by L A Cotton
“Honestly, I don’t know.” I let out an exasperated breath.
“Do you want to stop?” Lily peeked over at me, the dejection in her eyes making my chest constrict.
I didn’t want to hurt her.
I didn’t ever want to be the reason she felt bad about herself. Not after what she’d been through.
“What is it?”
“I don’t want you to get hurt because of me, Lily.”
“Isn’t that for me to decide?” She shuffled closer, leaning her head on my shoulder as we stared out at the lake.
“Come here.” I pulled her onto my lap, and she settled between my legs. Wrapping my arm around her waist, Lily leaned back against my chest and I dropped my chin to her shoulder.
“You want this?” I whispered against the shell of her ear. “You want me?”
Tilting her head, she gazed up at me. “I do. I’ve never felt this way before, Kaiden.” She pressed a kiss to the underside of my jaw, and I loved that she felt confident enough around me to take what she wanted.
“Neither have I.” I swallowed over the lump in my throat. My desire to protect this girl, to make her happy and see her smile, was so strong I felt a little off-kilter.
Football had always been the most important thing in my life… it still was. But Lily had somehow burrowed her way under my skin, only burrowing deeper and deeper the more time we spent together.
Comfortable silence settled over us. Lily ran her fingers up and down my arm, sending shivers running through my body. I wanted to kiss her again, to touch her, and make her fall apart. But I didn’t want to rush. Not when I could already sense her falling for me.
Fuck. I was in way over my head.
As if the universe heard my torment, big fat droplets of rain started falling, offering me a reprieve.
“Oh my God,” Lily shrieked, jumping up as the rain sheeted down on us. “Quick, we should make a run for your car.”
I clambered to my feet and helped her grab all the snacks and the blanket, and we hurried to my car, throwing them in the back seat.
But the second I climbed into the car and saw Lily’s heated gaze, I realized the rain wasn’t a gift.
It was a curse.
My t-shirt clung to my body, wet and sticky. “Fuck,” I breathed, watching as Lily shucked off her soaked jacket, revealing a tank top than hugged her curves like a second skin.
“That came out of nowhere.” She laughed and it was music to my fucking ears, but she wasn’t looking at my face… her eyes were drinking in my see-through t-shirt.
I hooked my fingers into the hem and pulled it off my head, reveling in the way her breath hitched.
This was a bad idea… the worst.
But she was looking at me like she was starved, and I was the only thing on the menu.
“Are you cold?” I asked her.
“A little.”
“Come here.” Crooking my finger, Lily crawled across the center console and climbed on my lap. My hands went around her waist, steadying her as she straddled me.
Hesitantly, she pressed her palms against my chest, inhaling a shuddering breath. “Your skin is surprisingly warm.”
“Yeah, well, you do things to me, Lily.”
Color bloomed up her neck and into her cheeks. I couldn’t resist leaning in and trailing my tongue along her skin, sucking the sensitive spot right beneath her ear. Lily moaned, soft and needy. The sound wrapped around me, severing my last thread of restraint. This—her and me—was happening, consequences be damned.
Her hands slid up and down my chest, her touch like fire, burning me from the inside out. I curved a hand around the back of her neck, guiding her face down to mine. Our lips touched and Lily melted into me.
Kissing Lily was like nothing I’d ever experienced. I wanted to map all her curves, trace the lines of her body with my tongue. I wanted to see how many ways I could make her moan and cry my name. I wanted to feel her wrapped around me, her naked body pressed up against mine.
I wanted it all.
And that was a huge fucking problem. Because I didn’t want one night with Lily Ford. I didn’t even want two or three or four.
I wanted them all.
She started grinding on me, rolling her hips the way she had done at the party. I broke the kiss to watch her, eyes hooded and lips parted as she rode my jean-clad dick.
“Do you trust me?” I said, my voice cracked with lust.
“Yes.” She nodded.
