by Nicole Hart
“Go.” I used all my strength to turn his body in the opposite direction, toward his bedroom.
Even as he walked, his fists still worked feverishly to get a grasp on the tic he couldn’t control.
“I’ll hurry.” He then looked down at Bentley, who stood by the door, and commanded, “Stay.” Bentley walked over to his oversized bed in the corner, and with a grunt, he got comfortable, his snores echoing in the room almost immediately.
“I’ll be here,” I assured him and sat on the sofa. I suddenly felt a strange sense of peace wash over me. Even as the odor of pot wafted through the door and into the air, it didn’t make me scared or nervous. It wasn’t the same as living in that house or the things that happened there. It didn’t compare to the old memories of the past and the problems drugs caused. This wasn’t heroin or speed. This wasn’t someone sticking a needle into their arm regardless of how much it destroyed the lives of their children. This wasn’t him putting his next fix above his children’s next meal.
This was different.
This was just pot, and it helped Logan. He needed it. The fact that he had OCD wasn’t his fault, and I couldn’t blame him for doing his best to deal with it. And if marijuana helped, then so be it.
This was definitely different.
That’s what mattered.
This was different.
Chapter Twenty
The smell of pot was even stronger than I remembered. I listened to Logan’s coughs and then the sound of an aerosol can. I could only assume it was air freshener when the scent of fresh linens mingled with the aroma of weed. It was almost funny, and I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself.
Logan walked out of his bedroom, shutting the door quickly behind him as he reached into his pocket. He tilted his head back as I examined his movements, putting liquid drops into each of his eyes.
“You okay?” he asked as he shoved the bottle back into his pocket, his bare feet trekking across the floor, drawing nearer to me.
I stood as he got closer and nuzzled into his large frame, wrapping my arms around his waist, all the different scents overwhelming my senses. The pot was front and center, but Logan’s freshly sprayed cologne, which gave me a newly familiar sense of comfort, clung to his shirt as I breathed it in. The faint scent of mint fell over my nose, and I squeezed him tighter.
“I’m good, are you okay? Better?” I rested my chin on his chest as I stared up at his face.
“Yeah, I’m better.” He pressed his lips to my forehead and kept them planted there for a few extra seconds, much to my satisfaction.
His body was relaxed, not rigid like before. A sense of calm had washed over him that I could feel, and it gave me a sense of relief. I hated that he struggled with OCD, and I made a mental note to do some research on it. I wanted to help him in any way I could.
“Let’s sit,” he mumbled as he led me to the sofa, pulling me into him as we got comfortable.
“So, how’d it go with your sister?”
“It was so good, Logan. She’s really funny. And so pretty,” I gushed.
“Must run in the family,” he whispered, pressing his lips to my temple. My body stiffened at the last word, and Logan realized it instantly. “Sorry, that was a dumb thing to say. I wasn’t thinking.”
“No, Logan. It’s okay.” I smiled, a real smile, as I looked up at him. “It wasn’t dumb. It was sweet. And thank you.” I circled my arm around his massive bicep and cuddled into him.
We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes before I decided to speak.
“My little brother overdosed on my parents’ dope. They were heroin addicts. Well, my mom and my stepdad. We were a…blended family. I guess that’s one way to put it,” I said with a huff.
“I’m sorry, Jess,” Logan whispered, lifting me off the couch as if I weighed absolutely nothing and placing me on his lap, my legs straddling his waist.
He really was a beast. I stared into those postcard eyes that were still indeed a little glassy, but beautiful nonetheless. He studied my face, and for once, I didn’t feel self-conscious or worried about what he saw. I needed him to see me, know me, because I hadn’t let anyone else in for so long.
“The day Ben, my older brother, died was the day we all got taken away. I never saw any of them again—we were all separated. A case worker told me once that my mom would have the opportunity to see us again if she did everything the court ordered her to do. But I never heard from her. So I guess she just…didn’t. But I was older, almost thirteen, and so I assume that’s why I never got adopted. I spent most of my time in group homes and a few different foster families, but it never really stuck. Anyway, they gave me a hundred dollars and sent me on my way on my eighteenth birthday.”
“Fuck,” Logan mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief. “I’m sorry you went through that.” He ran his soft fingers across my cheek as his thumb brushed across my bottom lip.
“It’s okay, I’m fine. I survived. Been busting my ass ever since, but I made it,” I mumbled with a giggle, then smiled at Logan, resting my forehead against his. I didn’t want sympathy. I didn’t think so anyway. “But Maxi got adopted—she was only seven—and that’s more important. She was younger, so she needed a family. And she got that. She’s had a good life.”
“I can tell that means a lot to you.”
“It really does.”
“But that doesn’t disqualify the fact that you were dealt a shitty hand; you deserved more than you got.” He pulled me closer to him and planted a soft kiss on my lips.
His tenderness was almost too much to handle. I suddenly felt the urge to weep, and I didn’t even understand why.
“It happens, right?” I smirked, throwing my head back, forcing the tears that were threatening to fall to stay in place. I would not cry. Not now.
Stupid emotions.
