The Dreamer

by Joy Redmond

  “No it won’t,” I said in a stubborn tone. “It’ll never make sense why he doesn’t love me anymore. I’ve loved him since he was a baby.”

  “He still loves you, but he’s grown and you’re going to have to accept it,” Nana said firmly. “Someday, you’re going to find a people boy who’ll help you understand what I’m talking about. You can’t fight nature. Nature wins every time.”

  “But it hurts so much now, Nana,” I said. “I’m never going to have another pet as long as I live. It hurts too much when they go away.”

  ***

  Suddenly, I was wide awake. It was morning and I could hear Cinnamon and Sugar barking. I dressed and went outside and found Nana filling the dog’s buckets from the garden hose.

  I stood beside her and sadly said, “Nana, I dreamed about Baby Deer again last night, but even though I looked for him and called his name over and over, he didn’t come to me. I don’t think he’ll ever come to me in my dreams again.”

  Nana seemed to understand my heartbreak. “I’m sorry, honey. I wish your deer would come back to you if only in your dreams.” She sighed and added, “You can always play with Cinnamon and Sugar.”

  “I can’t play with them silly dogs, they won’t let me pet them and they jump on me and scratch my skin off. They’re no fun.”

  “They are a bit hyper. Pawpaw needs to train them not to jump on people, but he seems to think it’s cute or funny. I don’t like it either.” Then she looked me in the eyes and said, “You’re sad about more than not being able to dream and bring Baby Deer back to you. What else are you upset about?”

  “Because I can’t make good grades in math, so I have to go to summer school three days a week for a whole month. I do my best, but I don’t have a math brain. It’s not my fault.”

  Nana smiled and said, “There’s no shame in having trouble with math and needing a tutor. I could’ve used a tutor in math myself, but we didn’t have tutors in my day. I’ll tell you what I used to tell my children. Be the best version of yourself that you can be. No one can ask for anything more.”

  “I am trying to be the best I can,” I said. “But my best isn’t good enough for the teachers or Mama.”

  Nana nodded and said, “Well, a tutor can help bring the best out in you. Math is important for getting through life.”

  “Not really,” I disagreed. “We have computers and calculators to do math for us.”

  “Yes, we do,” said Nana. “And that’s why people have lazy-brains, nowadays. You need to exercise your brain as much as you do your body. Lazy brains and lazy bodies make for an unhealthy person.”

  “Whatever!” I said, not wanting to hear anymore. Math and a lazy brain weren’t my main concern at that moment. My heart was aching for Baby Deer —even if he was only a dream.

  DORA DOE

  That night I lay in my twin rollaway. I closed my eyes and whispered, “Please come back to me, Baby Deer, just one more time. Please Baby-Boy-Man Deer. Let me know if you’re dead or alive.”

  Then the dream began.

  ***

  Nana and I were sitting on the back steps and I was eleven, almost twelve. I was still thinking about a doe stealing my pet and best friend, and the more I thought, the madder I got.

  “Stupid girl deer,” I mumbled. “I hope a hunter shoots her.”

  “That’s not nice and you know you don’t mean it. You’re upset and mad, and sometimes when people get mad they say mean things,” Nana said, wagging her finger.

  “I know,” I said, pouting. “I’d cry if a hunter shot any deer, but I don’t like her. It’s been over a year since he left, and I think that’s enough time with a doe. He should come back to me.”

  Nana pushed my lip. “Someday you’re going to step on your bottom lip.”

  “Yeah, and if I don’t stop screwing my face when I cry, it’ll freeze that way. And if I chew on the ends of my hair I’ll grow worms in my stomach,” I said, then laughed as I pictured worms squiggling around in my stomach.

  Nana laughed with me, then took my hand and gently stroked my fingers, saying, “Next week will be the month of September, and the horrible heat will be over. And September 20th is somebody’s birthday.” She tweaked my nose. “I can’t believe you’ll be twelve years old. Wow, where does the time go?” Then she stood up and said, “Come on, we’ll walk down to the creek.”

  As we walked down the dirt lane, I took notice of the beauty around me. The leaves were beginning to change color and birds were chirping as if they were singing just for us.

