A Vagrant Story

by Paul Croasdell

  A unanimous nod followed.

  They shifted to the next carriage down using little imagination in their excuses. Rum peered through the view window to the previous carriage. Even abandoned to his own devices the wino didn’t sit down, even still he noticeably mumbled to himself.

  Rum looked away, resting back against the joining door. “Guess things really could be worse. Well Alex, so much for ‘you never know who you might meet’.”

  “I guess this makes us hypocrites,” Alex replied.

  “At least this carriage is empty too,” Sierra said.

  She noticed Rum at once plonking himself on a seat, unsnapping another can. He fell back and gorged it thoroughly, tossing the empty can away. He caught wind of Sierra’s judgmental glare.

  “What now? Alex gave me the cans, blame him. I’m on a break.” He put the cans in his pocket, folded arms and shut his eyes. The rate he fell asleep appeared genuine and immediate.

  Her eyebrow twitched at his vain excuse. It twitched a second time because it was in large true. She’d be happier chastising Rum, but the true culprit stood beside her. Her menacing gaze fell up to Alex.

  “Did it give you a kick, second guessing me like that?”

  “I didn’t see any other use for them.”

  “You could have thrown them away.”

  “Would seem like a waste.”

  She glanced at Rum to make sure he still slept. Her next words came in whisper. “The old fart will never give up if you keep handing him beer. He wants to quit drinking but it keeps falling into his lap. It’s as if the beer companies have placed a curse on him.”

  Alex stared at her remorselessly. “Sometimes I swear you’ve never met the guy.”

  “Say that again.”

  “It’s like you expect better. You always seem so stunned every time he screws up, when everyone else just nods and says, ‘that’s old Rum.’ You try blame others for what he does, but the truth is he screws up because that’s what he wants. The old man could save his own life any time he chose. Maybe you see him the way you want to see him.”

  “What do you know.” Sierra shrugged Alex off.

  “I know he took care of you when you were a kid. He looked after you when you were out on the street on your own. I understand you might have looked up to him. Maybe you’re still blinded by kiddy goggles. You focus on trying to save him, when really you should be saving yourself.”

  “You’re the one who doesn’t know him.” Sierra replied. “And you don’t know what I want either.”

  “I know you want a normal life.”

  “You don’t know anything.”

  “Then why were you carrying around all those self-help leaflets? Unorthodox reading material don’t you think, particularly the one about strained father-daughter relationships?”

  “You read my stuff? I told you to mind your own business.”

  “For a girl who goes traipsing across the city for someone she’s never met, you sure are defensive about your own history.

  “There’s nothing to tell that I haven’t already told you. I was an orphan. I spent the first years of my life jumping from host family to host family. When I was sevem I was adopted by John and his … girlfriend. I lived with them for three years until John hung himself. I became homeless at age ten. Happy?”

  “And you still want a family?”

  “Of course I do!”

  “You always did?”

  “What kind of dumb question is that? I was a kid, all I wanted was a family.”

  “You told us you ran away from a few homes. You were so desperate for a family yet you ran from every chance you got. Why did you run? You could have stayed with any of them.”

  “You want to know why I left so many homes? People don’t want a baby who cries too much. They don’t want an infant who demands attention. They don’t want a pre-teen who sets fire to the couch. They don’t want a kid too big to hold, they don’t want someone with a ‘problem child’ sticker on her head. By the time I reached that point the only people willing to adopt me were … I ran from those people.”

  Alex bowed understanding. Her garbled little summary painted a clearer image than any painter might. In truth he merely sought to test the waters, to see how she would reply about Rum. She did so in a satisfactory manner, and something close to what he expected. For the first time in a long time, he uncovered something new about Sierra, and something he truly did decide, wasn’t his place to pry.

  He remained in silence until the silence took over to a point of pungency. A break came when Rum shifted with a pig like snore. It cracked some smiles and lowered tension to a stable degree.

