by Kira Chase
She raised her eyes and swept around the bedroom seeing all of Rachel’s familiar things. Rachel expected her to share her bed with her. She couldn’t stay here tonight. She’d find the perfect opportunity to talk to her then get a taxi back to the airport and with any luck tonight she’d be back where she belonged safe and contented in Bonnie’s bed.
She grabbed her cell phone and pressed speed dial. In a few seconds, Bonnie’s bubbly voice came over the line. “I’m here, honey. I wish I wasn’t.”
After chatting for a few minutes, she clicked off the phone, removed her shoes and sprawled on top of the covers.
Chapter Eleven
Rachel smiled at Kerri who sat silently across from her. “I hope you don’t mind having dinner early, but I’m anxious to show you some of the city tonight.”
Kerri silently picked at her food. “I don’t mind.” She glanced at Rachel and smiled weakly.
Rachel was hurt. She’d spent two hours in the kitchen making Kerri’s favorites while Kerri rested and Kerri barely tasted what was on her plate. “Aren’t you hungry?” she finally asked masking the hurt in her voice.
Kerri placed a forkful of seasoned rice in her mouth. “Yes. This is delicious. Thank you for all of this, but you didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”
“It was no trouble. I know you probably haven’t been eating very healthy so I wanted to make your favorite dishes for you while you’re here.”
“I’ve been getting by,” Kerri replied matter-of-factly.
Rachel’s face flushed. “Well, that’s good then. I’m glad you are.”
Kerri nodded as she sipped her glass of wine. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I’ve been trying to eat at least one decent meal a day.”
Rachel stabbed at her steak. Her appetite had ebbed and swallowing the small amounts of food she placed on her fork, made her throat constrict. Finally, she gave up and set her fork down. She racked her brain trying to think of some light dinner conversation, but nothing came to mind. She stole a glance at Kerri whose head was slightly bent over her plate. What was wrong with her? Rachel wondered. Not once since they’d met had she and Kerri ever had a loss for something to talk about, but now this almost deadly silence was unbearable. She’d hoped that after Kerri had rested she’d be more like her normal self, but instead had withdrawn even further into herself. Why hadn’t Kerri swept her into her arms the moment she’d arrived? Why was she so uncomfortable and treating her like a stranger instead of her lover?
The ringing of the doorbell was a welcome relief to Rachel. “Excuse me,” she said jumping up from the table. “It must be Angela.”
“Angela?” Kerri raised an eyebrow.
“I told you about her.”
“Yes, I know. I was just surprised that you invited her over.”
“I want you to meet her.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll be right back.” Rachel practically flew to the door.
Angela stood grinning at her from the other side. “I promise to only stay a minute,” she said with a sly wink. “I’m not interrupting anything am I?” she teased.
Rachel blinked rapidly. “No. It’s not going well, Angela.” She saw the concern in her friend’s eyes. “Come on, I want you to meet her.”
“Maybe now is not a good time.”
“No, please. Come on.”
Angela followed her into the kitchen.
Kerri looked up and smiled when she saw Angela, her eyes quickly giving her the once over.
Rachel noticed the odd expression on Kerri’s face. It wasn’t jealousy, it was more like relief. “Kerri, I’d like you to meet Angela Consanti. She’s been so much help to me since I got here. She’s also the owner of the house and a very good friend, “ she said.
“It’s nice to meet you, Angela,” Kerri said sincerely.
“The pleasure’s all mine, Kerri. Rachel talks about you so much that I feel as though I already know you.”
“Oh?” Kerri cocked an eyebrow. “It better be good,” she said with a smile.
“Yes, she never stops talking about you. Trust me, I thought I was going to meet a saint,” Angela said with a laugh.
Kerri grinned.
