other hospitals, too. Jessie tried not to be overwhelmed by her sister’s enthusiasm. Jessie didn’t remember Lavonda being quite this intense when they were growing up. She really didn’t know how the other woman did it. Raising money tired Jessie out more than a full day of cleaning out stalls. Lavonda was always chipper after hours on the phone asking for money.

  Jessie signaled for the lead volunteer to have the children parade out of the arena. The standing ovation made Jessie a little misty. She pulled herself together and followed the parade to make sure the animals got back to the proper stalls and the overexcited children didn’t get into any trouble.

  “Miss Jessie, Miss Jessie,” Alex yelled to her, waving his arm.

  She hurried to the boy. He grinned widely, holding tight to Molly’s lead rope. The little pony had been decorated with ribbons in her mane and flowers entwined in her halter. She’d become a minor celebrity, her picture featured prominently on the ranch’s new website. Molly had taken to being a star like the diva she was.

  Jessie squatted down gingerly, her knee creaking, and gave Alex a hug. He squeezed her hard. She inhaled deeply, taking in his little-boy scent of candy and dust. For a moment her heart clenched, and then she let him go.

  “We decorated Molly good, didn’t we?” he asked.

  “You sure did,” Jessie said, patting the pony on the head and admiring the bows that Alex had tied “all by myself.” She listened as Alex explained what he’d done while Hope’s Ride was not open. Jessie hadn’t noticed that they were not alone until she heard Alex cry, “Dr. Mac!”

  “Alex.” Payson’s deep voice was gentle.

  “Look what I did, Dr. Mac,” Alex said, grabbing Payson’s hand and turning him to Molly. The little guy repeated what he had told Jessie about his work on prettying up the pony.

  “You did a very good job,” Payson said. “Did you pretty up Miss Jessie, too?”

  “Silly. Miss Jessie is always pretty.”

  “You may be right,” Payson said.

  She turned again to Alex, afraid to meet her ex-husband’s eyes after the last time they’d been together. “Thank you, Alex,” she said, concentrating on not noticing how close Payson was. “That is very nice of you to say.”

  “Here,” Alex said, handing Molly’s lead rope to her. “Connor is here.” She watched as he walked nearly as fast as a normal little boy toward his friend, who was in a motorized wheelchair.

  “I’ve got to take care of Molly,” Jessie said and started to move away from Payson.

  “Wait,” he said, laying a hand on her arm.

  The pony stomped her dainty hoof, just missing Payson’s loafer-clad foot. With a glare at his shoes, she moved the pony to her other side. “I need to get Miss Thing here to her adoring public.”

  “What?”

  “Molly has gotten used to being the center of attention. When all of this hoopla dies down, I don’t know what we’re going to do with her.”

  Payson didn’t respond and didn’t move, standing much too close, making it hard to concentrate on what she wanted to say. “I’ve got to get her to the pen where everyone can fuss over her. I’m glad I saw you because I do need to speak with you. As soon as Molly is settled, we can talk.”

  He started to open his mouth and she said, “I’ll share Mama’s dulce de leche brownies.” The gooey, caramely treats were Payson’s favorites, and her mo
ther only made them for very special occasions, like the grand reopening and when they’d announced Jessie’s pregnancy.

  “Lead on,” he said, but he didn’t look happy.

  She tugged Molly forward and made the pony hurry as much as the stubborn little animal would allow. Jessie could feel Payson behind her, not his usual detached, calm self. Taking him back to the house would be a bad idea, she decided. “We can just talk here.”

  “Are you trying to get out of sharing the brownies?” he asked, a half smile on his face.

  “Maybe,” she said, relaxing into a grin. “Fine, give me a minute.” She hurried Molly into the pen, where she could be admired by her fans.

  Jessie and Payson entered the ranch house through the kitchen, which was a mess of dirty dishes and papers. In the rush to get ready for the grand reopening, Jessie’s less-than-stellar housekeeping skills had disappeared as she focused on all of the other details. The brownies were hidden in the microwave. She pulled them out and looked through cupboards for a container to give him a couple of pieces to take along.

  “I’ll just eat them here,” he said holding out a hand.

  “You can bring them home. This won’t take long.”

  “Hand ’em over.”

  His greed startled a laugh out of Jessie. “Would you like milk or something?” she asked as he cut a large brownie from the pan and took a huge bite. He shook his head and then closed his eyes in obvious bliss. “Maybe I should leave you alone with them?”

  He swallowed and said, “These are so wrong, they’re right. How can ancho chilies make them taste so good?”

  Jessie shrugged and watched as Payson took another bite and chewed with delight. His legs were braced and his shoulders relaxed. This was the man she remembered. The one she’d married, ignoring their parents’ advice to wait until Payson finished med school. This was the man who was confident, not arrogant. He was the man who loved the fact that Jessie could do things on her own, that she didn’t rely on him for every single thing in her life. When had he changed? Or had it been her?