Nevertheless, the independent side of me wouldn’t let the part about him “claiming” me go unnoticed. I tried to pull myself down from my high before turning to him in response.
“Am I some piece of property now?” I had intended to sound indignant, but in my current state of mind, it sounded more like flirting.
“No, of course not.” His silky voice effortlessly smoothed down any feathers that may have been ruffled. At first I wasn’t sure how to respond.
But then I remembered Josh. “Wait a minute. If you and Josh are such good friends, I don’t think he’d appreciate you taking his ex-girlfriend right after she dumped him.”
He reclined slightly but didn’t seem at all deterred. “You know, I thought of that…which is why after Josh told me you dumped him, I jokingly asked if he’d mind me having you. You know what he said?”
I stared blankly.
“He said, ‘Whatever, man. I couldn’t care less right now.’” He gave a confident nod, implying that Josh’s flippant comment was evidence enough I was now fair game.
I shut my eyes and shook my head to try to clear my thoughts again. For some reason, whenever I was around Patrick, it was like a mist drifted into my brain that clouded my sanity and common sense, making it extremely difficult to think.
“No…no, that’s ridiculous. He wasn’t serious and you know it. He would totally think you were a backstabber.” It was true, but I hesitated, hoping Patrick would tell me I was wrong.
“Perhaps,” he stated calmly. “But that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
His smoldering eyes met mine for a few seconds, but I twisted myself away, suddenly remembering my friends. My logic and worry boiled over.
“Well, I’m not! My friend Nicole sits with Josh and his friends. She would criticize me for moving too fast. So would Lexi and Kyra…I just can’t.” I started to sound hysterical and chided myself for exposing my anxiety, not one of my most attractive features.
Something I’d said or, I assumed, the way I’d said it seemed to trouble him as he furrowed his eyebrows. But just for a moment. He skillfully pushed the feeling aside as an actor who momentarily broke character. “We’ll just play it by ear then, shall we?” He touched my arm and regarded me with an intimate smile. His enchanting, dark green eyes burned pleasurably through my flesh and into my heart. Even though I wouldn’t admit it, deep down I had already erected a SOLD sign there with Patrick’s name on it.
I was weak. That’s all I could say for myself. I had held out for four days, doing everything in my power to avoid Patrick and ignore his flirting. As hard as it was, I had so far succeeded in not giving in to his wish of “claiming me” as his own. But as he walked from our third hour in the opposite direction of the cafeteria as always, my resolve crumbled. My curiosity led me to follow him.
I must have been fairly stealthy and inconspicuous at trailing Patrick, because he didn’t turn around once before heading out a random door that led to a secluded porch on the side of the building.
So that was where he went all the time. I had never really pinned Patrick as a recluse. He seemed more of a popular guy with numerous friends, so his choice to eat outside by himself made him even more curiously alluring.
I waited a few minutes after his exit to creak open the door. I half expected him to have disappeared. But I found him sitting on the porch under an awning just to the right of the door with a partially eaten sandwich and an opened bag of potato chips resting on his backpack.
He had just taken a sip from a water bottle when he heard the door and whirled around to see me standing in the doorway. He was undoubtedly surprised but not upset at my following him nor flustered at being caught. Instead, he beamed at me as if he were thrilled I had come to join him. He screwed the cap back on his bottle and patted the ground to his right.
“There’s an empty seat here if you want it.”
Despite his surprise, his confidence remained intact as he gazed up at me with his gorgeous eyes. He appeared perfectly at ease as though he knew exactly what to do in this situation. I, on the other hand, had no idea what I was getting myself into being outside alone with Patrick. The thought made me giddy and I willingly took the empty spot beside him.
He offered me some of his chips, and after I took one and began nibbling on it, I decided to ask the obvious question. “So…why do you eat out here by yourself?”
“Well,” he sighed, “sometimes I just like to get away from everybody and think.” He flashed me a quick smile and I fidgeted, feeling intrusive all of a sudden. “Well, not you, obviously.” He laughed. “You’re welcome to hang out with me anytime you want to.”
