Crossworld of Xai

by Steven Savage

  “No in and out. There are just … phenomena. A man is a brother and a son and a lover in one. Oh … I missed you. I miss you, I’m not any good. I’m so tired.”

  Green sat down, hanging in the pure void, skinny legs dangling. “And?”

  “What?” Kevin gestured in frustration. “I’m lost. I lost it, that … I lost it. My soul is sick. I’m not me. Its like I’m fading away, and I try to hold on, but I lost it. Like Windhorse.”

  “So I’m supposed to help you?”

  “The gods of Xai couldn’t. They … I could reach them, feel them, I almost was ridden by Arodano at the Nax, but … no.”

  “It’s your fault, you know. You screwed it up, kid. Sorry, but you did.”

  Kevin nodded bitterly. “I can’t find it. I’m trying to calm down, focus, re-establish. It’s not working. I want it. I want it so badly. I’m in the fucking Heart and I’m still lost.”

  “Yeah.” Green shrugged. “You just aren’t getting it, are you?”

  “Of course I’m not, I wouldn’t be here stoned out of my mind if I did? I want to get back to that, be unsick, feel that sense … damn it. I … I’m trying so hard. Where do I go?”

  “Go on.” Green smiled. “You know the answer, kid. You can’t go anywhere to solve the problem. What does that mean?”

  “I don’t know! Damn it, I wish I could have some experience beyond the old ‘mentor back from the dead and asks obscure questions!’ routine! Gods this is really stereotypical!”

  “Hey, your call kid. Folks like the old classics.”

  The young shaman gaped at the older, then appeared to shrink.

  “Crap.” Kevin shook his head. “I … ah crap. I did it, didn’t I? All the stuff you warned me about, I did it. Don’t lose it kid, don’t think you’re something else, don’t stop being you because that’s how the gods made you.”

  “Well, yeah. Being old and wise and stuff kinda gives you some perspective. You got too far, just like Huan’s fox-lady, but you know that.”

  “I, I can’t do anything to solve it, can I? I’m so lost, I’m running in circles.” Kevin sat down. “Its like my head’s full of bees, I want to get outside, but I can’t. Find what I forgot. I looked for the place I did this ritual before, and I couldn’t find it! I couldn’t find it in all the Valley …”

  “Come on. Where’s it all come together? Where’s it coming from? That’s it, kid. Where is it all from? How do you get to something that big? Where is the Heart?”

  The young shaman goggled at the ghost of his old master, then smiled. The world slowed down. He felt like light was crawling up his back.

  “The edges come from the center. I was on the edge.”

  Kevin looked down as his hands. Water was running from them, silvery lightning-streams.

  “It’s a cycle, its parallel. I wasn’t alone, but I missed it. I was playing a role, and the role comes from … I have to stop playing, stop playing because the playing is already there …”

  The young shaman turned into water and light, and the thrumming of the Heart.

  Because there wasn’t any reason not to.

  Jade sat bolt upright in her bed, quivering like a diviner’s rod. For a moment, everything seemed illuminated, then the nighttime darkness of her room enclosed her. Black mother-of-pearl filled her senses.

  She smiled to herself, calmly. Dark was where light came from, and silence was where speech came from. She was fine.

  Admittedly, she wasn’t sure why she felt fine. But she’d figure it out.

  “Huan …” Kevin whispered.

  His mouth felt like someone had paved it. He was quite sure he’d soiled himself. Judging by his stomach, he’d soon be throwing up.

  He felt fantastic.

  “Yes?” Came the calm reply. The magician-priest stared down at him, smiling slightly.

  “I made it. I made it my friend. I … have forgotten what it felt like. Oh, gods, its there and I hear the spirits now that my ears are opened.”

  “I am glad you are back. We probably need to get you cleaned up.”

  “Yeah. We’re near the stream, right? I …”

  Something dark seemed to move into the night, a form where red flashes mixed in with obsidian-black. Something you felt as well as saw.

  “What was that?” A presence on the fringe of Kevin’s mind goaded his attention. His sense of the spiritual, long smothered, was torn open and he felt burningly aware.

  “Just one of the more helpful residents of the valley. Come on, let’s get you freshened up and get some sleep.”