  “I know Baby Deer is gone,” I said, feeling tears sting my eyes. “But as you say, life goes on. And truth is I want Baby Deer to be happy. When I grow up, I know you and Pawpaw and Mama and Daddy will all be sad, but I’ll be happy. It’s sort of the same thing, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, sweetie,” Nana replied. “There’re many changes as we take life’s journey. Some of it’s sad for us, but happy for someone else. We mix the good with the bad, and it all evens out in the end.”

  When we reached the bridge we saw the creek wasn’t full, but the water was still too deep to wade.

  “Pawpaw did a good job making the bridge, didn’t he?” I said with pride as I looked between the cracks, looking for cottonmouth. “Not a snake in sight,” I declared, and Nana laughed.

  We crossed the bridge and walked into the pasture where I stood for a few minutes, just looking at the beauty around me. I knew Baby Deer wouldn’t come if I called, but I had to try. I yelled his name with all the strength I had, but there was no answer. Tears streamed down my face, dripped off my chin, and hit the ground.

  “Don’t go getting upset, honey,” Nana said. “Let’s go back home. Then we’ll go through the old house and see what kind of treasures we can find. You used to love to go through the old house and look for Pawpaw’s old toys.”

  “I’ve already found all of his old toys,” I said, kicking the dirt beneath my feet. “There’s nothing left but dirty junk and it makes me sneeze.”

  As I took Nana’s hand and we turned in the direction of the bridge, the ground began to shake.

  Nana screamed, “Lordy, child, it’s an earthquake!”

  Then I heard an unmistakable voice calling. “Miss Julia! Wait!”

  I whirled around and saw two beautiful deer were running toward us. My mouth dropped opened as they came closer and closer.

  “Fuzzy-Wuzzy!” Nana said, backing up a few steps.

  When they were within a few feet of me, the bigger deer said, “Hi there, Miss Julia. Do you remember me?”

  “Do I remember? Oh, Man Deer, you’ve come back,” I said happily, grabbing him around the neck, hugging tightly. Then I backed up a couple steps and looked at the deer standing beside him. The deer looked frightened.

  “Who’s your friend?” I asked.

  “She’s my doe,” replied Man Deer. “But she’s a deer deer and she doesn’t understand people talk. I met her in another part of the woods, two waterways from here. She’s very nice, but she’s a little scared of people.”

  I looked at the doe and smiled, but she averted eye contact. Although I was a little jealous, I was glad Man Deer had found a mate, and I had to admit she was beautiful.

  “What is her name?” I asked.

  “She doesn’t have a name.”

  “Her deer family doesn’t have names like the members of your family?” I asked.

  “No, only the Deer family has names,” he answered.

  “Well, I think she needs a name,” I said. I thought for a minute. “How about Dora Doe?”

  “Dora Doe,” Man Deer repeated. “She won’t understand, but it’s a pretty name. Thank you Miss Julia. From now we’ll call her Dora Doe.”

  “If she doesn’t speak in tongue, how does she understand you? And how do you understand her?” I asked.

  “I’m learning deer talk. I can usually tell what she means by her sounds and movements. I never talk people talk around her or her family. I must say, it feels good
to be able to talk to a people again.”

  “Can I pet her?” I asked.

  “She’s scared of people. People are natural enemies to deer, you know. She’s never met one who she could trust not to hurt her. So go slowly while I nuzzle her to let her know it’s all right.”

  I raised my right hand and eased toward her. I rubbed her left ear. I eased my left hand and stroked her right ear. She seemed to sense that I meant her no harm, but I could still see fear in her eyes.

  “I won’t hurt you Dora Doe,” I said as I continued to rub her ears. Then I looked at Man Deer. “I like her,” I said. I couldn’t be jealous of a sweet, beautiful doe, even if she did steal my best friend. “Have you taken her to Deer Village to meet Mama and Papa Deer?” I asked.

  I wondered if Mama and Papa Deer were upset because he had taken up with a deer deer—until I remembered that he couldn’t have taken up with any other kind, since the Deer family was the only ones in the world.

