Fate (Forever & Always Book 2)

by Cindy Springsteen

  “No, they don’t.” He laughs. “I saw your picture though, I knew what to expect and Liz told me what a great friend you are. Friends are the best thing to have in life.”

  “Yes, I’m very lucky to have the friends I do.”

  “There is something I do need to tell you though, I mean before we get too ahead of ourselves here,” he says hesitantly.

  Oh no! I knew this must be too good to be true. Guys! Always with baggage or something, they have problems with. An ex? He’s married? He’s gay? He is in a divorce. He has kids. Chicken pox? I roll my eyes at my own bad joke. Geez…it figures. My chest tightens. I knew there must be something wrong with him. It was just too good to be true, right? A million thoughts fly around my head in mere seconds. “Should I be afraid to hear this? You’re married? Have kids? Into guys?” I tried to make light and tried hard to pretend I wasn’t disappointed. I wanted to believe this too good to be true guy, was just that…a true thing. I wanted that normalcy just once in my life.

  “No, that’s crazy.” He is laughing so hard as he speaks, “I am not married, I have no kids and no, I’m not into guys.”

  “Whew, I guess I can handle it then.” I had to laugh because he couldn’t stop laughing at probably the look on my face.

  He finally slows to a chuckle. “I’m going into the service soon. I’ve been thinking about doing it for some time now. It’s just something that I feel I need to do,” he states sounding very proud.

  “Ok, I wasn’t expecting to hear that. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision to join the service and possibly fight in a war one day.” I keep trying hard to sound positive and hide my sadness that he would be leaving and going away. I just met him, but I did like what I see and hear so far.

  “I know it’s a shocker. I also know I had no one… I should rephrase that. I have my family who I love but I have no one special to hold me back. I know it’s soon for us. We’ve only known each other a few hours, but…I just feel a connection to you. If we had maybe met at a different time, you might have been that one that kept me back.”

  This guy just keeps stunning me! Wow. He is kind of deep, yet he voices the way he feels. What he just said is sorta’ sweet too. “That makes me feel really good, not about you leaving though, but that you feel the connection to me too. Timing in my life always seems to be against me.”

  He steps closer to me to look into my eyes. “Don’t say that. Tonight isn’t the end, it’s still a beginning. I need my friends and maybe that friend who will maybe someday be that someone special to fight for and come home to. I’m not going to be away forever.”

  I smiled back at him, but yet, I still feel a very small a bullet hole in my heart.

  “I just felt I needed to really honest with you. You’re a nice girl and don’t deserve anything that will hurt you. If you want to end this right now, I’ll understand completely. I can’t say I won’t be disappointed because I do like you and feel we could be great friends, but…I know that with me leaving soon it would hurt if we got too serious. Make sense?”

  I remain stunned. Wow again. He has put thought into this. So honest and up front. Then he seems to be able to communicate what he feels and thinks so well. Rare for a male in any day or age. “Yes, it really does and I’m happy you were honest. I wouldn’t have liked finding out after I already invested my heart. But I don’t want to end it already. We can be friends, or as you say maybe great friends, and see what happens.”

  “I was so hoping you were going to be okay with this. I know it’s a shock and all, but I like being honest about everything.” He laughs again. “Some people don’t know how to take me. I mean me being so forthright, as some of my friends say about me. But…” He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s the way I am. Always have been. When I was a kid, it often got me into trouble.” He gives me a huge grin.

  I am bedazzled by his stunning smile. My breath hitches a bit. “Honesty is a great thing to have and you have no idea how glad I am to have found an honest person.” I almost wince it’s as if I just slapped my Danny in the face. Yes, when he was younger he wasn’t honest all the time. He’d hid things that came back to bite us both…painfully. I focus back on this Dan. I liked this guy right off, which is rare too, on these blind dates. In fact, this is a first. Me liking the guy so much.

  “Okay friend, have room for that ice cream yet?” he teases.

  “Yes friend, I think I actually do!” I laugh.

  Chapter Six

  Since it was my idea to drive, we part ways after the ice cream.

  Liz jumps in my car, all excited. “See? I told you that he was great didn’t I?” She sounds as if she’s ready to explode.

  “Yes, you did and you were right and yes, I just admitted you were right. But, did you know that he is leaving soon to go into the service?”

  “No, he didn’t mention it, I wonder if Stuart knows?”

  “I’m sure he does, I would think. He really could’ve been that one, you know?”

  “Who says he can’t still be? Going into the service isn’t forever and if it’s meant to be, it will be. Don’t you tell me that all the time?”

  I did, and I always meant it, but deep down, it referred to Danny, not a first date situation. “I really did have a great time tonight, thank you for asking me to go. It certainly went better than I thought it would.”

  I feel immediately guilty for not telling her about Danny being back and I knew I should to drop that bombshell on her soon, but for tonight, I just want to enjoy the memories of the date. We laugh and talk about the dinner and the boardwalk, then about maybe a second date. I shrug and just try to go with the flow. I drop her off and headed home. I hadn’t let myself think of Danny much all night…To be fair to Dan and also to try to keep my thoughts away from that mess I was now somehow mixed into.

