Crossworld of Xai

by Steven Savage

  “Hey, Huan, I’m …” she closed the door to the apartment she shared with her partner.

  HuanJen sat on the couch, crying.

  Jade felt dissociated for a moment. She’d seen him express almost any emotion except outright sorrow. He wasn’t sobbing or blubbering, but he merely sat, slumped, tears running down his face. He looked up at her and smiled wanly.

  “Sorry, I expected you wouldn’t be home for awhile longer.”

  Emotions whirled through Jade’s mind, but one emerged strongly. Concern. She wanted to know what was going on. She wanted to say something smart, something to cheer him up from whatever … but all she could do was worry.

  Jade dropped her purse on the coatrack, closed the door, and sat by her partner. She could feel his emotions, feel his sadness, yet he was still miles away from her.

  “Huan … what happened?” Jade moved closer, sitting down by her partner.

  “Old Man Green is dead,” the words were simple, flat.

  “Can I … do anything? I’m so sorry, HuanJen, I …” Jade found the perfect words disintegrate before they left her lips.

  “I will be fine. I need some time to myself.” The emotional distance increased. “I just finished talking to Kevin’s roommate. He’s not going to take it well, and Cynthia …”

  “Huan …”

  “Jade. I will be fine. May I have a few minutes alone?” The words were almost patronizing.

  Jade snapped. A kind of compassionate anger ripped out of her mind and into reality. She remembered Clairice talking and what she’d said about HuanJen. She was wrong, but also so terribly right.

  “I … I …” Jade stood and threw up her hands. “No, no you may not! Did you ever think I might be able to be worried about you?

  HuanJen looked at her. He understood, but there was a curiosity in his expression, as if he didn’t understand his own comprehension.

  “We’re in this together, HuanJen! Damn it! You have been there for me, you took me in, you trusted me, you gave me a new life. I am concerned about you, believe it or goddsdamn not.”

  HuanJen said nothing, then nodded sadly, and spoke. “I didn’t think of it. I really didn’t want to ruin your evening. Thank you.”

  The Vulpine stared at her partner, remembering who he was and what he was like. He still didn’t fully understand. He thought he did, but he didn’t. He understood so much, but sometime …

  Jade wiped away a tear. “You don’t think maybe I’m grateful? You don’t think maybe I want to do … all this? I like it here! I like what we do. I’d never have done what I did tonight without you! I like me a hell of a lot better! I … will always be grateful. And … I will always be there for what you have done for me. You …”

  The past few months whirled through her mind. Had it been only three? It seemed she’d been born here on Metris. It seemed she had lived here forever. The city did that to you, Xai did that too you. The Where-we-all-go made you its own, and it felt like you were supposed to be there anyway.

  Maybe you were.

  “I will not let you down,” The Vulpine’s voice cracked.

  The cleric looked at his assistant for a moment, his eyes unfathomable depths. He reached out, and touched her cheek gently, smiling at her with a radiant warmth. His appreciation was a force she could feel.

  “Jade. I know. Thank you.” The mystic’s voice was achingly sincere. “Thank you my dear friend.”

  Much to her surprise, Jade threw her arms around her companion and drew him into a ferocious but friendly hug. He returned the embrace without word or question, burying his face in the fur of her neck.

  “No one was ever there for me, Huan, really there for me. No one. You were, oh gods, you were. So I’m not going to let you go through anything like this alone, you got that? Not ever. Not even on my evening off, OK?”

  The Vulpine was crying openly now. HuanJen instinctively pulled a handkerchief from his belt pouches and handed it to her. She couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Always prepared?”

  “I … try to be.” HuanJen dabbed away a few of her recent tears. “Jade, Thank you so very much.”

  Jade just nodded. She wanted to say something, but nothing she could think of could be cloaked in words. Instead, she stroked the mystics hair gently. That always seemed to comfort him.

  “I will be well, I have been prepared. I have mourned … almost enough.” HuanJen lay back a bit, resting more of his weight on Jade. “This helps. This … is very nice.”

  The Vulpine shifted around, rebalancing her weight and that of her partner while trying to disturb him the least. It wasn’t easy, Huan was not as light as he appeared, but she managed.

