by Ryanne Corey
“Home from where?” Harris demanded.
Billy hesitated. “California.”
“I know that!” Harris barked. “Where in California?”
Billy’s gaze was stark and expressionless. He looked up at Colin, who made a fierce threatening face. Tell him, Colin mouthed.
Billy opened his mouth and closed it again. Without consciously making the decision, he hung up on Harris Roper.
Colin’s jaw was swinging as he gaped at the phone. “What are you thinking? The guy can ruin you! You can’t let your career go down the drain because you have a thing for Julie Roper.”
A light of battle came into Billy’s eyes. He himself was surprised at the sudden fury Colin’s words inspired in him. “I haven’t got a thing for her, Colin,” he bit out. “It goes way beyond that.”
There was a long silence. For once in his life, Colin seemed at a loss for something to say. Finally he stood up, looping his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans as he looked down at Billy. “Look man, I’m sorry. When I had to come back here today to tell you, I felt like death knocking at your door. Maybe I don’t understand the way you feel about her. It’s out of the realm of my shallow existence. But if you want a chance to salvage anything, you need to tell her the truth before her brother gives her an earful. Unless this private eye is a real moron, he’ll find you. I mean, you could take off and go somewhere else, but that would just be postponing the inevitable. Not to mention the media frenzy if Harris Roper follows through with his threat. And from what I gather, he’s got the money and the clout to do it.”
“I know,” Billy said dully. “I know.”
“What do you know?” Julie asked cheerfully as she descended the stairs. “Are you guys leaving me out of something exciting?”
“Nope.” Like a chameleon, Colin turned on his sunny charm to distract her attention from Billy’s ravaged expression. “I was just saying goodbye. I’ve decided to go and join the Shriners. I must have one of those hats.”
“It would cover up that crew cut you don’t like,” Julie replied teasingly.
“So would a wig, which I am also seriously considering. Well, folks, I’m outta here. I’m giving you your little rental car back, by the way. That car stinks. I’d rather drive a minivan, I swear.” He gave Billy a speaking look. “So…I’ll talk to you later, Lucas?”
“Yeah, later.” Like the professional he was, Billy rearranged his expression into something almost normal. “Thanks for…dropping by.”
“Why not stay for dinner?” Julie offered, puzzled at the ever-so-subtle change of mood in the room. Both men looked quite normal, but she sensed something had conspired between them. “Colin, if you want to stay here, Billy and I could go somewhere else. It would be no trouble at all. I don’t want to cause any problems for you.”
Colin smiled, meeting her at the bottom of the stairs and gallantly kissing her hand. “Thank you, but I hear the Shriners calling my name. I wish you both all the best. I think it is absolutely wonderful that Billy has himself a girlfriend who says ‘powder room’ instead of ‘john.’ Class and looks in the same beautiful package. Good luck to both of you. Keep in touch, Lucas. Adieu.”
Colin’s sudden absence felt like the startling peace in the eye of a hurricane. Julie shook her head and laughed, then promptly climbed up on Billy’s lap and gave him a smacking kiss. “Hello, you. Your friend is funny.”
“Hello, you.” Billy kissed her back, long and hard. When he broke from that kiss, Julie was gasping. “Do I take your breath away? I want to. Your breath, your soul, your body…I want it all.”
Julie stared at him, her head tilted slightly. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” His forced smile felt tight against his cheeks. “Maybe I just want you to understand that I would do anything to be with you. All I want is to hold you…to know you’ll stay here with me in this moment forever. Can I have that, or is it asking too much?”
“Not as far as I’m concerned.” Julie still couldn’t rid herself of the feeling she had missed something important. “Are you sure Colin wasn’t angry that we’re putting him out of his own house? He seemed…I don’t know, upset about something.”
“Colin’s fine. He just wanted to get his motorcycle back. He’s been called back to work unexpectedly, so he wouldn’t be able to stay here, anyway.” It was a good lie, delivered with the ease of many years of experience. Never show what you’re thinking, never give anything away. Billy savaged himself inside to deaden his conscience. He realized he had just made a potentially dangerous decision.