Rachel laid a hand on Kerri’s shoulder. “When you’ve got the ideal partner by your side you can’t help but brag just a little.” She felt Kerri stiffen. She looked into Angela’s eyes wondering if Angela saw Kerri’s reaction. Angela looked back at her with troubled eyes. It was obvious that she saw and felt the tension between them. Even though Kerri’s comments were friendly, her words sounded wooden to Rachel. And now it appeared that even her touch repulsed Kerri. How would she ever get through to her? What could she do to show her how much she wanted and needed her? Was there anything she could do?
Angela looked at the time. “Well, I’d better get going if I’m going to make my flight. It was nice meeting you, Kerri, and I hope to see you again.”
“It was nice meeting you, too, Angela. It makes me feel better knowing that Rachel has someone here to help her out.”
Rachel felt Kerri’s eyes focused on them as she led Angela out of the room. At the door she turned to Angela whishing her friend could stay longer.
“I’m so sorry I interrupted your dinner,” Angela apologized. “I didn’t realize you were going to eat this early.”
“You didn’t interrupt anything. I was planning a cozy dinner tonight in front of the fireplace with candles, soft music and…” She took a deep breath. “Kerri didn’t want that.” She bit her bottom lip fighting back tears. “She’s not interested in anything that concerns me. The most I’ve heard her talk since she’s been here is to you.”
“What’s the matter?” Angela softly asked.
“Everything. Kerri has barely said anything to me since she got here and when I try to get close to her, she pushes me away. She acts like I have the plague or something.” Her lips trembled.
Angela wrapped her in her arms. “I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, but all I can think of is she’s still upset for your abrupt departure. Give her some time. You’ve got the whole week together. Take her out tonight and show her a good time. I’m sure in a day or two everything will be back to normal.”
Rachel was surprised at how safe and secure she felt in Angela’s arms. She didn’t want Angela to let go of her. Angela’s light fragrance as she nestled her head against Angela’s chest was comforting and calming. She felt like a child clinging to her mother knowing that the closeness would make everything all right again. She closed her eyes enjoying this brief reprieve from Kerri’s hostility then abruptly pulled away. “I’m going to miss you, Angela. Promise me that you’ll call and let me know that you arrived safely?”
Angela tenderly touched Rachel’s cheek, brushing away the tears. “I promise.”
———
Kerri looked in amazement at the conglomeration of buildings. “My, God!” she exclaimed. “I’d get lost in a heartbeat. How the hell can you drive in this city? How can you do anything without bumping into tons of people?” she asked as pedestrians hurried by bumping into them as they hurried to their destinations.
Rachel laughed. “Public transportation isn’t so bad once you get used to it. As for driving, Angela does it all the time. She says you get used to it after awhile. But believe me, you won’t get lost. At first, I was overwhelmed, too, but the magic of the city just made me want to experience everything. I never even worried about getting lost. I know the pace is hectic, but I still manage to stop and smell the roses.”
“But you met Angela your first day here so you had someone to help you get around,” Kerri pointed out.
“Well, that’s true,” Rachel admitted. “But I didn’t know I was going to meet her. Before I did, I had set out on my own exploration. And you won’t have to worry either because you have me as your personal guide. Well, at least to and from the parts of the city I’ve become familiar with.”
“Have you been to Greenwich Village?�
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Rachel brightened. “No. I’ve been saving that for when you got here. It’s on my list of things we’re going to do this week. There are tons of places I haven’t seen yet because I was waiting for you to get here so we can see them for the first time together.” She was relieved that Kerri was finally talking.
Kerri looked at her with a puzzled expression on her face. She opened her mouth as though to say something then abruptly seemed to change her mind.
Rachel grabbed Kerri’s hand giving it an affectionate squeeze. “Is there anything special you’d like to do right now? I have several things planned for this week, but we can do whatever you’d like. I’m just so happy you’re here with me.”
“Whatever you want to do is fine with me,” Kerri distractedly answered not looking at Rachel but keeping her eyes riveted on the throngs of bustling people on the street.
“Well, we could take a walk through Central Park or go for a horse drawn carriage ride. I’ve always wanted to do that,” Rachel suggested.
“I don’t think I’d feel comfortable walking through the park this time of night,” Kerri uneasily replied.
