"So what now?" She had a sinking feeling at what he was going to say.
"Now, I'm not giving you the choice. If you want to live—"
Her sarcasm was going to be her best defense and she knew it was going to get under his skin. She jumped in with her best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. "Actually, it's come with me if you want to live."
The good doctor shook his head in exasperation. Jules let out a chuckle from the corner of the room. For the first time, too, she noticed Sam and Joe standing silently in the doorway.
"Goddammit, Charlie," Joe yelled. "This isn't a joke. It's not time to try to be funny."
"I'm well aware it isn't a joke. This is my life and probably my death. Do you think I haven't figured that out by now? So, if I want to crack a couple jokes to keep my sanity…that's exactly what I'm going to do. Back off, dad." Her heart beat rapidly in her chest and then started to feel like it was flip-flopping. The machine next to the bed started to beep erratically.
Doctor Brown jumped up off the edge of her bed and put his stethoscope in his ears. He immediately put it over her heart to listen.
"Lean forward and try to take a deep breath."
Charlie inhaled but it was shallow and ragged. Panic seized her and immediately reminded her why she was in the hospital in the first place.
"Okay lean back." He walked over to the door and stuck his head out. "Hey, I need a nurse in here and the on-call Doctor."
Sam took the opportunity to cross the room to her bed and kneeled beside it. "Hey, focus on me. Breathe it out. The more stressed out you get, the more if affects your heart. Just watch me. Breathe in." He inhaled with her. "Let it out. Good. I got you, babe."
Even though he was still upset with her, Charlie knew then and there they'd be okay. If he could push his anger to the side in order calm her down...he was even more incredible than she'd imagined.
All she focused on were his emerald green eyes, long black lashes, and the sound of his voice. It always took on a deep husky tone when he was worried.
"You okay?"
She nodded and blinked as tears ran down her cheeks.
"So what happens now, Doc?" Sam asked as he stepped back from the bed.
"Now we get in touch with the high risk OBGYN and find out if the baby is far enough along for us to operate."
Charlie started to shake. "No. You can't. I may not have planned this. B-but…you can't risk my baby." She covered her stomach protectively.
Sam stepped forward and covered her hands with his.
The doctor sat down on the edge of her bed and met her eyes. "Look. I am going to do everything I can to make sure you are both safe, but you need an ICD. You're lucky Sam brought you in when he did or neither of you would be here."
Hearing that hit her like a freight train and she started to hyperventilate again. The machine started beeping like crazy. Callie placed her hand on Charlie's thigh. Her calming effect radiated through her touch.
"Can we discuss the rest of this once we know what the OB has to say? I don't see how getting her worked up is going to help anything."
He nodded. "Of course. I just want her to be aware this is no longer a choice. Without getting the device, she's not going to make it to the transplant. Even then, it's most likely bed rest."
Five months on bed rest? Only five months left to live and I'll be stuck here? No way. Her mind raced as she tried to put together all the pieces of the puzzle that was now her life. The grip she had on her barely showing belly tightened as well as Sam's hands on hers.
"How long until you hear from the OB?" Callie asked.
Glancing down at his watch, Dr. Brown replied, "Should be anytime now. I put a call into their office on my way over here. I'll let you know as soon as I hear something."
"Okay. Thank you."
The doctor left the room and Charlie sank back into the uncomfortable hospital bed.
✦✧✦✧✦✧
Everyone was still and quiet until Sam cleared his throat. All eyes were on him and he looked like he was a mix of emotions. "Do you guys think you can give us a few minutes alone?"
After a few minutes, everyone cleared out leaving the two of them alone.
Her tough guy facade faded away and every ounce of vulnerability she felt came to surface. She was on the verge of breaking.
Sam sat on the edge of her bed facing her and acknowledged in a low and husky voice, "So, I guess we have a lot to talk about."
That's all it took for the dam within her to break. Tears streaked her face as her bottom lip quivered.
"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you. I just didn't know how. You hate me now."
Sam cupped her cheek and brushed away her tears with his thumb. "I could never hate you, but you definitely hurt me by keeping something so important from me." He paused and took a deep breath. "I guess I just don't understand why you felt you couldn't come to me with something that affects us both. I get why you'd tell Jules, but why did Sarah know before me?"
She sniffled and wiped her face with the back of her hand. "She was there when I took the test. I didn't think I was. It was supposed to just be peace of mind that I wasn't."
"You still should have come to me. We're in this together. Have I not proven that to you by now?" He stroked her cheek again.
All she could do was nod. He had. Time and time again, he'd shown her how much he loved her, no matter the cost.
"You have to have this surgery. I know it puts you both at risk. Even though I just found out about our baby, I already love it. But..."
"But what?" Charlie looked up and held his thoughtful gaze. Please don't ask me to abort. Please don't.
"You're my main concern. I've lived without you before and I never want to spend a day without you again. I can't do it and I won't. You are my life, Charlie. I didn't truly start living until I met you." Sam leaned forward and pressed his full, warm lips against hers.
She pulled away reluctantly after a few moments. He doesn't understand.
"I might not make it."
"You will."