  “You want to talk about it?” Jade couldn’t believe the words came out of her mouth. It was like hearing Huan speak through her.

  “I … don’t have much to say. He’s gone. I knew it was happening. I learned a lot from him. I will miss him. Nothing dies, but the changes, the changes can be painful. It hurts. It hurts for me and for others we will need to see too.”

  “Looks like your metaphysics only go so far, my holy man.”

  “Metaphysics explains, but it does not necessarily comfort.” Huan Jen shook his head. “Green said something like that once. I wish you got a chance to know him better.”

  Jade nodded in agreement. “I know, I wish I had. Really. All else aside. Honestly.”

  “I do believe you, Jade.” Huan lay his head on her shoulder. “I … I am glad you’re here, Jade.”

  “Hey, we’re a team, right?”

  “Yes. A good one. I’m going to be fine, Jade.”

  Jade fidgeted. “Did I help? I mean, I’m not trying to be stuck-up, I’d really like to know.”

  “Yes, Jade.” Huan’s voice took on its familiar, comforting tones. “Very much, my friend. I may need to talk later, perhaps.”

  “Any ti … gods I’m sounding like you.” Jade’s brow furrowed. Yeah, it definitely felt that the script of her life had a few of HuanJen’s pages.

  The magician-priest laughed. “Yes, well, I’d like to think I’m a good influence.”

  The Vulpine blushed under her fur and shrugged. “Yeah. I’m kind of attached to you, you know.”

  “I know.” HuanJen seemed to shrink a bit. “I am tired. I don’t know who is going to do what tomorrow. I think I am going to look over the city for a bit and go to bed. Will you sit with me? I’d like the company.”

  “Like I can say no?” Jade ruffled her partner’s hair. She couldn’t truth be told, it just wasn’t something she couldn’t see herself doing. The adventuress despised being out of control, but in this situation, it was something different.

  HuanJen led her onto the porch and into the cool night air. Silently, he took his familiar seat, physical and metaphysical senses playing over the city below. Jade watched him for a moment.

  He was still himself, despite the grief. He was obviously sad, but there was a core to him, a center, that seemed immovable. It was the part of him that … well, to be honest, that made her like him. It was also the part of him that made it hard to say no to him or not trust him.

  There was something to him far deeper than his surface, like he stood on a wide plane, like he had roots everywhere.

  Jade looked over the city. “Do you know I didn’t figure it out for weeks - this overlooks your ‘territory.’”

  HuanJen nodded. “It’s one of the reasons I have it. From here, I can … feel what is going on.”

  Jade pulled up her chair and sat next to the mystic. “I think I understand what you do. I’m … figuring you out slowly. It’s not as easy as I thought, but I am.”

  “I know you’re trying to figure out a lot, my friend.” HuanJen looked at her with glimmering eyes. “Do you want to experience it? I think you can by now. I think … you are open.”

  The Vulpine blinked, and look at the cleric quizzically. Huan never tried to “teach” her anything except what was vital. He’d let her learn on her own. He didn�
�t preach, he didn’t really instruct unless asked, he just let things take their course, and somehow it all worked.

  Now …

  … she remembered when she saw him perform an exorcism, and something had woken up inside of her …

  … she wanted this.

  “Show me. Please.”

  HuanJen smiled, and took her hand. His grip was strong but not overpowering “Close your eyes. Listen to my voice.”

  Jade followed his request. As soon as she closed her eyes, she felt a strange sensation, almost like falling. She’d seen HuanJen in his state of “Openness” as he called it, but now it seemed different, like the pull of gravity drawing her to him.

  “You don’t have to do anything.” HuanJen intoned. “There is nothing to be done, none to act or be acted on. All comes from Tao, all returns to Tao, all is Tao. There is no Jade, no me, no city, just the eternal process of life. You are void - not becoming void, but are void. An empty fullness without demarcation or line.”

  His voice was entrancing. Her thoughts settled, and as her mind slowed, she vanished. Things she’d read and seen working with HuanJen came together without words. No action, no actor, no acted on, just …

  HuanJen wasn’t speaking. There were no words. She was just … she wasn’t …

  Jade’s eyes opened.

