A Painted Smile

by B. M. Hardin

  She was only in town for the funeral.

  She’d made it clear that as soon as it was all over that she was heading back to California and I would never have to worry about hearing from or seeing her again.

  And I believed her.

  She hadn’t even bothered to mention the kids, not even once and for some reason, that let me know that she just wanted to be free from anything and everything holding her here.

  And now she was.

  Taking my focus off of the back of her, I turned to hug Simon.

  Though we were both grieving, I reminded myself to keep the appropriate space between our embrace.

  “Everything is going to be okay.”

  Simon smiled at me.

  I could see the hurt in his eyes. I couldn’t tell if it was solely about Zara or if it had something to do with his own situation.

  His wife, Vivian, wasn’t in attendance, which surprised me but I didn’t bother asking where she was. The hardest part was over, now it was up to us all to try to figure out life without Zara in it.

  At the touch of Jasper’s hand on the small of my back, I turned from Simon and turned to him instead.

  Jasper looked at me with concerned. It was as if he was trying to make sure that I was okay.

  “I love you and everything is going to be alright.”

  I smiled at him though I didn’t really want to but it seemed like the appropriate thing to do as a response to his comment.

  At the sight of my smile he smiled back and kissed my forehead.

  There was one thing that I’d learned throughout my life and that was that the smile of a woman simply couldn’t be trusted.

  Just because she was smiling, didn’t mean that she was happy or that everything was okay.

  I wasn’t okay by a long shot, but in time I would be.

  “Goodbye dear friend,” I mumbled to myself as Jasper led me in the opposite direction.

  ***

  Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Before I knew it, the twins were turning one. Boy how time flies!

  I could remember their very first day here on earth so clearly. It was the day that my life changed forever. But they had truly been gifts from God.

  Maybe we had received them unexpectedly and not exactly according to plan, but everything worked out just fine.

  Their birthday had me in a better mood since I’d been feeling down lately.

  I thought about Zara often, especially since Simon was getting worse.

  Maybe it’s just me but I knew a few people with the virus and I assumed that he still would have a little while left because they were just fine although they had been sick for a while.

  But that wasn’t the case with Simon.

  His health was getting worse and worse every time I spoke to or saw him.

  “You know you don’t have to wear that fake smile all the time, I can see right through it. It’s okay to not be okay you know,” Mama stated as she prepared the chili for the hotdogs.

  She was the only one that I could never fool but I still didn’t want to have a conversation with her about my feelings, so I continued to smile and said nothing at all.

  We worked side by side for a long time in complete silence.

  Finally, Mama removed her apron, cleaned up her area and headed to exit the room but she stopped right in front of me.

  She looked at me but didn’t say anything.

  She smiled at me and I could that hers was actually genuine. Her eyes didn’t seem as condemning as they usually did.

  Somehow, the only thing that I could find in them was love.

  “By the way, you know you’re pregnant again, right?” Mama said and finally exited the kitchen.

  Pregnant…what is she talking about?

  I grabbed my purse from the table to see the last time that I had wrote the start date of my menstrual cycle on the calendar.

  For the past two months I didn’t have a date. I must have had so much on my mind that I hadn’t paid missing two periods any attention.

  But pregnant?

  No, not again.

  I was sure that that wasn’t it.

  Most likely I had missed them due to stress.

  I didn’t even bother getting excited about it because I knew that more than likely if I was I wouldn’t be able to carry it anyway, so I didn’t waste any more thoughts on the matter.

  I scurried off to get the twins ready for their first birthday party explosion!

  I was probably more excited about it than they were, but this was the first of many to come.

  Man, I love my kids!

  ***

  “Nope, no new information as of yet. Keep checking back with us if you’d like,” the officer said.

  I tried to call at least once a month to check and see if they’d found out anything about Zara and her death but five months later, they still had nothing.

  Still in my thoughts, I took my time standing so that I didn’t get dizzy.

  Oh, did I mention that Mama had been right…I’m four months pregnant!

  I couldn’t believe it myself. I couldn’t believe that I was still carrying the baby with no complications.

  It was definitely a miracle.

  I tried to coach myself not to become too excited just in case but I had just found out that I was having a little boy and I was more than excited to be having a baby that would be my own flesh and blood.

  Don’t get me wrong, I loved the twins and they were mine, but this one would really and truly be mine.

  And I was so overjoyed that I couldn’t possibly explain it.

  Jasper was excited about the pregnancy too, especially when he’d found out that it was a boy. Hell, leave it to him we would have a whole army of kids if my uterus would cooperate.

  Things between us were still perfect.

  No lies or anything else had come up in our marriage, so we were all good.

  “Daddy, where’s Mama?”

  “I don’t know sweetie. Is there something I can help you with?” Daddy asked.

  “No, I was just calling. I wish that woman would get a cell phone already. Anyway, tell her I called.”

