Clear As Day

by Babette James

  “I need you.” She arched against him, needing the press and weight of him. She needed the way he made her feel alive and weightless and free from troubles. Needed him to drive the doubts away.

  “Whatever you want of me, you’ve got.”

  With those simple words, desire wrapped around her again. He slid his hand over her shoulder and settled his lips on hers. She shut her eyes and sank into the long, warm, lazy kiss, relaxing as the massaging motion of his hand along her arm eased more of the tension out of her muscles. The puzzling, unending need for him rose along with the warm happiness in being with him. The writhing knot in her belly unwound, flowing away as they gently stripped the fleeting defense of clothing.

  What a fool she was to hold him at a distance when he was so good for her.

  Kay opened her mouth to his and tugged him close. A cold wake of desperation rolled through her, shaking the warm peace of skin to skin.

  “Shh, I’ve got you.”

  Maybe he would be able to make them all go away. Keep all that past in the past. Nate wasn’t Dad. She wasn’t her mother. Nate wasn’t R.J. He wasn’t her brother-in-law. He wasn’t JoAnn’s ex. She shuddered at the memories of Reeves. She had no right to punish Nate because of the sins of the others.

  She caught onto his shoulders. The kiss stayed unbroken as he moved over her and settled cradled between her legs, the weight of him soothing. They rocked slow and easy together as if they had all the time in the world, to the peace and rhythm of their breath and the creaking cot and the wash of water over the beach. His arousal rode leisurely against her, comforting in how he and she fit so neatly together. Here in this camp, this cot she understood how their lives fit together. She sighed and stroked her hands along his back, savoring the flex and strength of bone and muscle under the smooth, warm skin beneath her fingertips, and onward over his waist to hips.

  Nate rolled his hips against her with a hungry groan, and he cupped her face between his hands. He deepened the kiss, and she drifted and drowned in the lush pleasure of touch and caress and kiss and taste.

  “Kay,” he said, low and needing.

  “Yes.” She lifted, urging him to take more, and she was wet and aching with want, needing him to fill her, hold her, and help her believe. This feeling of safety in his arms, the security of being claimed by him—Why couldn’t she just believe in this?

  “Got to suit up,” he murmured before he drew away from her mouth. She could feel his smile. His weight left her, and the leaving felt like a loss.

  As quickly, he returned. With caresses and kisses, he rolled them to their side, facing each other, and, lifting her leg to rest over his thigh, he slid home full and slow. Mouths, arms, legs, bodies twined and melded. Thrusts slow and deep, steady and sweet. Whispers of yes and ah and there and more. Skin dampened, breaths hurried, hearts pounded, bodies all demanding, yielding and yearning, reaching for the bright flight.

  Her orgasm poured through her and sent her high and light and shivering in his arms. Still he filled her and withdrew, again and again, until finally, he seized and his gasps shifted to a sharp, relieved groan. They fell together and lay replete and damp, too drained to untangle bodies, or even to talk.

  Talk. They still needed to talk. That fact wormed through her blissed-out brain, waking her to the fact of morning and day and problems.

  “I love you, babe,” Nate murmured against her cheek, grazing her skin with lips and beard.

  She burrowed close against his sweaty body, the rough hair of his chest rasping over her sensitive breasts, her leg locked around him, her body clenching, all a vain attempt to escape thinking, keeping him from sliding from her, as if that would keep the morning from moving on and reality from intruding.

  Keeping yourself from bolting out of bed, more like it.

  He tightened his arms around her, as if he’d read her mind and feared she’d fly away.

  She needed to say something, her lack of a reply to his I love you far too obvious, but tears bit at her eyes and at the back of her throat.

  Nate’s stomach rumbled hungrily.

  “Want coffee?” Kay forced a chipper voice and released him, turning her face against his chest to keep him from seeing the straying tears as she pulled herself together.

  He slipped from her body and sat up. His brows wrinkled. He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, coffee sounds real good.”

  Nate never raised her lack of reply, or the house, or the trip as they drank their coffee and washed up and dressed for breakfasting over at Spider Camp, but twice Kay almost told him she’d go, and then once, almost no, and the panic that set off nearly had her blurt “yes.”

