Once Upon a Heartbreak

by Cassie Rocca

  “You’re right, I have to contribute to the show,” he said, stepping back and putting on the headband. “How do I look?”

  “You look awful, Daddy!” His daughter laughed, before grabbing hold of his leg. “But I love you all the same!”

  “Well, that’s something, I suppose.” Zack picked her up and kissed her all over her face then put her back on the ground. “Okay, girls, if we don’t want to look stupid we need to get back to work – we only have half an hour before the start of the competition.”

  Candice took Liberty by the hand and dragged her to the centre of the lawn. “Follow me, Daddy doesn’t know all the steps yet!”

  Liberty smiled at Zack. “I won’t get distracted, I promise.”

  I hope that I can say the same, he thought, following her.

  The sound of Demi Lovato singing about her fear of falling in love emerged from the small stereo, and with every line Liberty felt fresh amazement: she would never have believed she could recognize so much of herself in the song of a teenage pop star, and it was equally incredible that she was intent on learning the crazy dance steps with a little creature dressed in pink and was about to compete on an ice rink in front of dozens of people.

  It was certainly not how she had imagined spending that lonely Sunday. Leaving Justin alone in bed, she had gone out, saying she wanted to work off a little of the tension that had built up inside her by going for a run in Central Park, and now here she was laughing and dancing in an almost carefree way – which was something that hadn’t happened for a long time – right there with the primary cause of her psychological and physical stress.

  For days she had been hoping that he would come to Giftland to try and force her to make a decision about the cakes for the party, and at the end of each day she’d felt absurdly disappointed that she hadn’t seen him, and had actually even thought of calling him. Only her pride and eagerness to keep well away from any situation that might threaten her emotional stability had stopped her. But her mood had turned gloomy – even more so than usual – and any human being who had come within a radius of a few metres of her had paid the price.

  The moment a few minutes earlier when she had seen Zack standing in the middle of a small green corner of the park, she had felt all that tension abandoning her altogether. And that was definitely scary. She had promised herself never to allow anyone else to have an effect like that on her, but she just didn’t seem able to resist when Zack was the man in question…

  She glanced fleetingly to her right, stealthily observing Zack’s stiff movements as he was repeatedly told off by his daughter, who was trying to teach him the dance steps.

  It was so beautiful, so cute! She could no longer hide the deep admiration she felt for him, a man who had so many good qualities and who managed to turn everything into a fun game. In spite of the childish teasing about his presumed homosexuality at school, he was quite happy to put on a silly pink skirt to make his daughter happy, and he threw himself into that childish contest without fear of revealing his own failings in front of an adult audience.

  Liberty would like to have had at least half of his self-esteem and his love of life.

  And you could have it if you were with him, a little voice inside her head said. Look at what you’re doing right now, for instance.

  In reality, the Liberty of that moment was almost a stranger to her. Liberty didn’t dance in public, she didn’t wear tutus and sequins, she didn’t laugh herself hoarse. If she was behaving like that, it could only be the fault – or thanks to – Zack and Candice Sullivan and their contagious enthusiasm.

  She longed to be a part of that family so much that she could almost feel a dull ache in her chest. Yet she knew damn well how impossible it was.

  How could she have a family? She, who was so reluctant to show her feelings, with all the problems she had in trying to enjoy life? Without forgetting the most important detail of all – that she was about to marry another, a man who liked the new Liberty, the one that she had worked so damn hard to become, and not the fading ghost of a past that was now buried.

  So what exactly are you doing here, then? she wondered. She wanted one last bite. She would taste once again the happiness of one last day with Zack and his daughter, and that would provide her with sufficient memories to warm her heart on the saddest of days. Those two were better than any cake, they filled up her life in a way that nothing else ever could.

  Zack waited for the last notes of the song to fade and then looked at his watch. “I think it’s time to go, girls.”

  Candice took them by the hand and almost dragged them down the path towards the entrance to the Wollman Rink, the ice rink Liberty had often seen from afar or on the big screen. She had skated there once when she was a child with her grandparents and her sister, and she had hoped to come back with her father one day to show him what she had learned. Of course it had never happened, but at that moment the thought did not make her feel sad, somehow. Thanks to her, a little girl of about the same age she had been was about to have a good time, and the thought filled her with an inexplicable and comforting joy.

  Sometimes giving someone a smile is more satisfying than receiving one.

  While Candice chattered away, pointing to this or that classmate, Zack went over to the judges’ table which had been set up at the edge of the track, where he left their names and collected their skates. Compared to in winter, when the rink was very crowded, there was more space available for the competition, even though there were still a lot of people occupying that corner of the park. Liberty felt anxious at the idea of dancing on skates in front of all those people, but then Zack turned round and their eyes met. Her fear seemed to vanish instantly.

  She was about to go over and join them when a woman with a big smile on her lips appeared in front of Zack. She had long brown hair which was covered with a multi-colored hat that matched the fluttering costume she wore over a tight jumpsuit. Next to her was a child the same age as Candice who was dressed identically.

