by Kira Chase
“More than you can imagine,” Rachel reasoned. “The big difference is that we can be ourselves and not have to hide, acting as though we’re only good friends instead of lovers.”
“You just don’t get it, do you? When we were together, I shut the outside world out and all that mattered to me was the two of us. I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks about me. I have enough confidence in myself to say the hell with the rest of the world.”
Rachel fell silent.
“It’s late, Rachel, and I’ve got an early class tomorrow,” Kerri stiffly said.
“Just say you’ll come. I’ll send the money for a bus ticket unless you prefer to fly.”
“I don’t know, Rachel.”
“Please. Just come for a week.”
“I’ll let you know, but if I do I can pay my own way. I’ll talk to you later.”
Rachel hung up the phone with mixed emotions. Kerri was so distant not like her usual loving self. They’d only been apart for a couple of months, but to Rachel it seemed like years. How could only a few weeks apart cause them to act like strangers not even able to carry on a normal conversation? What if Kerri had already moved on with her life leaving no room for Rachel? No, Kerri would never hurt her that way. She’d tell her that it was over first, but then maybe that was exactly what she’d been saying and Rachel had been blind to her words. Kerri had talked in the past tense when she spoke of them as a couple. And she had taken off her ring. Was she wearing it now? Rachel squinted. It was late. Maybe she’d been having trouble sleeping and only wanted Rachel to suffer for all the pain she’d brought to her.
Rachel would make it all up to her. She perked up when she thought of all the places she’d show Kerri. She’d make her fall in love with the city. Kerri would never want to go back to Wilson Point after a week here.
Chapter Nine
Bonnie threw her arms around Kerri’s neck. “What time is your flight tomorrow?”
Kerri looked at her with tears in her eyes. “Two o’clock.”
“We have the whole night to be together,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “And I’m going to drive you to the airport.”
“I don’t want to go. I want to spend the weekend with you. God knows how I yearn for every weekend when we can be together. I never thought I could love anyone again. And there you were.”
Bonnie smiled. “I finally know what it means to be in love and it’s a feeling I’ll have for the rest of my life as long as we’re together.”
“You know I’m an old-fashioned girl,” Kerri grinned. “It is forever.”
“You owe it to Rachel to tell her about us, Kerri.”
“I don’t owe her anything anymore,” she bitterly retorted.
Bonnie patted her shoulder. “You’re hurt, honey, and I understand that, but you’ll feel better telling her face to face. She deserves that from you and I know how kind and gentle you are. You know I’m right.”
Kerri threw her arms around Bonnie. “Yes, you are,” she said nuzzling her ear. “Thank you for being so understanding.”
“I have nothing to worry about. I’m secure.”
“Don’t ever forget that, baby. I’ve never cheated in my life and I never would.”
———
“So, does my spaghetti sauce pass your high standards?” Rachel teased as she refilled their wine glasses.
“As usual, it is fantastic!” Angela exclaimed. “You know how much I enjoy your cooking…I eat here enough.” She smiled.
“I’m glad you like it. I love to cook and I will be happy to cook for you anytime.” She saw a light quickly come into Angela’s eyes then disappear as quickly as it had come. “Let’s finish our wine in the living room. I built a fire.” She laughed. “I know it’s too warm to have a fire, but I couldn’t resist.”
“Sounds like a great idea to me.” Angela followed her to the sofa. Her eyes stayed fixed on the flame merrily crackling. “You are happy here aren’t you?”
“More than you can imagine.” She grabbed Angela’s hands. “I owe so much to you. If I hadn’t run into you on my first day here I’d have missed out on meeting one of the most wonderful people in the world.”
“Now I think many would disagree with that evaluation,” Angela said turning her attention to Rachel.
Rachel saw the same look in Angela’s eyes she’d seen on several occasions. “Angela,” she softly said. “Does it still hurt?”
“Does what hurt?” Angela asked releasing her hands from Rachel’s and then picking up her wine glass.