  Just talk to him, the sensible brain cells she had active at the moment begged. This is NATE. You can talk to him.

  Doubt’s miserable voice piped up, sinking in its taunting barbs: If you don’t trust him enough to talk to him, how can you marry him? Basing a marriage on twelve cumulative weeks of a summer affair spread over six years is sooo intelligent.

  But she did know Nate. He talked about everything through his e-mails, calls, and letters. He was the least secretive person she knew and made her feel things she’d never felt before. She was almost certain what she was feeling was the love he found so easy.

  He never mentioned love before. I’d say that was a big secret. Those quick “love ya’s” meant nothing more than when you say you love cherry ice cream. And if you loved him, you’d be sure, and you’re not. Right?

  She was so tired of this indecision. She should be able to choose, as she had chosen so many things in the past. Her house, her job, dinner at a restaurant, left or right, chocolate or vanilla. She was good at decisions. Why couldn’t she see the answer clearly now? She was a competent, mature adult. Decide and deal with it.

  “Kay? Ready for breakfast?”

  She shot him a bright smile. “Sure.” The nest of nightcrawlers reclaimed her stomach.

  ****

  Nate was not in his happy place, despite the comfortable morning lovemaking. Kay was never going to say the words, was she? She gave her all, except her heart.

  That damned R.J. hadn’t helped matters one damn bit.

  Who hurt you, Kay? Why won’t you let me in and let me fix it?

  He should have talked to her this morning, should have damned the torpedoes, ruffled the waters, and made her talk. But he wanted her to open up on her own, and though he kept waiting for the right moment, there just never seemed to be a right moment. He might have to wait until the drive to Idaho.

  The folks of Spider Camp were not in their happy place either, when Nate and Kay arrived. R.J. was gone, taking April with him and stranding Olivia.

  R.J. splitting was probably a good thing, as Nate had an alien and intense need to break the moron’s face with his fist.

  Olivia grimly manned the camp stoves, looking exhausted, elegant, and tragic, cooking a mess of scrambled eggs and bacon. Mark and Margie were trying to help her with preparations and cheer her, bumbling around both tasks like eager puppies.

  “Hi, Kay, Nate. Perfect timing. Eggs are just about done. Want to call everyone for me?” Olivia forced a tight, bright smile, spatula clenched defensively in her fist. Her eyes were puffy, red, and deeply shadowed. The ashtray held too many barely smoked and crushed butts.

  JoAnn had indigestion and huddled in her beach chair, nibbling saltines and snapping at Lloyd, who was hovering worse than a nervous hummingbird.

  Pippa sat at the table, damp tissues crumpled in both hands, engaged in a low-voiced, snapping conversation with Patti, livid with her friend April.

  Over at Chuck’s boat, Dave, Christopher, and Chuck were peering inside the engine and, judging by the profane stream of curses, repairs were underway.

  Scott and Rich had used their brains, escaped early, and gone fishing.

  A subdued group gathered at the table, and Olivia fussed around until everyone’s plate was filled. JoAnn joined the table last, sitting as far upwind from the skillet of egg
s as she could with a bowl of Cheerios.

  Lloyd cleared his throat, glanced at JoAnn, and sipped at his coffee before speaking. “Jo and I, if you want, we’ll get you to the marina and safely on your way home.”

  Olivia’s answer surprised them all. “Thanks, but I’m staying. This is my vacation and I’m going to enjoy it.” She laughed thinly. “Try, anyway. I won’t let him ruin it anymore, or anything else for that matter. I’m furious with him. Really. But…” She smoothed a hand over her hair and tucked a stray strand behind her ear. With her face free of makeup and hair pulled back in a simple ponytail, she looked years younger than she had over the past few days, despite the ravaging of tears. “I think he did me a favor. I needed a push. I’ve been hanging on, playing it safe, and I’ve been miserable. I’ve been afraid to take the risk. I’ve been afraid to be happy.”

  She shook a cigarette from the pack, paused, and slid it back. “I do need to make some phone calls. My cell’s not getting a signal here.”