  With no more qualms to rid, or personal space to invade, Alex took note of Henry who sat up attentively throughout the exchange, but dipped his head thoughtfully afterward.

  “Something the matter, Henry?” Alex asked.

  He sat up surprised at having been acknowledged. “No … well, one thing. If you want a normal life again, does that mean you really think we stand a chance?”

  “You mean if we’ll ever slip on our big boy shoes: get a car, house, family, grab a cat and call it mittens? All that bullshit?” Alex replied.

  “Yeah … that bullshit.”

  “Nothing stopping you,” Sierra said. “If you want it you could start climbing back up the chain whenever you want. Why are you asking this now?”

  “I’ve been thinking. Maybe when this is all finished I could get a job somewhere, nothing too fancy just something simple. It struck me how much time had gone by since my parents died. I haven’t changed much since then. Even as a bum I’m still the same person. It can’t always be like this.”

  “It won’t be, Henry,” Sierra said.

  “Just don’t go moving out of the shack too soon,” Alex replied. “With you gone it’d be me against Sierra and Rum. Stuck with that pain in the ass I’d end up throwing myself into a lake.” He nodded at Rum to emphasize his target.

  He realised then that Rum had awoken some point prior. In fact he hadn’t changed position since the time he fell asleep to the time he snored pig-like. The rag lines on his face merely concealed his little shifty eyes squinting out. They stared at Alex and had been for some while. A trace fury stifled in his glare.

  “Rum,” Alex said. “You’re awake. I didn’t notice. Don’t get too angry. It was a joke I could put up with you.”

  The glare didn’t fade. From under the shadow of his beard, lips moved slow with daunting words. “You ever talk that way to Sierra again I’ll smash your face till it looks pretty.” The glare hung on his words until the train began easing into the next station.

  Alex nodded. Since the day he’d met Rum first he’d never heard words so dedicated coming from his lips. The old man meant it. And Alex wouldn’t take this path of conversation again.

  Passengers began boarding the carriage. Some took one look at the bums and retreated to the next one down. Those who stayed sat at the opposite end. Some of them pinned their noses against the bums’ natural odour. The ones who didn’t, struggled to keep their hands down in general courtesy. When the train started moving again a man stormed into the next carriage in a show of clear unease for these unwanted passengers. He might have hoped for better company but merely walked into the wino’s path. Suffice to say the man returned with renewed perspective.

  The journey continued in relative ease. Few passengers glanced their way, only sometimes scornfully to demand their silence. Alex and Henry stayed complacent. Sierra and Rum responded more generally with raised middle fingers.

  Rum yawned loud enough to cause a stir through the carriage. He spoke in kind. “So much for my snooze then. What’s wrong with these stuck up fucks? Look at them trying to avoid us. How snobby can they be riding on a public train? At least that wino could see us.”

  “Something tells me that guy sees a lot of things,” Sierra replied.

  She chanced a glance through the view window to the previous carriage. The wino was gone no
w, replaced by a new multitude of passengers. The train jolted in breaking for the next station, pushing her face against the glass.

  The automatic doors hissed open for an empty platform. They remained open for the average length of time and began closing shortly after. It was then a woman’s voice cried from the station floor. She screamed lividly for someone to hold it, but wound up crashing into the doors and getting stuck between. With all determination she hung on, forcing the doors apart. To make some blind claim on the train she tossed her shopping bag on ahead of herself.

  No one moved to help, the four bums included. There hung a certain survival of the fittest notion over the event. Most passengers watched with interest like spectators of a dramatic comedy.

  This caused Rum to shift to her side and stand over her with a deducing stroke of his beard. Grabbing one half of the door, the other parted to allow her a chance to fall through, which she did, quite harshly.

  She quickly regained composure, retying the buttons of her brown winter coat and shaking her blonde hair free of snow. This was her first reaction having safely landed onboard. The thought of properly thanking her saviour of the hour came right after. She turned to face Rum with a wide smile, which cracked the moment she saw him. None the less, she thanked him politely yet quickly, and scurried to the rear section with the rest of her wayfaring kin. A large gap of empty seats slashed the carriage into two social divides.