  “We … we could try going back to the Lyceum …”

  HuanJen shook his head. “We can sleep here, you’re tired. Besides, I think we will be left alone.”

  “I have no doubt …” Kevin sighed, and heard the music of the spirits and the distant voices of the gods, and all was well. He was home, and his family, the divine family, was there.

  NOVEMBER 25, 1999AD, XAIAN STANDARD

  The sun of Xai rose over the Sapphire Ocean, the port city of Piscion, and then the Valley of the Crypts. Light moved through the Valley differently, as if it had to make an extra effort to illuminate some things and to avoid illuminating others. The Valley seemed to give light a lot more to do than other locations on Xai.

  The sun stared down illuminating two tall figures, ambling out of the wild areas of the Valley, headed towards the parking lot of the Lyceum. One, all in black, supported the other, a long-haired man dressed in rainbow colors who seemed to have trouble walking.

  Just two people out of a world of millions.

  Jade sat in the living room of the apartment, going over schedules and budgets. There were always schedules for HuanJen, and the concern over the sharing of Guild Esoteric services with Guild Medical made budgets even more of a concern. She wasn’t so much a spear-carrier to her mentor as a paper-shuffler.

  Still, she found that she was enjoying such common, mundane tasks. Life seemed different now, as large and wide as ever, but somehow more friendly. This was what she had chosen to do, to work with a Zone Cleric. This was her, her choice, from all the changes.

  There was a tickle in the center of her mind. The patio door opened behind her. Jade grinned; for some reason HuanJen’s strange transportive ability didn’t seem as annoying.

  Two sinewy arms wrapped around her shoulders like the sky embracing the earth. The Vulpine leaned back, resting against a familiar, angular form. A hushed voice whispered in her ear.

  “I am back,” HuanJen said huskily. His words was fire.

  “On dragon’s wings,” Jade breathed.

  “Yes. On dragon’s wings, dearest.”

  Jade sighed. “I felt you. I felt you out there. I felt … the way of things, and I knew you’d come back to me. I knew …”

  “And I am here.”

  “Damn right you are.”

  She melted into his touch, and all the barriers vanished.

  HuanJen looked at Jade’s sleeping form.

  She was sprawled on his bed, half-dressed, a faint smile on her lips. Dim light from the hallway played over her, across the curve of her hips, her mane of dark hair, her furred breasts and pink nipples. The white pelt on her long-fingered hands contrasted with her black fur pleasingly. She was beyond beautiful in his eyes.

  Words were not enough to express what he thought. She could only be described in emotions.

  They’d lain together, body to body, for a timeless interlude. He’d felt her against him, soft fur and exotic scents and tiny sighs in his ear. Warm and welcoming, her touch made him feel he belonged with her forever, like two trees growing entwined.

  “Hey.” Jade smiled as she woke up. “You look happy.”

  “I am.” The mystic reached out to caress his lover’s face. “I have been wanting to hold you that close, that way, for so long. Last night, out there, more than ever.”

  Jade made a sound like a purr and a moan combined. “I know. Disappointed that …”

  “No. All thing
s in time. All things when they happen. Even if I have wondered about making love to you. Quite a bit.”

  “Same for me. Well, making … ah, you get the idea.” Jade stretched luxuriously. “I don’t know if I want to go to the party. I think I’d like to lay here. With you. With … oh …”

  “Clairice coming home.”

  Jade scowled. “Well, crap.”

  “It is an actual date-like experience Jade. Besides, don’t you want to walk into a crowd, arm in arm, as, um …”

  “Boyfriend and girlfriend just doesn’t cut it with us, does it?” The Vulpine asked in resignation.

  “No.” HuanJen shook his head. “Well as whatever we are, it’s us. You did get a costume for me?”

  “Of course. Go on to the living room, I’ll show you mine. It’ll be worth it.”

  The magician-priest watched Jade leave his bedroom, then proceeded to dress quickly. He would likely have to do the same again soon, but his career and life meant constant interruptions. Besides, he didn’t want someone to come to the door and find him half-naked and Jade in a costume; people would assume things.

