by Ryanne Corey
It was still early when they left the restaurant, the last gasp of a stunning violet sky bleeding into the ocean. Julie pointed out its beauty not once, not twice, but three times in as many minutes. And they still had a block and a half to go.
Billy had said little throughout dinner. He knew what she was thinking and why she was thinking it. And until he told her the entire unvarnished truth, he had no right to accept what she had offered him. In point of fact, he had had no right to consummate their relationship, but it was too late to change anything. In all his life, he had never wanted anything more than he wanted her love…or felt less deserving of it. He was damned if he told her, and damned if he didn’t. It was a good word, he decided grimly, describing perfectly how he felt.
Damned.
He had known from the beginning he wasn’t good enough for her. He hadn’t the breeding, the class or the financial wherewithal to even consider himself worthy of someone like Julie. Not to mention the fact he was a liar and a fraud. He could hardly count the number of lies he had told her from their very first meeting. Initially it had been to protect her. Now it was to protect himself as well, to win just a little more time with her before reality came crashing down around him. In a perfect world, he would have been privileged and upstanding, a man like Bo-Bo who had been born into a good family with a shiny bright future. Billy had known a different world, a grimy and dangerous existence without prospects or promises. He had done what was necessary to survive and done it well. But he wasn’t in Julie’s class and never would be. She was light, he was dark. She was truth, he was deception.
Quietly, quickly and helplessly, he was going out of his mind. What happens when you meet the one person you can’t live without, and you can’t have her? No matter how long and hard he thought, he couldn’t come up with a solution that would bridge the gap between them.
They were nearly at the condo when he saw the car. It was a limousine, long, white and shiny, idling in the driveway. The windows were tinted black, but he knew who was inside.
“Uh-oh,” Julie said slowly, spotting the limo. Harris always used a limo when he was traveling. But there was no way he could have tracked them down. He didn’t even know Billy, let alone Colin. Still…
“Does Colin ever use a limo?” she asked faintly, knowing the answer.
“No.” His time was up, Billy realized. He grabbed her arm, his mind going a hundred miles an hour. “Wait. Just wait. You need to listen to me before you talk to your brother. I need to tell you…” His voice trailed off, his eyes anguished as they watched the limo driver get out of the car to open the passenger’s door. “Damn…I’m so sorry, Julie.”
“Sorry about what?” Julie was completely bewildered. Still, something in her heart winced, preparing for an unknown assault. Then, when Billy did nothing but stare at her, “Billy? You’re scaring me. Say something.”
He couldn’t. He felt his stomach drop as Harris Roper climbed out of the limo. He looked almost fragile, suspenders hanging on to his little shoulders for dear life. But he carried a terrifying impact, a painful reality.
“It’s your brother,” Billy said dully. It was too late now. Maybe it had been too late from the very beginning. “I didn’t think it would happen so soon.”
“You knew he was coming?” Color drained out of Julie’s face. She had the sickening sensation of something dark and unfriendly crawling up behind her. “You’re not surprised,” she whispered. “You knew…”
“I knew he was close. I wanted to tell you—”
“Julie!” Harris ran up to his sister, enfolding her in his arms. “Are you all right? Do you have any idea what you put me through? Why on earth—”
“Don’t.” Julie pushed Harris away, looking at Billy over her brother’s shoulder. “Don’t ask any questions, Harris. Just answer a few.”
“You’re angry?” Harris looked astonished. “I’m the one who’s been searching all over the country for you and our friend Billy here.”
“How did you know his name?” she asked. Her lips felt numb, as if she were slowly freezing to death. “I told you I hired security, but I never told you his name.”
Still Billy said nothing. The brief, brilliant happiness he had known was flying further away on a wild, cold wind. Harris looked at him, his eyes accusing. “What the hell is she talking about? Are you telling me you allowed her to hire you? Where are your morals, your principles? You were already working for me! You can be certain you won’t be collecting your money, I’ll tell you that much, mister. From either of us.”
