“Maybe he just couldn’t decide what color you like best so he bought all three.”
She saw the familiar goofy smile starting to appear. So it was Kevin. She wasn’t sure if she was more annoyed at herself for being so stupid as to actually think Michael might bring her flowers after all this time—the thought made her hot with embarrassment—or if she was more annoyed at Kevin for being so irritatingly presumptuous. He had delivered not one, not two, but three bouquets of flowers the very day after they’d made their agreement in his garage to cool it. As usual, he hadn’t taken her request to back off seriously.
“Here. Your ice cream.”
She shoved the custard cup filled with rocky road into his hand. She grabbed her own custard cup and walked abruptly out of the kitchen and into the living room, where she flounced onto the couch, set her ice cream cup on the coffee table with a barely controlled bang, crossed her arms across her chest, and sat there, fuming. He followed her into the living room and sat down beside her. She stared straight ahead, pretending that she was unaware that he was sitting just six inches from her hips.
“Don’t be upset, Gina.”
“I’m not upset!”
“That’s good. I was worried there for a minute that you might be angry.” He took a spoonful of ice cream. “It’s bad for your digestion.”
“We’re not talking about my digestion,” she said between clenched teeth. Gracious, he was so exasperating.
“No, we’re not … then what are we talking about?”
“You don’t know?!!!”
She turned to face him. He took another spoonful from his custard cup.
“Kevin, can’t you see what’s going on here?”
“Yes, I see.”
“What? What do you see?”
“You’re angry because I brought you three bouquets of flowers and you want me to stop coming around because I’m not cool and rich like Michael.”
“That’s not true.” She was stung.
“Which part? The flowers or the part about Michael?”
Gina closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Nothing, absolutely nothing she said to Kevin made things right. Every time she tried to make sense of this weird relationship she said something or he said or did something that made everything complicated and messy and difficult. She thought they could be friends but this wasn’t working out. Was it Kevin or was it her? Who really was the problem? She had baggage left over from her engagement and break-up with Michael. That was a fact. But Kevin was hard of hearing! Why bother trying to explain to him that she wasn’t ready to be bombarded with his attention? She couldn’t make him understand that three bouquets constituted bombardment! He didn’t listen!
“Gina?”
“What?” She sounded as exasperated as she was.
“Are you going to eat that?”
With his spoon Kevin pointed at her ice cream, which was slowly melting into a cool brown lump. She picked it up and shoved it toward him.
They sat there, saying nothing, while Kevin finished off her rocky road. Gina was incensed. The earth shakes, the sky falls, the seas roar. Kevin takes another spoonful of ice cream. How could a guy eat at a traumatic time like this? He used his spoon to scrape up the last bit of rocky road.
“Well, I think this is my swan song,” he said, getting up from the couch. He picked up the cups and spoons to bring them to the kitchen.
“I still have your jacket. I’ll get it.” Gina walked to her bedroom to get the jacket she’d borrowed on New Year’s Eve. Her apartment had no coat closet. That had been sacrificed to the remodeling job. “Here,” she said, holding out his jacket. She was a little calmer now, but her voice had a distinct coolness to it. “I had a nice evening. Thanks for the dinner.”
She looked up at his face and as their eyes met, she saw a strange look there, one she had seen in his eyes before. It wasn’t lust—she’d seen that look on other men and knew it well—but searching, as if Kevin were in deep thought on subjects way more serious than rocky road. All this happened in a moment, and before it could become a conscious thought on her part, he grabbed her firmly, his arms around her waist, pulling her near him and putting his lips to hers. His lips were surprisingly soft, but the bigger surprise was his passion: she had never been kissed like this. She felt pleasure all the way down to her toes. Something in her heart shattered as she realized that Kevin was no boy. He was a man, and he kissed like a man. It was an eye-opening moment. He pulled away a bit but kept his hands on her waist.
“You’re violating our agreement,” she said, breathless.
“Sue me.” And he pulled her close and kissed her again.