I slipped my hand under her skirt, brushing the soft skin of her thighs. She shivered, suppressing a moan as I ghosted my fingers over her panties.
“Okay?” I pinned her with a hungry look, and she nodded again. Slowly, I dipped my fingers into the damp material and stroked her there.
“Oh God,” she breathed, arching into my hand. I pressed my thumb down on her clit, rolling it in small circles until she began panting.
“More?”
“Y-yes.”
I gently worked a finger inside her, stretching her. “Fuck, you’re tight.” She would feel like heaven sliding up and down my dick.
“Kaiden…” She gripped my shoulders as I curled my finger and rubbed.
“Ssh,” I leaned in, whispering the words against the corner of her mouth. “I got you.”
Lily rocked against my hand, seeking more friction. I pressed another finger inside her and she moaned again. “Imagine it’s me, Lily,” I breathed the words, wanting nothing more than to sink inside her. “Imagine it’s me inside you.”
“God, Kaiden, it’s… oh God.”
I kissed her hard, swallowing her needy moans of pleasure as the wave began to build inside her. Lily found it hard to stay in the kiss, her breaths coming in short, sharp bursts. She looked so beautiful, unravelling around me.
“I think I’m going to…” Her breath caught as she began to tremble.
“Let go, Lily.” I kissed her again. Anchoring us together as she came.
She pressed her lips together, smiling at me with hooded eyes.
“You are so fucking beautiful.” I ran my hand along her jaw, tipping her face to mine.
“That was… wow.”
Laughter rumbled in my chest. She was so fucking cute.
“What?” Lily peered up at me through dark lashes.
“This… you… I didn’t expect it.”
“Oh.” She lowered her eyes, but I gripped her jaw, pinning her with an intent look.
“It’s not a bad thing, Lily. Just… unexpected.” I smiled.
“You didn’t…” Lust swirled in her gaze. “I could…” Her hand ran over my jeans, palming my raging hard on.
“Fuck, Lily.” I spluttered, surprised by her boldness. Gently, I grasped her wrist and pulled her hand away. “We have time.”
I was stalling.
She knew that. I knew that.
But I didn’t want to rush headfirst into something we couldn’t come back from. Sex changed things.
And sex with Lily… well, something told me it would change everything.
I gave Lily a ride back into town. Ashleigh and Peyton were standing around the side of the movie theater, grinning as we pulled up beside them in the quiet street.
“I guess this is good night then.” Lily glanced over at me and I swallowed hard.
“Yeah.”
“Okay then.” She went to climb out.
“Wait.” I snagged her hand and pulled her toward me. “I need a good night kiss.”
She giggled, winding her arms around my neck and kissing me without restraint. Our lips already knew how to sync together, the slide of our tongues familiar and easy.
“Kissing you is fast becoming my new favorite thing, Kaiden.” She breathed the words with conviction.
“The feeling is entirely mutual. You should go, your friends are waiting for you.” Stealing another chaste kiss, I pulled away, putting some distance between us.
“Okay. Thank you for tonight. I had a nice time.” Her eyes flicked to her l
ap and back again. “About what I told you…”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
“Thank you. Good night, Kaiden.”
“Night, Lily.”
I watched as she climbed out and Peyton and Ashleigh jumped on her, hugging each other. Any other time, I might have laughed it off as girls being girls, but they probably knew all about what Lily had been through, and what a big deal tonight was for her.
Fuck.
I was in over my head. But it was more than that. I was falling for her. Lily Ford. The one girl at Rixon High that I had no right wanting, let alone touching.
She managed to untangle herself from her friends to give me a small wave. I waved back before gunning the engine and taking off down the street.
Twenty minutes later, I pulled into my driveway and cut the engine. Running a hand down my face, I let out a deep sigh as I shouldered the door and climbed out. I didn’t want to come home. The atmosphere had been almost unbearable ever since the semester started. Every day, my dad’s mood turned darker, his drunken or hungover ramblings about Coach Ford and the Raiders growing increasingly bitter and twisted.