"Sam…." She laced her fingers into his. "This is what happened to my mom. She had to choose between her life and mine. She chose me. I want to live; I do. How can I choose my own life over my child, though? Our child?"
"Babe, the doctor makes it sound like you don't have a choice. You need the ICD to stay alive long enough to get the transplant. Do you realize you were on the verge of cardiac arrest again? You were in and out of it and I heard them say your heart rate was only 15 beats per minute."
"I know. If they can just wait until I have her…." Charlie sucked in a ragged breath.
"Her?"
"I just have a feeling it's a girl."
Sam sighed and tilted his head toward the ceiling. "I don't know how else to say this, but if you aren't alive, she's not going to make it either. You have to put yourself first on this."
A mix of anger and hurt swelled inside her. "It's just that simple for you? Black and white?"
He shook his head, distraught. "You think this is easy for me? I just found out I'm going to be a father and the woman I love more than anything in this world is going to die if she doesn't have a surgery that puts my unborn child at risk. No, Charlie. This isn't easy."
A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. They both looked up as a tall, blonde in a Doctors coat walked in.
"Hi. I'm Doctor Kristen Cage. I'm one of the high risk obstetrician's here. Doctor Brown called me and filled me in on everything going on. How are you feeling, given the circumstances?" Her voice was soft and calming.
Sam rose from the bed and moved out of her way.
"Honestly? I'm a mess." Charlie knew there was no point in lying. She'd done enough of that and it'd caused a lot of damage.
The Doctor listened to her heart and lungs before she listened to her belly. "Do you have any idea how far along you are?"
"I think I'm about sixteen weeks, but I'm not sure."
"When was your last period
? Do you know?"
Charlie guessed at a date. She couldn't be sure because her cycle had never been normal. Dr. Cage went through a checklist of questions before she pulled a small cell phone looking device out of her coat pocket. "Well, let's give this peanut a listen and see if were able to see him or her."
She squirted a cold gel on Charlie's stomach and moved the wand around a few inches under her belly button.
Woosh. Woosh. Woosh. Woosh. Woosh. Woosh. Woosh.
Oh my God. That's her. Charlie's head shot up and she locked teary eyes with Sam's. He shared her 'in awe' expression.
Looking at her watch, the doctor nodded her head. "Good, strong heartbeat. Looks like it's 154 beats per minute. That's great. Now let's take a look shall we?" She hit a few buttons on the screen and they saw their baby for the first time.
"Oh my God."
Charlie's heart swelled with joy and love before it all came crashing down and reality set in a moment later. She cast her glance away from the monitor. Why should she let herself get excited about something that can be taken away?
The Doctor must have understood and pulled the device away. She wiped Charlie's belly off with a towel and handed it to her to finish.
"Okay. Let's get down to the nitty gritty. Is this the father?"
Sam nodded. "Yes, I am. Sam Greyson. Nice to meet you." He held his hand out to her. They shook and she gave him a fleeting smile.
"Likewise. Based on what I saw, you're about sixteen to seventeen weeks. I'd like to do a real ultrasound to be sure. I know this is a complicated case and that you have some decisions to make. You're not far enough along for the baby to be viable on it's own right now, if something were to happen to you."
"What do you mean by viable?" Charlie asked.
"The fetus can't live without you. If you went into labor and we delivered, it wouldn't survive. The organs haven't fully developed or even come close to anything that we'd be able to help in the NICU."
"So what does this mean then?" Sam’s brows creased with concern.
"It means there is tremendous risk. From what I understand, you need an ICD. It's a life saving measure for you. Generally we don't do any kind of procedure while the mother’s pregnant unless it's absolutely necessary. In this case, it is. You're in the second trimester, so your baby will be able to handle drugs they give you a little better. However, this doesn't come without the risk of losing it or having some sort of birth defect."
The tears Charlie had managed to stop were back. She sniffed repeatedly and bit down on her bottom lip to keep it from quivering.
"S-so, what you're saying is that I'll either kill my baby or she'll come out with a defect."
"Not necessarily, but it is a possibility. Your baby can't survive without you and you can't survive without this surgery."
Charlie let out an angry sob. "Why does everyone keep saying that?"
"Because, unfortunately, it's true," she answered as she gave Charlie a pat on the leg.
Blinking the flow of tears away, Charlie shook her head. "I need time to think about it."
"I understand. I'm going to check into a few things with Dr. Brown and I'll stop back a little while later. Okay?"
"Thank you," Sam replied and rubbed Charlie's bicep.
As soon as she left the room all Charlie could do was sob. Sam wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose in her neck. "It'll be okay, baby. She's tough like her mama. We'll get through this. All three of us."
He splayed his hand over her still flat tummy protectively.
She hoped he was right, but she didn't share his optimism. If Grimm couldn't have her, he was coming for her unborn child.
✦✧✦✧✦✧
Sam paced back and forth in the hallway of the hospital waiting for Alex to arrive. Sweat beaded along his brow line as he wished she would hurry the hell up.
Footsteps echoed down the linoleum hall way as Alex rounded the corner and came to a stop in front of him.
"I'm here," she panted, "I’m here. It's not too late, is it? I'm not too late?"
