by Nicole Hart
“I’m so glad you’re happy, Maxi. That’s all I ever hoped for. Did you find any of the others?” I asked without giving it a second thought.
“No, I haven’t had any luck. It was so long ago. I don’t really remember a whole lot about being there. But the memories of you were always so vivid. I know you tried to shield me from the things that went on in that house.”
“Did you look for our mother?” I wondered if she were still alive.
“Our biological mother? No. I don’t think I’d ever want to find her. I know you were a kid too back then, but you were more of a mother than she ever was.” She spoke with confidence, and her tone was almost nonchalant. But I wasn’t buying it. I had a feeling she had spent way more time with her thoughts than she led on.
“I always felt like I let you down. I didn’t do enough to protect all of you. And then Ben…” My voice trailed off, unable to finish my sentence.
“None of that was your fault!” Her voice rose, and she grabbed my hand again. She was strong—it was visible in the way she carried herself, how she spoke. I was so thankful for her upbringing. It gave her exactly what she needed and showed me exactly what I was lacking.
“I just wish I could have done more.” The guilt I always tried to ignore came back with a vengeance.
“You did everything you could. You were just a kid yourself.”
“I know.” And she was right. I was a child. I lived in that hell house until I was dragged out of there, kicking and screaming. Not because I wanted to stay or because I wanted my mother. But because I was worried about the other kids. I knew we would be separated, and that scared the hell out of me.
“It was also a long time ago. I’ve forced myself all these years to believe that we all turned out okay. My mom always told me that everything happens for a reason, even when we don’t understand it. So that’s what I’ve done—believed everything happened the way it was supposed to happen.”
“And here you are,” I said with a smile as the tears streamed down my cheeks.
“Here we are!” she said with a huge grin. “And you live in the most amazing city in the world. So much different than my hometown. You’ve got to show me around!”
“How long are you staying?” I worried our time together would be short lived.
“We’re here for a week, but my dad is a pilot, so I have a ton of miles. I can travel back and forth as much as I want.” Her excited tone started to rub off on me.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I whispered as I grabbed her in a tight hug.
“Me too, Jessica. I’m so happy to have my sister back.” Her response almost made me lose it.
“I’m not letting you go again.” My voice cracked as I tried to finish my sentence.
“Hell no, you’re not!” She smiled her perfectly white, toothy grin, covered by shiny pink lip gloss. She was beautiful and perfect. And happy.
Chapter Eighteen
“I’m glad you came by.”
Logan sat across from me at the diner looking sexy as usual. But as perfect as he appeared, there was something going on, I could see it all over him. The way he constantly fidgeted with his napkin. Folding. Unfolding. Folding. Unfolding.
“Me too.” His voice was low and husky, his eyes not meeting mine. The vein in his neck throbbed, and I grew more concerned by the second.
“Are you sure everything’s okay?” I knew I had asked that question twice since we sat down. And although Logan kept assuring me it was, I knew better.
“Yeah. No. Yeah, just some stuff going on with my brother.” He was very protective of Gage, and I wanted to help him in any way I could.
“Is there anything I can do? Do you want to talk about it?” It wasn’t any of my business, but I hoped getting it off his chest would help.
He looked around as if someone were watching us, and it gave me a knot in the pit of my stomach.
“Maybe, later. Just not here. Okay?” He seemed nervous and a little guilty for blowing off my question. That was the last thing I wanted. There was a whole lifetime of things I had kept to myself, so I couldn’t exactly fault Logan for needing privacy.
“Okay,” I replied and grabbed his hand, rubbing his rough knuckles with my fingers.
“Do you want to come over after you get out of here?” There was something in his voice I couldn’t quite put my finger on. The wondering had started to drive me a little insane. I should’ve just let it go. Whatever was bothering him obviously wasn’t my business.
“Actually, I have plans with my sister.” I smiled, a truly genuine smile when I thought of Maxi.
“Your sister?” The confusion ran over his face, and I was ready to give my truth—the short version anyway. Especially since we were at my job.
“Her name is Maxi. I haven’t seen her in years, since we all got split up.” I glanced up at Logan, who stared at me intently.
He didn’t interrupt, only waited for more information.
“We were taken away from our parents when I was twelve…it’s a long story, and I’ll explain everything later, I promise. But anyway, she found me, and she’s here for the week, and I just want to spend as much time with her as possible.” I don’t know why I felt the need to convince him I needed to bond with my sibling.
“That’s awesome, Jess.” He smiled at me before standing up, then slid into the booth next to me. His presence warmed me in comfort, and I knew I wanted him close to me as much as possible, too.
Funny how just a few weeks ago, I felt as if I had no one, and now I was trying to balance time with two people I cared so much about.
“I want to know everything about you,” he whispered, running his strong fingers down my neck, causing a shiver up my spine.
“And I want to tell you everything,” I replied, caught up in his touch, allowing all my other doubts and worries to fade away. I knew I could trust Logan with my secrets, and I was finally ready to tell him.
“How about you come over tonight afterwards?” His hot breath blew in my ear as he spoke.
