by Rene Folsom
A sob escaped me, my world seeming to crumble at my feet. The only thing that could possibly feel worse would be the same words coming from my grams’ mouth, and just the thought nearly had my knees buckling under the pressure.
“I said I was sorry,” I said between sniffs, the palms of my hands pushing the tears away like they were poison eating at my skin.
“I’m sorry too… sorry that I let my guard down… sorry that I let my dick make important decisions in my life,” he said, turning and storming out of my office like his ass was on fire. “I just hope for your sake everything is here,” he hollered when he got to the door and picked up the bag.
I had no words. I had nothing to say. I knew I was in the wrong. I knew I was the reason he was running. I couldn’t blame him. Yet, it didn’t keep my heart from ripping out of my chest when he walked out, slamming my door and making me cringe at the vibration running through me.
It was amazing to me how good I was at sabotaging my own happiness. Hurting people in the process was an unfortunate case of collateral damage I couldn’t seem to avoid.
*****
That afternoon, I had to meet with the photographer for my headshots. I tried desperately to reschedule, telling Cam I was in no position to be taking photographs in my state. She told me to suck it up, put on some makeup, and get my ass to the photographer’s studio downtown.
Calling Sam, I figured she’d be my only saving grace in this situation. Of course, I called her in hysterics after Liam had left last night, freaking the fuck out about what I’d done.
“Already miss me?” she asked as soon as she answered the phone. Because she knew how unstable I was emotionally, she’d stayed with me all night, talking to me about trivial things to get me to fall asleep when my mind wouldn’t shut the hell up. “How’d it go?”
“Bad. As bad as you could possibly think.”
“The bastard didn’t hit you, did he?” she blurted out, her insane imagination taking hold and overpowering even the deepest of situations.
“No! Hell no. He’d never do that. He was just hurt. I don’t blame him really, but I’m a total mess, Sam. What the fuck am I supposed to do? My eyes are all puffy. There’s no way I’m going to be presentable for photographs today.”
“Shit, Maci. You just have to calm down,” she demanded, her voice echoing through the phone as if she were in some sort of bathroom or enclosed space. “If we’re going to get your bios and press releases live by tomorrow, you have to take those pictures today.”
“I know, I just… fuck, Sam. He took it hard. My heart just won’t seem to slow down. I can’t…” I was stuttering, the tears flowing freely again like they had been since Liam walked out of my door. I was seriously turning into a huge, whiny crybaby. I hated myself even more for this additional weakness.
“I’m on my way. We’ll make this work.” I could tell she was now getting into her car, the beeping of the key in her ignition giving her away. “Plus your friend who’s taking your photo today is the same chick who does your covers, so I’m sure she’ll be able to work her magic.”
“Sofie?” I knew her well, but I didn’t realize she was the one they hired to do this. The little redhead was an extremely gifted photographer and graphic designer, not to mention she was one of my good friends and she and Sky were nearly inseparable. I’d never really hung out with her, Sky, and Sam together though, and I knew that had to change soon. Having all three of my girls together would be just what my mind needed to forget about this whole mess for a few minutes.
“Yep. Does that make you feel a little better?” she asked, her voice soothing.
“Yeah, a bit. But you still better get your ass over here,” I commanded, knowing I needed my best friend right now. Didn’t matter how old you were, support was always necessary at times like this.
“I’m coming… and then we’re going to see your grandmother.”
Chapter Ten
Liam: Bro Time
After putting the Specter system back where it belonged, I stormed into my office, locking myself in there and praying nobody would have the balls to mess with me at that moment. It wasn’t like I kept my displeasure a secret, my movements jerky and crazy-mad when I returned the equipment. Dane didn’t even think to say a word to me, realizing his job was way too important to him to cross me at that moment in time.
Of course, a knock sounded as soon as I buried my face in the leather of the couch, my office not being the sanctuary I’d hoped it would be.
Fuck me.
“What?” I yelled, my voice sounding muffled by the cushions. Have mercy on the poor schmuck who dared to bother me when it was obvious I wanted to be alone—the slam of my door should’ve been evidence enough that I wanted everyone to fuck off.
“Liam?” Thad called out hesitantly, his voice a little louder than the volume of a whisper. I could tell he was cautious just by the sounds of his movements and the delay of the door latching behind him, his footsteps light as they approached. The leather of the chair next to me made a light creaking sound, indication he was brave enough to sit down and chill for a while.
Have mercy on his soul.
“It’s really not a good time to fuck with me right now,” I said with warning, my voice a bit less obstructed as I lifted my head to speak, to breathe, never looking in his direction as I did so. If he were truly a good friend, he’d get up and walk away. It wasn’t like I didn’t know where his fucking office was. I could come to him if I needed to. No sense in him sticking his nose in where it doesn’t belong, not while I was in such a foul mood.
“Not fucking, just here.” His voice still sounded cautious, careful. Good. “I can just sit here silently or talk your ear off about a buncha nothing, whichever you want.”
“Silence,” I requested. Yeah, I needed him to just be silent for once in his life, yet I doubted his capabilities in that department. The man was anything but silent for as long as I’d known him.
