Dirty Shame (Bluefield Bad Boys #1)

by Tess Oliver

  “Yes,” I said on a breath.

  “Holy shit, Lanie, how did I last these seven years without you?” His final words were edged with anger, but it wasn’t toward me. It was directed at someone else, at something else. Those demons he’d mentioned, possibly. I might never know, and maybe that was for the best.

  The bed chirped against the wall as his movements increased in speed and strength. Every blow was pure, sweet agony. My pussy still ached with the orgasm, and it seemed every movement stirred up the same sensations. I wrapped my legs around his waist to take in more of him. He responded by pushing against me harder, filling me to my very core. It had never felt this right with anyone else. With Chase it had been sex. With Kellan it was sex, passion, desire and a connection that I felt so deeply it made my entire body ache.

  The hard muscles in his arms tensed beneath my hands as he thrust inside of me one last time. “Fuck,” he growled. He stayed there over me, gazing down at me as our breathing slowed and the spinning in my head vanished. He kissed me again. “I don’t want to leave. I could just stay here, like this, inside of you, forever.”

  He lowered himself onto the bed and pulled me into his arms. I kissed his chest and ran my fingers over the hard muscles and ink on his arm. The ink that spelled out my nickname, the name he’d given me.

  I reached down and pulled the blanket up over us and curled into his warmth. It was always bittersweet with Kellan. I was in pure paradise lying naked in his arms. But there was always the ache that uncertainty of the future brought with it. Nothing about our relationship had ever been easy, and, it seemed, things weren’t much different now.

  I pushed the sad thoughts from my head and snuggled against him. “I seem to recall that I was promised a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch.”

  “I guess I did make that promise. You hungry?”

  “Famished. But first, I want to stay curled in your arms just a little longer.”

  Chapter 15

  Kellan

  Pop’s Gym was just like it sounded, a mom and pop gym in the middle of nowhere. Only mom, better known as Pop’s wife, had left him ten years ago for one of the body builders who frequented the place. Pop, or Rob, his real name, had been a professional boxer and wrestling coach in his younger days, so he ran a tight, no nonsense gym. Aside from one questionable treadmill, no shiny chrome machines or fancy juice bar. Just weights, punching bags, jump ropes and a few other primitive devices meant for the serious workout. You didn’t go to Pop’s to socialize and gawk at women in their spandex clothes. You went there to work out.

  Sunday afternoon was always a quiet time at the gym. Pop was in his office watching drag racing on television. There were only three other people working out.

  I gripped the smooth wooden handles of the jump rope. It whistled through the air and my feet thumped the mat. Tommy and Dawson came through the front door arguing about something. Tommy said something and waved Dawson off. That seemed to put an end to the conversation.

  Dawson stopped halfway to the weight area. “Can’t believe you pulled yourself away from Rylan long enough to come work out. What happened? She get tired of ya already?”

  I ignored him and kept jumping. I couldn’t really blame him for being such a dick about Rylan coming back. He, and Tommy, for that matter, had been there. They knew what had happened grad night, and they knew that I had grown into a damn walking time bomb afterward. My short temper and my dark mood had gotten me into plenty of trouble back then. Even though they’d always had my back, they grew tired of bailing me out of crap all the time. Once I’d finally accepted that Rylan was gone for good and that she had no interest in me or Bluefield, I was completely broken, like a wild horse no longer willing to buck or kick. I just fell into a spiritless, dark mood that took me a long time to climb out of. Now Rylan was back. I was an adult now too. But after just one day with her, an amazing fucking day at that, it seemed that all the old feelings were still there. And they were still strong enough to knock me on my ass again if she left.

  I stopped the rope and wiped the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand. I headed over to the weights where Tommy and Dawson were doing bicep curls.

  “You were saying something earlier about Jigsaw coming into The Hole last night?” I popped my heel up on the bench to stretch out the back of my legs.