  When I pull into my driveway and get out of the car, I hear a familiar whistle. The one that always made me smile in the past. The entire time we were growing up we had our own network of communication. He would slip notes into my mailbox, and I would slip notes into his when we couldn’t talk on the phone.

  Whenever, we would meet outside and our parents weren’t to know, he would let out a whistle.

  Has he been stalking my house all night waiting for me to get home?

  “So, how did it go?” he hesitantly asks me.

  “It was nice, nicer than I thought it was going to be.”

  “Should I be worried?”

  What a strange question to ask when he’s the one married to someone else. That is how I should have thought, should have felt, but one look into those eyes of his that were genuinely concerned that he could lose me again, I didn’t have the heart to say the words I should have probably said. Like tell him that I really like the guy and think it could be something. Make him back off. Try to make him go away thinking I was going to date this guy. He might even go back and really try to save his marriage. Instead, I said, “No, I don’t think you will have to worry about him too much. He was nice, he really was, but he is going into the service soon and really just wants a friend, maybe a pen pal.” Why didn’t I say it? Like tell him, he needs to move on and I should too. It’s selfish of me. I knew it, I just still didn’t want to quite let go. Even though I believed before Danny arrived back into my life that I was past it all. “I’m really tired it has been a long day and I haven’t gotten much sleep lately. I think I’m going to head in okay?”

  “Sure, I just wanted to make sure you got home safe and that everything went all right tonight, although you do know that I wish you’d been with me.”

  “I know….it’s just so complicated. I just don’t want to get hurt again, Danny. You don’t know what is going to happen and I just can’t let myself fall again. You know I love you, I always have, always will, forever and always, but—we don’t know, we just don’t know.” I feel upset and I didn’t want my night ruined. I had a night of normal and I want to savor that moment just a little longer.

  “I can sti
ll call you tomorrow right?”

  “Yes.”

  “I am sorry...If I hadn’t hurt you like I did, things would be different and we would be together, the way we always should have been.” He reaches for me and hugs me tight.

  For this moment, I feel safe and it feels right. Like always when he held me in his arms. We share a simple kiss and then separate.

  I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, reliving the night and wondering what I would be thinking or feeling at this moment had I not known that Dan was leaving and we probably didn’t stand that much of a chance. When Danny held me a few moments ago it just felt right, but would it have if I thought I had any chance with Dan? I am just beyond confused. I need to just bite the bullet and tell Liz what’s going on. Someone needs to help me get my head on straight. Someone needs to catch me when I hit that pavement, once again.

  I fell asleep and my dreams were odd. I would see Danny’s face and his gaze that would mesmerize me. Then his face would shift into Dan’s. His warm eyes so clear, his smile so sweet.

  I toss and turn in bed. My dreams were telling me let go of the past embrace the future, play it safe. Danny was always a risk. Dan might be, but I didn’t know for sure. Until I explore any relationship with him, how am I to know?

  I do know that I love Danny, no less than ever. I gave him my heart and I just couldn’t seem to grab it back. I feared a lot of things, mostly I feared my own emotions. Think with your head and not your heart, my mom would say. But I’d always been a ‘heart leads me’ type of person. I couldn’t change this. I’d have to change who I am.

  I finally fell back to sleep in hopes my dreams would leave me be.

  Chapter Seven

  When I wake up, my head is pounding. You would think I got drunk and had a hangover. My hangover is my love life, or lack thereof. I’m pouring a cup of coffee when the phone starts ringing. Why am I afraid of who would be on the other end.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s Leslie, what you doing?”

  I feel so relieved it is her on the phone. “Just got up, being lazy, how about you?”

  “William and I are going to the movies tonight, thought maybe you might want to come?”

  Leslie met William about two years ago. We’d lost touch for a while, but we ran into each other at the deli one day, we instantly picked up the friendship that had been on hold. William is a police officer and they had instantly fallen in love. They dated for a year and married the next year. I felt happy for her but at times still felt awkward being around a married couple, how I longed to be married one day. The three of us had gotten very close and they always try to include me. They also fixed me up with a lot of guys who I just never seemed to click with. “Oh yes, being a third wheel is my idea of a fun night.” I know she’s trying to be nice and include me and I felt guilty for saying what this.

  “You know we don’t think of it that way!” she firmly states to me.

  “Yes, I know I am sorry, long story. It’s been a hell of a couple days.” I’m busting to tell her. I need to tell someone. I just had to before I exploded.

  “What is going on? Are you okay?”

  “Yes, I am as okay as I can be. I hope you are ready for this...Danny is back,” I blurted out quickly.

  “WHAT?”

  I held the phone away from my ear and my already pounding head.

  “You have got to be kidding me, right?”

  “No, he showed up here the other night. They split up and he is going to a mediator but it looks like it’s over. He doesn’t seem to think she will take him back.”

  “Oh Cass, I am at a loss for words here. Does anyone know?”

  “No, you’re the first person I’ve told. Well, my parents know but they don’t know we have met a few times secretly to talk.”

  “Now you have to come tonight.”

