by Stacey Lynn
“Daddy said I could go to a baseball game today. Can I mommy, please?”
I looked at Marcus’s sheepish grin. His eyes lit up every time Logan called him dad or daddy. Guilt smacked me through my chest again.
“That’s fine,” I smiled at Logan and grabbed my purse. “Just bring him back to my place after?”
Marcus nodded and said a quick thanks before turning to Logan and told him to go get dressed.
“So how did everything go last night, besides the nightmare?” I asked, once we were alone.
He grinned, “You have no idea how awesome it was. To be able to have my son here, watching movies with me, and teaching me how to play Sorry.”
“He suckered you into a game, huh?”
“More like five,” he said and then his face turned more serious. “You get everything worked out with Jack?”
I rolled my eyes and blinked several times to keep tears from reappearing. “He fired me,” I whispered out and hung my head.
Whatever reaction I was thinking Marcus was going to give, his complete lack of one, was completely unexpected.
All I saw was red. It started at the outside of my vision and sparkled like firecrackers until an entire firework show was going off inside my eyes. “You knew?”
He licked his lips and pressed his mouth into a tight white line. “I’m one of his lawyers.”
Lawyers? What in the hell did he need his lawyers for?
“What’s that mean?” I narrowed my eyes and could feel my nerves on fire. Except I wasn’t nervous. I was full out pissed. I threw my chair back, grabbed my purse and stalked to the door. “You’re on his acquisition team. How in the hell does that have anything to do with me?”
Marcus followed me with a hesitant look in his eyes. “I can’t say. But just know he didn’t want to. He thinks he has to.”
“What am I supposed to do with that Marcus? I just lost the man….I just lost my damn job and I have Logan to take care of!” I cringed at my shouting, and that I had almost confessed to loving Jack. It made my headache split wide open and the last thing I wanted was for Logan to hear me yelling at his dad. I took a deep breathe, exhaling loudly, and tried to calm down before I strangled someone.
He looked down at the floor with his hands in his pockets and shook his head. “I can’t tell you anymore, I’m really sorry. But just know that I’ll be here to help with Logan in any way I can.”
“Screw you, Marcus,” I spat out as I opened the door and looked back. “Besides, I still have your daddy’s blood money. Logan and I will be just fine. Just bring him to my place after the game.”
I slammed the door in his face as soon as I saw his eyes widen in surprise.
TWENTY
I missed Jack like crazy. I was upset, and hurt, and cried myself to sleep almost every night, over the course of the next week, only managing to put a brave happy face on for Logan during the day. I had to act as if nothing was wrong, for his sake, but even he noticed the lack of Jack’s presence in his little life. I hated it. Seeing him miss a man who had been there for him since he was born, was almost like feeling he had lost another dad. I hated having to snuggle him and tell him we wouldn’t be seeing Jack anymore.
I resisted the urge to call Jack and scream at him for not only screwing me over, but my son as well. All his promises he gave me had been shot down the drain. Logan missed him. I missed him like crazy and I hated that Jack invaded my nightly dreams. They weren’t the nightmares I wanted, either. They were fantasies of his large hands on every inch of my body, pulling on my nipples and turning them into tight pink buds, and images of him entering me, pleasuring me like no man before him had ever done.
I woke up several times during the night and taken matters into my own hands, furious at myself for fantasizing about the same man who had taken my heart when I was hesitant to give it away and then stomped all over it.
It shocked me when on the following Thursday, I got a text from Martin asking me to meet him at Peet’s Coffee Shop, a local and delicious coffee house in Lincoln Park. Their coffee was better than Starbuck’s and it had a great little play table in the back for kids to sit at so I could take Logan with me.
I arrived before Martin so I settled Logan at the table with a coloring book and crayons, some metal die-cast cars, and took a seat at a spot a few tables away from the kiddie area. I could keep my eye on Logan, but have privacy to talk to Martin.
He showed up a few minutes later and I drank my caramel latte while I waited for him to get his drink and join me. He gave me a sad, half-smile when we greeted each other and pulled out the chair on the other side of the table.
“Jack wanted me to meet with you.”
I figured. I took a sip of my drink and arched an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”
Martin laughed silently and shook his head. “You’re too smart for your own good most of the time, Emma. But sometimes, you’re really naïve.”
“Thanks for the compliment.”
“If you think Jack is doing any of this, for any reason except for you, then you don’t know him.”
The admonishment settled like a weight in my gut. How did firing me help me? Why should I trust Jack? Was I wrong to be mad at him right now based on what Martin just said? A dozen questions flew through my mind as I watched Martin watching me, thinking about all of this.
“I wanted my job,” I said quietly, but doubt had already filled my mind.
Martin nodded and said nothing, but slid a thin brown envelope across the table to me. I opened it slowly and frowned. Inside was a letter of recommendation and my severance. It was enough to cover a year of my salary. I took the check out and held it in my shaking hands, feeling suddenly more disappointed in Jack than I had the day he fired me.
Would I ever meet a man who didn’t think they could just pay me off when things went south? Was this all I was worth to the men I invited into my life?
Tears pricked my eyes and I felt my nerves begin to boil in anger and disappointment.
