Ricky

by Sheila Hunter

  "I do admit, I miss the hurly burley of family life a little." Amabel said to her father, who just smiled at her.

  Her mother chipped in with, "Yes, I do miss the family for we always had such fun. I don't think I could have stood life at Mead Park either, my dears. I am so glad you came when you did. Think of all the plans Amabel and I are going to make. I have my first grandchild to look forward to. I was sad to think I may have missed out on that."

  "Oh, mama, I was able to buy some lovely material for the baby and I am dying to talk plans over with you."

  "Well we'll have to keep it until later, Amabel, I am sure we will not foist that conversation onto our menfolk."

  Ricky said, "I am very glad you came home, Tad. I had visions of you staying, but at the same time really could not imagine you sitting doing nothing. I think I've been lonelier these months that I ever was as a boy."

  "Glad to hear it, old son. We are certainly glad to be here. I just wish we knew about Will, though. I feel badly about him," said Tad.

  "I am sure he will be all right," said John. "Rob might be under Agatha's thumb but he wouldn't neglect his duty to Will. I feel sure he will be safe and we'll soon hear from him."

  They heard nothing! Several weeks went by with all three of the men writing to get news, but of course letters took so long to be answered that it would be months before they received any answers.

  In the meantime a nursery was planned and the women folk had heads together over sweet little white dresses, drapes for the cradle and other things that women love to plan for new babies. The girls in the hostel were keen to be part of the planning and Jenny would not be left out when she came to town soon after Amabel's return.

  Ricky came home, one day, to find, once more, a travelling trunk in his front hall. "It must be Will," he thought and called to Mrs Keen as obviously Tad and Amabel were out.

  Mrs Keen came from the kitchen in great excitement followed closely by Will, himself. "It's Mr Will, Mr Rick. It's Mr Will," she cried.

  "So I see, Mrs Keen," clutching Will's hand so tight he made the young man wince. He could see that Will's eyes were filled with tears and was very emotional. "You've given us some bad moments, young Will. Why didn't you write, you scallywag?" he asked slapping him on the back.

  "I am so sorry, Rick, but I just couldn't. I have so much to tell you. I hope you will forgive me," Will said.

  "I'll forgive you anything. I am just so glad you are safe. We have all been so worried about you, but all is well now. You look fine." He held him away. "But you are mighty thin, lad, what have you been doing with yourself?"

  "I'll tell you all about it over some tea, if I may." He turned to the housekeeper. "Can we have tea, please, Mrs Keen?"

  "You certainly can, Mr Will. Mr Ricky, he has just walked in and I was still getting over the shock. Maria will bring it in straight away."

  "Come on Will," said Ricky leading the way to the sitting room.

  Just then the front door opened and Amabel and Tad came in. "Will!" Tad called and gave him a great big bear hug. "You old horror, where have you been? You had us so worried."

  Will greeted Amabel when he disentangled himself from Tad, and led the way into the sitting room. They chatted away about incidentals over the tea and when Amabel saw that they were not talking much about Will she stood up and said, "Would you please excuse me, I feel rather tired and wish to lie down." Turning to Will, she said, "I'm so glad to see you here, Will. Do you mind if I go? I will see you at dinner." With that she left the room.

  "Tad, that was very thoughtful of Amabel. I must admit what I have to say is really for yours and Rick's ears at first. You may not wish to tell her what I have to say."

  "Yes, she is grand, is my girl," said the ever loving Tad, " But what dark secret do you have to tell, young Will?"

  Will was very hesitant about starting his story. Now that he was home he seemed to be reluctant about it. Now that he was here facing his two brothers, it was hard. He knew what he had to say would be a shock and above all he wanted their love and he couldn't help wondering if what he had to say would destroy that love.

  "Come on, Will," said Tad. "What happened? We are waiting," urged Tad

  Ricky could see that Will was very upset and tried to calm Tad down from urging the boy to speak, but Tad was hard to stop once he got going on something. But he said, "Will, if you would rather wait and tell us later that's all right. Just take your time. We have all the time in the world."

