by L A Cotton
* * *
Hello, it’s Lily. I got your number from Bryan. I hope that’s okay.
* * *
“Could do with a little work, but it’ll do.” Peyton smirked. “Go on, send it.” She rattled off his number and I added it to the message, hitting send before I could talk myself out of it.
“Oh God,” I said. “I think I’m going to puke.”
Peyton launched herself at me, hugging me tight. “I’m so proud of you, Lilster.”
“You don’t think it’s a bit risky?”
“Very. But there’s something so hot about forbidden relationships.”
“Says the girl who won’t let anyone get close.” I levelled her with a knowing look.
“I don’t need the drama.” She shrugged but averted her eyes. It was more than that. Deep down, Peyton was scared of being abandoned again.
“Whatever happens, Pey. I hope you know I’ll always be here for you.”
“I know.” She smiled even though it didn’t reach her eyes.
“I—”
My cell phone lit up making my heart somersault.
“Is it him?” Peyton tried to peek over my hand, but I snatched it away.
* * *
Kaiden: This is a surprise. I was just thinking about you.
* * *
I fought a smile, butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
* * *
Lily: You were not.
* * *
I hit send.
“Well?” Peyton prodded me.
“He said he was thinking about me.”
“Smooth. You should totally ask him out.”
“I am not asking him out. How would that even work? My dad is—”
“Is just like every other dad. What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”
My cell pinged again, and Peyton let out a little shriek of excitement.
* * *
Kaiden: Was too. I was thinking about last night. Kissing you… watching you fall apart like that. When can I see you again?
* * *
My cheeks burned and Peyton used my shock to snatch my cell phone out of my hands. “Holy mother of God, that boy is smooth.” She fanned herself before texting him back.
“Peyton!” I tried to get my cell back, but she hovered just out of reach.
“There, all set.”
“What did you reply?” I grabbed it off her and read it. “‘Tonight, but we’ll have to be discreet, and I’ll need a cover story.’ Peyton, I can’t—”
“You can.” Her brows drew together. “We can figure it out.”
Ugh. I didn’t want to lie to my parents… but I also wanted to see Kaiden again. My tummy fluttered just thinking about it.
His reply came back almost instantaneously.
* * *
Kaiden: Just name the time and place and I’ll be there.
* * *
Oh my God. It was happening. I was going on a date with Kaiden Thatcher.
I was in so much trouble.
“Hi.” I slipped into his car.
“Hi.” Kaiden smiled. “You good?”
“I’ve never snuck out before.”
I hadn’t actually snuck out. Me and Peyton had told my parents we were heading downtown with Ashleigh to catch a movie. Guilt still sat heavy in my chest, but I nodded at him. “I’m fine.”
“If you don’t want to—”
“No, I do.” It was my turn to smile. “I hope you didn’t mind Peyton asking Bryan for your number.”
“Mind? Lily, I spent all morning trying to figure out a way to see you again.”
“You did?” Warmth spread through me at his honesty.
“Yeah,” he glanced at me with hooded eyes, “I did.”
“So, what are we doing?” I asked to break the heavy atmosphere in his car.
“Well, I… uh, I thought we could go across the river. It’ll eat up the time we have together though, so if you know anywhere closer that we can hang out, I brought a few supplies.”
Kaiden flicked his eyes to the back seat of the car and sure enough there was a bag of snacks and a six pack of soda. “Sorry it’s not something more—”
“It’s perfect.” I smiled again. “And I know just the place.”
I directed Kaiden down to the lake. It was a popular hangout in the summer, but since the weather had started to turn cooler it was a quiet place to visit.
“If you turn down there,” I pointed to a small dirt track splitting off the main road, “we should have some privacy.”
His car rattled and jerked beneath us, but eventually it rolled to a stop in a small clearing before the shimmering blue lake.
“Nice,” he said, cutting the engine.
“Yeah, my dad used to bring my mom down here when they were… aaand I’ll stop talking.” I flushed, dropping my gaze.
Kaiden leaned over and slid his fingers under my chin, tilting my face to his. “It’s okay. I know what’s at stake here.”
I nodded, too overwhelmed to reply.
“Do you want to sit down by the water?” he asked.
“Okay.”
We climbed out and Kaiden grabbed the supplies and a blanket he found in his trunk.
“Do you keep that in there for all the impromptu picnics you go on?” My lips quirked.
“I can see how it looks, but I swear, it’s not—”
“Kaiden, I’m joking.”
His eyes crinkled as he laid out the blanket and we both sat down. “Are you warm enough?” he asked.
“I’m good.” Except my heart was beating so hard I thought it might explode right out of my chest. “Is it sore?” I motioned to the bruise on his face.
“Nah, I’ve had worse.”
“For what it’s worth, Jenson is an ass.” Laughter rumbled in Kaiden’s chest and I frowned. “What?”
“Did you just call the captain of the beloved Rixon Raiders an ass?” Amusement danced in his eyes.
“Yeah, so? He is.”
“Lily Ford, not such an innocent wallflower after all.”