“You’re not working tonight?” I knew they had been swamped at the bar, and I was surprised he wasn’t stepping in to help.
“It’s closed,” he said, pulling my head into his neck and squeezing me tight. His body was rigid in an instant, and I knew the bar being closed had to do with whatever was going on with Gage. But I wasn’t going to push, he would tell me when he was ready.
“Okay, I’ll be over later tonight.” I smiled, lifting my face to place a kiss on his chin.
“Looking forward to it.” His lips brushed across mine softly before pulling away.
“I better get back to work,” I mumbled, catching a customer with an empty glass glaring in our direction.
* * *
Later that evening
I couldn’t help but have a permanent smile plastered on my face as I quickly walked down the sidewalk on Broadway Street before taking a left directly into the middle of Times Square. I’d visited this place frequently when I first came to the city, but I was so busy with work and my life in Brooklyn, being in this part of town was rare these days.
But I would be lying if I said I didn’t love it. The hustle and bustle, the tourists who were in awe of this one-of-a-kind city…there really wasn’t any other place that compared to New York City. The breeze picked up when I rounded the corner as I pulled my bomber jacket up over my chin to shield my neck from the brisk fall wind coming in with a vengeance. I spotted the Starbucks to my left and headed in that direction—it was our meeting place. Maxi wanted to explore the tourist parts of the city, and since it was nighttime, we decided to walk around and take in a Broadway show. I didn’t feel right letting her get us tickets, but she assured me her mother insisted on it. They had already been purchased, and I worried I would sound rude if I refused.
I walked into the crowded coffee shop and glanced around, searching for Maxi. We spotted each other at the same time, giving each other the same wave and then both of us giggled simultaneo
usly. So weird.
Maxi grabbed me into a hug, my face pressing into her shoulder, her tall stature looming over me. She pulled away with a chuckle.
“I love that jacket.” She beamed, her eyes bright, her smile covering her face.
“Thanks.” Feeling foolish, I tugged on the coat I picked up at the secondhand shop around the corner from my apartment.
“Vintage is my fave,” she gushed, rubbing her hands along the sleeves of my jacket. She considered it vintage, which almost made me laugh. It was used and secondhand.
“Oh, sorry, this is my mom, Kathy.” Maxi looked over her shoulder and grabbed an older woman by the hand.
She was shorter than Maxi, probably in her late forties, with dark-brown hair, cropped just below her chin and soft, brown eyes. She had an aura of warmth and calmness about her. I liked her instantly, and that never really happened.
“Mom, this is Jessica.” Her genuine smile tugged at my heartstrings.
“It’s very nice to finally meet you, Jessica.” Her soft-spoken voice was almost lost in the noisy coffee shop, holding out her hand for me, which I took and gave a gentle shake, making a mental note of how soft her palms were.
“It’s nice to meet you, also.”
“Okay, well, I’m going to let you guys get your night started.” Kathy threw her coat over her shoulders with a worrisome grimace.
“I’ll be fine, Mom. Jessica knows the city. Besides, we’re not going far.” She shook her head with a grin.
“Is your phone charged all the way?” she asked, pulling her own from her pocket with a quick glance.
“Yes, Mom. All charged. I was hoping to maybe catch dinner at the pizza place across the street before the show?” She looked at me for my approval, which of course she got. Luckily, my tips were good enough this week to afford a slice of pie.
“Inferno? That place is delicious.” It was the first pizza I had ever tried in the city. I was lost and lonely in every way, and the name initially drew me in. But one bite of the food, and I decided it was the best pizza I’d ever had in my life. Even when my life was consumed by stress, and I could hardly eat, Inferno was the exception.
“Awesome, I saw Hell’s Kitchen on the sign, and I knew I needed to try it.” She clapped her hands excitedly.
“You girls just be careful, okay? Love you.” She pulled Maxi into a hug. “Text me before you get to the show, please. Just to ease my mind.”
“I will, Mom. Love you. Ready?” Maxi asked as we parted ways from Kathy. “My mom hates that I’m an adult now. She’d rather me be a child forever.” She laughed, but her comment wasn’t out of resentment, just understanding.
“She loves you.” I grinned as Maxi looped her arm through mine, and we crossed the busy street, the smell of cheese leading the way.
“I know, but a little freedom won’t hurt me.” She giggled, throwing her head toward the sky and breathing in the atmosphere in the most dramatic way.
Chapter Nineteen
I took the subway to the closest stop I could get before hopping off a few blocks from Logan’s apartment. I let my metro card expire, but it was still cheaper than taking a cab, and I didn’t feel like battling the wind all the way if I walked.
As I leaped up Logan’s stairs, a little pep in my step, my excitement to see him took front and center with each tap along the concrete. With a quiet knock, I heard Bentley’s grunts and barks on the other side of the door. I smiled and waved as I saw a shadow through the peephole.
I waited as the deadbolt unlocked then locked again. The action had repeated three times before the knob began to turn. I got so distracted watching the door that it took a few seconds to actually pull my eyes to Logan’s face as he opened it. But he seemed worried, exhausted, and a little fearful.