“I don’t want your damned money,” Billy said. He couldn’t take his eyes off Julie, nor she him. Her expressions were clear and honest, as usual. Fear. Confusion. Devastation. And every emotion was a very personal gift from Billy Lucas. “I couldn’t tell you,” he said.
Julie needed to sit down. It didn’t matter that she was standing on the curb in front of the condo. She dropped to her knees on the grass, her hands folded tightly in the billowing skirt of her sundress. She closed her eyes briefly, trying to stem the nausea she felt. “Harris? How did you know his name?”
“I told you. I hired him as security several weeks ago.” Harris paused, clearing his throat. “Julie, you can’t just sit there on the grass. We can talk inside, all right? I can explain everything.”
“I’m sure you can,” she replied. “So explain right now.”
After an awkward moment, Harris hitched up his beige slacks and gingerly sat down next to his sister. “I can’t imagine why we must discuss this sitting on the ground. But if we must…Julie, I was worried about you. When you have as much money as we do, you can’t be too careful. There are kidnapers and felons—”
“Kidnapers are felons,” Billy said tonelessly.
Harris glared up at Billy. He clearly didn’t relish the experience of sitting so far beneath him. “When I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it.”
“I can’t wait.” Billy’s eyes were dark, the evening breeze playing with his long hair. “If you’d like me to go in the house—?”
“Stay here,” Julie told him. Her voice was soft, but the expression on her face wasn’t. “Harris?”
“You’re making such a fuss about nothing,” Harris replied. “Granted, I should have told you, but you never seem to take our position seriously. You needed a personal bodyguard, and I knew you wouldn’t agree if I consulted you. Can we please go inside and talk? I’ve never been comfortable on grass.”
Julie ignored his question. “So you hired Billy to watch me? When was that?”
“Four weeks ago,” Harris admitted, looking embarrassed for the first time. “And it was working very well until he absconded with you. Needless to say, this man will never work for anyone again as a bodyguard. I already have my lawyers—”
“Shut up, Harris,” Julie said, in no mood to be distracted from her questions. “How is it I never saw him?”
“Because I’m good,” Billy told her flatly. He was feeling incredibly masochistic at this point. He deserved this, all of it.
She looked up at him, a silent and painful communication passing between them. “You’re not a policeman, are you?”
“I was. I retired and started a security business. I was referred to your brother by a detective in Florida I’d worked with.”
“And I’ll get that disreputable excuse for a civil servant, as well!” Harris announced, one finger pointing up at Billy. “I’ll have my lawyers on him so fast—”
“Shut up, Harris,” Billy said, still staring at Julie. “I wanted to tell you. But I knew what would happen when I did. Not only would there be problems between you and your brother, but our time together would be over. I couldn’t face that.”
“Time together?” Harris sputtered. “Together? Good grief, what have you done, Julie? You have a personal relationship with your own kidnaper? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“I’m not telling you anything, Harris. I’m asking the questions.” Her eyes felt blistered, h
er vision blurred. “And he is your employee, not my kidnaper. So you had him watching me for the past four weeks? Billy has been living at our home?”
“No, no, the chauffeur’s apartment,” Harris assured her. “I had several cameras installed so as to protect your privacy. I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, and you always say the security people make you feel uncomfortable.” He waited, perhaps hoping for some sort of thanks. It didn’t come.
“So Billy has been watching me for all that time,” she said to no one in particular. “Cameras. My own private bodyguard, watching me through hidden cameras….”
“I wanted to tell you,” Billy said again. He felt like a broken record, soon to be thrown out in the trash. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
“Are you expensive?” she asked, her voice brittle.
Billy closed his eyes briefly. “Very. I told you, I came highly recommended.”
“And I told you, there will be legal repercussions!” Harris blustered. “Your reputation will be sorely—”
“Shut up, Harris,” Billy and Julie said in unison. Julie got to her feet, hoping she had enough strength to walk the few yards to the car. Anger was a great motivator, even when your heart had stopped beating some time ago. Harris quickly followed suit, brushing his slacks for any lingering debris.