  Dawson counted four more reps and then lowered the barbells to his sides. “What an asshole. Guess he’s going around claiming that Lowe paid off the referee to call you the winner because there was big money on him. Which was a lie in the first place. Scott said most people had put their money on you to win, but Jigsaw has scrambled up the story.” He smiled at his pun.

  “Considering the overgrown fool left the ring with his nose looking like a pancake and barely remembering his name, I don’t think he’s got much of a case. But I’ll fight him again. What does Lowe say about it? Seems like he should be pissed. Jigsaw is questioning his ethics. Not mine.”

  Tommy had taken a break from the curls. He and Dawson exchanged a look.

  “What’s with the silent message?” I asked.

  Tommy never liked to talk as much as Dawson, but when he spoke, he never wasted words and always headed straight to the point. “You fucked Lilly right before the fight?” He asked it like a question, but it seemed he already knew the answer. Which was good because I had no intention of giving him one.

  He looked at Dawson. “Told you.”

  “Told him what? Are you two dicks going to let me on this secret conversation, or what?”

  Dawson put his barbells down. “Someone saw Lilly going into the locker room before the fight.” He dropped to the mat for some push-ups and to let Tommy finish what they had to say.

  “Someone?”

  Tommy shrugged. “It might have been Gilly. He was there that night. Anyhow, whoever it was, they mentioned it to Jigsaw. I think that might be more of his motive for getting back in the ring with you.”

  “Fuck.” I walked over and grabbed hold of two weights. “The last thing I need is for this to get around and for Lanie to hear it.”

  A short, dry laugh shot from Tommy’s mouth. “That’s your big fucking worry? Jigsaw doesn’t wear the cut, but he’s a Browning hometown boy and the Grunge Devils take care of their locals. He’s in close with that club. That’s who you should be worried about. Christ, Braddock, you’re getting yourself twisted into a fucking knot again over Rylan. You’re not thinking straight.”

  I was just about to tell him to fuck off, but I’d lost his attention completely. He stared, unblinkingly, in the direction of the door. I glanced back over my shoulder. Dawson’s sister, Andi, had walked inside.

  She hoisted her duffle bag on her shoulder and waved at us.

  I looked back at Tommy. “Speaking of twisted in a knot. You can take a fucking breath now, bro.”

  “Fuck you.” The weights clanged extra loud as Tommy returned them to the rack. Then he headed toward the punching bags, where it seemed some poor bag was going to have the shit beaten out of it.

  “Hey, Andi,” Dawson called across. “Haven’t seen you in here for awhile. Trying to get in shape for anyone in particular?” Dawson knew that Tommy was nuts about Andi, but he was also a protective brother. As close as he was to Tommy, he was never good with the notion that one of his best friends should date his twin sister.

  Andi reached the weight area and took a long, sort of sad glance in the direction that Tommy had walked. “Hey, Tommy,” she called to him.

  He lifted his chin like he might do to me or Dawson. “Hey.” He started pounding the bag. Andi was smart. She never talked about it, but she’d always known that Tommy had had a crush on her through school. But she was also humble. She’d never had a lot of confidence when it came to guys. I never understood why. She was pretty and smart and athletic. I figured it prob
ably had to do with the fact that her dad was a heavy fisted ogre, always more quick to insult than to praise. Andi’s lack of self-esteem made it impossible for her to understand just how much Tommy loved her. Andi’s dreams, like Rylan’s, had always been better suited to a life away from Bluefield. But Tommy, like me and like a lot of guys from our side of town, had been born to be a miner.

  Andi walked over and gave me a brief hug.

  “Sorry about the sweat.”

  She laughed. “I’m working as an emergency room nurse. Trust me, sweat is like the champagne of body fluids.”

  “E.R.? Dawz didn’t tell us you got moved to the emergency room. That’s got to be rough.”

  “It’s hard and stressful, but I love it. The work shift goes by really fast.”

  “I’ll bet.”

  Dawson rested his hand on the bench and lifted his body up to work his triceps. “Did you find a place to live yet? Heard you were dating some big shot doctor.”