“Hey.” His voice was a raspy whisper as he grabbed my hand and pulled me inside quicker than necessary to close the door behind me, the loud thud causing me to jump.
“Hey,” I matched his tone, unintentionally, which was strange.
Logan reached down and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me into his arms, my feet leaving the ground. He smelled of fresh scented soap while his cologne reminded me of citrus and pine. It was clean and manly, definitely sexy. And so different from most of the overwhelming stench a lot of men wore. Maybe it was just more of Logan’s scent that gave me a comfort I needed to nuzzle into. And that’s exactly what I did. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face as far against his skin as I could get.
“I didn’t think you were ever going to get here.” His light chuckle made me smile, and he squeezed his massive arms around my frame.
“Time just got away from us, sorry I’m so late.” I pressed my lips lightly into his neck.
“Don’t apologize. I’m glad you got to hang out with her. I was just being selfish, ready to see you.” He kissed my forehead before placing my feet back on solid ground.
“I missed you, though.” Wrapping my arms around his waist, I pressed my cheek against his firm chest, his heartbeat slamming into my own.
I heard the deadbolt latch and unlatch a couple of times, my back was to the door, but I could feel by the movement that it was Logan doing the turning. I tried to ignore it until I heard him grumble “fuck” under his breath.
“Are you okay?” I rubbed his back, hoping to soothe him.
“Let’s sit,” he whispered, leading me away from the door, our arms still wrapped around each other. But he stopped after only a couple of steps and led me back in the opposite direction. Lock. Unlock. Lock. Unlock.
“Son of a bitch.” He mumbled under his breath, dropping his arms and turning his back to me. His feet padded across his spotless floor, Bentley trotting beside him, every step of the way. He came to a stop, still facing away from me, and I noticed his fists clench and unclench several times. I wanted to go to him, comfort him, but I wasn’t sure if I would make it worse. Unsure if I should keep my distance. Part of me thought I should leave and give him space, but the need to be there for him was far stronger than my urge.
“I’m sorry. It’s been a rough day,” he said in a huff before repeating his words twice more. My heart broke for him, I knew he was embarrassed, and that was the last thing I wanted. “Can you give me just a minute?”
Clench. Unclench. Clench. Unclench.
“Sure,” I whispered without hesitation, uncertain if he wanted me to leave or just stay put. My silent question was answered when Logan walked into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Bentley walked to the door and gave it a quick scratch before turning in circles.
“Come here, Bentley,” I whispered, squatting down on my knees and hoping he would come. He slowly galloped in my direction, stopping in front of me as I gave him a pet, both of us waiting on what to do next.
It only took a minute before Logan opened his door, drawing both mine and Bentley’s attention. I stood up, and Bentley left me in the dust, running to his owner.
“I’m just going to be straight forward with you, okay, Jess?” He walked closer to me, his eyes piercing mine. The need to vomit began to creep into my stomach.
“All right,” I answered, my eyes wide with worry. It was always my first instinct to panic, figure the worst was coming, and this was no different.
“I smoke pot. A lot,” he blurted out, his arms crossed over his chest before dropping them to his side.
“All right.” I repeated the word again, waiting for the rest. The worst part. The more…
“Not because I like it, I mean, I guess I like it, but it helps with my OCD,” he rambled, nervously. “It calms me down. But I didn’t want you to smell it, so I didn’t smoke today, and I feel like I’m about to lose my shit. So I need to. I don’t want to be like this. Not in front of you. It’s fucked up.” He continued to chatter, his arms crossed, fingers tapping his biceps one at a time.
“Logan, it’s fine,” I said quietly, walking closer to him, wanting to hold him and let him know that I was okay with this, that he was
okay.
“I understand if you want to leave, but I really don’t want you to.” He didn’t look at me—instead, he stared above my head. He was embarrassed, and I was heartbroken for him. I wanted to take his feelings and scoop them up, relieve him from the cross he had been forced to bear all this time.
“Hey,” I whispered, gripping his arms with my fingers. I gave him a squeeze and waited for him to make eye contact with me.
He continued to stare above me, I could see by the look on his face that his mind was racing, his body rigid and stiff.
“Logan,” I repeated, rubbing my fingernails down his arms until I forced my hand into his, which seemed to draw his attention back to me. “It’s fine. Go ahead. Please. I want you to feel better.” I pulled his large hand to my lips and kissed each shaking knuckle.
“Are you sure? You’re not going to leave?” He had the most expressive eyes I had ever seen. The beautiful shade of green burned into me as he questioned my next move. Those postcard eyes were wedging their way deep into my soul, clinging to it, refusing to let go.
“I’m not leaving unless you want me to.”
He didn’t answer me; he just shook his head and that was enough. I knew he needed me here just as much as I wanted to be here.
“I’m going to go to my room. I’ll be out soon.”
“You don’t have to smoke in your room, Logan. I don’t mind,” I stated, although I wasn’t sure if that was entirely true. I hadn’t been around any kind of drug since I was twelve years old. But I knew this was different.
This was different.
“No, I don’t smoke around Bentley. He’s lazy enough.” His forced smile was enough to give me a little relief.