  "No, Ricky, I know that, but no, I must tell you. But I'm afraid you won't understand."

  "We will, for sure, Will," said Tad persistently, with a grin.

  So the story came slowly out.

  During his first months in Paris Will was excited about and rather overcome with being there. When away from his art classes the street scenes so captivated him that he did little portraiture. He wandered the streets and painted picture after picture of back alleys and lanes, the people, children, old men and women and animals in the streets. He met a great number of painters and odd people living on the edge of the art world. At first rejecting their way of life. Then was inveigled into taking part in their party life, their seamy way of life. He started drinking to "be in it" with the others and owing to his frail constitution went down hill fast. He became ill and stopped seeing Mrs Landon's brother, Mr Cummins, who came looking for him. By this time Will's money was getting short and so he changed "digs" to a squalid place which suited his meagre purse. Mr Cummins found him and tried to knock some sense into him, but this had little effect, he thought. However, something of his state did filter through into Will's mind and he began to worry about it. He went down hill further. One night he had a dream ... this is what he told Ricky and Tad ...

  "I must have been asleep or unconscious or something ... I don't know, but I really think I was dead. Whatever it was, I had a dream or a real experience, it really worried me. I found that I was in a place. I think it must have been just outside heaven. I was in a queue of people who were lined up to go in through a gate. It is peculiar that even though you had to queue to get through the gate or door, there didn't seem to be a fence to stop you from going round it. We were all standing on stuff that looked like cloud. There were two men at the gate letting a few people in and not letting others. It was Jesus and I think, and St Peter. As each person got to the gate they were asked about themselves, Jesus and Peter let only very, very few people through to heaven, I think it was."

  "What a lot of rot, Will," said Tad, " I didn't think I would ever hear you being so fanciful."

  "Quiet! Tad," demanded Ricky, "if you can't be quiet, leave the room." Ricky could see that Will was deeply moved. He was so pale and thin and quiet, he obviously expected to be ridiculed. Ricky could see that the young man was so deeply effected that he thought he didn't even care that he had been interrupted. "Go on, Will."

  Will looked up and gave Ricky a weak smile. "I suppose I expected you to be disgusted, but I am only telling you what happened."

  "Yes, I know," said Ricky, "go on."

  "Well. I was very annoyed that so many people were lining up to get into heaven and not getting there. You see when they were rejected, they were made to go back to to the world again and start all over again. And I was so annoyed to think that I would have to go back and be a cripple again and be lost without my own people and be so unhappy about it. You see I hadn't ever really thought about heaven before. I know you took us to church each week, Ricky, but I just thought it was a good place to learn to draw people. I suppose I heard what the chaplain said, but not consciously. I suppose I knew that there was a heaven and I just took it that was where I would end up, and I would have a nice new body. I suppose I had it in the back of my mind, although, I don't think I ever really took it out and looked at it properly. I think I believed it because you did. You had always led me right and I was content with that. I missed you a lot in Paris, Ricky, I truly did, and I know I've let you down. You've always been so straight wit
h us." He looked rather stricken.

  "You haven't let me down, Will. But go on, finish your story."

  "Well, I got so flaming mad when I saw all these people being sent back to earth, and I don't know how I knew that, that I ran out of the queue and went up towards Jesus and Peter yelling that it wasn't fair, it would be terrible to have to start again and be a street kid again, I mightn't find you next time, and that would be awful. I might have to live a far worse life than the one I have and that would be terrible." Will shook with sobs. "When I ran up to get to Jesus, I didn't get there because everyone in the line started to sort of explode and being not there any more. I knew then they had been sent back to earth and I was, too."

  Tad and Ricky were quiet now as Will finished speaking. He looked emotionally drained. They knew more was to come, Ricky just looked compassionate, and it was Tad who said, "What happened then, old man?"

