Shadow Eyes

by Dusty Crabtree

  Luckily, Mr. Delaney had noticed the confrontation and hurried over to us. “Is everything all right here?”

  On first glance, he looked like any normal teacher breaking up a fight—agitated, concerned, and authoritative. But upon closer inspection, I uncovered a deeper agitation and concern in his eyes, but I couldn’t pinpoint the cause.

  Kyra was the first to back off and sit down again, but it was obvious her yielding was out of respect and high regard for Mr. Delaney and not because of a lack of will or courage. Her eyes flashed quickly to Mr. Delaney before returning to Patrick. “Yes, sir. We’re fine.”

  “Sir?” Mr. Delaney turned to Patrick in an attempt to elicit a similar response. Something seemed off about the way he said it though. It was as if it caused him immense discomfort and even pain having to address him in this semi-confrontational manner. It reminded me of how a Union soldier might have looked when confronting his Confederate soldier brother in battle.

  “Everything’s cool sir,” Patrick declared, a bit too cocky I thought for speaking with a teacher. He sat back down in his seat.

  Mr. Delaney opened his mouth again as if he wanted to say more to Patrick, but when Kyra eyed him with a familiar expression, implying she had everything under control, he reluctantly walked away. He did so gradually enough that he didn’t get very far before Kyra’s next question.

  “So, Patrick…” She picked up her fork and examined her salad as she stabbed at a few pieces of lettuce. She wasn’t exactly amiable, but avoiding eye contact at least made her appear nonchalant and less like she wanted to stab his face with her fork. “When did you guys move in?”

  Patrick glared at her with bizarre satisfaction. “Three weeks ago.”

  Kyra stiffened and set back down her fork, and I could tell she was straining to hide her full surprise. You would have thought she’d expected him to have just arrived yesterday and that this revelation came as a detrimental blow. Even Mr. Delaney seemed confounded, having halted abruptly in his stride a few feet away within hearing distance and pivoting his head back to us slightly.

  Patrick laughed, evidently gratified by her reaction. “Yep, I’ve been in Iris’s computer class for three whole weeks now. Isn’t that right Iris?”

  He shifted to me and I blinked, staring at him blankly before turning to Kyra. She was gawking at me with disappointed shock. I hadn’t spoken since introducing them. I felt like I’d be intruding on some private argument by just responding to Patrick’s simple question. On top of that, they both scrutinized me as if my answer would inadvertently announce whose side I was on.

  “Yes?” I said feebly.

  My one word contribution must have made Lexi, who had also been silent, feel confident enough to chime in. In an effort to help ease the elevated tension at our table by getting Patrick’s attention off Kyra, she asked, “So, Patrick, what other classes do you have? Who are your teachers? I might know some of the people in your classes.”

  It worked. Patrick soon began spouting off class and teacher names as Lexi interjected names of students he might know. I silently thanked my friend for her quick thinking. The worst part was apparently over.

  However, when I looked back at Kyra and saw the disappointment and tormented apology on her face, shame unexpectedly flushed my cheeks and made my whole body uncomfortably warm. I wasn’t sure why, but I had a feeling that their argument was ultimately my fault, even though the content didn’t seem to have anything to do with me.

  I busied myself with my plate of spaghetti, mostly just moving the noodles around with my fork and watching the steam rise as I exposed the piping hot pasta underneath. The inexplicable incident that had just occurred was so random and baffling. After trying to unravel the mystery in my head for less than a minute, my brain gave up and oddly reverted to recapping the plot of The Scarlet Letter instead.

  I had done such a good job of removing my mind from the present, that when Patrick’s hand squeezed my thigh reassuringly and remained there, I was jolted out of my daydream. Everyone was eating their food calmly and Mr. Delaney was nowhere in sight.

  Patrick grinned at me. “The spaghetti’s really good! Eat up.” He motioned to my plate and continued eating.

  I picked up my fork after dropping it when Patrick’s hand met my thigh and glanced at Kyra, knowing that reassurance from her would help me relax enough to eat.