She was struck at how hard his body felt near hers, so unlike her own. But even sharper than this realization was the immediate sensation of his hands, which rested on her back just above the knot of her halter. Though the touch of his fingertips made no more pressure than the flutter of a silken handkerchief, the thrill made her heart start pounding without her permission. She wanted the lovely feeling to go on, but it struck her as dangerous to keep this up when it was just the two of them, alone in her apartment. He was still holding her close to him when she felt the heady brush of his lips along the top of her ear.
“I can be your hero, Gina, if you let me,” he whispered.
His warm breath was soft against her neck and shoulder. Between the sparking at her lower back, the nearness of his hard body, and the thrill of his breath on her bare skin, she was too excited to form a response. She was breathing heavily and still looking up into his eyes, aware above all of the nearness of his body. She had never once prepared for this moment, because until now she had not thought of Kevin as a man to be sexually desired. And if she had thought of him that way, she would have quickly rejected that thought because she did not love him. And now he had lighted that desire in her. It was all so sudden. She couldn’t process it. She couldn’t think of anything to say. But she needn’t have worried. He too must have sensed the danger.
“I’d better be going,” he said. He lifted his jacket from her hand, and without another word, walked out the door.
Chapter Seventeen
The Apartment, Lincoln Street
“Bonnie, I’m in trouble. I need to talk to you.”
It was nearly ten-thirty, but Gina was so anxious to talk to Bonnie that she was on the phone minutes after Kevin left. She could have waited until she saw Bonnie in church tomorrow, but even those few hours seemed too long. As she held the phone in her hand she paced the length of the phone cord.
“Trouble? What kind of trouble?”
“It’s nothing I want to talk about over the phone,” said Gina. She paused. “And not in front of your roommates, either.”
“Are you pregnant?” Bonnie whispered into the phone, her voice pregnant with curiosity and alarm.
“No, I’m not pregnant! Sheesh, Bonnie. Can we talk about this in person? Can you come over after church tomorrow? I’ll fix lunch for you and the kids.”
“Sure. Lunch tomorrow. See you right after service.”
Gina hung up the phone, irritated that she had to wait until tomorrow afternoon to hash things out with Bonnie. Almost as bad, they’d have to talk things over while dealing with endless interruptions from Benjamin and Sarah. Gina made up her mind to come up with some distraction for the kids so the girls could have at least thirty minutes to talk. Ah, balloons! Cheap and easy, a sure kid thrill. They didn’t require as much adult involvement as reading a picture book and they were smear proof. She’d buy some balloons somewhere on the way to church. She was ridiculously pleased at her clever idea.
Sunday morning arrived. Gina awoke with a feeling of doom. When the phone rang around seven-thirty, she ran to it out of habit but then just stood there, watching it brrring, brrring until it stopped. She had no way of knowing who was calling, but only one person ever phoned her on Sunday mornings. She would let him think she had left early for service.
On the way to
Mountain View she detoured at the Ben Franklin 5 and 10 near Homestead Road and Lawrence Expressway and bought a package of balloons. She looked at her watch as she got back into her Austin. If she dawdled a little more she’d be several minutes late to church, which is how she planned to bypass Kevin. Crossroads had only one Sunday service.
She arrived at the entrance of the gymnasium-sanctuary five minutes after worship service started. From the back of the cavernous room she saw Kevin, standing near the front and facing forward toward the altar, singing gustily with the rest. Officially he was still a member of Los Gatos Christian, but she knew he’d be here this morning. She slipped into the back row. When worship was finished and Pastor asked everyone to sit down, she slouched down behind the man seated in front of her. Every once in a while she put her head up, like a gopher popping up from its hole to scan for hawks, to see what Kevin was doing. Once she saw him turn and look around. She knew he was looking for her. She slunk back down into her gopher hole. Being five foot eight had few drawbacks. Trying to hide in a crowd was one.
When Pastor dismissed service she was one of the first people to step into the foyer. She was making a beeline for the exit to the parking lot when someone grabbed her arm.
“Gina dear.”