“Thanks,” I replied simply through chattering teeth. I hadn’t thought to bring a coat, and although I was wearing a sweater, the biting wind easily found its holes and stung my skin underneath.
“Aw!” Patrick chuckled. “You poor thing. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” He unzipped his big, thick jacket and stretched his right arm behind me and around my right shoulder until we were both wrapped up in his jacket, my body pressed against his. “Here, we can share my jacket. I’ll keep you warm.”
We had never been so close before, and now that I was unexpectedly adhered to him, I closed my eyes and nuzzled into his chest, drinking in his stimulating smell and resting my hand on his firm stomach. After several moments of rapturous bliss, I began to realize that I was more than warm, both outside and inside, and I started to get a little self-conscious.
I leaned back up away from his chest with his arm still wrapped around my shoulder. “Sorry.” I glanced up at him and felt my cheeks blush, although they were probably already red from his warmth.
“No need to apologize.” He grinned down at me flirtatiously, his face only inches away from mine. “If my chest is comfortable, feel free to use it as a pillow whenever you want.” He leaned his head in closer. “You know I’m available for you anytime…days…weekends…nights.” With each word he brought his lips nearer to mine, and they felt like magnets pulling my lips toward them. He tilted his head slightly. His breath tickled my cheek. His parted lips barely grazed mine. Paralyzed and powerless, I hesitated, waiting for him to actually kiss me…but that was it.
He gradually pulled back his head and smiled enticingly as I tried to remember how to breathe.
As was intended, I’m sure, instead of frustrating me, his tease only made me desire him more. I was so enamored and intrigued that I found myself wanting to know every last detail about him.
It took a full five minutes for me to recover enough to say anything. But as I sat there, noticing how Patrick acted as if nothing erotic had just happened, calmly rustling through his potato chip bag with his free hand and munching on a few more chips, hundreds of questions formulated in my mind. I attempted to come up with an unobtrusive, non-threatening method for investigation but, in the end, decided plain old cross-examination would have to suffice.
“So, who do you live with at home?”
He eyed me quizzically, wondering where that particular question had come from. I wouldn’t have been able to tell him. “Well, if you must know, I live with my dad.”
“Is that it?”
“Yes.” He continued to stare at me in a guarded yet amused way.
“Where’s your mother?”
“My parents got a divorce when I was thirteen, and I chose to live with my dad. My mom and younger sister live back in Indianapolis where we used to live. Any more questions Sherlock?”
“Maybe just a few.” I grinned sheepishly, but then brightened, realizing we had something so personal in common. “Hey, my parents got a divorce too when I was ten, and my dad still lives in Cloverdale where we used to live.”
“Hmm.”
“Why did you two move to Lafayette?”
“Um…well.” He shifted uncomfortably and studied the ground for a few seconds. “My dad actually lost his job…so we moved here.” As he admitted the reason for their move, apparently a touchy subject, he
sounded abnormally agitated. He even looked anguished, as though he felt guilty for his dad’s job loss. Obviously, I thought that was strange, so I continued to probe.
“Why did he lose his job?”
I had gone too far. He moved his arm out from behind me, “Uh…you know…I don’t really want to talk about it, so…” He scoffed defensively as he turned to me, “You know, if you’re going to ask me all these questions, let me ask you one. Why did you move to Lafayette?”
He glared at me and my mouth dropped in shock. I hadn’t prepared myself for that, but I should have seen it coming with all of my questioning. My old anxiety and depression from my fourteenth birthday rushed back to me and smacked me hard in the chest. I could hardly find the air to speak. “I…I…I don’t…want to…talk about it,” I choked out through gasps.
I started to get up since his rudeness indicated I was no longer wanted and since I didn’t want him to see me have an anxiety attack. But he gently put his hand on my leg to stop me and gazed up with heavy remorse in his eyes. My breathing began to relax at his touch.