“It’s not that late.”
Kerri looked at her and frowned. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Okay. Then we’ll have a romantic ride in a horse drawn carriage.”
“If that’s what you want to do.”
“Kerri, I want you to have a good time.” She was talking to a stranger not someone she’d spent two years of her life with. This person standing next to her was not the woman she’d left behind in Wilson Point.. That woman had been her best friend, lover and confidante. Kerri was acting as though they had just met and it was a bad first date. She stared at Kerri, but could read nothing in her stony expression. What was she thinking? How long was she intending to punish her? “Kerri, what’s wrong? Please talk to me. You’re so distant,” Rachel pleaded. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to make you feel shut out of my life. I want everything to be perfect for you.” She blinked back hot tears. “What can I do? Just tell me and I’ll do it.”
Kerri met her eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be distant,” she quietly answered. “I’ve got a lot on my mind. This term has been difficult and I’ve taken on a couple more tutoring assignments. I guess the nap wasn’t long enough. I’m still exhausted.” She posted a phony smile on her face. “This city is so unreal. Too many people and buildings all meshed in together. There’s no breathing room. I’m afraid this city would suffocate me in no time at all. I’m a country girl at heart and I need wide open spaces and grass beneath my feet, not concrete.”
Rachel grinned. “There are plenty of parks and neighborhoods with grass and trees. Look at my apartment.”
“It’s too close to other homes. There isn’t much privacy.”
“It’s not that close. Besides, it cuts down on maintenance,” Rachel said nonchalantly trying to lighten the mood.
Kerri grimaced. “The pace is too hurried here. I could never get used to this.”
“What are you really saying, Kerri?” Rachel was afraid to ask the question, but knew that she had to. She pushed an errant strand of blond hair from her brow.
“I think you already know.”
A pained look crossed Kerri’s face. Rachel’s heart sank. “I’m not sure what I know anymore, but I hope what I’m thinking is not what you mean.”
Kerri stopped suddenly and stood in the middle of the sidewalk looking pointedly at Rachel as people hurried by them. “This is not the proper place to discuss it, but we need to talk.”
“Let’s go back to the apartment and we can talk.” As Rachel hailed a taxi, an icy foreboding enveloped her. Her heart was frozen in her chest. She prayed that she’d find the sudden wisdom and words to bring the old Kerri back to her.
Chapter Twelve
Kerri sat on the sofa with her head propped in her hands looking up at Rachel who was standing in front of her. Her eyes briefly glanced past Rachel to the fire crackling in the fireplace. “This isn’t easy for me to say.”
Rachel knelt down in front of her and took her hands holding them tightly as though she were holding on for dear life. Maybe she was. “Kerri, give it a chance. You’ve only been here for a few hours. I have so much to show you. I’ll show you the trees and grass and the wide-open spaces. Just give me a chance. Monday, I want you to come to work with me. My job isn’t very glamorous, but you’ll be surprised at some of the clients that come in and out. Wait until you see the place. It’ll blow you away. Please talk to me,” Rachel pleaded. “What can I do to make everything right?”
“I shouldn’t have come here, Rachel.” She peered into Rachel’s eyes.
“Kerri, please don’t say that. Tell me what I can do to make things right between us again. Please?”
“It’s too late for that now, Rachel,” Kerri whispered. “I’m sorry. Too much has happened and nothing we once shared can ever be the same.”
“No, I don’t buy that for one minute,” Rachel choked. “I love you and I’ll do whatever it takes to set things right. Just please tell me what I can do. I don’t want to lose you. You’re my soul mate.”
Kerri sighed heavily as her eyes drifted again to the fire. “You love it here. I can see it in your eyes. This is you. This is everything you’ve ever wanted.” Her eyes swept around the room. “You’ve got a beautiful apartment, a good job, and at least one very close friend.”
“I’d give it all up for you, Kerri,” she cried. “None of this means anything without you. I didn’t realize how much I missed and truly needed you until I saw you standing in my doorway. God, why won’t you touch me? I ache for you!”