“You think I’m a wallflower?” The words twisted my insides.
Kaiden shifted closer, his hand pressed on the blanket right beside mine. He leaned in until I could feel his breath on my face, sending me into a tailspin of sensation.
My breath caught, and he smiled. “The most beautiful wallflower I’ve ever seen.”
“Kaiden, I—”
“I’m going to kiss you now.” His other hand slid to the side of my neck, his thumb brushing my jaw as he fixed his mouth over mine. I shuffled closer, fisting his hoodie, kissing him back with everything I had. Our tongues tangled together in a way that had my toes curling and my stomach clenching.
Kissing Kaiden was like coming home. I couldn’t explain it, but he made me feel so cherished, so beautiful, and special.
I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I’d ever felt that before.
“Fuck, you taste good.” He pulled back slightly, smiling against my lips. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I brushed my nose along his cheek, stealing another kiss.
“I’m glad you texted me, Lily.”
“Me too. Although you have Peyton to thank.”
“How is she?” The spell between us broke as we slowly pulled away.
“She’s okay. Thanks for asking.” I pushed the loose hairs out of my face and ran a hand over my braid.
Kaiden noticed, frowning. “You always do that.”
“I—” The words got stuck.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain it to me.”
“I want to,” I said. “But it isn’t something I really talk about.”
People didn’t understand it. I mean, my family got it, they had to. They were my family. But I’d learned that when kids didn’t understand something, they treated it with derision.
“Hey, no pressure.” He held up his hands. “Can I interest you in some snacks? I have chips, popcorn, candy.”
“Wow, you covere
d all the bases, huh?” I chuckled.
“Well, I didn’t know what you liked, so I just grabbed everything.”
“That’s really sweet, Kaiden.”
His eyes widened, the most adorable blush spreading along his cheeks. “I don’t think I’ve ever been called sweet before.”
“First time for everything.”
Kaiden opened a bag of chips and passed me a can of soda. I cracked it open and kicked my legs out in front of me. Peyton had insisted I wear a skirt and from the way Kaiden was staring at my bare legs, I knew it had been the right choice.
He looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl he’d ever laid eyes on.
It was a feeling I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to.
“How are you finding Rixon High so far?” I asked him.
“It’s different… and definitely not how I’d choose to spend my senior year. But it’s not all bad.” His eyes flicked to mine, heavy with lust.
“You said before you want to go to Alabama for college?”
“Yeah, I’m hoping to get an athletic scholarship, but it's super competitive and I, uh,” his gaze darted to the ground, “I had a little blip last season.”
“A blip?”
“A fight.” He fixed his eyes on me again. “I’m surprised you haven’t heard about it.”
“I’ve heard the rumors. But I prefer not to listen to rumors.” So Kaiden had a temper. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Besides, I’d seen him keep his cool more than once in a heated situation.
“Alabama is a long way from Rixon.”
“Yeah, the further the better,” he mumbled.
“Because of your dad?” The words just spilled out and I clapped a hand over my mouth. “I am so sorry.”
“Relax, it’s okay. My dad is… well, he’s an asshole. I’ve known for a long time that I want to get out of Rixon.”
“What about your mom?”
“I love my mom. She’s my mom, ya know? But sometimes I wish she’d grow a backbone and leave his sorry ass.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It is what it is. Anyway, what about you, Lily Ford.” My name rolled off his tongue with a heated smirk. “What do you want to do after graduation?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. Everyone has all these plans and I’m just coasting, I guess. My parents want me to go to college, obviously. And I want to go, I do. But I’m not sure I’m ready—”
“Ready?” Confusion clouded his eyes.
Crap. I’d revealed too much.
But Kaiden made it so easy. I wanted to tell him things, to open up and share my story. And that terrified me.
Because what if he didn’t like what he found?
“Lily?” he said, and I lifted my gaze to his.
“It’s a long story.”
“I have time.”
Securing my can of soda, I lay down and stared up at the sky. The sun was already sinking behind the fluffy clouds, the first signs of dusk on the horizon. “It started in middle school,” I whispered, fighting a smile when Kaiden lay down beside me.
“I was always a shy kid. I didn’t really make a ton of friends in elementary school. Everyone knew I was Jason Ford’s daughter, and he was an icon. NFL royalty.” I let out a soft sigh. “By the time I started middle school, I realized kids were more interested in my dad than they were me. But my parents kept encouraging me to try to make friends and give people a chance. Anyway, the summer before eighth grade, me and Ashleigh were invited to Chelsea Farnham’s birthday sleepover. She was the most popular girl in school, so being invited was kind of a big deal. I didn’t want to go but Mom said it would be good for me. At the last minute, Ashleigh got sick and couldn’t go. The girls seemed genuinely pleased I was there, and Mom was so excited for me… I didn’t want to disappoint her, so I stayed.
“It wasn’t so bad at first. I knew a couple of the girls. Lindsey was there. She kind of took me under her wing. Chelsea’s mom was nice. She made us pizza and set up a bouncy house in the garden. They included me in all the activities and I even won on the piñata. But when we all went up to Chelsea’s room to settle down for the night, everything changed.”