  She paused and smiled at me from across the table in a way that assured me there were no hard feelings and that she’d behave the rest of the lunch period. But her eyes revealed this conflict with Patrick was far from over.

  I had been so focused on what was transpiring at our own lunch table that I had been completely oblivious to the fact that Josh had seen the whole thing.

  “So, you and Patrick huh?” Josh attempted to sound apathetic as we waited for the always late Mr. Keller, but I could tell the idea bothered him and immediately became embarrassed.

  “Oh, uh, no. We’re just friends. He’s in Computer Apps with me. It’s nothing really.”

  He continued with his thin apathetic veil, crossing his arms firmly across his chest. “Whatever. I mean, I don’t care or anything. It’s not like it’s any of my business. I just didn’t think he was serious about going after you. Or that you’d be so quick to let him.”

  “No, you’re misreading it. Seriously, there’s nothing between us,” I pleaded, knowing it was a lie but not wanting to appear heartless for rushing into another relationship. I glanced at Nicole for any type of support, but she just shrugged apologetically, implying she didn’t want to take sides.

  “Kyra sure didn’t think too much of him, did she?” He raised an eyebrow at me and then stared at the board in front of us.

  I quickly tried to replay in my mind what their arguing must have looked like to him, hoping it hadn’t seemed as horrible to him as it had to me. “Um, I don’t know. I guess she didn’t. I don’t really know why, though. She didn’t say.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know why she wouldn’t like him either. I’ve hung out with him a few times, and I think he’s a pretty cool guy.” Strangely, his disgruntled air dissipated when he mentioned his opinion of Patrick. Suddenly, it was as if we were friends siding with each other in defense of another friend.

  I gaped at him, shocked but appreciative of his affirmation of Patrick.

  “What?” He laughed guardedly, still not entirely comfortable viewing me as a friend. “Am I not allowed to think guys are cool?”

  I looked to Nicole, who smiled encouragingly. She wanted more than anything for Josh and me to get along so we could all hang out together again. I wasn’t holding my breath, but I figured I’d at least give it a try.

  “Sure you are,” I told him with amused sarcasm. “There’s nothing wrong with you thinking guys are cool. I won’t read anything into it, I promise.”

  Nicole and I laughed as he rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Yeah, okay.”

  The lighthearted moment and laughter was refreshing but also brought back memories of the way things used to be just a short time ago. We must have all sensed it because we all grew solemn as Mr. Keller entered the room and began class.

  He had barely begun his riveting lecture on “good old Saturn” when an aide rapped on the door and handed Mr. Keller a note.

  “Miss Kohl, you’re being dismissed.” He set the note at the front of the room, on the long table covered in handouts, sticky notes, and various models of planets and resumed his lecture.

  Nicole and Josh both turned to me questioningly, but I just shook my head at them with a blank, confused expression and began gathering my things. I had no idea why I was being checked out.

  As I shuffled awkwardly to the front of the room, I sensed everyone’s eyes on me. I picked up the note and read it as I pushed open the door.

  Iris Kohl

  Mr. Kelly, Room 12

  Iris is to check out at the main office

  and drive home immediately.

  Panic shot str
aight through me as my mind raced with all the possible reasons I would have to leave and go home “immediately.” Why didn’t they just tell me why I was being dismissed? That couldn’t be good, could it?

  All the way home, my anxiety kept building and building as my presumptions got worse and worse. By the time I barged through the door, I nearly expected to see my sister and mother lying dead on the floor.

  The scene in my living room I did stumble upon was almost as bad. My mother and Hanna, neither of whom should have been home this early, were both sitting on the couch crying. My mother was sobbing loudly and shaking, and my sister was weeping softly with her head in her hands. Even more disturbingly, a heavy, dark shadow hung on my mother’s back and latched on to her stomach and chest.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” I was suddenly angry that I was the only one who hadn’t been told about the apparent tragedy. My frantic tone quickly escalated to yelling, and tears began to fall down my cheeks as I started breathing rapidly in panic and frustration. “Tell me! What happened? Somebody talk to me!”