"No, you're not. Did you bring it?"
"Yeah. I can't believe you're doing this. Does anyone else know?"
"Only Joe."
Alex fumbled around in her purse and pulled out an old ring box, handing it to Sam. He opened it up, eyeing the antique rose gold engagement ring that belonged to their grandmother.
It was two hours before Charlie's surgery and he was about to make the biggest decision of his life. He wasn't sure if he should do it before she went in for surgery or once she got home and was in a better frame of mind. Before he had a chance to talk himself into or out of anything, a group of nurses were wheeling a bed into her room. He ran in behind them as they switched her from one bed to another.
"What's going on?"
"Surgery got moved up," Jules deadpanned from the corner of the room.
"Wait, what?" Sam looked up in horror¸ suddenly hit with the reality that this was it. "Hang on. Can you stop unplugging and moving wires for a minute? I'm not ready." He stepped forward, placing his hand on Charlie's bed.
"Sir, we don't have time to wait," the nurse closest to him responded without stopping what she was doing. "They're waiting on us in the cath lab right now. We need to go."
"I'll be fine, Sam," Charlie declared while a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "We'll be fine."
He knew she was just trying to comfort him but she wasn't fooling anyone, especially him. She was scared out of her mind. It was the fear in her eyes that gave her away.
One nursed addressed the others. "Okay, are we all set?"
They all nodded and mumbled their yeses.
"Say your goodbye for now. We've got to go."
Sam stood stock still while his heart hammered in his chest. Was this really it? Was this how everything was going to play out? Jules, Joe, and Callie all gave their hugs and well wishes. Alex snuck in at some point, although he wasn't sure how, and gave Charlie a hug. Before Sam knew what was going on again, Charlie was being wheeled down the hall toward surgery.
He sprinted down the hall and made her gurney come to a stop when he jumped in front of it. He took a shallow breath and tried to still his frayed nerves. "Wait, Charlie. I need to ask you this before you go in. This isn't how I wanted to do this, but…marry me?"
She refused to meet his eyes, keeping her eyes locked straight ahead at the doors to the operating rooms, and said, 'No.'
Sam stood motionless as his heart was wheeled through the double doors before he sank to his knees. How could she just say no? When is she going to let go enough to let me in?
✦✧✦✧✦✧
Tears streaked Charlie's face in a rapid fire pace as she struggled to steady her quivering breath.
"Girl, what the hell? You do realize that sex on a stick just asked you to marry him, right?" The nurse gazed at her as they wheeled her into prep.
Charlie nodded. There was no point in trying to explain. No one was going to understand.
"What happened?" A blonde nurse asked walking up.
"Oh, nothing, except super sexy steamy boat just ran down the hallway after her and asked her to marry him...and she said no."
"Wait. Are you talking about tall, dark, and fuckable?"
Charlie let out a giggle snort through her tears.
"Did you just giggle snort?"
She nodded and laughed again, even though everything in her life was anything but funny.
"I'm sorry, hun, but your man is smoking hot."
"I know," she agreed, already feeling even worse about saying no to him.
"Wait. Your chart says you're pregnant. Is he the father?"
The first nurse backhanded the second and shot her a death glare. "You can't ask her that."
"Oh, like you're so much better." She crossed her arms in a huff.
Charlie shook her head amused by their lack of professionalism, but it was a sigh-of-relief, even if only for a moment. "It's fine, really, and yes, he is."<
br />
"Then I have to ask—why would you tell him no? He looked crushed."
There was no delaying the enviable. This conversation wasn't going to go away until she explained herself and she knew it. They started prepping her for surgery in the cold, sterile white room she'd been in one too many times before and unfortunately grow accustomed to.
"I told him no because he deserves more."
The anesthesiologist took her place at Charlie's head and explained what drugs she was going to push and in what sequence.
"Hang on, don't drug her yet," the nurse that called Sam tall dark and fuckable said. "I need to hear the rest of this. What do you mean by he deserves more? You're going to be fine, honey."
"Maybe from this surgery, but I may not make it to deliver our baby. I may not make it long enough to carry her to term. So why make him a widow on top of it all?"
The anesthesiologist let out a long breath and shook her head. "I can see why you'd think that, but you two have been the only thing anyone has been talking about on this floor today. Whether or not you agree to marry him, I don't think he's going anywhere. So, if that's your reasoning and if you think he has the option to walk away at any time because you're not married…. You're only fooling yourself, darling. Now, I'm going to inject this into your IV. You're going to feel it pretty quickly and then I'm going to put the mask over your face and have you count for me so you'll relax. Okay?"
Charlie nodded and let everything she was just told settle in her mind. She knew deep down they were right, but she still couldn't marry him. Marriage wasn't in her future.
Cold shivers made her body shudder on the table while the nurses worked quickly to cover her naked body with warm blankets. They left her chest bare and exposed. The sound of tape echoed throughout the room before her breasts were pulled down and taped in place.
"Charlie, can you hear me?" A voice asked from above her.
Her eyes fluttered open to see the anesthesiologist under a blue tent of drapery with her, from her neck up. "I'm going to hang out with you under here. Are you feeling relaxed?"
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