“That’s what we need to talk about.” Her eyebrows knitted closely together. “So much has changed between us.”
Rachel felt hot tears forming behind her eyelids. “I’ll give it all up and go home with you if that’s what you want. I mean it, Kerri.”
Kerri shook her head. “What about what you want? In a week, a month, or six months you’d only become miserable and restless again and want to move. You aren’t happy in Wilson Point and you never will be. It wouldn’t be fair for me to have you relinquish your happiness for mine. It wouldn’t work. In a relationship two people need to both be happy. Just like you can’t expect me to relinquish my happiness to move here just to make you happy. I’d be like a fish out of water in this city. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
“No, I promise. I’ll force myself to be happy.”
Kerri laughed weakly. “What good is it if you have to force yourself to be happy, but really aren’t? That’s no way to live. Look me in the eye and tell me honestly that you wouldn’t miss all of this if you came back home.” Her eyes bore into Rachel’s.
“Maybe I would miss it, but the point is that you are more important to me. I would miss you more, Kerri.”
“You’re only kidding yourself. You’d grow to resent me and maybe even someday blame me for your unhappiness. If not outwardly you’d still be seething inside.”
Rachel scrambled to her feet and tugged at Kerri’s hands. “Come on, let me show you how much I need you. It’s been so long…too long. Make love to me, please!” she pleaded.
Kerri pulled her hands free. “No, Rachel, I can’t.”
Rachel’s breath caught in her throat. “Why not?” she sobbed. “Please make love to me, Kerri.” A tear slid down her cheek.
“Have you forgotten that we are no longer a couple?” Kerri’s voice was firm, but not unkind.
“Don’t say that! We never broke up!”
“Didn’t we? I’m not going to rehash what happened. All I know is I waited night after night for you to call, but you didn’t. When I took off my ring it was over.” She swallowed hard. “I thought my life was over. You’ll never know the hell I went through.”
“I’m sorry,” Rachel moaned. “Everything is my fault and I’m not denying that. I was a fool. I didn’t think when you removed your ring that
you honestly in your heart believed it was over between us. We never said it.”
“At first I didn’t want to believe it, but when you didn’t call and seemed to happily settle into your new life I had to face the truth.” She sighed. “I remembered what I said to you that day…right before you went inside and boarded the bus. I assumed that you took me at my word and that I was history.”
“The truth is that I love you. Doesn’t that matter at all to you?”
“Rachel, I loved you more than I thought it possible to love someone,” she quietly replied.
“And you don’t now? I can make you love me again the way you used to,” she choked. “It’ll be even better this time. You’ll see. People just don’t fall in and out of love that easily.”
“No, they don’t. Rachel, please don’t do this to yourself.” Kerri ran a shaky hand through her short hair. “I’ll spare you the details. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. You deserve to hear it from me face to face.”
“Are you sick?” Rachel worriedly asked.
“No.” She hesitated briefly. “I never expected for it to happen and I certainly wasn’t looking for it.”
“What?” Rachel demanded.
“I met someone. I was so lost and lonely. We talked for hours one night. She wants all the same things I do out of life.”
“What are you saying?”
“God, Rachel, please don’t make this any harder than it is.”
“Have you cheated on me? Is that what you’re trying to tell me? If you did, we’ll get through it. We can go to counseling. I’ll try to understand.”
“There’s nothing to understand. I didn’t cheat on you,” Kerri said bluntly.
“But you just said—”
Kerri sighed in frustration. “We were no longer a couple. The rare times we did speak on the phone I knew it was over.” Her voice softened. “Night after night I cried myself to sleep until I just couldn’t take the emptiness any longer. I knew in my heart that it was over between us for good. We’d never be able to get back what we once had and I didn’t want to face that. It ended when I took off my ring and you walked through that door and hopped onto that bus. Still I prayed that you’d change your mind and rush back to me. But you didn’t. I had to accept the fact that you’d moved on without me.”