The Heart of Winter

by Emma Hannigan

‘What?’ Joey and Pippa chorused.

  ‘You two are a tonic. I know you clearly came in here to try and help. But nobody else could come in and act so panicked. I’m meant to be having the meltdowns not you two!’

  ‘But don’t you see?’ Joey said. ‘That’s the way it works, Lainey. You’re the big sister.’

  ‘You’re the only ones I really needed to see,’ said Lainey. ‘Thanks for coming in, you guys.’

  Pippa glanced over at Joey and looked back down at the floor. She’d never felt like such a bitch in all her life. She should’ve been here this time yesterday. Looking at Joey’s expression, she sensed he felt exactly the same way.

  ‘I called in first thing this morning,’ he said. ‘But you were off having a scan. The nurses couldn’t tell me how long you’d be. I should’ve waited. I’m sorry, Lainey.’

  ‘Hey, don’t be silly,’ she said. ‘I know you’re both up to your eyes. Besides there’s so much going on right now. Anyway, look at us! We’re all here now. That’s all that matters.’

  Less than an hour later one of the nurses arrived with a blood pressure monitor and some tablets.

  ‘Sorry to break up the party, folks, but Lainey needs to have her vital signs checked and I’ll administer some painkillers. Could I ask you to call back another time? I think perhaps she’s had enough too.’

  ‘Sure,’ said Joey. ‘We’ll be back soon. I’ll keep in touch with Pippa and we’ll rotate it so you’re not bombarded.’

  ‘Or left on your own,’ Pippa added.

  They both bent to kiss her and moved off toward the door. Just as they were about to say goodbye to one another, Jules walked over.

  ‘Hey. Can I have a quick word in private before you two zip off?’

  ‘Sure,’ said Pippa.

  They followed her into a door marked ‘family room’.

  ‘So how did you find Lainey?’ Jules asked.

  ‘She was in great form thankfully,’ Joey said pulling his fingers through his hair. ‘I was really hassled coming down here. I’ve so much on right now. But Sadie sent this text earlier and I knew I should come . . .’

  ‘Me too. Well I was on the way. But it jarred me, I have to admit. I was expecting to see Lainey on life support or something,’ Pippa joked. ‘She’s not exactly jumping about, but she’s doing really well. We had a good chat and I think she’s fine now.’

  Jules marched up and down clenching her fists.

  ‘Are you two quite finished?’

  ‘What’s eating you?’ Joey asked, as his smile faded.

  ‘Are you serious?’ Jules seethed. ‘I cannot get my head around you two. You’re so full of what’s going on in your own lives and how hassled or busy or up-your-own-asses you are. Stop and take a look around, why don’t you? Lainey needs to be the centre of attention right now. She could die. Have you actually thought about that?’

  ‘Jules, we’re all aware that Lainey is in a really scary place right now,’ Joey said. ‘But there’s no need to be so aggressive.’

  ‘Isn’t there?’ she shouted. ‘I have one relation. My mother. Who happens to hate me. She despises the fact that I still exist. But you know what? At least she’s straight up and honest about it. Whereas you lot are so lovey-dovey at times and yet now when the chips are down and your sister needs you, neither of you are anywhere to be found.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ Joey said. ‘I came this morning . . .’

  ‘Yeah and couldn’t wait for five minutes until Lainey came back from a scan. Joey, you’re so obsessed with saving Huntersbrook and climbing the career ladder that you’ve forgotten what really matters. If Lainey dies, it’ll be too late. No money, house or job will ever replace her.’ Jules couldn’t manage to say any more.

  ‘I’m out of here,’ Joey said through his teeth. ‘Jules, I know you mean well. But I don’t appreciate you telling me how to behave with my own sister. Lainey knows she means the world to me. Thanks for the dressing down, but I think you should sort your own messed-up life before you start trying to organise mine. See you later, Pip.’

  As he marched out and slammed the door, Jules collapsed onto a chair.

  ‘I give up,’ she said weakly. ‘I’m brilliant at killing relationships . . . I only wanted to protect Lainey. I thought you were all ignoring her . . . I know she helped you two years ago,’ she said sheepishly to Pippa. ‘I see the effort she puts into being a good friend to Skye and how she nursed Joey after his accident. I couldn’t bear the fact that neither of you seemed to care. I was wrong . . . I’m sorry,’ she said bursting into tears.