  It was One. It all poured into her because she wasn’t there. It all happened.

  The city was felt because there was nothing to stop it from being felt. It was there, and she knew it, except she really wasn’t there to know it. It just was. She knew without knowing, because the word “knowing” was just a mask over something larger.

  It was One.

  “I …”

  Jade snapped back to herself. It was like suddenly being blinded, but something of the experience remained in her mind, a glowing ember of something greater.

  “Jade?” HuanJen’s voice was no longer the strange, powerful force that had led her out of herself. It was just his usual, well-meaning manner of speech.

  “I …” Jade looked down, and then looked at her partner soulfully. “I … understand. Thank you, Huan.”

  He responded with a smile like the dawn.

  The Vulpine leaned back in her chair, still holding her companion’s hand. She looked over Metris with her physical eyes, felt the night breeze on her skin, heard the sounds of the city with her ears. Something, however, was still there, a kind of boundless, borderless feeling.

  Jade smiled, and just let it all be.

  INTERLUDE: CONSPIRACIES

  Lorne Thompson had a rendezvous with a woman.

  As he passed the doorman of the Crosspoint apartment complex, he knew what the man was thinking. He hadn’t been sure how to dress, so had taken one of his better outfits to work, and had made an effort to put his ponytail into decent shape after the days beat. Probably he looked a bit too prepared to be “just visiting.”

  Of course, the doorman doubtlessly knew HuanJen was out of the apartment. The Crosspoint was its own little community, very tight, and people tended to know each others comings and going. The Laundry Room, according to HuanJen, was used for socializing first and laundry second.

  As he rode the elevator up to the tenth floor, he let the worries drain from his mind. He was being stupid again. He always worried about how he looked around people - in this city on this Earth of all places. That was probably why he was here …

  Lorne knocked on the door of the apartment HuanJen and Jade shared. He needed to relax - he was utterly terrible at it. He felt he was social enough, but actual relaxing seemed to avoid him. You felt a right idiot being happy and tense at the same time.

  “Hey, Lorne.” Jade opened the door almost immediately. “Brought your clothes and everything?”

  “Of course.” Lorne hefted his backpack, “Hey, Um …”

  “I got it, don’t worry, come on in.”

  The black-furred Vulpine ushered him into her apartment. She was dressed rather revealingly - a pair of black shorts and a tank top. It was flattering, and the exact wrong thing to wear when a male friend was visiting. He had to wonder how HuanJen dealt with it - he had a bit of an innocently wandering eye.

  The Gendarme stifled a laugh. Garnet had once said of HuanJen “he’s a perfect gentleman, but bend over to pick something up and you have his full attention.” A bit of an exaggeration, but not much.

  As soon as he tossed his jacket on the coatrack, Lorne’s nose caught a familiar scent, and his heart raced. Jade was thoughtful at times, surprisingly so, but this was perfect, absolutely perfect …

  “Tea? I’ve put in butter just like you prefer.” Jade picked up a tray off of the kitchen table. The long day on the beat vanished from the Gendarme’s mind as he took a teacup in hand.

  “Oh, yes.” Lorne blew on the tea and took a grateful gulp. “This is just what I need.”

  “I figured.” Jade took a cup for herself and sat down on the living room couch. “I’ve seen you on Tuesdays at the Nax, when you’re one of the living dead.”

  “True. Hey, I thought you drank coffee?” Lorne asked, joining her.

  Jade chuckled sadly. “Have you seen the price of coffee? Once that big tin Huan got from Cr … a client was gone, I switched to tea. Besides, with butter in it, its pretty good.”

  “Oh, yes.” Lorne drained his cup. “Never heard of that until I came here. Apparently its popular on parts of some Earths. Mainly Tibet.”

  “Have you ever thought of actually tasting it?” Jade noted as her friend set down his empty glass.

  “Right now, I need the caffeine,” Lorne stated with a graveness usual reserved for a medical diagnosis.

  “Hard day?”