  Hanna lifted her head. She looked drained. Her mascara had run down her cheeks and her eyes were red and puffy from crying. “Jenny lost her baby.” She said it as calmly as she could, but once it was out her tears began to fall again and our mom wailed.

  I fell into the love seat astounded and overwhelmed. How could this happen? Why? They’d been waiting so long to have a baby. Why did this have to happen to them? The more I thought about it the faster the tears came and the angrier I got. It just didn’t seem fair. I wanted to take my anger out on someone. I wanted to smash something. But who was to blame? It wasn’t as if some person did this to my sister.

  Just then a dark fluttering motion by my mother caught my eye. I jerked my head up and glared murderously at the black mass surrounding her. If anyone was to blame, it was them! I boiled with rage and my fists clenched into weapons.

  I wanted so badly to stomp over and punch the leech in its face, but I didn’t know how to do it without terrifying my already hysterical mother. Besides that, I didn’t honestly believe it would accomplish anything. No one can feel the shadows on them, so I doubted I could physically touch or hurt them.

  Nevertheless, I continued to glare at it and ball my fists until the stinging from my nails digging into my palms was almost unbearable. To my surprise, it noticed. Its expression became uneasy and frightened as it slowly released its death grip on my mother. It didn’t leave completely, but it did back away enough for my mother’s wailing and choked sobs to reduce to quiet weeping and steady breathing.

  My chin dropped to the floor. Had I really just intimidated a shadow? I had never done anything like that before. I was amazed at not only the fact that I had somehow done it but also that it felt so good. I felt powerful and confident as though I could do anything and nothing could stop me.

  My mother briskly brought me back to my weak, pathetic reality with one sentence. “We were going to meet Jenny and Austin up at the hospital…They’re going to run some tests to make sure she’s okay.” She surveyed me through teary eyes, now torn between her sadness over Jenny and her concern for me. “Did you…want to go with us? If not, I understand.”

  I hadn’t been comfortable in or even around a hospital for three years. They were too familiar and brought back too many painful memories I had tried to repress. Lately, though, it seemed like those memories kept resurfacing no matter where I was.

  “Um…” I swallowed uncomfortably, my throat harsh and dry from crying. “No, I think I’ll stay here and see if Kyra can come over if that’s okay.” I looked at my mom and sister, trying to appear confident and assured, as if staying home really was the better choice. Inside, I was so ashamed and angry at myself for being too weak to go see my sister.

  As they got up to leave, Hanna leaned over to give me a tight hug and whisper, “I’ll tell her you love her.”

  Two seconds after the door shut behind them I was on my phone texting Kyra to come over right away. Once I received her affirmative reply, I ran to my room, slammed my door, and grabbed my book to occupy my mind with something harmless and safe while I waited for my real comfort to come.

  Chapter 15

  I SAT THROUGH THIRD HOUR, intermittently stealing glimpses of Patrick and wondering what I should do about lunch after yesterday’s episode. My mind had been so stuck on my sister’s situation that I’d completely forgotten. Kyra hadn’t said anything to me about it when she came over the night before, but I supposed she was just trying to be tactful and compassionate. Bringing up her random dislike of my new friend probably would have been in poor taste considering the circumstances, and Kyra was one of the most tactful and considerate people I knew…well, except for with Patrick.

  The bell rang and Patrick and I began to gather our things and leave for lunch. I was unsure whether I should invite him to sit with us again in the hopes that Kyra would behave, go with him outside by ourselves, or simply part ways.

  Patrick favored the second option. “So…” He grabbed my hands and pulled me close to him flirtatiously. “What do you say we go outside today, just the two of us?” When I hesitated he stepped back and opened his jacket with a convincing smile. “I have my jacket that can fit two. We’ll be warm.”