I could still remember it now. The second the bedroom door closed, and her mom disappeared, their sweet smiles and words of reassurance melted away as they circled me like a shoal of hungry piranhas.
“They started poking fun at me, calling me names, and teasing me about my dad. They said that I thought I was better than them because my dad was Jason Ford. I cried and said I wanted to go home but it only made them worse. Then Chelsea pulled out some scissors and said that we were going to give each other haircuts.”
“What the fuck?” Kaiden hissed.
Tears welled in my eyes as the memories of them holding me down while Chelsea hacked my hair off slammed into me. “I was so upset but they kept laughing and pointing. I crawled into the corner of her room and sat there all night, too terrified to move while they acted as if I wasn’t there.”
Warm fingers brushed mine as Kaiden slid his hand through mine. “What happened?”
“The next morning, they said if I told anyone about what happened, they would tell everyone at school that I peed the bed. But the second Chelsea’s mom saw me, she knew. She called my mom to come get me.”
It had been the worst day of my life, walking out of the Farnham’s house trembling with my lopsided ugly hair and tears streaming down my cheeks.
“I hope your parents made her pay.” The protective edge to Kaiden’s voice softened something inside me.
“I don’t know what my dad threatened them with, but eighth grade rolled around, and Chelsea and her family were gone. It didn’t stop the other girls though. After that, I became the snitch.” The snitch with bad hair.
I’d had to have it cut short to even it out and as it started to grow back, I became obsessed with it. Touching it, feeling the strands between my fingers. It became my security blanket, my armor. I felt safe touching it, pulling, and chewing it.
Kaiden’s eyes drilled into the side of my face. I peeked over at him, suspended in his gray orbs. “So the hair touching… it’s like residual trauma?”
I inhaled a sharp breath and nodded. “Something like that.”
Chapter Eighteen
Kaiden
“It’s called trichotillomania, also known as hair pulling disorder,” Lily said, studying my face, no doubt for my reaction.
My only reaction was wanting to hunt those girls down and teach them a lesson for ever hurting her.
“Trichot—” I stumbled over the word.
“You can call it trich for short,” she added with a weak smile. “It’s a repetitive behavior that involves the irresistible urge to pull one’s hair out.”
“Wow, okay. That sounds…”
“Completely freakish?” Shame glittered in her eyes.
“I was going to say complicated.”
“My formal diagnosis is trichotillomania and generalized anxiety disorder.”
“Triggered by that night?”
Lily bit her lip. “I’d always been a shy kid, but it was like that night broke something inside me.”
“Fuck.” The word left my lips on a single breath. “Are you like okay now? Is it well controlled? Shit, I don’t mean… that came out wrong.”
I suddenly felt way out of my depth. I’d known Lily had stuff going on, but I figured she was unusually shy. I didn’t think… I needed to get a grip.
This didn’t change anything.
If anything, it only made me more determined to get to know her.
“I’ve been doing better. I had therapy until junior year, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten better at noticing my triggers and using my coping strategies.”
“But you still like the sensation of it?” I motioned to her hand wrapped around her braid.
“Uh… yeah. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it. Usually when I’m super nervous or anxious about something.”
I rolled onto my side and gazed down at her. “Do I make you nervous, Lily?”
“So nervous.” The corner of her mouth tipped as her breath hitched.
I leaned down and grazed my mouth against hers, slow and sure. “Is this okay?”
“Mm-hmm.” Lily wound her hands around the back of my neck and tugged me down over her.
Kissing Lily was one of my new favorite things, only made better by the knowledge that I was the only guy she’d ever done this with.
Our tongues slid together with eager familiarity, coaxing little whimpers from her throat. Fuck. I was so gone for this girl. She was perfect for me… except for one huge thing.
She was Coach’s daughter.
But what was it they said about forbidden fruit?
It tasted so much sweeter.
Whoever they were, they weren’t fucking wrong. Because this girl tasted like my own personal brand of heaven.
I deepened the kiss, licking her mouth until we were breathing for each other. Hard, desperate breaths that had a direct line to my dick.
Lily played with the hair at the nape of my neck, running her fingers through it and eliciting a groan from deep inside me. “That feels so good,” I murmured against her lips.
She smiled. “Yeah?” She dragged her nails back and forth.
“Keep doing that and we’ll be doing a hell of a lot more than just kissing out here.”
Her eyes lit up with surprise but quickly turned into two pools of molten lust. “Maybe I want to do more than just kiss.” The faintest smirk traced her lips.
“We have time,” I said, pecking the end of her nose before reluctantly pulling away to sit up.
Lily frowned. “Don’t you want to?”
“Oh, I want to. But I don’t want us to do something you’ll regret… something that will confuse things between us.”
“Because of my dad—”
“That… and other things.”
“What are we doing, Kaiden?” Her eyes shone with raw honesty, making my heart drum in my chest.