Gina recognized the scratchy voice of Sister Vredenberg, a revered elderly minister with snow white hair who had once hosted a radio gospel ministry. Gina was in a hurry to beat Kevin to the parking lot, but she couldn’t possibly be rude to dear Sister Vredenberg. The woman was a saint. She dressed like one too. Plain dark skirt well below the knee, shapeless white blouse, sensible shoes over thick, opaque stockings.
Gina didn’t ever want to preach that badly.
“Sister Vredenberg, how are you?” Gina forced herself to keep her eyes on Sister’s face instead of scanning the foyer for the interception that was on its way.
“Fine, fine dear. The Lord is good.”
“Yes.”
Gina couldn’t resist a quick dart right and left. No Kevin yet.
“I had a dream about you, Gina. Last night.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. It was most interesting. I went to bed early—I don’t have the energy I did in my early days. We used to stay up all night, you know, tarrying, waiting on the Lord. Oh those prayer meetings were the most anointed. How the Holy Ghost would fall!”
“Yes, Sister Vredenberg, I’m sure it was wonderful.” Gina hoped Sister wouldn’t start a prayer meeting right there in the foyer. Gina needed to get to her car.
“Sister Vredenberg, you said you had a dream.”
“Oh yes. Well, I dreamed that I saw you, and you were reading a letter.”
“A letter?” What could be the significance of that?
“And as you were reading the letter, I saw something fly over your head, like this.” The old woman lifted her arm over her head and swung it in an arc. “It was a bouquet of flowers. Like a wedding bouquet.”
“Are you sure?” said Gina. Furtively she scanned the foyer for Kevin’s face.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Then what happened?”
Gina was relieved, but only briefly, that Kevin still had not made it out of the sanctuary into the foyer. Worshippers were visiting and blocking the foyer instead of exiting in an orderly way, which made it slow for those who wanted to go straight to the parking lot. Normally this annoyed Gina, who was always in a hurry. Today she was glad for the delay. But she wouldn’t be safe until she reached her car.
“Then the dream ended.”
“I was reading a letter, this bouquet flew over my head, and then poof! the dream ended?” asked Gina.
“Yes. That’s it.”
“No words, no messages, nothing?”
“No dear. Just this letter, and then this flying bouquet.”
Gina pondered a moment.
“I thought you’d like to know, dear.” Sister Vredenberg patted her arm. “You pray about it now.”
“Yes, I’ll certainly do that Sister Vredenberg. Thank you for sharing with me. I’m sorry to run off, but I have to be somewhere right now.” Out in my car with the doors locked.
“Yes, yes dear.”
Gina gave the dear lady a peck on the cheek and a quick hug, said good-bye, and ran out the front exit to the parking lot. She didn’t feel comfortable running off so abruptly but her mind was preoccupied with things that made her even more uncomfortable than violating the dictates of good manners. Because she had arrived late, her car was parked far from the front door, close to Miramonte Avenue.
She got into her car as fast as she could, turned on the ignition, and raced toward the parking lot exit. Old ladies dreaming. Flying flowers. Her life was a psychedelic trip, but without the beads and free love. Was it a coincidence? Did it mean anything? She was afraid to contemplate.
Gina drove straight toward her apartment. Once there she busied herself making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Benjamin. She cut the sandwich into four triangles and arranged them, pinwheel style, on a small plate. For herself and Bonnie she heated some refried beans in a pot on the stove, and while they plopped, plopped, releasing little steam farts, she warmed flour tortillas directly on the gas flame. Pilar had told her once that it was the fastest way to heat tortillas if one didn’t have an iron griddle. Pilar was right. After Gina had assembled a few burritos from the plain beans and tortillas, she put them in the oven on a plate to keep them warm and started blowing up balloons. They would have green grapes and milk with their lunch, so there was no cooking left to do. It was a simple meal, too simple. Gina was embarrassed that she had no salsa or sour cream for the boring bean burritos, but it would have to do. In short order lunch was ready and a dozen colorful balloons skittered around her living room floor like frightened bunnies every time she walked by.
