Destiny

by Kira Chase

  “Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling?”

  “Why? You knew how I felt. All we did was argue the rare times we did try to have a decent conversation. You didn’t want to come home and I didn’t want to come here. Besides, you didn’t exactly rush to the phone to see how I was handling everything. I felt abandoned by you.”

  “Kerri, you had a one night stand. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world. We’ll get through it together. I won’t lose you over it. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “It wasn’t a one night stand,” Kerri quietly said. “You need to understand that. It means more to me and goes way beyond sex.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I told you that I met someone. We didn’t have a one-night stand. I fell in love with her. I never expected it to happen but it did. We’re a couple. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

  “No!” Rachel cried. “I know you, Kerri. I know what we had together. We can get what we had back again.” Tears splashed down her cheeks.

  Kerri slowly shook her head back and forth. “No, Rachel. I don’t love you like that any longer. You’ll always have a special place in my heart, but we can never be anything more than friends. I’m committed to someone else now.”

  “No, Kerri, I won’t accept that.” Rachel didn’t care that she was humbling herself. She had no pride left. All she cared about was being with Kerri again. She wanted to feel Kerri’s hands softly moving over her body setting her on fire. She wanted to feel Kerri’s tongue caressing her clit as she brought her to the edge and back again. She’d fight for her. She couldn’t lose her.

  “You have to accept it, Rachel.” She looked pointedly at Rachel. “I never believed in destiny, but since I met Bonnie I’ve changed my opinion. This is the way it’s supposed to be. I don’t think you and I were ever destined to be together, but with Bonnie, I feel like she and I are. I wish I could explain it so you’d understand how I feel, but I can’t.”

  “So, her name is Bonnie?” Rachel drew a shuddering breath. “This destiny stuff doesn’t make any sense. It sounds like you never truly loved me then, not the way I love you,” she said with her voice quivering helplessly.

  “Yes, her name is Bonnie and under any other circumstances I think you’d like her. Right now I don’t expect you to be happy for me, but I hope someday you will be.”

  “So you believe that in the end you and Bonnie are supposed to be together?” She stared at Kerri’s sensuous mouth, the mouth that had brought her so much pleasure now giving that pleasure to another woman. How could that mouth she loved so much betray her? How could Kerri give herself so freely to another woman?

  “I know it sounds crazy, but that is exactly how I feel.”

  “If I wouldn’t have come here then you would have dumped me anyway. Is that what you’re telling me?”

  Kerri frowned. “We can’t be certain that we would have stayed together after I finished school. We would have still argued because we want different things out of life.” She threw her arms up. “You enjoy this hectic pace of life with all the hustle and bustle of the city, but that’s not me. I’d be like a fish out of water here. I love the country and wide open spaces.” Her eyes misted. “Rachel, I hope that someday you can be as happy as I am. The reason I came here was because Bonnie felt I owed it to you to see you in person and tell you about us. She’s kind, trusting, and caring.”

  “So do I know this Bonnie? How did you two hook up?” Rachel sniffed.

  “That’s not important. What is important is that someday you’ll look back on this part of your life and realize that you and I were not destined to be together. We shared something beautiful together and that’s the part I’ll always remember and treasure. We were never a mistake.” She walked over to Rachel and patted her shoulder. “Haven’t you given Angela a second look? Tell me the truth. Have you ever thought about her as more than a friend?”

  “Of course not! We’re just good friends,” Rachel angrily retorted. “I resent your implication.”

  Kerri placed a hand on Rachel’s chin and tilted her head until Rachel’s eyes were level with her own. “I saw the way she looks at you,” she softly said. “Don’t tell me that you never noticed.”

  “She’s only being a concerned friend. She knows how lonely and upset I’ve been about our shaky relationship. That’s the only way I’ve ever seen her look at me…as a friend and nothing else.”

  “She’s a beautiful woman, Rachel, and she’s got the hots for you.”

  “You’re only saying that to ease your own conscience,” Rachel said her voice rising slightly.

  “My conscience is clear, Rae. It’s not like I went looking for someone the day you left. You’ll never know my suffering, but the suffering is over for me and it can be over for you, too. Now’s your chance to find true happiness and contentment with a woman who shares all of the same qualities and values as you.” She squeezed Rachel’s shoulder. “I’m telling you the truth. You’re too damned blind to see what’s right in front of you. Angela has feelings for you that go way beyond just friendship. Let her know you’re interested.”

  Rachel wiped her eyes. Kerri was trying to pacify her, would say anything to justify her betrayal, but to assume that Angela had any feelings other than friendship for her was going too far, and angered her. She stood back from Kerri shaking with rage. “How dare you accuse me of sinking to your level!” she lashed out. She hadn’t even realized that her sorrow had suddenly turned to anger, anger so red and hot that her eyes blazed.

  Kerri winced. “You’re hurt and angry right now, Rae, and that’s understandable, but it doesn’t change the fact of what I saw in Angela’s eyes when she looked at you. It definitely wasn’t the way a friend looks at a friend. She’s special, Rae. She cares too much about you to act on those feelings when she obviously knows you planned a happy reunion for the two of us.” Her eyes grew bright. “You obviously have feelings for her, too, Rae but you’re too stubborn to admit it. She has class. Don’t let her go or you may live to regret it.”

