“Protect whom? Yer precious Hanoverians?” she spat.
“Listen, I don’t know where this came from, Miss MacGowan. I meant no harm. I just wished to continue keeping you safe,” he said, still on the defensive.
Adeline stared at him for a moment, overwhelmed by her desire for him. She fought it and focused on the one fact she had known from the beginning.
Richard Holloway is a Hanoverian soldier. As such, he was the enemy. He was no friend of hers. He had protected her that evening and it was kind of him, but it didn’t change a thing about all that he had done before and those he counted among his friends.
“If ye wish to keep me safe, perhaps ye should be fighting against those who take the lives of me people. Who could easily have taken me own tonight. Like it or not, they are among yer number and this wasnae the first time they have done such a thing in our land. Dinnae keep me safe by rescuing me once, keep me people safe by standing against them,” she said passionately.
“Miss MacGowan,” Richard began, his voice now growing firm and angered in his own right. “You know nothing of this battle or where I stand in it. You see the victims of your own people, but you know nothing about us soldiers who are ordered to fight them.
“I protected you tonight. I had no choice. I could not leave you there. You were on the ground and it was only a matter of time before they would have seen you. I did all I could. And I told you, my family is friendly to your nation. But I had no choice but to fight on behalf of the Hanoverians. You know nothing of what my life as a soldier has been like,” he spat back.
“Ye mean it’s really unpleasant killing innocent folk all the time?” she accused once again.
“Based on this conversation, I would say it’s more unpleasant saving them,” he replied with venom.
Adeline shifted back a small bit. Was he saying he regretted saving her? Or just that this attack of hers was hurtful?
Adeline knew she was being senseless, but she had to do it to protect herself from her feelings. Richard had been too kind to her all night and she sensed that there was something in his demeanor that displayed his desire for her. She knew that he wanted to be with her. No one had ever shown this kind of affection.
On the other hand, it was impossible and she didn’t like that she felt so strongly for him in return. So if a nonsense fight would close off all doors, she would engage. Besides, despite her digging for an excuse to argue, her words rang true.
Richard had saved her, but how many of her people had he killed while fighting on the battlefield? How many Jacobite soldiers--her cousins and the brothers and fathers of her friends--how many of them had died at the hands of Hanoverians? Had any of them died at Richard’s hands?
“So that’s how ye feel about it after all?” she asked.
Richard sighed. “No. Not even a little. But I didn’t expect you to attack me when all I have done this evening is try to make sure that you are safe,” he said.
“Ye have. I ken that. And despite everything I’ve just said, I am thankful. But I still meant the other things. Ye cannae go around saving me and fighting for them. Ye cannae do that with any Scottish lass. If ye fight for them, ye kill our brothers. And that kills us worse than any bullet,” she said softly.
The argument and accusations were dying down, but a hard tension remained between the two of them. Richard allowed his eyes to rest on Adeline and she felt them before she saw them. He was drawing closer to her. She could feel him and when she looked up, he was there.
A breath away, his body stood before her. Adeline studied those green eyes of his as if it were the only fact in the world she needed to know. She looked deeply into them and, when she saw them looking back at her, saw the same hunger she felt reflected in them.
Adeline’s lips parted slightly and she tilted her chin further up just as Richard’s tilted down. He was not touching her, but the air between them was so thin that she felt him anyway.
They stayed that way for a moment, lips ready, hands eager, and bodies warm.
The fire gave a loud crack and both Adeline and Richard jumped back, leaving a gap between them. It had only been a few of the sticks reshuffling as the ones beneath disintegrated, but it was enough to startle them both and put a distance between them.
Embarrassed, they both looked away from one another.
“Forgive me, ye should get some rest,” Richard said.
Adeline nodded silently. “I suppose I am the one who ought to ask for forgiveness,” she said. “I was terribly rude. Ye did save me this evening and ye didnae have to. It was gracious of ye. Kind, as I’ve been saying of ye. I’m thankful, even if I didnae seem it,” she said.
“I understand. You have every right to hate our men. But what I said was also true. You don’t know what it is like for us when we are made to fight. Do not assume that every man who bears the Hanoverian banner believes the cause is just. Some of us simply had no other choice,” he replied.
Adeline wondered what could leave him with no choice other than to fight as a soldier for those men, but she trusted that he was telling the truth. His eyes looked sad and forlorn, as if he was lost.
She felt the tension still between them. The anger and the defensiveness as well as the desire for one another remained palpable.
“In the morning, do ye mind having more tatties for breakfast? I will see if there is a garden or anything outside when it is light out, but just in case, do ye mind?” Adeline asked, trying to shift the subject to something less intense.
“Your tatties are the best tatties I have ever eaten,” Richard replied. “I would be honored to eat anything made by your lovely hands.”
The compliment was a return to his kind, charming demeanor and Adeline felt even guiltier for having been so rude to him before. She should have given him more grace.
She would have to find another way to cast aside her affections. Being cruel was not the way. He could not help it, it seemed.
“If that is the case, then I will cook them for ye always,” she said with a grin.