  Will looked up at him and said, "It was terrible, Tad. It was a nightmare. I began to hate the idea of going to sleep for it would all come back again. But then I realised that I was thinking of it all day, anyway, and that I was just letting it all drag me down further. I think I must have reached bottom. I tried to drink it away and it got worse. Then one day I think I must have reached as far down as I could go." He looked straight at Ricky. "I thought how I had let you and Tad and Mr Landon down and that I had to stop thinking of me and what I wanted and start thinking about you and all you've done for me. It didn't occur to me that it was the dream, or whatever it was that taught me to have a new beginning or anything. I didn't think of it in that light because it had just seemed like a nightmare. I knew then that I had to do something about it, so I started to eat better and I didn't drink any more. I cleaned myself up and when I felt a bit better and I went to see Mr Cummins. I asked him to give me my next allowance and I told him I was going home. He was very pleased at my decision and helped me all he could. So I got back to England and sailed on the next ship I could get on, and here I am. I haven't been able to paint at all since I had the dream, but I know that the first thing I have to do is paint it. I think it will stop haunting me when I paint it, and if I can have my old studio again I would like to move in. Can I please, Ricky?"

  "Of course, it's yours. You'll find it very little changed, Will. We always hoped you would come home again sometime," assured Ricky.

  "But, Will. What do you make of it? Do you really believe you were there in that place? It was just an awful dream, wasn't it, Will?" asked Tad anxiously.

  Will looked straight at his brother. "No Tad, it wasn't a dream. I know I was there and our Lord gave me another chance to come back here and have another go at being a better person. He didn't want me start at the beginning again, to be born into the world again, He wanted to be born again right inside me. I never knew what that story about Nicodemus meant in the Bible, I didn't realise it myself until I was halfway home, when one night I was standing looking at the sea, leaning over the rail and I had nothing between God and me and I saw it in its proper perspective for the first time. I thank God that I can paint it and show it to you."

  "You mean you have got religious or something? That's pretty rotten. I didn't think you'd ever become so silly," said Tad disgustedly. "I hope you aren't going to preach at us. It is rotten isn't it, Ricky?"

  "No, Tad. It isn't rotten, and I am not going to preach at you. I know now on that night I died and was given my second chance. I will probably never mention it again, except to Mr Landon and I owe him that. You'll find that I am just the same Will, but now I think I have got my self in order for the first time."

  "But you said you would have to start again, didn't did you? You are just the same, you're not a little boy again," protested Tad.

  "But I have started again, Tad. You'll see, I have made a fresh start and I don't think I'll ever be quite the same again. You'll just have to accept what I say, but I hope you will see that I am a better person to live with now." Will looked rather wistful.

  Ricky didn't say anything, then giving him a nudge he said, "Take your things up, Will and settle in."

  "I think I will, Rick. I'm sorry if I have hurt you and given you worry, but it will never happen again. I feel so free inside, I know that I am born all over again just like that man Nicodemus wanted to know about in the Bible."

  Tad looked horrified, but didn't say so. It was just as well for he looked as though he would have said something very cutting.

  "Is it all right, Rick?" Will asked.

  "Yes, it is very right, Will. I understand. Now that you have told us, I look forward to having a long talk about it again. Go and settle in. We'll follow soon for it's nearly dinner time."

  "Thanks, Rick," Will said, and turning to Tad he added, "Try to understand, Tad."

  Tad looked up at him and gave him a weak smile. Ricky saw that Tad was deep in thought. "What do you make of that, Rick? You don't believe it do you? Do you think he is all right in the head?" Tad asked.

  Ricky laughed, "Yes, he's all right, old chap. He has had a deep spiritual experience and it has affected him more than he ever thought such a thing could do."

  "But do you go along with that sort of thing? Do you mean you believe in Jesus and all that they talk about in church?"

  "Of course I do, Tad. Don't you?" asked the startled Ricky.

  "Well, no, I don't think I ever thought about it much."

  "Then why did you come to church every Sunday? Didn't anything you heard there touch you?"

  "No I can't say it did, really. I suppose I went because you wanted us to, and that it was thing to do because everyone who was anything went to church on a Sunday and so if we wanted to better ourselves in people's eyes that's what we had to do."