  “I can’t believe my ears. Why are you saying these things, which obviously have no truth in them? I never looked at Angela or any other woman that way. Fidelity is something I treasure in myself and thought I could trust in you,” she snapped.

  “I also believe in fidelity, Rae. You know that. I didn’t cheat on you. I never cheated on you.”

  Rachel’s eyes burned. “I never thought you of all people, Kerri Tabor, would ever hurt me like this.” She trembled, and then once again broke into tears. Her body shook with sobs. “How could you hurt me like this?” she moaned. “I love you, Kerri! I don’t deserve this.”

  Kerri hugged her. “I’d never intentionally hurt you. Can’t you see that? I was hurt. We were finished and it took me a long time to accept that fact. Can you honestly tell me that for all these weeks you sat home alone every night waiting for the phone to ring?”

  “No,” she answered through muffled sobs, “but I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

  “I stayed home night after night until one night I couldn’t bear it any longer. The phone never rang and I knew it wasn’t going to.”

  “I called and asked you to come here.”

  “To try to convince me to move here. Rae, it is a beautiful city, but it’s not for me. Enjoy it with someone who loves it as much as you already do.”

  Rachel pushed Kerri away from her. “I’ve made such a fool out of myself,” she sniffed.

  “No, you haven’t,” Kerri said softly. “Call Angela. She cares about you more than you know.” Kerri eyed her sharply. “I’m right, Rae. Maybe you don’t believe me right now, but someday you’ll see.”

  “You’re wrong, Kerri. Angela doesn’t care about me like that.”

  “I’m going to call the airport and see if I can get a flight home tonight.”

  Rachel numbly nodded. Her heart was bleeding and nothing would fill the gaping hole in her chest
. She sat stiffly on the sofa watching as though in slow motion as Kerri made her phone call to the airport and another one for a taxi and then carried her suitcase to the door. Kerri stood silently by the front door and Rachel stayed frozen to the sofa neither of them speaking.

  When the taxi finally honked, Kerri turned to Rachel. “I’m sorry, Rae, but you’ll see that this is for the best. Angela cares for you. Go to her. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Rachel threw herself across her bed. This was where Kerri and she were supposed to be together right now making hot passionate love. Now she was alone…totally alone. There were no more anxious moments waiting for Kerri to arrive. It was over. Kerri had said so and there was nothing she could do about it. She’d lost her. Kerri was dead to her and she didn’t know how she’d get over the loss. Her heart ripped into a million pieces with the pain almost unbearable.

  The scent of Kerri still permeated the room and the bed where she’d briefly lain that afternoon. Sobs caught in her throat. How could Kerri hurt her like this? It hadn’t been over. Kerri was the one who’d decided it was. Now she had someone new. Rachel knew by the look in Kerri’s eyes that she was in love. It was the same way Kerri used to look at her.

  The phone rang and she quickly blew her nose and swiped at her eyes. Maybe Kerri was calling to say that she’d made a mistake and wanted Rachel after all. She grabbed the receiver.

  “Hey, I made it all in one piece,” Angela’s bubbly voice said.

  “Good,” Rachel sniffed.

  “I don’t want to keep you from your romantic evening, but I did promise to call.”

  “I’m glad you did, Angela,” Rachel said through trembling lips.

  “Rachel, what’s wrong? Are you crying?” Angela worriedly asked.

  Rachel tried to control her wobbly voice. “Kerri left,” she sobbed. “It’s over.”

  “What happened?”

  “She only came to see me to tell me that she’s found someone else.” She couldn’t control the tears splashing down her face and splattering the receiver.

  “Oh God, I’m so sorry. I hate for you being alone right now. I wish I was there.”

  “Me, too. I don’t know what to do, Angela,” she cried. “I can’t believe this really happened. I’m so confused.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Just that when I left Wilson Point so quickly and then rarely called, she knew there was nothing left between us. She wouldn’t listen to my explanation. I want her back,” she sobbed.

  Angela sighed heavily. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, Rachel, but put yourself in Kerri’s shoes. You did leave her hanging all this time. What did you expect her to do, honey?”

  Angela’s words even though not spoken harshly stung Rachel. “I know it’s all my fault. You don’t need to remind me. What I need now is an understanding friend not someone telling me I told you so.” Even through her tears, her voice was cool.

  “I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. I am your friend. I’m only trying to look at this objectively,” Angela softly said. “I care about your feelings and I wish there was something I could say or do to ease your pain.”

  “It doesn’t matter now…it’s over.”

  “Why don’t you take a long hot bath and go to bed early?” Angela suggested.

  Rachel looked at the bed. The last thing she wanted to do was sleep on this bed alone tonight. “I feel like getting drunk.”

  Angela laughed. “You’re not much of a drinker, but if it’ll make you feel better, pop open a bottle of wine.”

  Rachel sighed dejectedly. “I think I’ll go to The Barstel and drown my sorrows. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

  “Please don’t do that. It’s late. Don’t go out alone. Wait until I get home,” Angela nervously said. “We’ll sit down and talk everything through.”