  Mama was always on the move lately.

  She could never be found when you needed her and I was sure that Daddy had to be becoming a tad bit suspicious of her whereabouts.

  But old people don’t have affairs…right?

  I guess my parents weren’t all that old, but surely Mama wouldn’t have been creeping on Daddy, at least I hoped not.

  So, where was she going?

  “I brought you lunch.”

  He even sounded sickly.

  Glancing up and Simon’s thin frame, I became saddened.

  I felt so sorry for him. If Vivian wasn’t just as sick, I would have given her an ass whooping that she would have never forgotten.

  How could she have done this to my Simon?

  Apparently, whomever she had slept with was at an advance stage of the virus, and Simon was convinced that she’d probably been seeing him before they were married and somewhere along the way he picked it up and passed it on.

  He never told me who he was, but he had said that he’d only found out because Vivian had finally given in and told him.

  I’d spoken with Vivian only once but she hadn’t said much. It’d taken everything in me not to slap her trifling behind.

  “Thank you,” was all I said to him as he entered the office slowly, placed the food on my desk and sat down in the chair across from me.

  Never knowing exactly what to say anymore, I always allowed him to talk first.

  “You know I have always loved you Storm. I thought that by marrying and moving on with someone else, it would erase the feelings but they never went away. I have always felt the same love for you just as I had all those years ago.”

  I grabbed his hand as he spoke.

  Somehow I knew exactly where this conversation was going.

  Simon had come to tell me goodbye.

>   “You’ve always been so beautiful to me. And when you broke off our engagement, I wanted to hate you. You wanted us to be friends still, but I wanted to hate you. But I never could. As long as you were in my life, I was fine. But I should have listened to you about Vivian. You hadn’t been too fond of her for a reason and I should have listened to you,” Simon started to bawl.

  His crying caught me off guard.

  In all the years of knowing him, even at his sister’s funeral, he hadn’t cried like this.

  I wobbled over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck and joined in with him.

  I questioned God.

  I didn’t understand why he was going to take them both from me so soon and what seemed like all at once.

  “I just want you to know that it has been an honor to know you. It’s been an honor to love you and spend time in your presence. I want you to know that I will be waiting for you on the other side so make sure you do what you have to do to get there,” Simon said as he stood up.

  His words really had me crying a whole sea of tears.

  “Why are you talking like that Simon? Why are you talking like you are dying tomorrow?” I whined.

  Simon didn’t answer my question.

  Instead he embraced me and held me close. He sniffed my hair and inhaled deeply as though he was locking my scent into his memory.

  I could feel how weak he was but that didn’t stop him from clinging onto me. We were both silent, except for my whimpering.

  Simon rubbed my belly and spoke to my unborn child. He even managed to make a joke or two but I could hear nothing but sorrow and regret and maybe even a little fright in his voice.

  Finally, he stepped away from me and moved slowly toward the door.

  “I love you Storm.”

  “I love you too Simon.”

  He smiled at me and closed the door behind him.

  As soon as he was gone I burst into tears again.

  I cried and cried until my eyes became so heavy that it was almost impossible for me to keep them open.

  Somehow, I knew that that was the last time that I would ever see Simon again.

  And I had been right.

  *********

  ~Life is only a moment. Live as though you know your expiration date. It could be a lot sooner than you think. ~

  ~Anonymous

  Chapter Nine

  “Push Storm push!” Jasper yelled.

  I was in labor and Lord knows if I’d known that it felt like this, I wouldn’t have been in such a hurry to have a baby.

  The pain was indescribable.

  I couldn’t describe it even if I’d tried. But one thing that I knew for certain was that I wanted this baby out of me…now!

  I pushed and pushed and finally something amazing happened. The sound of the cries of my son made my heart melt.

  Jasper cut the cord and the doctor reached him the baby. He lifted him up for me to get a better look at him.

  All I could do is cry.

  This joy that I felt at that moment couldn’t be explained or compared.

  This was truly the best day of my life.

  After a long day of family, friends and co-worker visits, Jasper and I were exhausted.

  The baby was taken to the nursery and Jasper and I enjoyed our moments alone for the first time.

  “I love you.”

  I smiled at Jasper.

  Lord I was so happy.

  I couldn’t believe that I’d had a baby. After all of the doctor’s doubts and worries, he was here and he was healthy.

  My family was complete and everything was perfect.

  “Storm?”

  I looked at Jasper.

  He was the best husband in the world!

  I was so glad that I’d stuck it out when everything was a mess because if I hadn’t, things wouldn’t be as wonderful as they were at this very moment.

  “We should name him Simon,” Jasper said with a smile.

  See, this is why I loved him so much.

  This is why I fell in love with him.

  Not because I didn’t know that he had a ton of flaws and issues, but because he overall had a heart of gold.

  “I would like that very much,” I said to him and reached for his hand.

  “I thought that you might.”