Sliding the check across the table to Martin, I wiped the first fallen tears off my cheek. “I don’t want this.”
Marin sighed. “He’s trying to help, Emma.”
“And I’ve already got a bank account full of pay-off money. I don’t need to add his to it.”
“That’s not what this is. He’s trying to do the right thing, and even if you don’t agree with it, just know that he still cares about and wants to take care of you.”
I set my coffee mug down on the table, too harshly, and grabbed the attention of a few nearby customers. I cringed and looked at Logan. He was obliviously playing with cars on a padded foam mat and car ramp.
“You know what I’m getting really sick and tired of, Mr. Crawlson? People thinking they know how best to help me, but not telling me why I need the help in the first place.”
He nodded slowly, but reluctantly took the check. I pocketed the recommendation letter in my pocket even though I didn’t want Jack’s help at all with getting a new job.
Martin’s eyes softened and he took a sip of his coffee. “Has he ever told you about his parents?”
Curiosity bloomed in me. No, he hadn’t. I’d always wanted to know how they died, but too afraid to ask, worried he wouldn’t give me the answers. I shook my head.
“It was a house fire.” Martin set his cup down, and clasped his hands together in front of him on the table. I sat up straighter, intrigued and frightened at the same time. “Something about faulty electrical wiring during a kitchen remodel. They were all sleeping at the time, and Jack’s dad got Jack out and went back in for his mom.” I wiped away a tear, knowing how everything ended before Martin finished his story. “They never came out. Steven had to tackle Jack from running back into the house to look for them.”
“Oh my god.” I couldn’t even imagine what Jack must have gone through as a young teenager watching his parents burn alive, knowing he couldn’t get to them. No wonder why he was always freaking about me being safe. It ex
plained so much.
“Steven always told me that after that, he watched this happy young kid go to an angry teenager, pissed off at the world, but once he got his head on straight, he shut off everything else around him. Steven always thought he was trying to prove to his parents that he could be the kid they wanted, and he worked hard at it. Almost obsessively so, until you came along. You’re his weak spot, Emma. The first person he has opened up to in almost twenty years.”
His hand reached across the table and held mine. His hands were a little bit wrinkly, showing his age at almost sixty, but they were firm and warm. Caring. “Don’t take the money, but don’t second guess for a single second that he doesn’t care about you. You may be the only thing he does care about.”
“Then why did he fire me?” It was all so confusing to me. I had to know. I had a right to know what went so horribly wrong between us.
Martin shook his head. “I can’t tell you that, but hopefully Jack will be able to tell you someday soon.”
I pressed my lips together, thinking about that for a minute. Did it even matter? Regardless of the reason, I wasn’t important enough to Jack for him to want me by his side when things got rough.
Finishing my coffee, I stood up and called Logan’s name, getting his attention.
“Thanks for the letter, Martin. Take care.” I waved good-bye as Logan and I walked back to our apartment. We turned the corner of the coffee shop and from outside I could see Martin talking on the phone, shaking his head and frowning, and looking at the refused severance check. I fought the urge to go back inside and grab the phone from him, knowing he was talking to Jack.
“I still think there’s something really shady going on.” Macy took another sip of her red wine and sat back down on my couch.
She was over for a girl’s night while Logan was out with Marcus again. If I wasn’t so stressed out from a lack of a job, and completely heartbroken over Jack, it could have actually been a nice vacation.
I had wanted to call Jack when I got home. I wanted to tell him I was sorry about his parents, sorry about his life and beg him to open up to me, but I didn’t. I called Macy instead, hoping she’d be able to distract me.
“Can we please not talk about him anymore? I’ve heard enough about Jack today.” Not really, my heart was broken and feeling even more shattered after learning about his parents. I was upset, but I also wanted to call him and crawl into his arms and just hold him. No wonder why he claimed to be broken.
Macy flipped me a look. It said I was full of bullshit and she wasn’t going to push, but our conversation wasn’t over.
I pretended to flip through the re-admission paperwork for DePaul University I downloaded earlier in the week. I also had a stack of paperwork for Chicago University, Marquette University, and Notre Dame. I hated the idea of running away and going out of state to finish school. I didn’t want to be the girl that ran from the guy who broke her heart. I wanted to be strong and hold my own ground. Chicago was my city and I’d be damned if I let Jack and my feelings for him cause me to cower like a scared little girl in a corner, afraid to see him.
But I was, and I hated it. Everywhere I went over the last week, I saw Jack. I saw him in the parks we’d taken Logan, I saw him when I drove by businesses and buildings I knew he had bought and or sold. Everywhere I turned, reminders of him smacked me in the face and made my chest ache. Who knew Chicago was such a small town?
“I still can’t believe you’re thinking of going out of state for college, though. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of you for wanting to finish college finally, but Indiana or Wisconsin? Do you have to go so far away?”
I pushed the hair off my face and looked at my best friend’s sad eyes. She hated this just as much as me, and she had the added bonus of having to see Jack every day. Something she hadn’t let me forget. Apparently over the last week, he’d become even more difficult to work for and this girl’s night in was for her, just as much as it was for me.