  “It’s not that late.”

  “It will be by the time you get there.”

  Rachel shrugged her shoulders. “I need to get out of here. Don’t worry about me; I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself.”

  “Rachel, you’re scaring me. Damn I wish I could get the next plane back, but I can’t. I have to stay.”

  “I know. Besides, I didn’t ask you to come back. I’ll be fine. I can’t keep depending on others to take care of me.”

  “I never meant to imply that you couldn’t take care of yourself. I’m just worried about you. I’m your friend and friends worry.”

  “Well don’t.” Rachel was still hurt by Angela’s obvious siding with Kerri.

  “I still wish you wouldn’t go alone. Please don’t.”

  “What am I supposed to do? Wait a week for you to come home?” Rachel asked sharply.

  “I have no right to ask you to do that. Just be careful. I’ll call you later,” Angela promised.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Rachel looked around the smoky crowded room of The Barstel. She was uncomfortable. Tonight she was here all alone. There would be no Angela rushing through the door to meet her. There would be no intimate conversations here with Kerri as she had planned. She made her way to the bar. She climbed onto a barstool and ordered a whiskey sour. She took a sip and the liquid immediately burned her throat. She was only used to wine and beer and had never cared much for anything stronger, but tonight she needed a quick release from her pain and the sooner the better.

  The music pounded in her ears, but she was grateful for it, because it interfered with her being able to think. There really was nothing to think about. She needed to concentrate on alleviating the throbbing pain in her chest. She finished her drink and quickly ordered another. She kept her back to the room and her eyes focused on the bottles behind the bar appearing to be deeply intrigued by them.

  “Waiting for Angela?”

  She turned her head. Jaylene propped herself on the stool next to hers.

  “No, she’s out of town on business,” Rachel replied wishing Jaylene would go away. She wasn’t in the mood for company. She’d just lost her lover and her best friend hadn’t offered her sympathy she felt was warranted. She was crushed and Jaylene was the last person she felt like talking to tonight.

  Jaylene peered into her face. “No offense, but you look like hell. Have you been crying? Your eyes are all red and puffy.”

  Rachel shrugged her shoulders hating Jaylene’s bluntness. Why didn’t the woman take a hint and find someone else to talk to?

  “Do you want to talk about it? I’m a good listener.” Her voice was low and quiet.

  “Not really.” She wasn’t about to bare her soul to Jaylene especially after what Jaylene had done to Angela.

  “Mind if I sit here?”

  “Suit yourself,” Rachel answered distractedly.

  “So, did you and Ang have a disagreement?”

  “I told you I don’t want to talk about it,” Rachel firmly replied. “But no, Angela and I did not have a disagreement. Besides we are only friends.” She watched Jaylene’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

  “Oh? Could have fooled me. I thought you two were a hot item.” She grinned.

  “Well you thought wrong. We’ve never been anything more than friends and never will be.”

  “It never looked that way to me. I saw how cozy you two looked always in your own private world laughing and talking. You two are always in here together. So what was a girl to think?”

  “Look, Jaylene, I don’t mean to be rude but I’m not in the mood for company tonight. I just want to be left alone.”

  “How about if I just sit here quietly? I promise not to say a word.” She smiled broadly. “I promise to be as quiet as a mouse.”

  Rachel nodded and then finished her drink. Before she could order another, Jaylene had ordered one for her. True to her word, Jaylene sat silently, but her dark eyes were fixed on Rachel.

  Finally in exasperation Rachel spoke. “Why don’t I ever see you in here with anyone?”

  She nonchalantly
shrugged her broad shoulders. “I haven’t met anyone I care to be with. I’m waiting for that special woman to someday walk through that door,” she said pointing her beer bottle in the direction of the door. “Until she does, I’m free and single.”

  Rachel studied the attractive woman. As usual, Jaylene was clad all in black with a gold chain around her neck. Rachel bet that hidden underneath that leather jacket were arms heavily tattooed. Jaylene was cocky and abrasive, but Rachel sensed a softer side to her.

  “What about you? I mean since you said you and Angela aren’t a couple.”

  “I had someone, but it’s over now.” She bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling or worse yet to prevent bursting out in tears in front of Jaylene.

  “It must be recent. That explains your red eyes.”

  Rachel nodded. “It just happened. Now you can see why I’m not in the mood for company.” She sipped at her drink.

  “I’m sorry. I won’t give you all the usual clichés. Everyone heals differently and in his or her own way and time.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Do you want to talk about it? I promise not to be judgmental. I know what that’s like.”

  “No,” she started to say, but when she saw the genuine concern on Jaylene’s face, she began to pour out all of her pent up emotions. She felt like a dam had burst within her.

  Jaylene sat silently as Rachel talked about the first day she met Kerri up to Kerri’s heading back to the airport. The only time Jaylene spoke was to replenish their drinks. True to her word, she wasn’t judgmental, but listened sympathetically.

  When the bartender announced last call, Rachel was surprised at how quickly the time had sped by. She’d talked for hours pouring out her heart and soul to this stranger, only now Jaylene didn’t seem like such a stranger.