  Dave shoved his chair back, his face impassive. “Yeah, cell service’s impossible at this area of the lake. No towers. Who needs coffee while I’m up?” He’d been acting strangely distant all through breakfast. Actually, as Nate considered his friend’s behavior further, Dave hadn’t shaken his odd mood of the past few days, and he still brushed off any questions about his hand.

  Olivia set her cigarettes aside with deliberation and tipped her coffee cup. “More coffee would be lovely, thank you.”

  Talk paused while Dave made the rounds with the coffee pot.

  Lloyd nodded. “We’ll get you to the marina. Nate and I will take you. Go see what’s what, while you make your calls.”

  “Whatever you need, just ask,” JoAnn added.

  “If he’s there, I don’t want to talk to him. See him. Or—” Olivia’s face clouded with tears, and her voice cracked. She took a sip of coffee, but her effort to steady herself failed and her tears flowed.

  Kay whispered in JoAnn’s ear and glanced at Nate, eyes haunted.

  Nate clenched his fist. “We’ll make sure. We’ll handle it.”

  Olivia slipped from her chair. “I’ll wash up, change. Pull myself together and then we can go, whenever is convenient for you.”

  JoAnn caught Olivia’s hand before she could dash off. “Kay and I will go with you, Livie, moral support and all that. We can take a break from the heat and have lunch in the café. And to be perfectly selfish, I need an ice cream sundae. Sometimes—” She patted Olivia’s hand, a ghost of pain filled her blue eyes, and her voice tightened, “Sometimes, you just need to stop and have ice cream.”

  Olivia’s composure had returned when they set off in Lloyd’s boat two hours later. The wind had died and the lake was free of chop, but Lloyd took the trip far slower than usual.

  JoAnn shifted impatiently. “Lloyd, hon, we could go a little faster. Heck, Kay’s Duckling moves faster than this.”

  “This is fast enough for you today.” Lloyd’s face was stony.

  “Lloyd, hon, I’m not fragile. It will be supper before we get there.”

  “Hell, Jo, let me drive the damn boat the way I want, will you? So I don’t have to worry about you, all right?”

  “I’m fine,” JoAnn snapped.

  “That’s why you tossed your cookies this morning. You’re just fine. Oh, right. Bullshit.”

  “You know it was the smell of the eggs cooking. I am totally fine. The baby is totally fine. You’re totally being an ass.”

  Lloyd snorted.

  Olivia was staring off beyond the horizon, hand white-knuckled on the railing, the broad, pale strip of skin where her rings had sat yesterday glaring against her tan.

  Kay was quiet, wincing at JoAnn and Lloyd’s snapping, her mouth pinched, her eyes hidden behind her sunglasses focused somewhere on the decking.

  At the marina, it didn’t take long to scope out the R.J. situation and learn he’d turned in the rental boat and the car was missing from the lot.

  That left Lloyd fuming and muttering, but Olivia was holding together pretty well.

  “Don’t worry. I’m just mostly mad and tired and pretty numb at the moment. I’ll hit the freaking-out stage later. You folks have been so great. You all have helped. You have no idea how much. Really.”

  Lloyd cleared his throat. “I’ll go with you to the office and we’ll see what they can help us with. You can make all the calls you need. The charge on my cell is good if you need.”

  JoAnn needed to use the restroom.

  “We can get a table to wait,” Kay offered. “I want to check my truck and grab the maps.”

  Olivia shrugged shyly. “I’m fine. Go on and get a head start on that ice cream, JoAnn.”

  “Sounds good, got to run, got to pee. See you there.” JoAnn grinned and took off at a fast walk. Kay headed off to the parking lot.

  Olivia caught Nate watching her and gave him a twisted smile. “Nate, honestly, you might as well go hang with JoAnn and Kay at the café. Lloyd and I won’t be long. I appreciate the support, but no sense everyone wasting their time.”

  “No problem. See you in a bit.” Kay wanting the maps cheered him. They could start planning the drive.

  Nate checked his voice mail messages as he headed toward the café. Wow. Fifteen missed calls? Mom. Dad. Callie. His real estate agent. His brother Danny. Eight calls from Bev?

  What was up with that? He’d chatted online with Bev a couple weeks ago. She was a longtime friend from college and his landlady for his apartment on Oahu. She should be in London by now, being run ragged by Kincaid and the last-minute prepping for their expedition.