Richard’s face lit up before her eyes. “I can think of nothing greater to look forward to in all my life,” he said.
Once again, there was honesty to his words, as if he truly had considered the thought of her cooking for him, of her being with him consistently. As if they were to be together.
It was an amazing thought for Adeline as well.
Richard came close to her again and Adeline wondered if he might kiss her this time. She hoped so, but at the same time feared it.
He simply took her hand and lifted the back of it to his lips, softly pressing them to her skin. His kiss was brief, yet it held a power she had never imagined. Adeline would treasure her hand in a whole new way. Now that it had been kissed by Richard Holloway, it was something precious.
“I wish you an exquisite night’s rest,” he said in a low voice.
Adeline’s stomach did flips. His eyes were tearing into her. “A-and ye as well,” she replied when she managed to catch her breath.
With that, Richard turned and made his way to the sofa, where he laid down, and Adeline forced herself to the room and closed the door with only the lantern to give her light. It took all the willpower she had within her to refrain from going to be with him on the sofa. To feel his skin. To kiss his lips. To look in his eyes.
The temptation was overwhelming and Adeline was frustrated by it. What nonsense! She was a shy, gentle woman. She was not the sort to desire a man in such an impure way. She was well-raised, with morals and independence.
Nevertheless, her thoughts continued to drift to the outer room even as she laid her head on the musty pillow and closed her eyes.
Before long, she heard a soft snoring coming from beyond the door. She had to know. Just once. Just briefly.
Adeline had to see Richard as he slept.
She quietly crept out of the room and around the sofa where he rested.
His eyes were closed and the faint lines of stress on his fore
head had eased into peace. His body was limp with exhaustion and she saw that he was glad even in his sleep to know that it had come.
Yes, this was what she had wanted to see. She had hoped to see that he was every bit as beautiful when he thought no one was looking. It was true.
With that, Adeline pried herself from the outer room and back into the bedroom. She laid her head once again on the musty pillow and closed her eyes.
It was not long before she felt sleep slowly overtaking her, but even in that, she thought only of Richard and the way he had come so near to kissing her. She drifted into sleep with thoughts of his lips, his hands, and his words surrounding her.
Suddenly, Adeline jolted up in a panic, remembering all that had come before that evening.
It seemed impossible that the joys of the night could ever outweigh the suffering.
Travels And Pitfalls Therein
“Adeline?” Richard croaked, slowly sitting up from the bed and rubbing his eyes. A loud bang had come from the kitchen and he was startled awake.
“Sorry! I dropped a pot. Go back to sleep. I’ll have breakfast ready soon and I can wake ye then,” she called.
Richard knew he could not fall back to sleep. The events of the previous night flooded back to him. Images of people being killed, a quick escape, nearly kissing Adeline…
“No, don’t worry, I’m awake. Can I help you with anything?” he asked from his position on the sofa. He was too comfortable and hoped she would refuse, but knew that it was only polite for him to at least offer any assistance she might require.
“Dinnae be foolish, I’ve got it all well in hand. A dropped pot doesnae mean anything at all. I just need to finish. And whoever lived here before did us a great service by leaving plenty of tea. So I’ll get that for ye. Only, there’s no milk or sugar anywhere. Can ye handle the strong stuff?” she asked.
Richard laughed. “You know I’m a soldier, right? We are lucky to have tea at all, although it is considered more important than a meal most of the time. Milk and sugar are luxuries I don’t generally count on.”
He listened as she continued to move about the kitchen, preparing their breakfast. Despite his comfort and not wanting to disturb Adeline, Richard could not help himself.
He stood to his full height and made his way to the entryway of the kitchen. For a few moments, he simply watched her without her knowledge. Adeline bustled about to and fro, apparently having found more options for them with the daylight to help her.
There must have been a garden after all. Adeline was adding greens to a pan and other ingredients that Richard knew could not have kept unless they were planted.
It was Adeline that captured his attention most. The way her slight form moved with such grace and agility was glorious for him to gaze upon so early in the day. She was a beauty to behold.
Then she turned and saw him standing there, staring at her, and everything about her free demeanor changed.
“Oh, ye frightened me…” she said, placing a hand on her chest.
“Sorry, please forgive me. I just-I wanted to see if you…needed anything,” he stuttered.
“I already told ye that I had it well in hand,” Adeline replied awkwardly.
“Yes, yes you did. I’m sorry,” Richard said again.
The tension had returned, maybe even sharper than before. He agonized over it, realizing that it was causing a separation between them when all he really wanted was to be close to her.
“May I at least take the dishes to the table?” he requested gentlemanly.
Adeline nodded. “Aye, go for it.”
With those words, Richard slowly entered the kitchen and took the plates. Adeline had turned her attention back to the food and was clearly trying to ignore him. He didn’t know why she was acting that way, but it bothered him greatly.
Was she just still being shy? Or had their argument the previous night been far deeper than he realized? Or was she the type of woman who didn’t like receiving help and assistance when she thought she could do everything on her own?
Any one of these explanations might have sufficed, but Richard was unsatisfied. He wanted her close and this was not the way it was going to happen.