He wasn’t going to tell her, not yet. He wanted just a few more precious hours of pretending he was actually the person Julie believed him to be, a few more hours to cling to the idea he was someone who deserved to see the light of adoration in her eyes. Everything would change after that; the bubble would burst, and she would see the mangy American mutt for what he was—a liar, an opportunist and a fraud. He’d known all along he was living in a fool’s paradise, but he’d never dreamed it would hurt so badly to face reality. Taking a few bullets was nothing compared to this. All this he told himself while smiling at his love as if tomorrow would bring nothing but happiness. Desperation was an amazing source of strength.
“So I don’t need to feel so guilty because he left?” she replied teasingly.
“You don’t need to feel guilty at all.” I have guilt enough for both of us.
Softly, with a low throb of passion, “Good. Because what I’m feeling right now is a world away from guilt.” She dipped her face to his, rubbing noses. “Ask me what I’m feeling, Officer.”
“I can see what you’re feeling,” Billy said, his voice matching hers in intensity. Her splendid dark eyes were heavy with erotic imaginings, her lovely lips parted as she traced the sculpted line of his mouth with the tip of her tongue. He held himself still as long as he could, then his mouth swooped over hers and plundered mercilessly. Julie met him kiss for kiss; almost instantly a searing sexual heat blazing between them. Billy was kissing her as if it were the last day of his life, taking and giving all he could with fierce intensity. His hands moved with the same hunger, pulling at her clothes, wanting her skin against his. It didn’t occur to him to be gentle or cautious. He only knew he had to have her. Now.
He moved them from the sofa to the floor, his foot kicking the coffee table out of the way. Neither of them noticed it tip over with a thud. Julie was groaning with pleasure against his mouth, her wide eyes glazed with recklessness. The sofa, the bed, the floor…it didn’t matter. She had never known she was capable of such abandon, or such painful and instant need. She fed on him, on the breathtaking sexual hunger he radiated. She caught fire, rolling on the carpet in a tangle of intertwined limbs to escape their clothes. They were frenzied, hands and mouths everywhere, seeking satiation. Nothing existed at the moment beyond the ravaged aching of desire.
Once and only once did Billy pause in his lovemaking. His arms were outstretched on either side of Julie’s shoulders, muscles damp and straining. His body was feverish, his mind filled with a terrible, wonderful mixture of love, passion and fear. The woman beneath him was trembling, her dark eyes nearly black with primeval sexual longing. Her cheeks were reddened from his light beard, her lips wet with sensual rain. Her breasts were crushed against his hard chest in soft surrender, her legs parted on either side of his. Her hectic breathing matched Billy’s, harsh, rapid and shallow. There was nothing withheld, no hint of shyness or self-consciousness in her beautiful face.
She trusted him completely.
Billy’s throat tightened painfully with the thought, then he fiercely pushed it away. He needed the solace of her body, he wanted to tell her without words what was happening with him. Words inevitably involved lies, and lies had no part in this moment. Julie received him joyously, matching his thrusts, urging him deeper still. This was something different than making love, Billy thought. He believed they had been creating love all along, from the first moment they had come fa
ce-to-face on a dark Florida road. No, this was an admission of their power over one another, a searing act of passion in its purest form. No one had ever felt like this before them, and no one ever would again. They knew exactly how rare and extraordinary this moment was.
Billy had been looking for a miracle and he’d found it, albeit only a temporary miracle. His thoughts expired in a wash of sensual release, purging guilt and fear. They found their solace together, deliberately lingering at the threshold of fulfillment for a timeless moment. She was his, and he had fiercely claimed every part of her, body and soul. Surrendering to that claim was the most satisfying experience of her life. Body to body, they dropped off that sheer cliff simultaneously, hearts stopping at the blinding rush of pleasure. The experience was so powerful, so overwhelming, they died and left the Earth together, then came back to it, reborn.