  As soon as I said the next words I wasn’t sure I should have, but I did and once they were out there, I couldn’t take them back, “How would you feel if he came also? This way, we can go somewhere not close by and no one has to know. I want time with him without all the watchful eyes.”

  Did she hesitate or was I just being nervous once I asked her how she felt about him coming tonight also.

  “Of course, you know I have your back always, so yes if that is what you want, then I’m fine with it.”

  “Well, I have to ask him, he could have plans tonight, especially after I left him alone last night when I went on a double date with Liz. Which I have to tell you about, she fixed me up with the nicest guy, but sadly he is going into the service soon and I don’t see much of a future in it, knowing he is leaving. Plus I am not sure where things with Danny are.”

  “HOLD THE PHONE! Girl, you are killing me here. I think maybe I’m going to have to stay at your house tonight you have a lot of filling in the gaps to do here. William won’t mind if we have an old-fashioned girl’s night after.”

  I laughed cause it is true and she sounds so excited. “Get this, his name is also Danny, but I am calling him Dan so there isn’t confusion.”

  “NO WAY!”

  “Yeah, I know! Yes, stay over tonight, so I can fill you in on all that is going on. I will see if Danny can go tonight and call you back in a while.”

  What am I doing? My head is spinning and I have never felt more alone and confused in my life. Why do I want to see him so badly?

  Was there ever a doubt that he wouldn’t love the idea that we could go out on a date more or less and not have to worry about being seen? It would be in many ways like old times. It is as if our lives circled around and always fall right back to where it all began.

  Leslie and William pick me up, so no one has any idea anything suspicious is going on. We arranged to pick up Danny around the corner. I know I should feel wrong about doing this. Hiding him. It’s just that I knew if we didn’t get some stuff settled, my life would stay upside down. I need to get a handle on just where we were, where his head is at. Then I pause. What about my head?

  There he stood on the corner, looking so good in his jeans and a nice polo shirt. Instantly, my stomach flutters at the thought that tonight he’s mine. No one to worry about seeing us yet, and for tonight I could pretend all is right in the world, when deep down I knew tonight would probably be the beginning of many heartaches to come. Tonight though, I could smile.

  When he saw me, his face seemed to light up, or maybe I just hoped it did. I’d chosen to wear a mini skirt and a short tank top. I spent a long time on my hair and makeup too. I wanted to feel normal for tonight. I wanted to feel alive. Right or wrong, I intended to have a great night.

  He jumps in the car and we take off. As he got in, our eyes meet and a smile that brightened the whole world happened on his face. He reaches for my hand and holds it tight.

  It’s a long drive and the movie didn’t start until after midnight, so we find what looks like a nice bar near the theatre and went in to have some drinks.

  William and Danny take off to get us some drinks while Leslie and I found a table.

  “You look so happy.” Leslie says to me. “I just hope…well you know.”

  Yes, she knows our history only too well. “I am and I know, but tonight is tonight and I can’t think of tomorrow now. It is so nice being with him. I just wish there wasn’t so much drama going on around it.”

  Leslie laughs.” You and Danny ARE drama.” She shrugs. “Sorry but it is true. Like some romance saga. A mix between Romeo and Juliet and some racy romance novel. With a bad boy and a good girl.” She starts to laugh harder.

  I stare at her. Then I realize it is the absolute truth. I join her in the laughter.

  Leslie stops laughing and suddenly looks serious.

  I lean over and ask, “What?”

  She sighs and shrugs. “It’s just William…” She turns her head and looks around for him.

  “What about him?” I ask.

  “He is acting odd. Not himself, though his job is so stressful.”

>   I knew he did stressful work as a cop. I lay my hand over hers. “I’m here for you. Why haven’t you ever said anything?”

  Before she could answer, the guys were there at our table.

  “I got us all some shots,” Danny says as he places one in front of each of us. “To new beginnings and the start of the future we always should have had.”

  “Cheers,” we all say in unison.

  I pause though thinking of his statement. I tremble inside again. Dare I hope for a future with him? He seems set on it.

  “Just the one for me, I need to drive,” William states.

  Talk flowed easy among us all. It feels as if things were normal, no soon to be ex-wife, no children, no mediators, no parents nagging, nothing in our way tonight.

  We laugh, we talk and for the first time since he came back, I really looked at him, and thought maybe, just maybe this is what is supposed to happen.

  We head to the theater to see “Pretty Woman.” A good movie, but I will remember it mainly because it’s the first time in so many years I got to be with him, holding his hand tight and the world seemed to stand still, just for a little while and just for me. I want so badly to hold onto this feeling for as long as I possibly could, I needed to.

  When the night came to an end, I didn’t want it to. I wanted to just hold him in my arms. I wanted him tell me he would never leave me again. That this was what should have always been. That he needed me as much as I needed him. I wanted this so badly. I feel guilty for wanting it, knowing I shouldn’t, but I did want it. I wanted it more than anything else in my life. I knew it was impossible and others will think I’m wrong and even stupid, but my heart was leading me this night.

  While Leslie is supportive of me seeing Danny not everyone else will be.

  As if he could hear my thoughts, he’d been staring at me, as I’m gazing out the car window. When I turn to look at him, even in the dark car, I can see his face and see him smile.