“I’m glad you got here quick,” said Gina as Bonnie came through the front door carrying Sarah in an infant carrier. She was half asleep, bottle still in her mouth. Bonnie was her usual coifed and put together self today in a stylish, long sleeve yellow dress with black patent leather belt and heels to match. The weather was getting warmer. None of the three wore a jacket. Benjamin dragged behind, absorbed in the antics of a winged black beetle flitting up and down along the sidewalk. He squatted down on his haunches to get a closer look.
“Come on Benji. We got balloons,” said Gina, standing on her stoop, holding out a blue balloon and trying to be patient. “See? Balloons are better than bugs.” Gina screwed up her face. Bugs. Yuck.
Benjamin looked up at the balloon, unimpressed, then back at the bug. “Birdie,” he said, pointing at the disgusting little thing crawling near his sneaker.
“Yes, birdie,” said Gina. She shouldn’t encourage ignorance, but she wanted to talk to Bonnie and she didn’t feel like giving a biology lesson this afternoon. “Birdie is hungry. Birdie has to go home and eat his lunch. Now.”
“You should have bought a box of live beetles and scattered them about your apartment,” said Bonnie matter-of-factly from the kitchen. She put Sarah, still in the carrier, on the floor near the table. The tot was now fast asleep.
“Come on Benji. Lunch time. I made you a peanut butter sandwich shaped like a flower,” said Gina.
Benjamin paid no attention. Gina wondered how mothers of preschoolers kept their sanity.
“Birdie is eating my feets,” said Benjamin. He giggled as he watched the enormous beetle crawl along the toe of his shoe.
Bonnie came through the front door about then, marched down the sidewalk, flicked the beetle off his shoe, and picked up Benjamin. “You can play with the birdie after lunch,” she said.
Gina followed behind while Bonnie carried the boy into the apartment and sat him on her lap after she took a seat at the table. He was too little to perch safely on a phone book and Gina didn’t have a highchair. Gina pulled the burritos from the oven and the three started their lunch.
“So, what’s happening?” asked Bonnie.
“I let him
kiss me,” said Gina. The silence that followed screamed with significance.
Bonnie stopped pouring milk into Benjamin’s cup and looked up. “You little hoyden. Kissing gets girls into trouble. I’m proof of that,” she said, nodding toward Benjamin.
“Don’t say it like that. I told you I’m not pregnant. I haven’t even been fooling around.”
Bonnie made a face.
“Though if I were pregnant, it might be simpler. At least when you’re pregnant you know how you got there and you know what’s coming. A baby is tangible. You just feed and diaper it. I have no idea what I’ve created here. And I certainly don’t know what to do with it.”
“You said there was nothing sexy about him. What changed?”
“Nothing changed. That’s the problem. If my feelings had changed about him I’d feel better about what happened. But I don’t even know what happened. It just happened. And I just kind of let it,” she added. “We went out to dinner and I invited him in for ice cream and then … well, you know how these things go.”
“Gee, I don’t know, Gina. He’s tall, nice looking, good with kids, is obviously crazy about you, believes the way you do, and has a steady job. You could do worse. Am I missing something here?”
“I’m not in love with him, that’s what’s missing. I told myself and told myself I wouldn’t encourage him, just be friends. Kissing seems to lean toward the encouraging side. It was a huge mistake.”
“Anything physical tends to make them buzz around like yellow jackets on an open soda can,” said Bonnie.
“Except Kevin was buzzing around before he kissed me. I just made it worse.”
“Well did you pop the top of the can? Even a little bit?”
“No! Stop it, would you? This isn’t funny.”
“Sorry. Just teasing. Oh, speaking of yellow jackets, pull my wallet out of my purse there, will you?”
Bonnie’s lap was filled with chubby Benjamin, who was dropping sticky crumbs of jellied bread on the floor with each fistful of sandwich, so Gina leaned over to the floor and pulled Bonnie’s wallet from her purse and handed it to her. With one hand Bonnie expertly fished through the paper money section and pulled out a slip of printed paper.
The Lesson Page 22