  “Nothing unusual.” Lorne laid back in the soft embrace of the couch. “Its the end of the week, what can I say, things pile up … but I imagine you can relate.”

  “Eh, yeah.” Jade slouched. “Holding down the fort for the past two days hasn’t been easy. And . .”

  “Worried about Huan?”

  A troubled, sincere nod. “A bit. Hell, people were still arguing about Old Man Green’s funeral when he left. Kevin was going silent. Brenner, I mean Brenner, was crying about something … I understand why Huan’s going to Sanctum after this.”

  “For one day?” Lorne reluctantly pulled himself to his feet, “No offense, but is there more tea?”

  “Oh, sure, its on the stove, butter’s in the fridge. Yeah, one day, I signed for the ticket. He’s picking up a few things, but I figure he’s going there to touch base. I’ll be glad to have him return, I’ll get two kinds of peace of mind back. You have the usual stress then, huh?”

  “Too much of the usual.” Lorne found an extra large mug and emptied the rest of the tea into it. “Patrols are up …”

  “I know.”

  A chunk of butter met its end in the mug. “Yes. Well, politics. You know about Guild Medical talking partnering with Guild Esoteric. The Communications Guild will probably be forced to go public ��� you know, go under Council control like the Travelers’ Guild. Things are heating up in my opinion. My guess is so does Chief of Gendarmes. Plus the usual seasonal activities keep me busy.”

  Jade nodded, taking her teacup in hand and putting her feet up on the coffee table. “Well, we’re gonna have an official type sleepover, so let it all go. I got chocolate, popcorn, and all the official trappings, and you’ve got enough anime to keep us up until tomorrow afternoon if I know you.”

  “Clairice couldn’t make it?”

  Jade made room as Lorne sat down again, like a gentle glacier sliding into place. “Eh, she didn’t seem interested. I thought it’d be nice, but … whatever.”

  “Her loss,” Lorne said, scowling momentarily. “So do we talk about guys and giggle a lot as well? Do each others hair?”

  “Funny.” Jade gave the Gendarme’s ponytail a playful yank. ” Hey, its like visiting the Orchard or going to one of the local concerts. I’ve never done a lot of stuff. Hell, Garnet’s done more l
iving than me …”

  “True, though I just dread how much.”

  “Same here.” Jade smirked. “Nah, its just different. It’s … I like it.”

  “I understand.” The Gendarme patted his friends knee. “You know, there are moments where you are so un-cynical its scary.”

  “I’ll try and do better. I’d hate to upset you and get all humane and so on.”

  Lorne laughed. “Don’t. Look, I have to freshen up. I … hey, did you get your copy of Metris Monthly?”

  Jade snapped her fingers. “Forgot to check the mail. Mrs. Kline came over needing to borrow some honey, got distracted.”

  “Ah, well, look …” Lorne dug around in his backpack. “Got my copy. Take a look in the Music section - Joe got an announcement about his album, even A-Trax is mentioned.”

  “Great!” Jade took the magazine as Lorne headed for the restroom. “Hey, if we’re low on soap there’s a box in the closet.”

  “I know …”

  As Lorne took care of his personal business, Jade thumbed through the magazine. Metris Monthly was one of the idiosyncrasies of her new home that had taken time to get used to. The city of Metris, the frontier-city-of-Earths, had a slick magazine describing its various sites, entertainments, and stories. It was one of those things she hadn’t expected - like the two newspapers or the golf courses.

  Then again, Metris was a dynamic city in the same way an avalanche was “active,” and you needed some way to keep track of what was going on besides rumor, innuendo, and gossip. You needed that rumor, innuendo, and gossip compiled with other helpful information and published in a format you could read conveniently.

  News, recipes, opinion …

  Jade stopped. She usually ignored the opinion section of Metris Monthly, because she had plenty of her own. A few words caught her eye, however, and she read on.

  FIRESTARTER:

  CALL IT CONSPIRACY:

  Alexandria Karolev

  We like to think we live in an enlightened society. We like to think that, despite our differences, Metris and indeed Xai are pinnacles of the Earths. Perhaps we are right, but we deny that the fundamental makeup of our society is something many of us would say we despise.