Nine
Later that afternoon, Julie curled up on the bed to “close her eyes for a moment.” She slept for nearly an hour, during which time Billy walked on the beach. She knew because he was leaning against the frame of the doorway when she opened her eyes, bare feet sandy, hair tangled over his forehead and untucked white shirt sticking to his skin in damp patches. The knees of his jeans were dark and sandy as well, as if he’d been kneeling on the beach.
“Hello, man of my dreams,” Julie said huskily, brown eyes beautifully drowsy. “You went off and left me.”
“And you didn’t even know it. Poor child, I tired you out.” He walked slowly into the room, hands pushed deep in the pockets of his jeans. Although his lips were curved in a smile, there was something dark and unfamiliar in his eyes.
“What’s happened?” Julie asked. “You seem…you’re…different.”
He ignored the question, sitting on the edge of the bed. “You look good in sheets. You should wear them more often.”
“I plan to.” Julie stretched, uncurling like a sleepy kitten. “I’m going to start a trend in Palm Beach. I did dream about you, you know.”
He gave her a curious smile, head tilted to one side. “Did you? Tell me.”
Julie sat up, the sheet drifting lower on the curve of her breasts. It didn’t occur to her to pull it up again, either. She’d never felt safer, more uninhibited or more secure in her life. “It was a lovely replay of this afternoon downstairs. Just so you know, you were wonderful. Again.”
“This afternoon,” Billy repeated slowly, taking her small hand and slipping his fingers through hers. He stared at their clasped hands with great concentration. “I wasn’t very gentle, was I? I’ve never been like that before. I surprise myself constantly when I’m with you. Are you sure it was a lovely replay and not a nightmare?”
Julie nodded solemnly, although her eyes were smiling. “Quite. Although looking at you makes me think I’m the one who should have been gentler.” In a conspiratorial whisper: “You have a hickey on your neck.”
He grinned, looking a bit more like the breezy, brash Billy she knew. “I know. That hasn’t happened since high school. Did you know you can be arrested for giving an officer of the law a hickey?”
“Arrest me,” Julie purred. “And then lock me in a tiny room with you and a few hot lights and question me. I promise it will be the very best interrogation you’ve ever had. I’ve never been interrogated before, but I’m showing a great deal of talent when it comes to running with the punches, don’t you think?”
“That’s rolling with the punches, cupcake.”
“Rolling, running, whatever.” She pulled up her legs, looping her arms over them and resting her chin on her knees. Her expression was whimsical. “Would you like to know a secret, Twinkie?”
“Twinkie?”
“You called me cupcake. I think Twinkie is a cute little pet name.” She raised one finger when Billy opened his mouth to protest. “No, no, listen. I have to tell you something. It’s terribly, extremely, exceedingly important.”
His expression didn’t change, but his eyes became opaque, unreadable. “I have to tell you something, too.”
“Me first.” She pursed her lips, blowing a tendril of sleep-mussed blond hair out of her eyes. “You know my famous wish list? All the things I’ve always wanted to do all my life, but never could?”
“How could I forget? Not many people have bowling on their wish lists for life.”
“Well, I realized something today. We did it. We fulfilled every single wish I have ever had in my life. Not only do I feel completely satisfied—stop smirking, I don’t mean that kind of satisfaction—well, I do, but…”
“You’re rambling.”
“Sometimes people are missing something, but they’re not exactly sure what it is. That’s what happened to me. Now I know I haven’t been longing for freedom all my life. That was just the name I gave my loneliness. This whole adventure wasn’t what I really wanted.”
“Now she tells me.”
“It was a feeling that was missing, Billy.” Her brows drew together, her expression fiercely earnest. She wanted him to understand what an incredible change he had made in her life. “I’ve been so protected, I didn’t know what it was like to experience life like everyone else. I’ve learned so much the past few days. Life is anything but a bore, and it’s not something to be afraid of. It’s absolutely glorious. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing—you could be a waitress or a ballerina or a zookeeper. The important thing is finding all the joy in every moment. Anticipation. Joy. Trust. If you feel those things, if you hold on to them, you don’t need a wish list. That’s what you’ve given me, Billy. The chance to be myself.”