“Karen.”
Angela laughed a low bitter laugh. “I think it’s damaged me, but I’ll survive. It makes it easier that she and I aren’t living in the same city. Running into her was torture, but all in all, I’m over her.”
“I don’t know what I’ll do if Kerri and I can’t work through our problems. I can’t imagine not having her in my life.”
“If that happens then you’ll do as I did and take it one day at a time. That’s all you can do.”
Rachel sighed. “Do you know what a comfort you are to me?”
Angela smiled. “The feeling’s mutual. You’ve added so much zest to my life. I didn’t realize how shut away I’d allowed myself to become until I met you.”
“I want you to know that I’m always here for you whenever you need me.”
“I know and I’ll always be here for you, too. After all, that’s what best friends do.” She stared into her wineglass. “Tomorrow is a big day for you.”
Rachel nervously turned her wineglass in her hand. “I’m scared. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. I feel like I’m meeting Kerri for the first time.”
“You’ve been apart for awhile. That’s natural. I’m sure once you two see each other all of the old feelings that made you two fall in love will come rushing back and it’ll seem like you were never apart. Do you have any special plans for tomorrow night?”
Rachel cocked an eye. “Do I ever. It’s been awhile.”
Angela laughed. “That’s not what I meant.”
Rachel feigned surprise. “Well, I thought after she gets here I’d let her rest for awhile. Then maybe go for a walk in Central Park. I’m planning a romantic dinner and then hopefully nature will run its course.”
“Sounds like a good plan.” Angela set her wineglass down. “It’s getting late and I’m sure you have a million things to do.”
“It’s funny how time flies when we’re together,” Rachel noted consulting her wristwatch.
Angela nodded. “What time will she be arriving?”
“She’s calling me in the morning. She’s trying to catch an earlier flight then the one she scheduled, so I’m not sure.”
“I hope I’ll have a chance to meet her before I have to leave for my convention.”
“Me, too. I still wish you didn’t have to go.”
“I’ll miss you, Rachel, but you’ll be so busy with Kerri that I’m sure you won’t give me a second thought.”
“Don’t count on it.”
Angela gave her a hug, then left.
Chapter Ten
Kerri threw a few things into a suitcase.”
“Let me pack for you,” Bonnie said, grabbing the suitcase and removing the items, then neatly folding them before setting them back inside.
Kerri encircled her in her arms. “I still don’t want to go,” she whispered against Bonnie’s soft, fragrant hair.
“I know, honey, but she deserves to know that it’s over.”
“I could have told her over the phone. Besides she’s the one who ended it when she left.”
Bonnie frowned. “From what you’ve told me she doesn’t think that she ended anything.”
Kerri’s forehead furrowed. “That’s just it. She can’t run off half-cocked and expect everything to be the same.”
“She obviously still loves you.”
“I think she loves the idea of being in love. Hell, she’s in New York. She’s got everything at her fingertips. I
’m a country girl…okay with the exclusion of Buffalo,” she said with a wry smile. “And, of course, you. Everything I could possibly want is right here. The more I get to know you the more we have in common.”
Bonnie kissed her cheek. “Does that mean someday we can find some property and get a few animals?”
“That’s my dream.” Kerri grinned at her. “I’m going to try to make all your dreams come true.”
“You already have.” Her eyes sparkled as she looked at Kerri. “Now you go catch that plane so you can get this over with and come back to me.”
“You are the sweetest most understanding woman I’ve ever met.”
“That’s because you and I share something very special and unique,” Bonnie replied.
“And the best is yet to come.” She held her tightly as though she were afraid to let her go. “God, I miss you already.” She kissed her passionately.
———
“What time is Kerri’s plane getting in?” Angela asked.