“Don’t go, Iris. I’m sorry. Really. I didn’t mean…” He looked away, completely distraught as if he had purposefully caused such a panicked reaction in me and was genuinely sorry. But there was no way he could have guessed my reaction.
Confused, but calmed down enough to breath normally, I sat back down beside him and he tried to smile reassuringly. “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. Okay?”
I nodded silently and allowed him to wrap his arm around me again for warmth and comfort. As I sat there, once more pressed tightly against his chest and still confused, I was frustrated at the fact that my investigation had left me with more questions than answers.
Chapter 14
I WAITED FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK. Surely a week was long enough. I marched to my first hour, trying to convince myself of this before attempting to convince Lexi and Kyra. The weekend had been pretty dull without the familiar presence of Josh. Nicole spent most of her time with her boyfriend now, so Lexi and Kyra tried to throw me a fun sleepover at Lexi’s house Friday night to get my mind off it all. The sleepover probably would have been enjoyable and refreshing if I hadn’t been obsessing over Patrick the entire time. I just couldn’t get him off my mind, no matter how much I told myself it wasn’t a good idea.
It was still too early to make anything official between us, but I told myself that inviting him to sit with us at lunch wasn’t so bad. I mean, that was just a friendly gesture. It didn’t mean we were dating or anything. I hoped Kyra and Lexi would see it the same way, and I didn’t even want to think about how Josh and Nicole would see it. Maybe if I was lucky, they wouldn’t notice.
As I set down my things and situated myself in my seat, I recited in my head the short speech I had rehearsed and prepared for the worst. “Okay, girls, I wanted to ask you something about lunch today. Now, don’t jump to any conclusions or anything. But there’s this guy in my computer class, and I just realized he sits outside by himself for lunch. I was thinking about inviting him to sit with us today.”
I waited with bated breath and was surprised by their exuberant reactions. Lexi was the first to reply. “Sure! That sounds awesome! It’s kind of lonely at our table anyway with just the three of us now.”
Kyra was even more emphatic. “Yes, definitely! Invite him! That poor guy, sitting out in the cold all by himself. He can sit with us.”
I should have known her benevolence and compassion would make her view it as an act of mercy instead of my falling into another crush. With all the details I had left out, I guess I couldn’t blame her for jumping to such conclusions. I could only hope that her enthusiasm would continue once she found out how stunning he was and saw through my motives.
I had naively thought that asking my friends’ permission would be the hard part. But after sitting next to Patrick the entire hour without mentioning lunch, I was beginning to lose faith in my courage. Sure, we had cuddled together and almost kissed already, but I still felt so helpless and vulnerable around his powerful presence. Plus, it would be the first time we would be seen outside of class together. My weak self-esteem told me he might not want to be seen in public with me.
After the bell rang for lunch, we both got up and headed out the door together. I was struggling to find my nerve as he began walking toward the outside door…but then he halted and turned back around to me.
“Are you coming?” He lifted his eyebrows with an alluring grin.
The idea of spending another secluded lunch with him was incredibly tempting, but I somehow managed to remember my friends and how they’d be searching for us.
“Um, actually, I was going to see if you’d like to sit with me in the cafeteria with my friends, Lexi and Kyra, today.” I bit my lip and dropped my head to scan the tiled floor for a few seconds, trying to appear unconcerned with his answer.
He was silent for so long that I looked up to see what was wrong and found him gazing at the lockers on his left. I could tell he wasn’t actually seeing the lockers. He was lost in some thought or memory, and by the looks of it, it wasn’t a very pleasant one.
I gave him a few more seconds, hoping he would realize I was now staring at him and say something, but he simply moved his gaze to the floor and sighed.
“Patrick?”
He raised his head swiftly and blinked as if he had forgotten I was standing there. “Oh, sorry.” He attempted to compose himself, shaking his head as he breathed in deeply and exhaled with resolve. The smile returned to his face. “So, lunch…with you and your friends…I think we can make that happen.” He put his hand on my lower back and began leading me toward the cafeteria, but I stopped him.