Billy’s mind was stuck on a single word: trust. His stomach felt sick, his emotions whirling in a dance of nauseating speed. He looked away from her, pretending to stare out the window. “I didn’t give you anything. You had it inside you all the time, Julie. You’re not giving yourself enough credit.”
Julie hesitated, wondering at the odd tightness in his voice. She became conscious of a subtle tension in the room, a strange echoing sensation of emotions reverberating from wall to wall. “What’s wrong?” she asked quietly, her eyes looking like big, dark wounds in her face. “Something was wrong when you walked into the room, I saw it. Did I say something wrong?”
“No.” It was all he could do to manage the single word. “It’s not you.”
She tried to smile. “Billy, you’re starting to scare me. I’ve got my heart in my hand here, if you haven’t noticed.”
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, trying to anchor himself inside to something, anything. Now was the time to tell her everything. Now.
“I love you,” Julie whispered.
The world ground to a bone-snapping stop. Billy’s eyes flew to hers like a rocket, bright blue and amazed. In a barely audible croak, “What did you say?”
She swallowed hard, stunned at her own temerity. Where had that come from? She’d been falling in love with Billy Lucas from the beginning, but to actually admit it, just like that, bold as you please…well, it took her as much by surprise as it did Billy. She reached out a tremulous hand, gently touching the side of his face. “I’m sorry. Now you’re the one who’s scared. Just forget I said that.”
“Forget?” Talk about having a wish list. This was more than Billy had ever hoped for, more than he had dared to let himself imagine. A woman like Julie Roper, who could have any man on the planet…
And she loved Billy Lucas, a man who had never considered himself particularly lovable.
“I didn’t expect this,” he whispered. “Not in a million years.”
He saw instantly that he had said the wrong thing. Her face turned hot. She pulled the sheets up to her neck. “You know what they say…fools rush in. Sorry about that, Officer. Sometimes I just open my mouth to change feet. You know, I’m hungry. I’m starving. I could go for some lovely steak tartare, or shrimp scampi. That sounds wonderful. Let’s go out to eat.” Before Billy could stem the tidal wave of conversation, she was up and out of the bed, wrapping
the sheet around her like a sari. Suddenly she had all her old inhibitions back. “I’m going to shower,” she said, continuing with the brittle, rapid-fire pace of her speech. “It’s a beautiful night, don’t you think? What a shame it would be to spend it inside—”
“Julie—”
She pretended not to hear him, marching toward the bathroom. “Maybe a nice bath. I absolutely adore relaxing in a Jacuzzi.”
Hells bells, she was starting to sound like a Palm Beach bunny again. All the walls were up, and Billy couldn’t blame her. “Julie, if you’d just wait—”
She waved a hand dismissively. “We’ll chat later. I won’t be too long. You might want to consider taking a quick shower yourself; you’re covered with sand.” A short but deafening pause here. “Downstairs.”
Julie took refuge in the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her, then leaning hard against it. She felt as if her body was a clumsy shell, completely disconnected from her mind. She was feverish, half-crazy with embarrassment and regret. It wasn’t so much what Billy had said that had pushed her close to tears.
It was what he hadn’t said.
Julie was utterly miserable throughout dinner, although nothing in her expression or tone of voice gave it away. She had been born and bred in Palm Beach, and that gave her an advantage when it came to flawless composure in social situations. She could pretend with the best of them.
Still, Billy knew. It was there in his eyes every time he looked at her, the reminder that somehow she had blundered terribly by telling him she loved him. It was between them like electric static, constantly threatening a painful shock if they got too close. He smiled, she smiled, the waiter came and went and the evening passed without one referral to anything even remotely personal. It was amazing how fast things could change.
The restaurant was only two blocks from the condominium, and since it was such a beautiful evening, Julie had suggested they walk. In truth, she simply couldn’t face being ensconced with Billy in the small confines of the rental car. Once it had been comforting. Suddenly it was unbearable.