I needed to get out of here. I needed to commit to a football program and know that I had a future away from this place… away from him.
Lily’s face flashed in my mind. I’d seen how uptight she’d gotten when we’d talked about our plans for the future. She would probably stay local for college, stay close to her family. I wanted to get as far away from Rixon as possible.
Letting myself into the house, I threw my keys on the sideboard and went into the kitchen.
“Kaiden, Son,” my dad’s voice pierced the air, “is that you?”
“Yeah, I’m just getting something to eat. Where’s Mom?”
“She already went up to bed. She wasn’t feeling so good.”
I froze. Had they had another fight? He didn’t sound drunk, but then he didn’t have to. That was the thing about Lewis Thatcher. His words could hurt just as much when he was sober as they did when he was drunk.
Sometimes worse.
“Grab me a beer from the refrigerator, Son, would you?”
And there it was.
He wasn’t interested in my day or how I was… he only cared about his next fix.
“Actually, Dad, I’m going to call it a night,” I called back. “Maybe you should do the same,” I grumbled beneath my breath.
“Kaiden, I asked you to bring me a beer.” Anger laced his words.
I grabbed an apple and a can of soda, and headed upstairs, ignoring him.
“Kaiden,” he yelled just as I slammed my door shut.
He wanted to drink his life away, fine, but I wasn’t going to feed his habit.
Kicking off my sneakers, I flipped down on my bed and shuffled back against the headboard. Everything was turning to shit. The team. My dad. Not knowing if I had a scholarship for college or not, yet.
Football had been my lifeline, my saving grace. Rixon East Eagles weren’t the best team. They weren’t a team that broke records or caused waves. But they were my team. And I hadn’t realized how much I would miss that until it was taken from me.
Now I had a team who didn’t want me there and a Coach who didn’t want to give me a chance.
But there was also a girl… a girl who saw past the football jersey and talent. A girl who wanted to know me, to comfort me, and understand me. And I couldn’t shout it from the rooftops. I couldn’t go into school Monday and push her up against the lockers and kiss the shit out of her.
Not unless I wanted to jeopardize everything I’d worked for.
Chapter Nineteen
Lily
“Morning, Dad.”
“Hey, baby. How was the movie?”
“Uh, good. It was good.” The lie felt sticky on my tongue.
“That’s great.” He seemed distracted, not looking up from his cell phone.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, Xander is stopping by for breakfast.”
“Xander?” I frowned.
“Yeah, he and Uncle Cameron had another argument.”
“That sucks.”
“Yeah, I invited him over to get his side of the story before I talk to Cam.”
“You’re a good friend, Dad.” I went over and hugged him, guilt coiling around my heart.
I hated lying to him about Kaiden, but he wouldn’t understand, and he certainly wouldn’t accept it. Besides, I didn’t want to make something so intimate, public knowledge, not yet. It was too new, too fragile. I liked Kaiden, I liked him a lot. He made me feel brave and special, and even beautiful. He made me want to step out of my safe little bubble and take risks, because something told me, he would always catch me if I tripped.
A warm rush of happiness went through me, but it was quickly chased away by my current reality.
“How’s Peyton?” Dad asked.
“She’s okay, worried about what happens when her mom gets out of rehab.”
“Yeah… she’s not the only one.” His eyes crinkled. “But whatever happens, I want you to know our door will always be open to her.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I hugged him again, wondering when life became so complicated.
“Have you given college any more thought? I know your mom talked to you about it.”
“I’m still considering my options,” I said, putting some distance between us.
“You know, I think she’s right. I think it could be a good thing for you, Lily.”
“I’m thinking about it,” I repeated, a thousand spiders crawling under my skin.
“Okay, there’s still plenty of time.”
There was.