“Can do,” he agreed, his tone sounding way too chipper for the situation. Hell, I’d just told the dude to shut his pie hole and he was still coming across like that was okay?
I huffed, my body rising and falling at the abrupt exchange of air. I idly wondered how it’d feel if I just stopped breathing all together. Would it hurt as much as my heart did at that moment? Probably not. It’d likely be a reprieve to just stop breathing, to stop thinking about how much her betrayal hurt, to pull the knife from my back and let myself just sit and bleed.
“She lied to me,” I blurted out, finally turning my head so I was facing him, never actually lifting my body from the soft surface. I lay there, the world on its side, as I contemplated how much I wanted to tell him. Thankfully, he just sat there, silent like he’d promised. Score one for the best friend. “She lied about who she was, she lied about her feelings for me… she did it all just to manipulate me. And I was dumb enough to fall for it.”
“Does this have anything to do with the Specter prototypes going missing this morning?” he asked, his voice still watchful in the otherwise silent room of my office. I hated to admit what a fool I was to trust someone with something so important. It wasn’t like me, not the businessman that I worked so hard to become. Thad knew it, I knew it. For me to let go of such a responsibility was foolhardy and immature, neither of which I was known to be.
“Yeah. They’re back now. She had them. She was just using me to get to them all along.” Those words being spoken out loud seemed to hurt my chest all over again, as if it had been cracked open viciously with a crowbar, my heart being removed by a savage hungry for his next meal—her next meal. “She claims it was Big Jim’s wrongful doing—that she had no choice. But her reasons behind it were flimsy, stupid. I should’ve known better than to trust someone.”
“What were her reasons? I mean, you and I both know what a fucktard Jim can be. Maybe he really had her under his grimy little fingernail.” His words were harsh when he spoke of our enemy, both of us knowing what a piece of work the m
an was. Still, it did nothing to relieve the ache spreading through my body from my chest.
“Stop defending her,” I demanded, my voice never changing from that of my normal conversation. I just didn’t seem to have the energy to speak louder, more forceful. All my vitality was left at her doorstep, power for her to usurp until she found her next victim. “She said he threatened to reveal who she really was to the public.”
“What?” he questioned, his tone disbelieving, curious. “What does that even mean?”
“She’s not who she claimed to be, let’s put it that way,” I explained, wondering if it’d be wrong of me to tell him. Then again, she said she was going to reveal herself, but I think that was just her way of escaping the preverbal corner she’d clearly backed herself into by crossing me.
“I’m confused.” For the first time, I looked over at my friend, his fingers scratching at his scalp in true Thinker fashion.
“I was too. Turns out, my girl is a world-famous author, and one I used to admire.” I paused, remembering back to the times I spoke about her as if she were just some random person. The embarrassment mixed with my pain, causing a swirling feeling of dread to course through me like a whirlpool. “Christ, I’ve been such a fool.”
“Wait, what? Who is she?” he asked, his ass now on the edge of his seat as he lowered his head to near eye level with me.
“My once-favorite science fiction author of all time.” The words still seemed odd to me, my mind still disbelieving even though my mouth spoke the truth. “And the only reason I’m telling you this is because she said she’s revealing it to the public. I wouldn’t stoop to her level and out her.” Just the thought of what a gentleman I was trying to be made me even angrier.
“You’re kidding! I thought he was a dude! Or she was… ahh… Jesus, Liam,” he stuttered, the news also rendering him nearly speechless. This was a first for my good buddy, Thad. He usually always had something stupid to say.
“Yeah, but here’s the thing. Well, the many things,” I began, finally sitting up so the world was righted again. As I spoke, I ticked each item off with my fingers, my movements spasmodic as I continued to amp up my anger. “Number one, she could’ve told me when I was being a moron and quoting her goddamn books. Number two, she could’ve put me first and told Big Jim to go fuck himself ten ways to Sunday. Number three, she could’ve fucking told me she was being held hostage by my archenemy! But no, she chose the easy road—the shitty road that only protects herself and leaves me with my balls in her icy grip.”
“Wait, didn’t you say Big Jim is somehow related to her?” Thad asked, his fingers running nervously through his hair as he spoke, never looking at me directly. I knew this was a lot for him to take in, and it wasn’t his heart on the chopping block.
“Yeah. But not by blood. Still, I should’ve known something shitty would come of that. I should’ve kept my distance. Women are just not… good for me.”
“I’m just wondering if he had more to hold over her head than you think. This was obviously a very big, very risky thing for her to do.” Holding his hands up in defense, he tried to get me to listen to his reasoning without the desire to take his fucking head off. “I’m not defending what she did…”
“Sure as hell sounds like you are!” I growled, fighting the urge to stand and hit something… hard.
“No, I’m just trying to put everything into perspective here. Obviously, her identity wasn’t the only concern, because she’s clearly rectifying that, right? You said she’s going to come clean publicly?” he asked, his eyes finally meeting mine.
I nodded, gesturing with my hand for him to go on.
“Well?” he said, as if I should get it. “C’mon. What if he was holding a gun to her head, would you blame her then?”