  Liberty didn’t immediately grasp what she was saying, but she soon realized that the woman was interested in Zack. They would make a beautiful couple, she admitted reluctantly: both of them were attractive, with brown hair and with dark haired daughters who could have been sisters…

  The annoyance she felt at seeing them together unnerved her. She had no right to be jealous – on the contrary, she should hope that Zack would find a special woman with whom he could spend his life as soon as possible so that his daughter would have a mother.

  And he will find one – not all women are stupid enough to miss out on an opportunity like that, she thought ruefully. Next to her, Candice snorted. “I can’t stand that girl. She’s horrible!”

  “Why do you say that?” asked Liberty, ignoring the feeling of satisfaction she felt at hearing those words.

  “She always boasting about all the clothes and toys that her dad gives her, but what do I care? At least my daddy is always with me – hers doesn’t even live in their house!” Of course she was talking about her schoolmate, whose parents must be separated… And indeed, the signals that the woman was sending to Zack were unequivocal. Candice stood staring at her with a sulky pout on her face. “And her mummy wears too much perfume, it makes me my throat feel sore.”

  Liberty let out a chuckle, but the little girl didn’t stop sulking.

  “Franny’s mother likes my dad, doesn’t she? She’s always fussing around him. He always says he doesn’t want to be her boyfriend, but what if he changes his mind?”

  Liberty watched as the couple approached and looked at Zack’s face for signs of interest in that woman. He was smiling at her and was lingering a bit too long chatting with her. Was he just trying to be friendly, or was there something more?

  It’s none of your business, she told herself, looking away.

  “Would you pick me up, Liberty?”

  Those whispered words took her by surprise. Looking down, Liberty saw Candice’s pleading face and
felt a surge of affection and sadness.

  She could not resist that anxious little face and the desire for love that she read so clearly in those big dark eyes. They touched a raw nerve, echoing a similar request that screamed inside her.

  Without a word, she picked up the little girl and held her close, inhaling that sweet perfume that only children have. That silent exchange of affection made something inside her melt, and brought all the needs that she had been repressing over the years bubbling up to the surface.

  Suddenly she felt the desire to have her own child. She had never thought about such an eventuality before, but at that moment she understood that a child would be the perfect remedy to heal the ills of her soul. Only a completely innocent being could give her that unconditional and pure love that she had always been looking for. A child, or a man very much in love. Or maybe both.

  And could Justin be the father of your children?

  That question stung, and her fantasies dissolved like soap bubbles.

  That damned habit of hers. Always examining every problem. It was a habit she needed to eradicate as soon as possible.

  Zack stopped in front of her and stared at her, his eyes full of an emotion that Liberty had difficulty in defining, distracted as she was by her own gloomy thoughts. It seemed to her that she could almost hear the sound of bolts sliding back into place, tightening their grip on her heart.

  Even the stranger at Zack’s side was staring at her, with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance. “So did you find a partner for the competition?” she asked as she looked at Zack and waited for him to explain.

  Liberty said nothing but put Candice down, still holding her hand.

  “Liberty is our best friend!” the little girl said with a fierce look on her face.

  “And she will give our choreography that little something extra,” added Zack, winking at her.

  Liberty relaxed a little. “Don’t create expectations that are only going to be disappointed.”

  “You know how to dance, Lib,” he replied, knowingly. “Believe me, you can only improve the situation.”

  The way he looked at her! God, it made her want to grab him by the front of his sweatshirt and…

  “And there I was hoping that we could unite our efforts,” said Franny’s mother, with a forced laugh. “Maybe next time.”

  “No way,” thought Liberty. Then she stiffened.

  She wouldn’t be there to stop her, ‘next time’…

  “Bye, Margaret,” said Zack absently, devoting his attention completely to Liberty and Candice. “Here are our skates – we’re on third.”

  “Yay!” shouted Candice.

  “Heaven help us,” sighed Liberty, grabbing her skates.

  Ten minutes later, they went onto the ice.

  While the judges were busying themselves in front of the large stereo system, preparing the song they had chosen for their performance, Candice gave them their final orders, motivating them better than any sports coach.

  Liberty and Zack exchanged a nervous smile – they were definitely more worried than she was.

  But when the notes of Diana Ross’s ‘You Can’t Hurry Love’ filled the air, Candice’s eyes seemed about to pop out of their sockets. She turned to her father, panic etched on her face.

  “It’s the wrong song!”

  Zack glanced quickly at the teachers on the jury who hadn’t noticed anything, and then took the situation into his own hands.

  “All right, it doesn’t matter. We can manage.”

  “How?!” whimpered Candice.

  “We’ll improvise – us Sullivans aren’t going to let a little thing like that stop us, right? “ He took both of them by the hand and began to skate with them in time to the music, even if their movements were not perfectly synchronized. “Ok, girls, let’s have some fun!”