  ‘Hey,’ Pippa said quietly. ‘Don’t cry, Jules. For the record, you’re right. Everything you’ve just said is true. Joey is on some arrogant bastard buzz right now. So leave him to his door slamming and being a stroppy git. But I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve behaved like a total witch.’

  ‘Pippa,’ Jules said. ‘I didn’t mean to attack you . . .’

  ‘I’ve been so bloody stupid, Jules,’ she said.

  Bit by bit, Pippa explained the situation with Missy and how she’d been blackmailing her.

  ‘Pippa, have you been taking drugs too?’

  Silently she nodded, having the grace to look utterly ashamed. ‘That’s why I couldn’t come to see Lainey last night. I’m so disgusted with myself, Jules. I knew she needed me and I was so off my face, I couldn’t come.’

  ‘Wow,’ Jules whistled. ‘That’s not ideal, Pippa.’

  ‘Not ideal? It’s a bloody fiasco,’ she said throwing her arms in the air. ‘I cannot believe how stupid I’ve been. I knew all along that I was playing with fire. I knew it was wrong. It goes against the grain and I can’t think of any reason to justify what I’ve done. But all I can say is that I want to change.’

  ‘That’s a start,’ she said. ‘Listen, Pippa. I’m hardly Mother Theresa. Nobody’s perfect. But you can turn this around, yeah? You can disentangle yourself from Missy as soon as this party is over. You can walk away. You’re lucky. Lucky that it hasn’t impacted on your life any further.’

  ‘Why do I keep getting myself into stupidly dangerous situations, Jules? I don’t intend to do it. But it seems to happen. Why can’t I be normal?’

  ‘What’s “normal” anyway?’

  The two girls hugged.

  Jules knew she wasn’t going to find it quite as cosy next time she saw Joey. But she didn’t regret shouting at him. She’d do it again, ten times over, if it meant he’d think more about Lainey.

  ‘Are we friends?’ Pippa asked.

  ‘You bet,’ Jules said. ‘I love all you guys. You’re the closest thing I have to family. That’s clearly why I think I can hide in hospital rooms before jumping out and yelling at you all.’

  ‘Lainey’s lucky to have such an amazing friend,’ Pippa said. ‘I’m envious. I don’t know anyone who’d do that for me.’

  ‘Lainey would.’

  ‘Touché. You know, Jules, I thought I was living my life on the edge. I honestly didn’t face up to quite how emotionally disturbed I’ve been since that attack. I was terrified to go out for ages. Then it was as if I took off in a totally different direction. It was like I was trying to give my fear the two fingers. That game is over now, I can tell you. Everything to do with that seedy drugs world is being culled from my life.’

  Pippa

  PIPPA DIDN’T FEEL LIKE RETURNING TO DUBLIN. She couldn’t face seeing Danny or anyone else. She needed some time out, to think and plan. Jules’ words had hit home, and she knew she had to rethink her life. Instead she pointed the car in the direction of Huntersbrook.

  She called into the gate lodge to look in on Holly and Paddy who were busy with Ely.

  ‘So I’ve just been with Lainey,’ she said.

  ‘What?’ Holly asked rushing to her. ‘But Matt told us that she’s not accepting visitors. How come you went in there? Paddy, we need to go in there right now.’

  ‘Let’s just hear what Pippa has to say,’ he urged, trying to restore calm. ‘We nee
d to keep things on an even keel for this little man,’ he said pointing to Ely.

  ‘She’s OK, considering,’ Pippa said. ‘She’s doing her best. But I reckon she must feel like a ticking time bomb.’

  Holly began to twist the napkin she was clutching.

  ‘Matt is still insisting she doesn’t want to see us. Pippa, do you think we could go anyway? I’m going stir crazy here. I know she’s angry with me at the moment . . . Well, I know our relationship is . . . But I’m her mother. And it isn’t right that we’re not in there with her. And . . . and Paddy shouldn’t be punished because Lainey is angry with me.’

  Skye arrived and knocked on the door.

  ‘Hello love,’ Holly said. ‘Pippa’s just come from the hospital. It seems Lainey is a little brighter today,’ she said with forced cheer.