  We made love with our eyes as my mind drifted off to thoughts of Simon.

  Simon had died a little while ago, only days after his last visit.

  His death and his funeral had really been hard on me. It was as though a part of me had died. I felt as though I’d known him all of my life and life just didn’t seem right, or feel right knowing he was that he was gone.

  At the funeral, his wife Vivian sat, looking on unremorseful.

  As if she and her friendly vagina wasn’t the cause of Simon’s death. But she wasn’t too far behind.

  Death was knocking steadily at her door and it wouldn’t long before she would have to answer.

  Since the funeral, no one had seen or heard from her. I checked the newspaper every once in the while just to see if she’s in there.

  Lord knows I didn’t wish death on anyone, but I couldn’t help but be angry with her for still being alive and Simon being dead.

  I thought briefly about the day that they had gotten married.

  It was spring and it was storming uncontrollably. I’d always heard that if it rained on your wedding day, it was bad luck, but Simon wouldn’t listen to me.

  Sure, some would say that I had no business at their wedding, but as I said, Simon was my friend and more than anything that we’d ever had, our friendship meant so much more.

  Anyway, I needed to go to the bathroom before everything got started. Imagine my surprise to walk into the bathroom to find the bride, Vivian, talking on her cell phone.

  She appeared as though she had been crying but at the sight of me, she quickly ended her conversation, wiped her face and exited the bathroom without so much as speaking to me.

  I tried to talk to Simon before the whole thing was set to start but by the time I’d opened my mouth, the preacher summoned for him.

  I remembered the exact look on his face. He knew that something was bothering me. He knew that something was on my mind.

  Simon tried to give me a chance to speak but was pressured to head to the altar so that everything would start on time.

  He immediately spotted me once I took my seat and mouthed the question “what is it?” to me but I simply shook my head.

  It was crazy. He watched me the whole time. He watched me more than he watched her coming down the aisle. He knew that I knew something that he needed to know, but went through with it all anyway.

  I briefly mentioned a few concerns to him here and there after the fact, but I never told him about the moment in the bathroom.

  Maybe I should have.

  Coming to, I realized that Jasper was now snoring. I’d been blessed with such an amazing man and I couldn’t have asked for a better husband.

  Despite the lies and the pain, I was absolutely sure that all along, Jasper had been the man for me.

  Following the actions of my husband, soon after, I drifted off to sleep with thoughts of my new son…who we would call Simon.

  ***

  “You are an amazing mother. I’m so proud of you,” Mama said and I smiled at her.

  Mama had been acting very strange lately.

  She wasn’t as overbearing as usual. She didn’t ask as many questions. She wasn’t always around.

  What was going on with her?

  “Mama, is everything okay with you?”

  She looked at me.

  For the first time, ever, she was completely speechless.

  Mama never answered my question.

  She just simply took the twins by the hand and bribed them to come with her for a snack.

  Something was definitely wrong with her, and I was going to find out just what it was.

  I sat holding baby Simon as I tried to figure out how I w
as going to go about trying to figure out what was going on with Mama.

  If it was an affair, well not only would that be nasty, but it would also break my heart as well as Daddy’s. Their marriage was my blue print and I was depending on them to last forever.

  My phone rang and I saw that it was Jasper.

  I answered in a hurry.

  He told me that he would be coming home early, something about feeling under the weather.

  We said our goodbyes and I stood up to lay the sleeping baby down but before I could get out of the door I heard another chime.

  It wasn’t my phone so I followed the noise to Mama’s purse.

  Mama had a cell phone?

  Since when?

  And why didn’t I have her number?

  The chiming noise ceased, but I found the phone in Mama’s purse anyway.

  Confused as ever, I checked the phone to see who had called.

  The number in the call log was…Jasper’s!

  Huh?

  Why in the hell was Jasper, my husband, calling my Mama, on a secret phone that no one knows about?

  What in the world was going on here?

  ***

  After finding Mama’s secret phone and learning that she and Jasper had been secretly conversing, on a phone that I didn’t even know existed, I demanded answers from the both of them.

  Neither of them could give me a straight answer; so I told them both that they could go to Hell!

  How could Mama have a secret phone, yet the only one that seems to know about it is Jasper?

  And what right does my husband have to call my Mama or even talk to her without so much as mentioning to me that they had spoken?

  Something was definitely fishy and I was going to do a whole lot of cursing and fussing until I found out the truth!

  “Storm, talk to me please” Jasper begged as I hummed a tune to the baby.

  It had been a little over a week since the whole incident and neither of them had told me anything about their secret phone calls as of yet.

  Actually, I hadn’t even spoken with Mama since that day.

  “Are you ready to tell me the truth?”

  “Storm.”

  “Storm my ass! Are you ready to tell me the truth?”

  “Storm, its---it’s complicated.”

  Complicated?

  The truth was complicated?