  “I took her to Deer Village one time,” he said as if he didn’t want to talk about it. “But I couldn’t find Deer House. It was strange, but I guess I’d been gone for too long, I didn’t know how to find it.”

  “Well, why don’t you and Dora Doe live in this part of the woods? And then I can come see you every Saturday. It would be like old times,” I said, and my heart began to swell with joy.

  “I’m sorry, Miss Julia. She won’t leave her part of the woods,” he said, his eyes brimming with tears. “I’m afraid the reason I couldn’t find Deer House is because Mama and Papa are gone to the big Deer Village in the sky.”

  Dora Doe licked his face. Even though she couldn’t understand what we were saying, I knew she was wondering why Man Deer was crying.

  Tears were running down my cheeks, too. I couldn’t bear the thought of Mama and Papa Deer being gone forever.

  “I didn’t get to tell them bye,” I said.

  “Neither did I,” Man Deer added softly.

  Then I had an idea.

  “If you move here, you and Dora Doe could start a new Deer Village. Her whole family can come here, and pretty soon the village would be swarming with deer deer,” I said excitedly.

  “It won’t work, Miss Julia,” said Man Deer. “As I’ve told you, she won’t move, and neither will her family.”

  I hung my head. “My heart had finally stopped aching for you, and now that you’ve come back, it’s going to hurt all over again. It’s just not fair!”

  Nana had been watching the reunion from a few feet away, but she finally walked up and put her arm around me.

  “Hello, Nana,” said Man Deer.

  “Hello, Man Deer,” Nana said with a smile. Then she looked at Dora Doe, who was again looking a bit frightened. “Hello Dora Doe. It’s nice to meet you.” Then she looked at me and said, “I’m going back to the house. You two have a lot of catching up to do.” She smiled again, and walked away.

  “Bye, Nana, it’s good to see you again. Tell Pawpaw hi for me,” Man Deer called as Nana turned to leave.

  “I sure will, Man Deer, and I can already tell you that Pawpaw will say hi right back at you.”

  My mind was spinning as Man Deer and Nana said their goodbyes.

  “Could you teach Dora Doe to talk?” I asked, my eyes beaming as I thought how cool it would be if I could talk with Dora Doe, and she could talk back to me.

  “I’m sorry, Miss Julia, but she’s a deer deer so she’ll never be able to understand people talk.”

  “Oh,” I said, my heart sinking in disappointment.

  Man Deer’s tone grew brighter as he said, “But who knows? Someday when I’m Papa Deer, maybe my little one will be able to talk people talk.”

  “But will I never see your baby? Maybe I’ll never see you are Dora Doe again.”

  “Miss Julia,” Man Deer scolded, “Didn’t Nana teach you to never say never. Anything is possible. You of all people should know that!”

  If he’d had fingers instead of hooves, I swore that Man Deer would have been waging a finger at me, just as Nana always did, and I laughed in spite of myself.

  Dora Doe suddenly began fidgeting, nudging Man Deer with her head, and making strange noises.

  “She wants to go to her part of the woods,” Man Deer explained. “Strange places and people scare her, and deer deer don’t like to stand in open fields for very long. I guess it’s time to take her back home.”

  “I understand,” I said through my tears. I hugged Man Deer, then gently stroked Dora Doe’s neck. “I hope we see each other again.”

  “I hope so, too,” Man Deer said as he turned and headed toward the woods.

  “Bye, Man Deer. Bye, Dora Doe,” I called after them.

  Man Deer stopped at the edge of the woods, turned and said, “Bye, Miss Julia.”

  I sat down in the pasture and buried my face in my hands, remembering all the wonderful things Baby Deer and I had done together. I remembered our first meeting when I heard his sweet voice calling, “Hi, little girl” from his hiding place in the woods. I remembered playing games, taking him to Dr. Tegethoff to get his hooves fixed—and of course, the joy of our barn Christmas.

  Although my heart was breaking, I realized that Baby Deer would never be gone. He would live in my heart and in my memory forever. Whenever I missed him, all I’d have to do was close my eyes and remember.

  THE TWINS

  Suddenly, it was a year later. I hadn’t see Man Deer or Dora Doe, but my broken heart was finally beginning to mend.