  ‘That’s good,’ Skye said. ‘I’m planning to visit her in a while. I’ll let her rest a bit and then go over. Joey texted to say he was there and that Jules is still in there. Did she need anything brought in?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ Pippa said. ‘Maybe give her a text before you leave.’

  ‘Right, that’s it,’ Holly said. ‘I’m going in now.’

  Paddy stood up and moved over to place his hand on her shoulder. ‘Lainey has asked us to mind Ely. That is the most important thing right now. We need to make sure he’s happy. The others can trot in and out of the hospital. That’s fine. Let’s do what she needs us to do and that way things are as stress free as possible. Am I right?’ he asked the two girls.

  ‘Totally,’ Pippa nodded in agreement. ‘Dad’s right. Let’s all try and rally around. Besides if Skye is popping in and Jules is already there, it’d be like a zoo. The ward isn’t that spacious, so I think your best policy is to stick with Ely.’

  Skye changed the subject by telling them about the takeaway idea and asked if they’d join.

  ‘Sounds lovely,’ said Holly. ‘We’ll bring this little man along and it’ll be cosy.’

  ‘Great. I’ll make tracks now then,’ Skye said. ‘See you all later.’

  ‘I think I’ll go on up to the house too. I’ll give you lift, Skye.’

  ‘I can walk down the driveway. You don’t have to leave on my account.’

  ‘It’s cool,’ Pippa said easily. ‘See you both later. Bye Ely,’ she said as the baby waved happily.

  Pippa glanced over at Skye a couple of times as she zipped down the drive. Normally Skye would make a smart comment about her not being a rally driver and slowing down.

  They got out of the car and walked into Huntersbrook in total silence.

  ‘So I know things aren’t exactly zippity-do-dah around here right now,’ Pippa said. ‘But what’s going on with you, Skye? It’s not like you to be so quiet.’

  ‘Oh, I’m fine thanks, Pippa. Just worried about Lainey.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Skye nodded, but the tell-tale tears gave the game away.

  ‘Please tell me what’s wrong. You can trust me,’ Pippa said. ‘I don’t want to upset you any further than you already are, but I’d like to help if I can.’

  She was still smarting from Jules’ outburst. The idea that she was so completely selfish had hit her hard. She wondered how many other people saw her as a self-centred shallow wagon.

  ‘You have enough problems on your plate right now,’ Skye said attempting to fob her off.

  ‘Listen, there’s always room on the plate for another pile of crap. So don’t be shy.’

  ‘I thought all my prayers had been answered when Joey proposed. I still can’t quite believe that Holly wants me to wear her mother’s ring. But it’s almost like the universe is trying to burst my bubble in as many ways as possible ever since. First, this awful thing is happening to Lainey. Then I go home to try and have a civil conversation with my insane mother and she’s more out there than ever . . .’

  ‘You don’t have much to do with her though. So it’s not really something you should worry about, right?’

  ‘But I do, Pippa. I’m supposed to be the child and she’s the adult. But it’s always felt as if it’s the other way around. My father is off God only knows where, probably dying unnecessarily because he won’t take the medicine he requires . . .’

  ‘And?’ Pippa raised one eyebrow.

  ‘And Joey is like a different man . . . Since he’s been offered this partnership I feel as if he’s slipping away from me. I barely see him and when I do he’s full of work jargon and who is making the most profit. I’m pleased for him that he’s being rewarded at work. He deserves it. He’s very dedicated . . . But I don’t know where I fit in any more.’

  ‘Oh Skye,’ she said hugging her. ‘I’m sorry that you feel side-stepped by Joey.’

  ‘Do you know what’s bothering me the most?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Any time I broach the subject, Joey tells me he’s doing it for us. For our future. For our benefit. But what’s he’s really missing is that all I want is him. I’ve no interest in material things. I never had. I don’t care about labels or price tags. None of those things matter when push comes to shove. What use will it be to find myself in some plush home with a shiny big car in the drive and nobody to talk to?’

  Pippa felt as if she’d had a bucket of freezing water dumped over her head. This was all echoing exactly what Jules had said earlier. Both the girls were right too. Pippa had an urge to run and grab her brother and shake him until the advice he’d been given by Jules spun about like bingo balls before landing in the right slots and creating a jackpot win. The prize being a great big dose of let’s-cop-the-hell-on.