“I don’t know, Mace,” I said quietly and then picked up the letter of recommendation Martin had given me. It was impressive, cataloging all the work I’d done for Jack and singing my praises. If I were to send this letter out, I’d be able to get a job with no problems. Having such a glowing recommendation from Jack McMillan would surely open dozens of doors for me. And yet, I hated….hated the idea of allowing him to help me. If I was going to move on, I was going to do it my way and not take a single little bit of help from him.
“I just…I don’t know. I feel like I need to get away. With everything going on with Jack, and now Marcus, I feel like I might explode.”
“But Wisconsin? Really?” She wrinkled her nose into a squishy icky face and I giggled.
“I know,” I said, smiling now. It was practically sacrilegious for a die-hard Chicagoan to move to the cheese state up north. “But Notre Dame and Marquette are still close enough to be able to see you on the weekends, and for Marcus to see Logan.”
“How’s the daddy doing, anyway?” she asked with a slight inflection I wasn’t sure I appreciated. Marcus had become, friendlier, over the last week to say the least.
He started coming a little bit earlier every time it was time to pick up Logan, and staying a bit later every time he dropped him off. He said it was because he wanted to be around Logan as much as possible, and I wanted to believe it, but I had also caught a few lingering glances of his in my direction. He watched me just a little bit closer…with his eyes a little bit softer. I didn’t say anything, afraid I would embarrass myself around him. I wanted to believe that he was concerned about me.
Something told me it was more than that though, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. So I did the most mature thing possible and ignored it. Denial was my closest ally when it came to Marcus.
I rolled my eyes at Macy. “He’s fine. He took Logan to a movie tonight.”
“That’s not exactly what I meant.” She set down her glass of wine on the coffee table and leaned back against the couch. “I heard him in Jack’s office today.”
I shook my head. “I said I don’t want to hear about him anymore.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Not even if they were arguing about you?”
My hands froze on the Notre Dame campus brochure. I set it down when I noticed my hands were shaking. I did want to know. I desperately wanted to know what in the hell changed so quickly with Jack that he could profess his love for me and then throw me out like some used tramp. I knew something was going on, and I hated that everything ended with so many questions. And yet, I was too afraid to hear the truth. Maybe he just decided I wasn’t worth the trouble, or that Logan wasn’t worth it, and Marcus was just defending my honor or some silly bullshit.
Either way, I didn’t think knowing the truth, or the rumors about what Jack and Marcus were yelling about would help anything.
“How are your wedding plans coming?” I asked, changing the subject again. It was the lamest attempt in the history of the world and Macy pursed her lips, but because she loved me, she humored me.
“Fine,” she said. Then she picked up her three-inch thick binder that she used for coordinating every single possible need she could have for her wedding. Everything was tabbed and color coordinated. Pictures and prices of wedding venues, invitations, florists and potential bouquet pictures, dozens of styles of bridesmaid dresses, and everything else you could imagine were packaged perfectly into sheet protectors inside this binder. She guarded that book with her life.
She was a little bit psycho about the wedding planning, although January was only a few months away. Why she wanted a winter wedding, I had no idea. Chicago in the winter was freezing cold, windy, and downright miserable. But she got stars in her eyes and looked all fan-girl silly when she talked in a dream like voice about starting out the new year, as a new bride with a new name and the man of her dreams.
Who was I to argue with my best friend’s happiness? If a January wedding was what she wanted, I wanted to help her in any way
that I could. Even though I cringed when she kept showing me pictures of strapless maid of honor dresses.
I feigned a groan of frustration when she opened it to the invitation section and patted the seat next to her on the couch.
“You asked for it,” she said jokingly and I moved to sit next to her. We spent the next couple of hours, drinking wine, laughing about Tate and Dean, and picking out invitations for the bridal shower and wedding, along with flowers for the wedding party.
When Marcus brought Logan home, we were well into our second bottle of wine and laughing hysterically about You Tube videos we had watched with wedding parties doing flash dances down the aisle. It was apparently all the rage in weddings this season, but Tate had two left feet and we couldn’t imagine him pulling off something so cool looking.
We were right in the middle of drunkenly acting out Tate’s version of smooth dancing – which looked similar to the chicken dance -when Marcus opened the door.
His jaw dropped in surprise as we sang and robotically moved, off beat, to Maroon 5 blaring through my speakers.
“Having fun?” He finally asked with a smug grin. Logan held his hand and looked up at his dad with a questioning look. He probably wondered what in the world was going on with his crazy mom. Macy and I collapsed onto the couch in a fit of laughter.
Gasping for breath through my laughter, I held my arms open for Logan to crawl into them. “We were pretending to be Tate dancing.”
Marcus chuckled and set down Logan’s backpack before joining us in the living room. He turned down the volume on the stereo so we could hear him and smiled lazily at Logan curled into my lap.
“He’s exhausted,” he said with a nod of his head in Logan’s direction.
“Did you have fun at the movie?” I asked, and rubbed my hands through Logan’s hair.
“I got to wear glasses and thought the monsters were going to eat me,” he said with a worried look.
“What movie did you take him to?”
Marcus shrugged. “It was just a kid’s movie in 3-D. And it wasn’t that bad. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”