  "Oh, Tad. Where did I go wrong? Is that all it meant to you? I am so sorry," moaned Ricky.

  "Well, you never talked about it much and so I don't suppose either Will or I ever thought about it. He only wanted to draw, anyway, and I always found someone interesting to look at. Why does it mean so much to you, Rick? What do you get out of it?" asked Tad.

  "It isn't what I get out of it, Tad. I don't know, I suppose it is because I learned so much from Mother and Father. It meant so much to them that I just knew it had value and so I listened hard to what they were teaching in church and I found that it meant something to me, too. I am sorry, Tad, I suppose I felt that you would have the same feelings about it that I had because I have had them ever since I remember and I suppose I thought everyone did. Jesus is so real to me."

  "Good heavens, is he? I thought he was some sort of myth or something. How can he be real to you when he has been dead for so long? Even if Will is right and he did see this Jesus, he saw that he was dead and in that other place, wherever that was. Anyway it was only some dream he had," Tad said with a disgusted look on his face. "Gee, Ricky, I just can't believe you'd go along with all that rubbish."

  "Tad, it isn't rubbish. Jesus isn't dead, he is just in 'that other place' as you call it, but lives in all of us when we ask him to. If I didn't have Jesus in my life I would know that my life meant nothing at all. He helps me in everything I do. You'd better study your Bible and look for yourself."

  "You make me sick. I've always thought you were such a practical person and now I find you are just a nothing." With this Tad walked out.

  Ricky heard him go to the hall for his hat and then the front door slammed. "Oh, where have I gone wrong?" wailed Ricky as he sat with his head in his hands.

  But Tad appeared later and at dinner he acted as though nothing was wrong but directed no conversation to Will. This didn't appear to have any affect on Will for he spent much of the time keeping the flow of talk going and keeping Amabel very amused with his 'take off' of some of the French people he had studied with. He told her of one man's over-gesticular speech and had her laughing merrily at the antics he used in illustration.

  Ricky marvelled at the young man for, if anything, Will had always been rather reticent about his doings, however, he was the
life of the party and Tad found that he could even smile at some of his antics.

  They all settled in to the house very comfortably. They had to have more domestic help now that the family was enlarged. But soon Amabel found that walking up the stairs during her last weeks was an effort but everyone seemed to devote their lives to making her as comfortable as possible and the three young men, to whom babies were quite a mystery, were as helpful as they could be. They did view the prospect of the birth with something like horror. Tad was determined to stay with Amabel as long as he could when the time came but it was an ordeal that he did not look forward to, admitting as much to Ricky one evening. Ricky assured him he would be no help to him as he knew less about it all that Tad did.

  "I don't know anything, Ricky. All the women say is, 'you'll be all right as long as you keep out of our way'. That's no help. Any way, old man, I hope you are here and can sit with me and help me through it. I gather it is a terrible thing for a woman, but darling Amabel is actually looking forward to it. Isn't she an angel, Rick? Not many women would tell their husbands that, would they?"

  "I daresay she isn't really. Looking forward to the birth, I mean. She is, no doubt, looking forward to Tad junior but if what I've heard is true, I don't think a woman could look forward to such a thing as having it, would they, Tad?"

  "I daresay we'll find out. You will promise me to wait with me won't you?

  "Yes, but you do remember that in two weeks I have to be at Rocklea all week, don't you?"

  "Oh that's all right the baby isn't due for four weeks yet, there is plenty of time."

  Ricky was very pleasantly surprised at Will who was very busy painting every minute he could. He was not allowing anyone to see what he was painting but Ricky knew it was a huge canvas and that Will was filled with suppressed excitement at what he was doing. Ricky thought that it was probably the painting that would show the experience or dream or whatever it was that Will had had in France. Apart from painting, Will was much more cheerful and assertive than Ricky had ever known him. When anyone was around Will would take a smaller canvas and paint from some of the sketches he had made. They were delightful studies and Ricky felt that the lad had an inner something that had not been there before his overseas trip.