  Tommy’s rhythmic thumping got faster and louder.

  Andi glanced in his direction for a long moment before turning back to Dawson. “There’s no such thing as a big shot doctor because they’re all big shots. At least in their minds. Some of them deserve the descriptor because they are truly brilliant. And some don’t because they are anything but. Nick’s all right. But he’s so damn serious, and he has trouble letting go of work when we’re not at the hospital. And, occasionally, he acts like he knows everything, which he probably does, but it’s annoying just the same.”

  “Sounds like a fun guy.” I pulled my arm across my chest to stretch it. “I’m going to go over to the punching bags. Looks like Tommy’s having too much fun on his own over there.”

  “Heard Rylan Merritt was back in town,” Andi blurted as I walked toward the bags.

  “Yep.”

  Andi knew just as well as Dawson and Tommy that having Rylan back was a huge fucking deal to me, but I didn’t want to talk about it. I walked over to the punching bag next to Tommy and hadn’t noticed that Andi had followed until Tommy’s fists stopped. He steadied the bag with his hand. Sweat dripped off his face as he stared down at the floor, as if he thought she couldn’t see him or talk to him if he didn’t look at her.

  I was almost feeling more sorry for Andi than for Tommy. She really had no idea why he was being such an asshole. “Hey, Tommy, thought I could get a hug or something. I haven’t seen you for a few months.”

  Tommy looked down at his sweat soaked shirt. “I’m covered with sweat.”

  “Considering how many times I’ve cleaned blood off of you, I’m not too put out by a little sweat.” She walked over and lightly embraced him. He didn’t move to touch her. I knew he wouldn’t.

  Andi paused for a second to smile at him. Tommy could hardly make eye contact. Looking a little less cheery than when she walked over, Andi shifted the strap of her bag on her shoulder. “Guess I’ll go change.” Tommy gave the slightest nod. Her smile disappeared completely as she turned and headed toward the women’s locker room.

  Tommy stood there, knowing full well that I was staring at the side of his face. He shook his head a little bit. “Not a fucking word, Braddock.”

  “Really? Cuz I was just gonna say that it’s like looking at a fucking mirror image. And now you know why Lanie came up as my first concern.”

  Chapter 16

  Rylan

  Becky texted that she was out front. Apparently, Abbie, the owner of the town’s ice cream shop, had whipped up her first batch of pumpkin swirl ice cream. Abbie was one of the most beloved citizens of Bluefield. Her ice cream shop was nirvana for anyone with a sweet tooth. The shop was situated just below the tracks. Ironically enough, most of the fun places were on the south side of town. Even the Highlanders with the longest sticks up their snooty butts were willing to cross the tracks for Abbie’s rocky road and fudge brownie swirl.

  I, too, was never one to turn down an ice cream cone. I zipped up my coat and climbed into Becky’s car. “How can the sky be so blue and the temperature be so darn low? Might be just a little cold for ice cream,” I noted as I cupped my hands in front of my mouth and blew hot air against them.

  “Never too cold for pumpkin swirl.” Becky fiddled with the defrost button. Warm air blew up from the dash. “So, have you run into him again?”

  “Here you go again with the mysterious pronouns. Kellan. His name is Kellan.”

  Becky raised a smoothly plucked eyebrow my direction while still keeping her eyes on the road. “Considering I played in the same sandbox with the guy in kindergarten, I’m well aware of his name. You’re avoiding the real question, which I can only interpret as a yes.”

  I stared down at my hands. They were slowly thawing out.

  “Ry? What the hell is going on? Did you see him again?”

  I couldn’t keep down the smile. Not that it mattered. Becky always had a way of reading my mind. And when it came to Kellan, I was always wearing every thought and emotion right next to the heart on my sleeve.

  She smacked her steering wheel, but her suede gloves muffled the sound. “You saw him. You went and saw him.”

  “Actually, after I saw him at the bar, he showed up at my window with some pebbles and that smile that I just can’t say no to.”