  After throwing on his jeans and a shirt, he sat on the living room couch, smiling, at peace. He could feel Jade around the fringes of his mind. She had changed since she had come here - grown, become more herself. It was hard to believe that once they hadn’t even been friends, that she had been a lonely visitor in need of help who dared trust him because she couldn’t trust anyone else.

  … and from the Motherworld …

  “I am … Pretty Soldier Girl Sailor Xai!”

  Jade wore a green miniskirt and a white top, far more decorative than practical, along with a green pair of boots meant for flattering her legs, not for walking. She posed heroically, one hand prepared to seize the Lakkom off of her back and deal kinetic doom to any enemies.

  HuanJen found himself having two reactions. One was that the combination of a tight top, short skirt, and the flashes of her thighs her spinning produced was immensely pleasurable. The other was that she had somehow managed to look both very attractive and like a complete idiot at the same time.

  “It’s different,” the Fang-Shih said diplomatically, but his tone of voice said “revealing, yet stupid.”

  “You don’t like it?” Jade’s disappointment was obvious.

  “I’m not sure. This is based on those show’s you watch with Lorne, correct?”

  “You got it!” Jade bounced on her heels. “I got a bit creative. Besides, you’d be amazed what you can buy in that little shop on Glickman and Tailor.”

  “Terri’s? Oh, yes. You didn’t … go in back did you?”

  “Not for long. Hey, our relationship isn’t at that stage yet. Now, for you.”

  “Ah.” HuanJen nodded noncommittally. “This will be respectable, right?”

  “Sure …”

  Metris had many places to meet - commerce and communications were the lifeblood of Xai and its people. However, when it came to major events, the one place to hold them was Hixx’s Convention Center. The Hixx family had done business in Metris for centuries, and the sprawling Center had been one of the cornerstones of their operations. To hold a party, an event, a convention, everyone from members of the Mercantile Alliance to the University knew where to go.

  That evening, Hixx’s was host to a costume ball. The Guilds always liked to throw parties to bring people together, to have fun instead of doing business, to get beyond politics, and occasionally to stop hating each other. Costume parties, where everyone got to be someone else and relax were very popular.

  For HuanJen, he was not relaxed. He still felt he stood out despite the other costumed people waiting at the entrance to the sprawling Hall.

  “I still think of myself as the Tuxedo Idiot,” HuanJen griped. He didn’t gripe much, and thus was out of practice, but still managed to convey dissatisfaction effectively.

  “You look fine,” Jade chided. “Very dapper, very heroic.”

  The Magician-Priest wasn’t sure he agreed with his lover. She had rented him an outfit that, he supposed, would be considered a superhero’s ensemble. It was a thing of flowing capes and dark cloth, a kind of enhanced tuxedo, complete with a white mask. HuanJen figured there was some rich symbolism involved in its design, but it certainly wasn’t apparent to him.

  “I feel as if I should terrorize the staff of an opera. This goes with your outfit?”

  Jade shrugged. “I really can’t explain it, you have to watch …”

  “No thanks. I’ll trust you.” HuanJen left his fashion sense in his lover’s hands. It certainly had not had much to do in his.

  The pair were finally ushered into the building by doorkeepers. Jade blinked at the ornate interior, a strange mix of styles, a kind of minimalist Victorian design. You rarely saw decoration in practical Metris except some of the Guildhalls and wealthier residences.

  And here.

  “Impressive?” HuanJen asked curiously.

  “Different.” Jade nodded. A costume party, a fancy hall, a totally stereotyped date - she loved it. “Well, you do know how to show a girl a good time, don’t you?”

  “No. Not really. I’ll will get the hang of it with time.”

  “I have no doubt.”

  Jade and HuanJen bounced along in a kind of social Brownian motion among the costumed guests, working their way to the ballroom. Inside was a colorful chaos of people dressed as everything but who they were, buffets of food, a large band, and an occupied dance floor. Genvira Hixx knew how to arrange a party.

  “People are looking at you, Jade.” HuanJen’s voice sparkled with humor and false jealousy.

  “They probably wonder who my charming masked companion is.”

  “Why is it that, despite the obvious, I feel you’re referring to me?”