“We’ll go now,” he announced, obviously relieved to have some distance between himself and the grass. “We need to put this entire unfortunate experience behind us as quickly as possible. I’m sure you’ll agree.”
“It doesn’t matter if I agree or not,” Julie said icily. “My feelings are of no importance to either one of you, or this wouldn’t have happened. Did you really think you were in the right, Harris? That your concern for me excused the deception?”
Harris looked surprised, then acutely uncomfortable. “Well…that really isn’t the issue here. My trust was betrayed by someone I hired to give me peace of mind. I had your best interests at heart, Julie, you know that. I always have. Now, getting back to your relationship with Lucas here, please tell me you’re not—”
“That’s none of your business, Harris.” Julie’s throat was so dry and tight, it hurt to speak. She turned her wounded gaze in Billy’s direction. “You knew Harris was coming, didn’t you? How?”
“Colin. That’s why he came back this morning. He wanted to tell me a detective your brother had hired was asking questions at my old precinct. It was common knowledge I spent a lot of time in Laguna, so it was only a matter of time until Harris showed up.”
“Another little conspiracy.” She smiled without humor, her eyes still swimming in tears. “You and Colin, you and Harris…I’m such a fool.”
“Who is Colin?” Harris asked suspiciously, obviously wondering if there was yet another man he should be suing.
“Colin is no one.” Though talking to Harris, Julie never broke eye contact with Billy. “He doesn’t matter to me any more than Billy does. I’m ready to go home, Harris. Now.”
“Your things?” Harris asked. “Don’t you need to pack anything?”
“Nothing in that house is mine. It all belongs to someone else.”
“Someone else?” Harris was starting to panic. “Someone besides Colin and Billy? What on earth has been going on here?”
“Julie, wait.” Billy watched her walk toward the limo with haunted eyes. This was every nightmare he had ever envisioned coming true. “You’re wrong if you think this was a job for me. Almost from the first moment—”
“Which first moment?” Julie whirled on him, her hands clenched into tiny fists. “The first moment you saw me through a camera or the first moment you saw me face-to-face? I’m just trying to get the story straight.”
Harris had never seen his sister so distraught. He ran an uncomfortable finger inside the collar of his white shirt. “Julie, there’s no need to upset yourself. It’s over.”
“It never started,” Julie said, all the anger and life suddenly draining out of her voice. “Do you know what really bothers me, Billy? You had so many chances to tell me the truth. You knew what was happening between us. And you let it happen.”
“Dear heaven,” Harris said faintly, his small shoulders slumping. “Let what happen? What are we talking about here? Lucas, if you have in any way harmed my sister, I will—”
“Stop threatening people, Harris.” Julie turned her accusing gaze on her brother. “This is as much your fault as it is Billy’s. You both lied to me, and you both did it for your own selfish reasons.”
“You’re wrong,” Billy told her, the crimson twilight sheening the anguish in his face like a wash of blood. “What I felt…what I feel…is real. I knew when you discovered the truth it would all be over. Someone like you doesn’t belong with someone like me. You are good and pure and unlike anyone I’ve ever known in my life. My only excuse is that I wanted every second I could have with you.”
“Because you knew it would end when I found out the truth.” She shook her head, giving a strange, humorless laugh. “You know something, Billy? I’m not leaving because we come from different worlds. What a ridiculous, soap-opera cop-out. Obviously you haven’t a clue what love is, so I’ll spell it out for you. I’m leaving because you didn’t see the possibilities we had. You saw something temporary right from the beginning. I never even knew you, did I, Billy?”
“You knew me,” Billy said quietly. “I’m just a little disappointing.”
“Damn right you are.” She turned away abruptly so he wouldn’t see the hot tears spilling over her face. “I need to get out of here. I need to leave.”
When Billy instinctively tried to stop her, Harris valiantly planted himself between them. “It’s over, Lucas. You’ve done enough damage, don’t you think?”
Billy looked Harris straight in the eyes, his anger flaring. “We both did quite a bit of damage. The difference is, you get to go home with her and try to earn her forgiveness. And if you’re half the man I think you are, you’ll back off and let her find her own life. She’s more courageous and resourceful than either one of us give her credit for.”