And it wasn’t a decision I could just make, like Ashleigh who had her heart set on UPenn, or Peyton who knew she wanted to take a year out and travel. Even my sister knew what she wanted to do with her life.
But all I’d ever wanted was to feel normal.
Everything else had kind of taken a back seat.
Peyton entered the kitchen, dragging her body over to one of the stools. “Morning,” she said around a big yawn.
“Coffee?” Dad asked.
“Yes, please.”
“Didn’t you sleep?” I asked her.
“On and off. Got a lot going round in my head.” She gave me a weak smile, and I reached over, squeezing her hand.
“You know we still haven’t talked about the party Friday.” My dad gave her a pointed look.
“Crap,” she groaned, “I was hoping we could skip over that.”
“You might think I’m an ancient dinosaur, but I remember being a senior and I know the signs of a hangover when I see one.”
Peyton had avoided my parents most of the day yesterday, but obviously my dad had a stronger Spidey sense than she gave him credit for.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Can we just file it away under ‘I promise not to do it again anytime soon?’”
He leaned back against the counter, running a hand over his jaw. “I’ve given you certain privileges because I know things are tough, but I can’t have you coming home drunk, Peyton.”
“It won’t happen again. I swear, Mr. Ford. I was just—”
The doorbell rang and Peyton murmured, “Saved by the bell.”
Dad chuckled, disappearing down the hall. When he reappeared, Xander was trailing behind him. “Hey.” He tipped his chin in an awkward nod.
Peyton sat straighter, smiling. “Hey, Xander.”
His brows drew tight as he mumbled a reply, moving past us to the back door. “I’ll be out back,” he said.
Dad got to making him a coffee. “I’m going to go talk to him. Can you girls fend for yourselves?”
“Sure thing, Dad,” I said.
Poppy was over at the Bennet’s and Mom had an early shift at the rescue center. So I got up and started making breakfast. “Eggs or pancakes?” I asked Peyton.
“Pancakes. Lots and lots of pancakes,” she answered, but she wasn’t
looking at me, she was staring out of the window.
“Pey? Earth to Peyton.”
“What, sorry?”
“You might want to put your tongue back in.” I snickered.
“Who, Xander? Gross.” She grimaced. “He’s like thirty or something.”
“Twenty-eight.” Uncle Cameron and Aunt Hailee had thrown a barbecue for his last birthday but Xander had never shown.
“Still, gross.” She glanced back at the window. “But he is kinda fine. He has that untouchable bad boy vibe working for him.”
“Hmm, does he?” I added the pancake batter to the pan.
“You wouldn’t notice. You’re too busy making googly eyes at you know who.”
“Peyton!” I flicked my head to the door.
“Relax, they can’t hear anything.”
“Still…”
“You know, if you really like him, you’re going to have to tell them eventually.”
I ignored her, giving my attention to the pancakes forming in the pan.
Peyton was right of course. I would have to tell my parents eventually. But I wanted to keep this thing with Kaiden a secret for as long as possible.
For more reasons than one.
Kaiden: I can’t wait to see you in class.
* * *
I texted Kaiden back as Ashleigh found a parking spot and cut the engine.
“You know, you’re going to have to try to be a little more discreet than this.” Her brow arched. “You haven’t stopped smiling since you got in the car.”
“I think it’s cute,” Peyton said from the back seat. “Oh look, there’s Sean with Layla Hannigan.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“I’m not… I just, ugh, Layla?”
“You know, if you liked him then maybe you sho—”
“It doesn’t matter.” She shrugged dismissively but I saw the hint of sadness there.
Peyton played the tough girl who didn’t get close, but deep down, I suspected she wanted someone to fight for her.
To choose her.
“Bitch alert.” Ashleigh coughed, motioning to where Lindsey was heading straight for… Kaiden.
My heart leaped into my throat.
“Relax, Lil.” Peyton poked her head through the seats. “He wants you, babe. Not Lindsey.”