  Pippa made tea and they shared a slice of Sadie’s chocolate cake.

  ‘God this is good,’ Skye said. ‘Worth the calories.’

  Just then a loud rumbling noise from outside made them jump.

  ‘Oh Skye. You’ve got to see this.’

  As they peered out the window a large flat backed truck came into sight with a huge mound of poles and fabric on top.

  ‘Ooh, the tent!’ Skye said. They pulled on coats and ventured to the side of the house where Matt, Jacob, Holly, Paddy and Ely were congregated.

  ‘That looks massive,’ Pippa whispered. ‘Who are the band of merry men?’

  ‘The ones Joey bought it from. They only wanted a few quid in cash to erect it, so we thought it was wiser to pay.’

  Hammering and dragging went on for the entire day. Men kept arriving until there must’ve been over two dozen of them on site.

  ‘I can’t believe we actually considered not paying the vendor to have his team put this up,’ Paddy said shaking his head in awe. ‘It’s a massive construction.’

  ‘And well worth every penny these lads are charging,’ Matt agreed.

  ‘It’s so exciting now,’ Holly said. ‘I can almost hear the corks popping and the animated chatting of a party.’

  Holly noticed Pippa standing off to one side, arms folded tightly across her chest, looking distracted. She stepped across to her.

  ‘Hi love,’ she said. ‘Are you feeling OK?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Pippa said rather too quickly. ‘All great thanks. You?’

  ‘Ah I’m worried sick about Lainey, but dad and I are trying to keep ourselves busy. Having little Ely is a blessing,’ Holly said. ‘He’s such a darling boy. Lainey and Matt have done a marvellous job with him, you know . . .’

  They looked over at Ely, who was clearly thrilled with all the action. She waved over at him as he stamped his feet gleefully on the section of dance floor that was already laid.

  Pippa was rubbing her temples and exhaling. Holly knew she wasn’t hearing a single word she was saying. Trying a different tack, she tried to engage her daughter in conversation.

  ‘How are things going with Danny then? He’s still on the scene I hope?’

  ‘Um,’ Pippa said distractedly. ‘I’m looking forward to getting this party over and done with.’

  ‘Why?’ Holly laughed. ‘Is Missy going on and on about it at work?’


  ‘Something like that,’ Pippa said as she walked over to talk to Paddy.

  Holly watched her go with a sense of apprehension. Pippa wasn’t a bit like herself lately, she seemed to have lost her spark. And she’d lost a lot of weight. Of her two daughters, it was Lainey who wouldn’t miss a few pounds. Pippa’s hair was usually glossy and her skin had a velvet-like sheen that Holly had always admired. Today, she looked almost scraggy and hollow.

  Paddy hugged their youngest child and showed her his new toy, an electronic tape measure that extended and reeled in with the push of a button.

  ‘I’ll get great use out of this,’ he said.

  Pippa couldn’t help smiling at his enthusiasm. ‘So what are you going to measure first?’ she teased.

  ‘This dance floor,’ Paddy said. ‘I have to make sure we’re getting every centimetre we’ve paid for.’

  ‘You do that, Dad,’ Pippa said, clapping him gently on the back. ‘I think I’ll go make a round of coffees and teas. I’m sure the men could do with a break.’

  Holly watched Pippa leave her father and walk in the direction of the house. At least Paddy had been able to make her smile. She would have to try to get Pippa alone again and see if she could get a feel for what was behind her sad face. Something was definitely eating away at her, that was plain enough to see.

  With a sigh, Holly turned her attention from Pippa and went to find little Ely. At first she thought he must be with Matt. She scanned the marquee, then spotted Matt high on a ladder tying some of the tulle to the roof.

  Her heart started to beat faster, but she told herself to remain calm. Paddy was busy measuring; Pippa had gone to the house alone. Where was he?

  She dashed from the marquee and looked left and right. No sign of him. She ran to the house. In the kitchen, Pippa was setting out mugs and biscuits and Sadie was chopping vegetables.

  ‘Do you have Ely here with you?’ she asked in as calm a voice as she could muster.

  ‘No, love. I thought he was with you.’

  Holly ran back toward the marquee, calling his name loudly. No answer.

  Back inside the tent, she called out, asking if anyone had him.