The intensity in Billy’s voice took Harris by surprise. This was not the brash, supremely confident young warrior he had hired to secretly guard his sister. This was someone else altogether, a stranger racked with deep pain and guilt. His sincerity was unmistakable.
“You may be right,” Harris told him, losing a bit of his bluster. “But it’s no longer your concern. I’ll send you your things. Dare I trust you not to try and contact her? To simply forget about her?”
Billy stared at him without a nuance of expression in his face. “I’ll forget about her every day for the rest of my life, Harris. Don’t worry. I know where I belong. And I know where she belongs.”
Billy watched like a statue of stone as Harris and Julie disappeared inside the limo. Billy couldn’t see through the black-tinted windows, but he knew she wasn’t looking back at him as they drove away. She had too much pride and the hurt went far too deep.
Besides, there really wasn’t much to look at.
Ten
Julie thought she was all cried out by the time they reached their home in Florida, but that lasted only until she wandered down to the chauffeur’s apartment, against Harris’s protests. She walked in the door and immediately watered up again.
It was amazing and terrible to think Billy Lucas had actually lived here for a full month before she had ever met him. The place seemed to be just as he had left it. There were clothes on the floor next to the bathroom, clothes on the bed, a watch and a pile of coins on the dresser. Discarded Popsicle wrappers were everywhere. Julie picked up a neon-orange T-shirt from the bed, holding it to her face and breathing deeply. She lost herself in the scent for the longest time, shoulders broken and shuddering under a fresh onslaught of tears.
Vision blurred, tears dripping off her chin, she looked at the mound of pillows on the bed. She could still see the imprint of his head. She took a deep, sustaining breath
and looked to the ceiling, literally wincing when she saw the cameras set up above the doorway.
“You shouldn’t be down here,” Harris said from the open doorway. “I think it would be a good idea if you slept up at the main house tonight.”
Julie barely looked at him. “I don’t feel like taking your advice right now, Harris.”
“Julie, stop making this difficult.” Harris sighed and walked into the apartment, giving the pile of dirty dishes a wide berth. “This place is a mess. I’ll send the help down first thing in the morning.”
“The help.” Julie gave a short, humorless laugh. “Have you ever wondered why it is you and I can’t get along in this life without ‘help’? We have people to guard us, people to drive us, people to cook for us and people to clean up after us. Help, help, help.”
“Of course we do.” Harris stood on one leg, wrinkling his nose as he peeled a Popsicle wrapper off the sole of his shoe. “We’re very—dear me, this doesn’t want to come off—we’re very fortunate.”
“Then if you don’t mind, I’m going to be unfortunate from now on.” She sat down on the edge of the bed, unconsciously running her hand over the rumpled sheet. “As soon as I can arrange things, I’ll be moving.”
“That’s ridiculous! Why move when we have twenty-nine bedrooms?”
She shook her head, her big, tired eyes seeming to swallow half her face. “You have twenty-nine bedrooms, Harris. You’re the king of your castle. I don’t know what I have or who I am, but I’m willing to take a chance and find out.”
When Billy Lucas was happy, he ate banana Popsicles. When he was depressed, he ate popcorn laced with enough salt to give him a heart attack. There was popcorn in every room in the condo, popcorn on the sofa, popcorn on the deck, popcorn on the living-room carpet. The place smelled like a movie theater.
He told himself over and over he deserved the overwhelming guilt and grief he experienced each time he looked at the bed or the sofa or walked along the beach. He mourned as he had never mourned before. And, as with any full-blown depression, Billy stopped answering the phone after the first couple of days, realizing Julie wasn’t going to call. He hadn’t shaved in a week. He wore nothing but a pair of snug, low-riding jeans and a scowl. When he looked in the mirror, Tarzan looked back at him. He was running out of popcorn, and since his depression wasn’t showing any sign of lifting, he knew he would have to leave his self-imposed exile and head for the market. He was trying to work up the energy to get off the sofa and go upstairs for a shirt when someone knocked at the front door.