  Rum shrugged off the woman’s reaction as one more obliging than most would offer. He sank back to Sierra, awaiting credit for his effort.

  “See that, not such a bad guy now am I?”

  Sierra stared half-wittedly past Rum to the blonde haired woman. Cautiously slinking back behind a seat to peek out, she began deciphering past the woman’s age wrinkles to see a familiar face from some early reach of her past. Sierra shrieked inwardly, falling flat behind the seat for cover.

  “Blondie? The hell are you doing?” Rum asked.

  “Nothing. I’m not doing anything. I’m not even here. Go away,” she whispered.

  Rum sent a glance back and forth between Sierra and the woman he saved. “What’s the matter, you know that chick or something? She looks about my age, kinda cute too.”

  “Quiet! Yeah, I know her all right – now shut up.”

  “Then what’s the problem?” he asked again.

  “Best do as she says. No point making a scene,” Alex added.

  “So you’re just going to stay tucked down there for the rest of the trip?”

  “No. I’m going to stay tucked down here, and you’re going to sit in front of me for the rest of the trip.” She indicated Rum should land himself on the chair she hid behind. “And please, try not draw attention.”

  “Fine. But you owe me for this.”

  “Whatever. I’ll buy you lunch when we get off.”

  Chapter 16

  The journey continued in relative silence.

  Tucked down behind the seat, Sierra really did wonder if this was even necessary. Even if the woman did at some point bother looking their way, the chance of recognition seemed slim. It had been some ten years since Sierra last saw this woman, and she might have by now put behind what Sierra couldn’t.

  All passengers dwindled till that one remained. Even on an empty carriage the woman locked her eyes straight ahead. It was a wonder why she didn’t change coaches, probably for the same pity that caused the bums to tolerate the wino - for a time.

  It happened then, following the tension, the silence, Rum’s devout shunning of Alex and Henry – the woman stood in wait for the door to open at the next station.

  Sierra counted her fortune. Their stop was the next one after this. Last thing she needed after hiding the whole way was to bump into her while getting off. She found herself peeking out to watch the blonde woman depart.

  The train eased to the station. The doors opened. The woman stepped out onto the platform. She froze right there, with some anticipation turning to look back into the train. She frowned curiously at that girl peeking out from behind a seat, beady little eyes almost hidden by tangled blonde hair and green ear flap hat. Focusing for a moment she seemed about to dash back onboard.

  “Sierra!” the woman called.

  The doors closed. The train took off. And she was gone.

  Sierra released a gallon of tension in the form of a wide exhale. A hairs breath, she thought.

  Alex, Henry, and most of all Rum gazed her way for explanation. She simply ignored by staring straight through, head conjugating thoughts. Regret followed relief. She felt like a school child having escaped safely from a bully. There was no fight and no reward, only safety and fear of the next encounter. Only now she did desire a next time, and sort of wished she’d done it this time.

  A muffled voice on the intercom called out the next station. In response Sierra stood and looked at the rushing lights in the tunnel outside.

  “Get your things. This is our stop,” she said.

  They bid a welcome farewell to the close-quarter box carts. The train in return splashed them with a shrill frosty wind as it heaved off down the tunnel. If it could be so cold down here, they could only look ahead with grim expectations for the temperature on surface level.

  They made their way up the subway stairs to the main street, where all four nearly jumped back in to cover from the biting wind. They spent so long indoors they’d lost that special immunity from the cold. Surely they’d have plenty of time to recover it.

  Since boarding the train first, a fresh foot of snow amassed over the old. It overflowed the curbs making the roads inaccessible to motorist. Regardless, they’d not likely be driving with this ghostly mist encompassing the streets in its own tranquil silence. Perhaps the lack of visibility could answer why other pedestrians were absent from the scene, or perhaps they were simply stumbling out there in the thick of it all.