“Alright, it’s ready,” Adeline said, bringing out a pot and a pan. It smelled fantastic and Richard dealt portions to each of their plates.
Adeline sat down across from him at the table and they began to eat in relative silence. Aside from the occasional glance, they largely ignored one another.
Finally, Richard could not take it. “So, are you looking forward to getting home?” he asked.
“I am looking forward to learning how my friends fared,” Adeline replied sadly. “And making sure they are all alright. But I cannae say that I am overly thrilled to be back at Dunmore. Despite everything that happened, I had been looking forward to a few days away from that routine,” Adeline replied honestly.
Richard saw the guilt in her eyes. She was ashamed of wishing she could still be at the manor, celebrating and dancing. She was ashamed because she knew how fortunate she was when so many had died.
“I understand that. I love to get away for a time. I suppose that is why, despite having just returned, I went out for a ride yesterday. I need the time away from the routine I typically face,” Richard said.
Adeline smiled at him and nodded in understanding. Richard and she were so different, and yet somehow they seemed to understand one another quite well.
They cleared their plates and Adeline returned them to the kitchen.
“Have ye eaten enough?” she asked.
“Yes, indeed, thank you. It was delicious and you truly are a wonderful chef. I should like very much to have you cook for me again,” he said, teasing as he had before, in hopes that it might brighten the air between them.
Unfortunately it seemed to do little for Adeline’s mood.
Richard didn’t know exactly what was going on in her mind, but Adeline seemed distracted and disappointed, as if he had failed her in some great way. Had she expected him, after their argument the previous evening, to abandon his position as a Hanoverian soldier immediately? Did he even have such an option as that? Was it remotely possible?
“I suppose we had best be on our way,” Richard said, knowing that it meant their time alone together was coming to a close.
“Aye, I suppose we had. But I am grateful to ye for getting me this far. I understand if ye have to head back to the fort,” Adeline said.
“Oh no, I have no intention of heading back until I have seen you safely to Dunmore. Miss MacGowan, I should never abandon you like that. No, I will get you home first and then I can easily make my way back to Fort Amswold after,” he promised.
“Are ye quite certain?” she asked.
“Quite,” came the response.
“Well then, we can head northwest by Edinburgh and then to Dunmore. It is generally the safest route,” Adeline said.
Richard was confused. “I think it’s a bit out of our way. Wouldn’t it be better if we took the direct path? It was quite safe when I came for the wedding last week,” Richard said.
“That was foolish of ye. It’s not a good way to go. Too many robbers and thieves because it’s a route taken most often by merchants since it’s faster. Trust me, the route near Edinburgh is far better,” she replied.
Richard felt miffed by her insistence. He had been perfectly safe and seen no robbers or thieves when he had taken the route just a week ago. “I understand that you know the roads better, but it was fine last week and I can defend you if any incident should arise,” Richard promised.
That look returned to Adeline’s face. The one Richard had seen the night before. The one that dared him to challenge her.
“Right. Another excuse to use force against me people? And what if we should be set upon by thieves? What if they outnumber ye? Will ye pull yer fancy gun on them? Start another battle?” she accused.
Richard was tired of all of the assumptions that he was lookin
g for opportunities to kill Jacobites. Why was Adeline so determined that he was such a cruel man? “I have no idea why you keep accusing me of killing your people, but you are way out of line. I am just trying to find a good path to get you home,” he said.
“And I am telling ye the best option. Ye can think I’m too defensive or that I’m accusing ye all the time, and maybe last night I was a bit harsh, but right now I’m telling ye this for yer own good. Trust me. That direct route is not safe,” Adeline said, saying the final part slowly that he might understand the severity of it.
Richard sighed. He didn’t want to fight and saw in Adeline’s eyes that this time, the argument was not about her being a Jacobite and him being a Hanoverian. She was being honest. She was deeply concerned for their well-being if they should take the route he wanted. “Alright then, I trust you. You know this land better than I do,” he said, giving up and sitting back on the sofa to cool down.
“Thank ye. Believe me, I’m serious. It’s for our own good. We cannae take that path. It’s far too dangerous,” she said again.
For a moment Richard didn’t respond and Adeline seemed to realize that he was frustrated. He sensed that she felt bad and realized it even more when she came to sit beside him.
“I’m sorry for me defensiveness,” she said quietly.
“As am I,” he responded with genuine sincerity.
“I dinnae really ken how to interact with someone like ye. Someone so different from me and yet…”
“So alike?” he asked, finishing her words.
Adeline nodded with a small smile.
“I feel the same,” he said.
Adeline was close. So close. Richard could not seem to hold himself back anymore. Their faces tilted toward one another in the same moment, as if a mirror response.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, apologizing again for the argument.
“The fault was mine,” he said, not caring whether or not it truly was.
They held the moment to enjoy the fire that seemed to burn between them. The night before, their moment had been ruined by the actual fire, but Richard determined that no matter how long they held this wisp of a distance, he would not allow for any distraction to prevent his desire.
Kidnapped Highland Bride (Ladies of Dunmore Series) (A Medieval Scottish Romance Story) Page 5