“Two o’clock. She managed to get an earlier flight after all.” Rachel’s eyes swept over the apartment. Over the past month Angela had completely furnished it for her with pieces she’d had stored or no longer had use for. At least that was what Angela had told Rachel, but Rachel suspected otherwise. The apartment was cozy and inviting. Kerri would love the space after being cramped up in her small apartment. Rachel contemplated turning the spare bedroom into a study for Kerri where she could work uninterrupted on her designs. That was one of the surprises she had for her.
“Are you going to meet her at the airport? I could give you a ride,” Angela offered.
“Thanks, but she said she’d take a taxi.” Rachel clenched her hands into fists.
“What’s the matter? You’re so tense. You’re supposed to be thrilled.” Angela smiled. “This is the moment you’ve been waiting for.”
“I am, but it would be easier if things weren’t so stiff between us.”
“Once you see one another I’ll bet you’ll forget all of your problems. We talked about that last night, remember?” Angela winked.
“I know, but I can’t shake my uneasiness.” She looked intently at Angela. “I wish you weren’t going away this week. I need you for moral support. Besides I was hoping that you could talk to Kerri and convince her of all the opportunities the city has to offer…especially for her with a design career.”
Angela patted Rachel’s shoulder. “You don’t need a third wheel. This is a fresh start for the both of you. Look at it that way. You are the one who needs to show her around and soon she’ll see all the prospects at her fingertips. Come on now lighten up! This is the woman you love. You should be beside yourself with joy not acting like you’re going before the firing squad.”
Rachel grimaced. “I just want everything to be the way it was before between Kerri and me and I’m afraid I’m asking for too much.” She ran a hand through her hair. “I blew it.”
“You seem to be forgetting that she did agree to come so that is a major breakthrough on her part. Think positive thoughts and get rid of that gloom and doom face.” She tossed her head. “I’ve got to pack, but I promise to pop in for a minute before I leave for the airport to meet Kerri. I’ve written down my hotel and the phone number. Call me if you need to talk. Promise? But I expect you to be so busy that I’ll be back before you even realize I’ve been gone.”
Rachel threw her arms around Angela’s neck. “What would I ever do without you?”
“I hope I never find out,” Angela softly murmured as she patted Rachel’s back.
When Angela released her, Rachel stood back gazing at her friend. “Are you okay?” Again, Angela had held her closely and made a comment that made no sense to Rachel. Or did it? Was Angela feeling more than friendship for her? Rachel shook off her silly supposition. Angela would never do to another woman what had been done to her. She wouldn’t hurt Kerri even though she’d never met her because hurting Kerri would hurt Rachel. And Angela knew how deeply in love Rachel was with Kerri.
Angela nodded. “I’m just concerned about you. You deserve to be happy and I know that Kerri is the woman who holds the key to your happiness. I want everything to work out for you the way you want it to.”
“Some day, Angela, you’re going to find a woman to make you happy, too. She’ll treat you with all the love, kindness and respect you deserve.” A telltale sign of sorrow came into Angela’s eyes. “Is something wrong?” she worriedly asked. “You look so sad.”
Angela flashed a weak smile. “I’m fine, really I am. You worry too much.”
Rachel’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t believe you and when you return we’re going to sit down and have a long talk. I’ve been so absorbed with my own problems with Kerri that I’m afraid I haven’t even given you the chance to lean on me for a change.”
Angela’s face flushed. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. You’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had. These past weeks knowing you have been some of the happiest times of my life. And it’s nice to have someone do all the kind things that you do for me like cooking dinner a couple of times a week and taking care of Shugie when I’m working late, so don’t ever think you lean too much on me.”
Rachel took Angela’s hands and held them gently in her own. “Still you deserve to be happy. We need to find you the perfect woman.” She watched as the same glimpse of pain came back into Angela’s eyes. She squeezed Angela’s hands affectionately. “What do you say?”
“I don’t think I’m ready for the dating game again.”
“I know you’ve been deeply wounded but you’ve got to move on with your life. Remember you’re the one who told me that when things don’t work out you have to pick yourself up and move on. It’s time for you to take the bull by the horns. Once word gets out that you’re looking, I’ll bet you’ll have to beat off all the women with a stick.”