  The four stood clueless outside the subway staircase, all huddled in a stammering group. Sierra glanced up and down the empty street for direction.

  “Let’s see, we should be heading down … I’m not too sure where we should be heading.”

  “You said you were familiar with this place,” Rum said.

  “Yeah, over ten years ago. I remembered the general area, that doesn’t mean I have it mapped down in my head.”

  Sierra hummed a thought, hurrying to check a nearby bus sign. She checked a map on it and called back with directions.

  “The place we’re looking for is on this bus route. Looks like it’s the next block over - walking distance. I figure we can find it if we stick along this road.”

  “Checking the bus routes,” Alex said. “I’d have thought four homeless people would have better street sense.”

  “Vagrants have better street sense. We’re more like Middle Park décor,” Rum stated.

  “Then it’s time we were upgraded,” Sierra said from the bus stop, carefully tearing the map clean off. She held it up to show them, and tucked it into her pocket. “At least now we’ll know our way around.”

  “That thing list diners?” Rum said.

  “It’s a bus route map, Rum,” Sierra replied.

  “Shame, now we’ll have to go look for one. Remember, you promised you’d buy me lunch.”

  “Now?”

  “I asked cause I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since we left the hostel.”

  “I see your point,” Sierra said with a grumble in her tummy. “But after buying the tickets I don’t have enough cash for four meals.

  “That’s okay. We can ditch Henry and Alex for a while.”

  “I suppose, but I don’t think they’d like that.”

  “We are standing right here, you know,” Alex said.

  “Yeah, that’s the problem,” Rum replied.

  “It’s fine with me,” Alex replied. “After that long train ride I think we could all use a little time apart. You two go buy something to eat. Me and Henry will get lunch the old fashioned way.”

  “Enjoy your bin meal
then. Today Sierra and I eat like kings,” Rum said.

  “Dethroned kings,” Alex stated.

  “Let him count his grains,” Sierra said. “We’ll meet back here outside the subway steps whenever we’re ready.”

  “And what time is whenever?” Alex asked.

  “Whenever is whenever.”

  Alex nodded his vague understanding of the plan as he watched Sierra and Rum disappear down the street and into fog. He hummed to himself, motioning Henry into movement.

  “One thing’s certain, whenever their whenever arrives, it’ll be long after we do.”

  “Alex?”

  “Just thinking out loud. Sierra still wants back at us for visiting the graves and leaving them waiting at the station. This is a good time for her to do the same to us. Besides, I think those two just needed some time to talk. They couldn’t really get it all out on the train with us two staring at them.”

  “I guess. But I think we should go back early anyway. We made Sierra and Rum wait on us, so if we’re stuck waiting it’ll balance things out. I’d rather straighten my karma now rather than let it pile up.”

  “Karma?”

  “Karma … it’s an Eastern philosophy. It’s all about positive and negative forces running through the universe. I only understand the easier parts, but basically it means that your good and bad deeds will be reflected back onto you. You know, every bad deed you do brings the bad onto you.”

  “I know what Karma is, Henry. I just didn’t know you cared about that stuff.”

  “Of course I do. That’s why I became Buddhist in the first place.”

  “You’re Buddhist? Was I supposed to know this?”

  Henry shrugged inwardly with a weakened gasp of breath. “I suppose I’ve never been too vocal about it. I guess in reality you could call me a failed Christian. To be honest, I never knew much about the religion I was born into, whereas with Buddhism everything was laid out for me already. Reincarnation, Karma, liberalism, these were things I already agreed with and could relate to. Legally speaking, I’m still Christian, but I’m Buddhist in the way I think.”

  “Far as I know that’s all it takes to convert to Buddhism. And strictly speaking, you’re not registered anywhere so you aren’t legally anything anymore. I don’t think baptism counts on a welfare cheque.”