“Yeah, I guess it does,” he whispered, and I knew he understood.
We had both been dealt a pretty shitty hand if we compared childhood stories. Logan’s mom wasn’t exactly parent of the year. I knew he was thinking the same thing by the way he zoned out on me for a second.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Yeah. Hey…” He started to speak but stopped and looked at me with that sweet smile only Logan could don.
“Hey,” I repeated.
“Will you stay the night with me?” The nervousness in his tone didn’t go unnoticed, which made me smile.
But the truth was, I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have sex. Part of me wanted to, but a bigger part of me had been used for sex too often, for too long. Not that I thought that was Logan’s intention, but the uneasiness was still there.
“I have to work the early shift tomorrow,” I answered.
“I have an alarm clock.” He chuckled, but the worry was written all over his face.
“I’m not sure if I’m ready,” I admitted. I only wanted to be honest with him.
“I just want to sleep with you…” he whispered, pulling me against him tightly. “Just sleep.”
“Just sleep?” I repeated his words, a little confused.
“Just sleep.” His promise rolled off his tongue with ease, a smile crossing his lips. “Not that I wouldn’t enjoy more, but I just want you close, no expectations.”
I brushed my lips against his, relief washing over my body.
Relief. Happiness. Comfort.
All the good feelings I wasn’t used to, Logan gave them all to me.
“I’d love to.”
Chapter Twenty-One
The smell of bacon invaded my senses as my eyes began to flutter open. My body was heavy and still craved the sinking feeling of Logan’s comfortable bed.
Logan.
We spent two hours lying in bed, talking, kissing between our conversations. It was amazing. I fell asleep wrapped in his arms, his bare chest against me, his warmth surrounding me.
Beautiful. Simple. Comfortable.
There wasn’t any pressure, no worries th
at I would say or do the wrong thing. Just enjoying each other. It was the first time I had ever experienced anything close to that. Funny how something so non-sexual could feel so completely intimate.
I finally pried my eyes open and reached my hand over to feel an empty space. The scent of bacon grabbed my attention again, causing my stomach to rumble. I hopped off the comfortable pillowtop, remembering that my shift started at ten. I grabbed my cell phone from my jeans’ pocket and was grateful it was only seven, thankful I still had a little time before I had to get home. As I stood up, anxious to see Logan, I decided to forego the jeans and met him in the kitchen.
The sight of that man literally stole my breath when my eyes landed on him. He had his back to me, wearing a pair of dark grey sweats, shirtless. The ripples on his back made me weak in the knees as a huge tattoo grabbed my attention. It was a lone wolf crouched in a sitting position, head downcast, with a single tree, bare of any leaves or life, draping over it.
The sound of his voice drew my attention away from the artwork on his chiseled backside. I listened closely, soaking in the perfect tone of his voice, deep and raspy as he sang, “Tennessee Whiskey.” My love for that song amplified instantly.
I padded my feet quietly across the hardwood floor, hoping I didn’t disrupt him, not wanting the beautiful sounds coming from him to stop.
When I got closer, I reached my arms around him, placing my cheek against his back, reveling in the comfort he provided me. It’s like I fit against him perfectly, regardless of the position.
Logan turned around and lifted me off my feet, placing me on the counter in his kitchen.
“Mornin’,” he groaned as he looked me over before placing a kiss on my lips.
“Good morning,” I replied, unable to hide the smile that covered my face.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything sexier than you in my T-shirt.” He gripped the front of the black Merle Haggard shirt into his large fist, showering my neck with kisses. I tilted my head back, his warm breath causing goose bumps to cover my neck and arms.
“Then you’ve never seen yourself, shirtless. Cooking.” I giggled, wrapping my bare legs around his waist.
“I forgot I was cooking.” He chuckled against my skin. “You’re distracting me.”
“Sorry.” I laughed quietly as he pulled away and turned his back to me, grabbing the spatula and then flipping the bacon.
“It smells delicious.”
“I wanted to make sure you had breakfast before work,” he said over his shoulder.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to.” He smiled as he turned toward me and made his way closer, pressing his lips against mine, softly.
“You’re pretty amazing, you know that?” I ran my fingers up his biceps before wrapping my hands around his neck, grazing my finger along that vein in his throat that made me want to pant.
He ignored my compliment, and I could tell he was apprehensive about my words, but I didn’t question him, I knew the truth.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” he whispered, and my response was to crash my lips against his, desperate to get closer to him, needing to feel him.
Apparently, he wasn’t the only one who didn’t know how to take a compliment.
“Order up,” Hector yelled from the window as I pranced my way over there, grabbing the hot plates and placing them on my tray.
“Thank you, sir.” I smiled as I gave him a little curtsy.
“You’re like a different person these days, Jess.” He shook his head with a grin before turning his back to me.
The morning flew by and the lunch rush was in full swing, customers in and out, amazing tips, and I still felt the buzz of excitement from being with Logan. It was just a good day, all the way around. Plus, I had plans with Maxi after work. We were going to hang out at my apartment and watch movies, while stuffing our faces with popcorn. The things sisters were supposed to do. It was surreal.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a delivery driver park in front of the diner and hop out with a dozen roses. They were stunning, and a small part of me hoped the card had my name on it. Maybe it was selfish, I wasn’t sure. So I pushed the thought away just as quickly as it had popped up, while I delivered the piping hot bowls of chili perfect for this cold fall day.