  It took her a second to comprehend my meaning. “Say no to what? Oh my god, you slept with him already.”

  “Stop with the already stuff. You make me sound like a slut. It’s Kellan we’re talking about. There is no already. We were together for a long time before I left to college.”

  “Right, well excuse me, miss right and proper, but it has been seven years and you’ve only been back for three days. I don’t think already is too strong a term.” She relaxed back, her shoulders sank some. “Just when I thought I had my activity buddy back, now I’m going to lose her again as she goes completely gaga over Kellan Braddock.”

  “Gaga? I don’t do gaga.”

  “Uh, yeah, when it comes to that boy, you do. You do gaga with the best of them when that coal dusted man is in your world.”

  Becky’s car stuttered as it drove over the tracks and into the south side of town. She looked over at me. “Just take it easy, Ry. O.K.? I know you’re older and more mature and a big college grad and all, but I can see that same teenage twinkle you used to get in your eyes back in high school. Kellan would walk into class or down the hall, and you’d nearly fall into a trance just looking at him.”

  “I’m fine, Beck. I’m a big girl. You forget I just broke up with a man who was supposed to be my husband, and I’ve hardly thought twice about him. I’m different. I’m worldly now,” I said with a wink.

  She clicked her tongue. “Worldly, my perfectly well-toned ass. At least in my mind it is. I think the mirror in my bedroom came from some carnival fun house.” She waved her gloved fingers to stop her tangent about her ass. “If you haven’t given Chase a second thought, then you must not have loved him. It’s a whole different ball game with Kellan. So just take it easy.” She huffed a breath. It blew up through her long bangs. “There’s no parking. I’ll have to pull around the corner and drive into the miner’s parking lot.”

  A large, open-backed truck carried the miners down from the work site. There was little room around the mine that wasn’t filled with heavy equipment and train cars. So parking was arranged only for the managers and people like my dad, who had huge financial interest in the mine but who had never worn a coverall or dirtied their hands with coal dust.

  Becky parked the car, and I surreptitiously peeked around for Kellan’s bike. Of course, Becky knew exactly what I was up to. She pointed across the parking lot. “It’s over there behind that blue pickup truck.”

  I shrugged casually as if it didn’t really matter but then snuck another glance at her car clock.

  “Quitting time is in fif
teen minutes. It usually takes another ten before the first group of miners comes down the hill. You know. Just in case you were wondering.”

  “Oh shut up. Let’s get that ice cream before Abbie runs out.”

  It was late fall and soon enough light snow would cover the town with an icy white lace. But today, the bright blue sky overhead cast a late summer ambience over the town. A line of anxious pumpkin swirl fans was already snaking along the cracked sidewalk in front of Abbie’s shop. The same three benches were sitting out front of the store only they’d been painted a bright blue to go with the new striped awning over the front window. There were teens and kids and plenty of adults, mostly from the south side of town, lined along the sidewalk and storefront eating ice creams. Some were there to meet a miner who would be coming down off the ridge. Others were just there to enjoy Abbie’s treats.

  A lot of high school aged kids, kids from both sides of town, were hanging out in front of the shop. Abbie and her magical ice cream shop had created a seamless place in town where the tracks were blurred and everyone felt welcome.

  “I forgot what a hangout this place was after school. I’m glad to see that everyone still comes here. And I’m sure Abbie is especially glad.”

  We stepped into line and waited while Becky filled me in on more of the successes and failures of some of our classmates. It seemed some people had managed to pull free of Bluefield and find a life and contentment far away, and others had stayed, deciding a small town and coal mine were all they needed to be happy.

  We reached the counter. Abbie had added a few crinkly lines around her eyes and mouth, and her chin had added a roll or two, but her friendly smile was still the best in town. “Rylan Merritt!” she squealed as she reached across the counter with her ice cream scoop in hand to gave me a quick hug. “Are you back for a visit? Heard you were living in New York.”

  “I’m back indefinitely, Abbie. New York didn’t work out.”