  It was pure madness – between gyrations that were out of time, ungainly jumps and waggling hips, they completed the two minutes of choreography, giggling like crazy. Taken by surprise by the unexpected end of the song, they didn’t manage to coordinate themselves for a finale: letting go of Candice’s hand, Zack suddenly tried to stop, and Liberty ended up crashing into them. Without knowing how, Liberty found herself lying on the ice, with Zack on top of her. “Did you hurt yourself?” he asked, lifting himself up on his elbows.

  Liberty looked around her, more shocked than hurt. “Oh my God, how embarrassing…,” she moaned.

  Demonstrating an enviable presence of mind, Candice managed to finish dancing to the music and gave a funny, but adorable, curtsey. Zack and Liberty both burst out laughing and everyone around them did the same, giving them an encouraging round of applause.

  The general euphoria infected the little girl, who started thanking the audience like some prima ballerina at a first night of the ballet, but Liberty barely noticed. Her eyes were glued to Zack’s, and Zack seemed to be smiling with every muscle in his face.

  She wasn’t prepared for the sudden kiss that was planted on her lips, but she was almost certain that she had followed Zack’s movement, her mouth looking for his just as his had been looking for hers. It was quick, and probably just the result of all the adrenaline still racing around her system, but it etched itself into her like an indelible marker. She would always remember the softness of those lips, the warmth of his breath mixed with her own, the scent of his skin…

  She wished she could have stayed lying there on the cold ice of that skating rink with Zack forever.

  “That was so much fun!” squeaked Candice as she came over to them. “Did you see my curtsey? It was perfectly in time!”

  Zack quickly stood up, holding out both hands to help Liberty get back on her feet. He was still smiling and looking at her with eyes full of unexpressed desire.

  “We couldn’t have finished it off better,” he agreed in response to his daughter, succeeding at the same time in giving the words a thousand different meanings.

  Liberty preferred to look away and concentrate on the little girl, who was circling round them clapping her hands. “You were really good – much better than we were, and with a song that you’d probably never heard in your life.”

  “I know – I didn’t know it, but it was nice.” Candice looked over at the judges, who were talking to each other, then turned to her father. “They will never give us a prize, will they?”

  “I don’t know, honey,” he replied, stroking her hair.

  Candice shrugged her small shoulders. “It doesn’t matter! It was the best day of my life!”

  Zack and Liberty remained silent, avoiding each others’ eyes, and went to retrieve their shoes.

  Liberty was taking off the pink tutu when she saw Justin standing a few metres away from the entrance. Her guilty thoughts immediately flew to that kiss that Zack had stolen from her a few moments before as they lay on the icy rink, but her boyfriend seemed only to notice her at that moment. And, of course, he walked in their direction.

  In the grip of inexplicable anxiety, Liberty handed Zack the costume. “I have to go.”

  “No, please – stay a little longer!” Candice begged her. “At least until they give out the prizes!”

  “Why don’t you come for lunch with us? I promised Candy burgers and fries after the competition, but you can order anything you want, even a salad – I won’t be cooking, so you can eat whatever you like,” joked Zack, with a mischievous look on his face.

  Liberty shook her head. “I really can’t.”

  At that moment Justin joined them, his expression cordial though vaguely perplexed. “So here you are! I was trying to call you to tell you that I was coming to catch up with you, but you didn’t answer.”

  Zack’s face seemed to darken, and Liberty forcefully pulled her eyes away from his to smile to her boyfriend’s face. “I left my phone at home. I didn’t think I was going to be out for so long, but while I was out running I bumped into Zack and Candy…”

  “And we immediately dragged her into one of our daring adventu
res,” said an unperturbed Zack, finishing the sentence for her. “Sorry if we kept her longer than necessary, but we really needed a third person for the skating competition.”

  “Skating competition?” Justin looked at her in amazement. “I didn’t even know you could skate, let alone dance on ice.”

  “And in fact I can’t, as my little tumble at the end of my performance clearly demonstrated.”

  “You did really well, but that was my fault,” said Zack, giving her a strange look. “I hope I didn’t hurt you too much.”

  Was it her imagination, or did that phrase mean something more?

  Liberty dismissed the subject of the conversation with a shrug. “Don’t worry,” she said, without looking at him. “At worst I’ll have a bruise… but it’ll soon fade away.”

  She hoped he’d got the message.

  She bent down to give Candice a hug. “That was fun, I really enjoyed being on your team.” The little girl squeezed her tightly.

  “I love you so much…I had a great time! Will you come and see me soon?”

  Liberty closed her eyes, feeling a lump in her throat. “I’m sure we’ll meet up again soon,” she said. And unfortunately she was convinced of it. What she wanted and needed to do was to put as much distance between herself and Zack as possible, but living in the same city meant that they would end up coming across each other more often than the rational part of her brain would have wanted.

  With a last wave goodbye, she let Justin put his arm around her shoulders and they walked away. But she heard Candice’s little voice, carried on the breeze, say, “It’s a pity she’s getting married, isn’t it?”

  Liberty held her breath, waiting for an answer that did not come.

  “Everything alright?” Justin’s voice made her jump.