Angela laughed. “I love the way you put things. But still, that’s easier said than done,” she admitted.
Rachel studied her for a few seconds. “Wait a minute…you’ve already found someone, haven’t you?” she squealed. “Come on…out with it. Who is she? Have I met her?”
“Wow! Your imagination is running in high gear today.”
“Nah, I don’t think so.”
Angela laughed again. “Well, I’ve got to run. I’ll pop in for a minute to meet Kerri.”
Rachel slowly released Angela’s hands. “Wish me luck?”
“Sweetie, you’re in love and that’s all you need not luck.” She opened the door. “Don’t worry,” she said, then closed the door.
Rachel stared at the closed door for a few seconds. She wished she could put her finger on what was troubling Angela. She sighed. Angela might tell her in due time unless it was something she didn’t feel comfortable sharing with anyone. But she couldn’t bear to see the tortured look that was coming with more frequency to Angela’s eyes. As soon as she got back on track with Kerri, she was determined to help Angela find the happiness she was so deserving of.
Rachel sighed. Right now, she needed to focus all of her attention on Kerri’s impending arrival. She walked into the bedroom and for what must have been the hundredth time, fluffed the pillows. She looked at the bed imagining how wonderful it would be lying naked in Kerri’s arms. Her breath caught in her throat as she closed her eyes and could almost feel Kerri’s masterful hands exploring every crevice of her body.
———
When the doorbell rang, Rachel could barely contain her enthusiasm as she rushed to it flinging it wide open.
Kerri silently stood there with a suitcase clutched tightly in her hand.
“Come in, Kerri.” Rachel beamed as she grabbed the suitcase and set it inside the door.
Kerri slowly walked inside. “Wow! This is some place!”
“Thank you.” Rachel shut the door then turned to Kerri. “I missed you,” she said enclosing her in her arms. She felt Kerri stiffen.
“I missed you, too,” Kerri said qu
ietly.
Rachel tilted her head as her lips hungrily sought Kerri’s. Kerri’s lips didn’t respond. “Is something wrong?” she anxiously asked searching Kerri’s eyes.
Kerri let her breath out in a rush. “I’m just tired.”
“Why don’t you take a nap? I could join you if you’d like,” she slyly offered.
Kerri flashed a weak smile. “I’m so tired that I’ll probably fall asleep the minute my head hits the pillow.”
“Okay, then.” Rachel tried to hide the hurt in her voice. “When you get up I have some things planned.” She picked up Kerri’s suitcase and walked to the bedroom door with Kerri at her heels. She set the suitcase inside the door and watched longingly as Kerri walked past her then silently closed the door.
Confused, Rachel walked back to the living room and sank onto the sofa. The tension was so thick between Kerri and herself that she wasn’t certain where to even begin to patch things up. Kerri didn’t want to be here. That much was obvious. But Rachel was determined that by the time she showed Kerri the city she’d be glad she’d made the trip.
Still it bothered her that Kerri hadn’t shown her any affection, not even returning her kiss. It wasn’t that long ago that Kerri couldn’t get enough of her making slow passionate love to her for hours. Had these months apart killed the passion Kerri had once felt or was she still angry that Rachel had left so abruptly and felt the need to punish her further?
Seeing Kerri made all the familiar feelings come rushing back. How could Kerri use such self-control? They should be in bed right this minute with their bodies entangled making up for lost time. She craved Kerri’s touch and needed her now more than she’d ever needed her. She thoughtfully ran her fingers through her hair. Maybe after she rested Kerri would be her normal familiar self again. She could hardly wait. The passion inside of her only burned deeper as she thought about Kerri right now with her head on the pillow in Rachel’s bed.
———
Kerri sat on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands. She felt sick inside. Rachel believed they were still a couple. She had to let her down as gently as possible. She groaned. Why did she come here? She needed Bonnie. That’s where she wanted to be.