“We’re not talking about guns here, moron, we’re talking about trust. If she felt even half as much as I do for her, she would’ve damn well trusted me with this sort of thing.” I couldn’t sit any more, the nervous energy inside me about to blow the top off my goddamn head.
Pacing, I sensed Thad’s eyes on me, his head tracking my every step. “Wow. I didn’t realize you were that serious about her, man.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I blurted, wishing to God he’d just drop it. “Even if he was holding more over her than just that one secret, she damn well should’ve come to me. She had my fucking career in her hands, Thad! And she was willing to throw my life under the bus to save her own ass.”
“We have more Specter prototypes and all the data backed up. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world.” His words infuriated me, each and every one of them.
“Putting it in Big Jim’s hands would have definitely been the end of my career, of nZone entirely. Don’t pretend like that man isn’t ruthless and diabolical in his slimy way of doing business.” As I spoke, my words harsh and rushed, I felt the spit fly from my mouth, a clear indication I was moments away from flipping my shit.
“And you just answered your own question, dickface,” Thad said, standing to look me in the eye. “He’s criminal and you know it. Not everyone knows how to handle such an evil. You have no fucking clue what kind of pressure he put on her.”
“Why are you still defending her?” I said, my body beginning to give out with exhaustion from this painful conversation.
“Because she makes you happy!” he screamed, his arms outstretched as if it were blatantly obvious. “…or she did, once upon a time. Your emotions have been all over the map since you ran into her again, but most of all, you’ve been happy for once in your miserable life.”
“My life is not miserable… or wasn’t until this morning.” With those words, I thought back to the euphoria I’d felt last night when I told her I loved her and the gut-wrenching pain it caused when I found out the truth about the woman I thought I loved.
“Well, I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt—let her explain the whole story before tossing her out of your life.”
Thad didn’t let me respond, didn’t let me get another word in, before he turned and hauled ass out the door.
My mind couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing now. I’d left her crying in her home. Even though I didn’t regret a single word I said, it still pained me to have that image of her so broken over this whole situation.
Hopefully, she’d go see her grandma, find some way to get past this—over me.
From now on, I’d just bury myself into work. Love had no business being in my life.
Chapter Eleven
Maci: Keeping Up Appearances
“Hold still,” Sam demanded as she coated globs of makeup around my eyes. There really was no use. It’d just end up being a mess still anyway. “Damn, we should’ve hired a professional for this shit.”
“That bad, huh?” I asked, knowing it was worse than just that bad. Samantha finally got me to stop crying, but she was having a hell of a time covering up my sorrow with mere makeup.
With a flip of her wrist, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed a number, tossing the concealer she was using back in her bag with a clank.
“Fie, hey. You got any makeup tricks up your sleeve? I’m struggling over here.” I couldn’t hear Sofie on the other line, but I knew it was probably comical. The girl sure had a way with words. “Yeah, she’s usually naturally beautiful, but we’ve got guy issues, so I’m having to deal with puffy-eye syndrome.”
“Sam!” I whispered, pissed she’d tell my photographer that crap. Samantha held one lone finger out with a stern look, shutting me up instantly.
“Okay, we’ll be right there.” Shoving her phone back in her pocket, she gathered the rest of the makeup off the counter and hauled the bag over her shoulder. “C’mon, princess, we’ll let Fie work her magic.”
“Don’t call me princess,” I seethed, pissed she used the same nickname Liam would torment me with. Not that she knew that, but still… I was no one’s goddamn princess.
“Okay, no talk of royal
ty. Just don’t be a dick to Sofie today, okay?” she said while ushering me out the door. Thankfully, I had the perfect outfit for this, and it honestly looked good on me… for now.
“You know I wouldn’t do that. She’s cool.”
“And I’m not?” she balked, pushing the button to the elevator with unnecessary force.
“Not right now, no. Now, you’re kinda bossy.” Bantering with my best friend seemed to calm me down just a bit. For a moment, I was able to forget how utterly pitiful I was, guilt over what I’d done eating away at my insides.
“Well, you need it.”
*****
Twenty minutes later, we were walking through the doors of Sofie’s photography studio. The place felt so industrial, so fashionable. Being just on the outskirts of Ybor City, the small warehouse was sectioned off for various studios and offices, the place feeling more like a museum than a photographer’s lair.
Sofie had been my photographer and cover artist for several years now, her skills and access to models trumped anyone else I’d ever met. Not to mention her boss was one hell of a good-looking man. I was usually looking forward to the eye candy whenever I’d go see her.
But not today.
“Oh, damn, Maci,” Fie said, gasping at the horrible condition of my face as soon as I walked in. “Okay, right to business. My plan is to just do your makeup naturally and then doctoring you up a bit on the computer, all right?”
I nodded, a tear threatening to well up at just the sight of her expression, nothing but pity showing in her eyes.
“Aw, shit,” she said, reaching out and hugging me. “No more of that right now. What can we think of that’ll make this better for just a few hours?”
“Umm… my death?” It was the first thing that popped out of my mouth.
“Pfft. Don’t be so dramatic,” Sofie scolded, her red hair flicking over her shoulder as she grabbed both my arms and squared me off in front of her.