  I was sitting with Nana on the front porch, watching a glorious sky with multi-colored clouds. “You know, Nana,” I said. “I’m eleven, almost twelve, so I know I should act more grown-up, but there are times when I miss Baby Deer so much I don’t think I can bear it—and before you say it, I think nature’s way stinks!”

  “Oh, honey,” Nana said, stroking my hair the way she always did to comfort me. “Life is full of heartbreak and disappointment, but life goes on. I know it may not feel like it now, but the best times in your life are yet to come. Let’s go inside and fix some lemonade.”

  I sat in a chair while Nana made the lemonade.

  Then she sat across from me at the kitchen table and said, “Go on. Let it all out before you explode.”

  “Oh, Nana,” I cried. “Mama and Papa Deer are gone to Deer Village in the sky, and I’m afraid I’ll never see Man Deer and Dora Doe again, not to mention their baby. I’ll never know if their baby can talk people talk.”

  “Julia, I’ve lived a long time and I’ve offered you many different sayings over the years,” Nana said softly. “But this time I don’t know how to help you. Life is what it is. There’s no way around it, and nothing I might say will make it hurt less. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is.”

  I looked at Nana and saw tears running down her cheeks. I knew she wanted to help, and deep down in my heart, I knew she was right. I had to accept life for what it was.

  I gave her a hug and then said, “Nana, I’d like to go for a walk and take some pictures of the trees. Can I borrow your camera?”

  “I’ll go with you, sweetheart,” she said, standing and untying her apron strings. “I could use a walk myself. Do you know where I put my camera?”

  I laughed, pointed, and said, “It’s on top of the refrigerator.”

  “Oh, yeah,” she said. “Okay, are you ready?”

  “I’m ready,” I replied. “But if it’s alright, I’d really like to be by myself.”

  “I understand, child,” said Nana. “I was once your age, too, you know.”

  I wrapped my arms around her tiny, aging body and hugged gently. “I won’t be gone long. When I get back, maybe I’ll beat you in a game of Chinese checkers.”

  “Oh, you think so, do you?” Nana said with a smile. “I’ll bake a cake while you’re gone. You’ll need something to make you feel better—after you lose!”

  I could hear Nana still laughing as I went out the back door.

  As I walked down the dirt la
ne, I noticed that it didn’t seem as long as it used to. A slight breeze was blowing the leaves around, as if the angels were spreading a carpet of colored leaves for me to walk on.

  When I reached the pasture, its beauty struck me. I raised the camera and snapped pictures of several trees. Then I ambled across the field and sat under the tree where I had found Baby Deer two years earlier.

  I leaned against the large oak and closed my eyes. As the wind rustled through the leaves overhead, I kept hearing Baby Deer’s first words to me, again and aging—“Hi, little girl.” It was as clear as the first time I heard him say it.

  I stood and walked around the tree, where I was surprised to see two sets of eyes peering up at me from the underbrush.

  “Holy jumping jacks!” I exclaimed. I bent down and saw two fawns, looking a bit frightened by my outburst, but bravely not running away. I sank to my knees and said, “Well, hello, little ones. Where did you come from?”

  “They’re mine, Miss Julia,” a deep voice resounded from the woods to my right.

  I jumped from the ground and almost fell over the fawns. “Baby Deer! I mean Man Deer,” I cried, running toward him.

  “My name is New Papa Deer, now, he said proudly as I hugged his muscular neck.

  “Oh, that’s right. I forget your name changes as you go through life,” I said, looking down at the fawns. “These are your babies?”

  “Yes they are, and before you ask, they don’t have goofy hooves. They’re perfect like their mama. And they can talk people talk. Isn’t that wonderful?”

  “It’s fantastic!” I said happily. “I’m so glad.”

  A moment later, Dora Doe carefully emerged from the woods. She still didn’t seem comfortable, but not nearly as frightened as the first time we’d met. She walked up to me and didn’t flinch as I reached out and stroked her ears.

  “Dora Doe, I’m so happy to see you,” I said, even though I knew she didn’t understand me, I hoped she could tell I was glad to see her by the tone of my voice. She gently licked my hand. “I think she likes me!” I exclaimed.