  The Vulpine laughed, and the two descended into the crowd. HuanJen’s usual ability to find people he knew, even distantly, led to a number of conversations. A few people noticed she and HuanJen were holding hands, but no one commented adversely. Most seemed to take it in stride.

  It was announcing, in a subtle way “we’re a couple.” Yes, some people had known, but largely by guesswork and rumor. She wondered what HuanJen felt . .

  … HuanJen felt himself smiling. He’d come to such events before, to socialize, to meet, in case he was needed. He’d never truly come “with” anyone. Now Jade was there, as if she’d always been at his side.

  In a way, he felt, she had been. Time just had to catch up to her actually being there.

  Then he found himself asking Jade to dance.

  “I didn’t know you danced.” Jade commented as he lead her across the floor. She found his motions fluid, strangely dynamic. She hadn’t expected it of him. Huan’s idea of fun was … hard to describe, but definitely didn’t seem to involve dancing.

  “I keep track of traditions. Most of my experience is ritual dancing, actually.” HuanJen’s voice switched to a didactic one. “Trance inducement. I usually just got sick. And no, I’m fine.”

  “Thanks for the warning.”

  The individual songs merged into one in Jade’s mind. Dancing was something she had no experience with, but HuanJen’s lead was effortless, and she just fell into the proper steps. He was smiling at her all the time. The recess of his mask shaded his eyes, but she knew what was in them.

  She tried to be cynical. Jade had huge reserves of cynicism, but they seemed to have to run dry this evening, and she was just having fun. Everything was fine, no matter how she tried to think it wasn’t.

  “The song sounds familiar.” Jade mused as the band broke into some chords that resonated in her memory.

  “Cinnabar Storm I think, a remix of … Joe told me this … somethng about a magical carpet ride.”

  Jade laughed. “Ah, now there’s a song for us. And before you make any comments about magic carpets and actual experience …”

  “I won’t,” HuanJen replied sourly. “But now that you bring it up …”

 
“Can it, fortune cookie.”

  “I shall. Jade, lets get some peace and quiet.” HuanJen said, moving gracefully past another dancing couple. “It’s hard to avoid running into people by now. I think they overbooked, probably making up for last year.”

  “Yeah.” Jade looked over the growing crowd on the dance floor. “Yeah lets take a walk and hit the food while everyone is occupied. It’s going to be hard making a meal out of the small-and-fancy-but-weird food group.”

  HuanJen passed through the crowd of dancers with ease, Jade trailing behind him. It was a simple matter for him to work his way into the maze of halls and rooms that made up the Convention Center. The place had grown over the decades, and one could easily find privacy in the nooks and crannies of the meandering building.

  “Looks like a coat closet or uniform closet.” Jade remarked as HuanJen ushered her into a small room. “You often accompany innocent women to isolated rooms?”

  “No.” HuanJen removed his mask, tucking it into the recess of his costume. “Besides, you’re not innocent at all, my dear. You’re acting quite the flirt lately.”

  “I am?” Jade sat on what appeared to be an old table. “I guess I am. You too, actually.”

  “Yes.” The cleric smiled, looking down. “I guess I am. I hope I’m …”

  “No. Jade raised a warding hand. “Huan, I like it. It’s OK. We are involved after all.”

  “I know. I … I don’t know what to do sometime. Or what not to do.” The dark-furred Vulpine reached out and held her lovers chin in her hands. “It’s fine. We’re learning, I realize that now. But we’re … we’re OK. I have more with you than I have ever dreamed.”

  “I have thought about you so much,” HuanJen said soberly. “I mean no offense …”

  “None taken. You had said you’ve wondered.” Jade licked her lips. “Anything good?”

  “Well, all of it, at least in my opinion.”

  “I have no doubt. I’ve got quite a lot in my imagination going on too.” Jade winked playfully.

  “Thank you.”

  HuanJen kissed his lover deeply, wrapping his left arm around her waist, his free hand reaching under her skirt to lightly caress her buttocks and the base of her tail. Jade responded by seizing his hair and drawing him closer. The two vanished into each other’s sensations, the room dropped into the distance, the noise of the party faded, time became a term not a palatable thing …