  Bev’s husky Texan voice drawled over the phone. “I know, I know. You warned me there’s no cell service, but this is ridiculous. Do you ever check your voice mail? Be a darling, check your e-mail, call me ASAP, do something and put me out of my misery, will you? I know you’re entitled to vacation and busy with the new house—congratulations by the way—but really! Just call me. Big news.”

  ****

  All was well with her truck and trailer, as Kay knew it would be, and she retrieved the maps she wanted. She really needed to stop letting that old scratchy record of Mother’s fussing rile up more anxiety than she already had. Relieved all the same, Kay walked into the chilly comfort of the busy café.

  JoAnn waved happily from her seat on the bench by the door, but her eyes still held shadows of the old haunted look of her pre-Lloyd life. R.J. had stirred more unhappy memories around than just Kay’s.

  Lloyd was pacing edgily to the incongruous accompaniment of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” piping through the speakers. “I got us the corner booth. Hostess said just a minute to clear it.”

  “Great. Where’s Olivia? And Nate? And how are you feeling, JoAnn?”

  After a lingering look at her grim-faced husband, JoAnn smiled sweetly, the ghosts clearing from her eyes. “I’m just fine. You know I love camping rough, but there are a few inventions that truly perk a girl up—indoor toilets and air-conditioning. I’m in heaven.”

  Lloyd halted, fists jammed against his hips, his face flushed and hard. “R.J. left Olivia high and dry. What kind of ass-wipe does that to his wife? Leaves her flat in the middle of the Mojave Desert! Nate? I don’t know. He said he was headed here.”

  “She’s not alone. She’s got friends. Us, hon.” JoAnn caught his arm, stilling his pacing.

  “The bastard didn’t even think—She’s making her calls.” He looked over his shoulder toward the marina office. “She didn’t want me to wait with her.”

  “She needs some space to do that, hon. Livie knows where to find us and that we’re here for her.”

  Lloyd huffed a deep, hard breath. “Right.” He folded his arms over his chest. “Shithead can kiss any hope of the contract good-bye.”

  Olivia rejoined them first. She’d been crying again, the signs unsuccessfully hidden behind her sunglasses, but she held her chin high. “I was able to rearrange my tickets. I’ll spend a few days in Vegas afte
r we leave here. I spoke to my lawyer. He’s putting things into motion. I hate to impose, but he wants me to call back tomorrow.”

  Lloyd nodded. “No problem. We’ll get you back here tomorrow and whenever and as often as you need.”

  They passed the time waiting for Nate drinking sodas and perusing the menu. JoAnn ordered the ice cream sundae she was craving. She fed Lloyd the maraschino cherry, and took a bite of the whipped cream and fudge-covered strawberry ice cream. Her eyes closed and her face relaxed in bliss as she let out a happy moan. “Ah, baby is happy.”

  Nate finally arrived, wearing a broad, dazed smile and his cell phone clenched in his hand.

  “I’ve got news.” He dropped the phone on the table and slid into the seat beside Kay. “They want me! My head is spinning. Holy shit.” Cupping her cheeks in his hands, he kissed her joyously.

  When he finally released her, Kay blinked, hot and bothered and blushing wildly. “Want what?” He’d left her head spinning with that kiss.

  “Kincaid wants me on his expedition. Picked me over three other excellent photographers, because of Bev pushing and he knew my work.” He kissed her hard again. “Unbelievable. I got the message from Bev. Harry Bishop broke his leg mountain biking. So Kincaid wants me for the still work. I can finally do my book!”

  Expedition? But he’d promised he was done traveling. He promised…

  She swallowed dryly. “On what?” She’d heard him mention the name Kincaid over the years. Which book? Nate had so many places he wanted to travel, so many projects he’d love to do. Where would he be off to now? Afghanistan? Timbuktu?

  “The book I’ve always wanted to do.” Sheer delight shone in his face.

  “Antarctica.” Kay’s voice faded in shock. He’d gotten his dream. He’d worked so hard for this. She should be doing cartwheels for him. She ignored her sharp dismay and firmed her smile.