“I should warn you. Um…I haven’t been entirely truthful with them about you. All I’ve told them is that I found out you ate outside by yourself and that I was going to invite you to lunch.” I peered up at him meekly with apologetic eyes.
“So what you’re saying is you left out my good looks, my charm, and the fact that you’re head over heels, madly in love with me?” He regarded me with a presumptuous smirk before continuing toward the lunchroom beside me with his hands in his pockets.
I laughed nervously. “Something like that.” I figured I should be fair and tell him the rest of it as well. “Also, my friend Kyra is for some reason under the impression that you’re a sad loner without any friends and that’s why I’m inviting you to lunch.”
I peeked over to gage his reaction and was puzzled when he rolled his eyes, chuckled, and stated cynically through his teeth. “Naturally.”
If I thought that was weird, I was in for a major surprise. After we purchased our food and neared our table where Lexi and Kyra already sat, I became aware of two perplexing reactions. Patrick became tense, rigid, and cold, and Kyra, after she spotted us, froze, her mouth gaping and her eyes wide in complete and utter astonishment.
At first I tried to justify their responses, however illogically. I told myself that Patrick must have been nervous meeting new people and Kyra was probably astounded by Patrick’s attractiveness. It didn’t take long for them both to prove me wrong.
By the time we reached the table and sat down, Kyra had closed her mouth but her eyes wouldn’t leave Patrick…and they weren’t admiring his beauty. Patrick, on the other hand, was still tense and cold but at least managed to smile at my friends as I introduced him.
“Lexi, this is Patrick.” I gestured to both of them as I said their names, and Patrick reached across the table to shake her hand.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Lexi said politely.
“You too.” Patrick nodded and smiled.
As I moved to introduce him to Kyra, I caught Lexi widening her eyes at me in a look that yelled, “Why didn’t you tell me he was so hot!”
“And this is Kyra.” I had expected Kyra to be warm and friendly as always, but as she slowly extended her hand to shake his already outstretched arm, I couldn’t help but notice a twinge
of animosity in her eyes and posture.
I quickly turned to Patrick to make sure some dark figure hadn’t developed over him. The only times I had seen Kyra appear half that disturbed was when she was looking at someone with a shadow. But, as always, he was shadow-free—one of the many aspects about him I found highly appealing.
However, I did notice an unusual expression on his face when he took her hand. As I glanced back and forth between the two during their slow, deliberate handshake, I was certain something non-verbal and not at all friendly had passed between them.
Kyra didn’t waste any time. As soon as their hands separated, she dove right in to cold interrogation. “So…Patrick.” She said his name scornfully as though it were an insult. “Why are you in Lafayette?”
Patrick studied her. “My dad got a job here.”
“How convenient,” Kyra snapped sarcastically.
I was shocked and appalled at Kyra’s behavior. I had never seen her act so rudely to anyone, and it hurt that she had chosen the guy I liked to berate. The guy I had brought as a guest to our lunch table.
“So what happened to your dad’s old job?” she continued in the same sarcastic tone.
I ducked my head into my hand as I held my breath. Here we go.
“That is none of your business!” he snarled as he started to stand and lean over the table. It was déjà vu all over again, except there was much more hostility and biting defensiveness directed toward Kyra than there had been toward me on Friday.
“Oh, I think it is very much my business!” Kyra stood up as well and leaned over the table until their faces were only a few feet apart. Patrick gazed down on her contemptuously, and Kyra’s small frame surprisingly appeared intimidating as she peered fearlessly into his eyes.
They were silent for a few seconds as they stared each other down, and the noise of the cafeteria grew deafening all of sudden without the sound of their venomous voices to drown it out. I should have said something or done something, but I was too stunned to think straight. My best friend and potential boyfriend were about to get into a fight, and I hadn’t the slightest clue why.
Shadow Eyes Page 14