  My entire body wanted to consent and go spend a glorious forty minutes snuggled against Patrick’s defined chest, and part of my brain even agreed, not wanting to witness another potential fight in the cafeteria. Still, my conscience reminded me how Kyra had selflessly driven to my house the night before to calm me down after hearing about my sister. It would be rude of me to ditch her after that.

  “I’m sorry.” I averted my eyes, fearing that I may lose my resolve if I peered into his green kryptonite eyes. “I can’t do that to Kyra. Not after what she did for me last night…” I paused to collect my wits so I wouldn’t start crying when I told him about my sister’s miscarriage.

  “She came over after I found out my sister lost her baby.” I bit my lip, but the tears flowed anyway. “They’d been trying to get pregnant for such a long time. You should’ve seen how excited they were when she finally did get pregnant. I just feel so bad for her.”

  I started sobbing, picturing how devastated and anguished my sister must have been yesterday and how depressed she must still feel. Yesterday with Kyra had been healing and comforting, but picturing my sister and the looming, black mass that must have been swarming around her that very moment confirmed I wasn’t over it.

  Patrick swiftly took me in his arms and pressed me against him with one hand on my lower back and one cradling my head as I buried my face in his shirt. “Shh…shh. It’s okay. It’s okay.” He began stroking my hair and continued in a heavily sympathetic tone that somewhat surprised me. “I’m so sorry about your sister. I’m so sorry.”

  If I hadn’t known better, I’d have said he was genuinely and personally concerned about my sister’s predicament. But he didn’t even know her. The strangeness of it snapped me out of my emotions, and I pulled away and wiped my eyes. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. This stuff happens, right?”

  Patrick sighed. He looked tired and jaded. “Yeah…it does.”

  I frowned, confused by his peculiar attitude. “Anyway, I really can’t ditch her after everything she did for me last night.” I paused and gazed at Patrick pleadingly. It felt selfish, but I didn’t want to leave him either. “You can come with me, if you want.”

  He thought about it for a few seconds before responding, still looking weary. “Well, if that’s where you’re going to be, then that’s where I’m going.” He smiled and started walking me to the lunchroom, but his optimism seemed forced, like a sergeant who grudgingly reverts to battle plan B but fronts a positive attitude to convince his troops and himself that it will all work out.

  “Hey, Iris.” Lexi smiled at me and then turned to Patrick with a wide grin. She hadn’t gotten use to his suave sexiness yet. I couldn’t blame her. Neither had I. “Hey, Patrick,” she
beamed. “Glad you joined us again today.”

  Lexi and I both glanced nervously at Kyra who raised her head from her tray and surveyed us both before smirking at Patrick. “Delighted.”

  Patrick rolled his eyes and laughed.

  Kyra ignored him and focused on me with genuine concern in her eyes. “So, how are you holding up? Do you need to talk some more? Is there anything I can do?”

  Patrick jumped in before I could reply. “You’re too late. She’s been through it already with me in the hallway. She cried, I was there for her, she feels better now.” He leaned back in his chair smugly as though his holding me while I cried about my sister made him deserving of some prestigious award. I half-expected the unusually sarcastic Kyra to ask if he wanted a cookie.

  Instead, she seemed frustrated and maybe even a little jealous. “Well, for your information, I talked to her for two hours last night because she called me right after she found out.”

  Patrick scoffed. “Psh, that’s just because she didn’t have my number.” He shifted to me with a dazzling smile. Gentle affection replaced his arrogant rudeness as quickly as if he had just flicked a switch. “I don’t know why I haven’t given you my number yet. You should have it.” He held out his hand. “Here, let me have your phone. I’ll enter it myself.”

  He stared into my eyes entrancingly and I found myself fumbling in my bag for my phone and handing it to him without a word.

  Kyra rolled her eyes and watched as he skillfully maneuvered through my phone and entered his number. “Iris, you don’t need that. You know I’m always there for you.”

  “I am too.” He glared up at Kyra defensively and then softened when he handed me back my phone. “And now I’m permanently available to you at the push of a button.” He shrugged innocently. “Speed dial number seven wasn’t taken.” He winked at me.