“Here you go.” I smiled at the older couple as I delivered their lunch.
“Jess, honey, you have a delivery,” Nancy called out from the counter, wearing a huge grin.
“No way,” I mumbled as I scurried over to the roses, excitement oozing out of me. They were beautiful, and I placed my nose against them, inhaling the scent, my heart feeling as if it were about to pound out of my chest.
“They’re so pretty,” I mumbled to Nancy as I swiped the card away from the arrangement, tearing it open. As soon as I opened the envelope, my heart sank.
I miss you.
Please call me.
Love,
Brian
Brian never ceased to manage to put a damper on things. My life was going too good. I didn’t need him to come waltzing back in and make me miserable. Again. I allowed him to do that for far too long. It would take a whole lot more than a bouquet of flowers to erase all the shit he put me through. Besides, I wasn’t interested in anything being erased. I wanted it left behind. Far, far behind.
“Nancy? You want some flowers?” I grumbled, rolling my eyes as I wadded up the card and threw it into the nearest trash can.
She looked at me with a confused stare, but didn’t say a word.
“They’re from Brian. I don’t want them,” I stated flatly.
“Oh, well…I don’t want them, either,” she retorted with a snarl.
“Okay, then.” I scooped the vase into my arms and started to head into the kitchen where the larger trash can was kept.
“Woah, what are you doing, hermana?” Hector asked, holding his hands out before I chucked the flowers into the garbage.
“I’m throwing these away—unless you want them.” I pulled them away from my body as if they were infected.
“Hell yeah, those aren’t cheap. I’ll give them to my lady.” He motioned with his arms for me to hand them over.
“They’re all yours,” I said, while shaking my head.
“Nice, I’m getting lucky tonight for sure. Thanks, Jess.” He smiled, as he took them off my hands.
“Just hide them, okay? I don’t want to see them.” I made a gagging sound as I pretended to put my finger down my throat.
“You can count on me, Jess. Thank you.”
“No problem.” I shooed away his words as I headed back to the front of the diner, determined to forget I ever saw those damn flowers.
Brian could take those roses and shove them up his ass for all I cared. And any other plans he had. I wasn’t interested. If I never saw him again, I would be just fine with that.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I hadn’t seen Logan in three days. I had only heard from him once, and it was a just a short text. I knew that wasn’t very long in the grand scheme of life, but it bothered me. I started to second guess everything and thought maybe the feelings I’d started developing at warp speed weren’t as reciprocated as I had thought, or hoped.
Luckily, I had Maxi to keep me busy. We hung out almost every second that I wasn’t working. She would be leaving tomorrow, and I was so upset to see her go. But unlike Logan, I knew Maxi felt the same way I did. We both shed tears each and every time one of us brought up the fact that she was about to leave.
It was after nine o’clock when Maxi and I sat in the lobby of her hotel. She had an early flight, and we both knew our time together had come to an end.
“Don’t look like that—I can’t take it,” she muttered, quickly wiping the tear that threatened to roll down her cheek from under her eye.
“Like what?” I played dumb, and a little laugh escaped my throat. My vision blurred from the tears that were just about to fall. “Dammit,” I mutter
ed when the tears won and started to run down my cheeks, uncontrollably.
“Dammit is right.” She giggled, her own tears falling as she wrapped me in a tight hug, sitting next to me on the plush sofa.
“I’m going to be back soon. I already talked to my parents about it. My dad promised he’d arrange a flight anytime I wanted.”
“I know,” I whined. The weakness I always tried to hide shone bright like a beacon. “I hate that I just got you back, and you have to leave.” My voice was shaky, and the ugly cry was about to commence.
“And you’re welcome to come to Green Bay anytime. My parents would love to have you. Plus, I’ll have my own apartment once I start school.” She began to ramble.
She was the little sister, but I was the one who needed the comfort and reassurance. She really was strong and had a good head on her shoulders.
“I know, I’m okay. I’m just going to miss you,” I admitted.
“Me too, Jessica.”
“But I’m going to call you all the time and FaceTime you so I can see you.” I let out a shaky breath and tried my best to pull myself together.
“Every day. We have a lifetime to make up for.” She shook her hands, trying to gather her own composure.
“We sure do. Okay. I better go so you can get some sleep,” I said, standing up and pulling it together.
“Okay.” She stood beside me and hugged me once more.
“Call me when your flight lands in the morning,” I demanded with a smile.
“I promise, I will. I love you, Jess,” she whispered, holding me tight.
“I love you, too, Maxi.” It was the first time we had said those words since we were being pulled into two different police cars on the day that changed it all.
We said our goodbyes, and I walked out of the hotel lobby determined not to cry anymore. But I didn’t want to go home, either.
“Screw it,” I mumbled to myself as I stopped in my tracks and lifted my arm, hailing the cab that was pulling closer to me.