How to Heal Yourself When No One Else Can

by Amy B. Scher

  Deserving (I’m undeserving of healing)— This block is all about believing that we don’t deserve to heal or be happy and that we are not worthy of it. This is often centered on our not feeling good enough.

  Readiness (I’m not ready to heal)— Not feeling ready to heal can play a part when we feel like things would change too fast, or there is more we need to do before we are ready to get back to life.

  Ability (I’m unable to heal)— This block is centered on believing you don’t have it in you or don’t have what it takes to heal; that you aren’t able to heal because you don’t have either the internal or the external resources to do so. This block is linked to the thought or belief that “others can heal, but I can’t.”

  Possibility (It’s impossible to heal)— Feeling like it’s not possible to heal is a belief that comes many times from the medical professionals who are trying to help you. Hearing things like you have the “most severe case” of something or that your issue is “incurable” will give ammunition to these types of beliefs. This block is built around feeling like your circumstances are just too bad.

  Wanting (I don’t want to heal)— Not wanting to heal usually results from having an upside to your challenge. Everything that we perceive as negative in our lives (such as illness) also has a positive aspect (a benefit). Sometimes, even if only at a subconscious level, the benefit we gain from the challenge prevents us from wanting to overcome the challenge.

  The important thing to know here is that there may be a ton of beliefs to work on. I mean, like mountains of them. Clearing beliefs is a marathon, not a sprint. You can only clear as fast as the beliefs reveal themselves to you. You won’t have to conquer every last one in order to heal. You just need to make a good dent in the pile.

  Narrow Down Your Beliefs

  Let’s say you have an overarching belief that it’s “unsafe to heal.” You may need to explore lots of sub-beliefs, or whys, to your one overarching belief. In other words, there may be several reasons why your body feels like it’s unsafe to heal. Examples include things like “Someone I know will be negatively affected by it,” “I will have to find a new job,” and “I won’t get as much support from Mom and Dad.” Do you see how these are all beliefs, but some could also be considered benefits or upsides to your challenge? You’re always looking for both.

  The following example list will open your eyes to the vast number of possible harmful beliefs that could be making it difficult to heal. Remember, they will likely fall into one of the major categories (safety, willingness, deserving, readiness, ability, possibility, or wanting), but the reasons behind them can be plentiful, and varied. I’m going to start you with a list here so you can brainstorm from it. Also feel free to use each belief as a suggestion and change some of the words to those that would be more fitting for you. Just as I explained when we cleared unprocessed experiences in the last chapter, you don’t have to clear or release all of your beliefs to heal. I certainly could still find some hidden ones for myself if I tried. Don’t let this process overwhelm you. Just start somewhere.

  Here are some examples of beliefs that block healing:

  • I’ll only be loved if I’m sick.

  • I’ll only be loved if I’m perfect.

  • I’m unlovable.

  • I am undeserving of love.

  • I don’t matter.

  • I am worthless.

  • I always make the wrong decision.

  • When things start to go well, something bad happens.

  • If I do what I want, other people will be unhappy.

  • Being healthy and happy at the same time is impossible.

  • I need this challenge or illness to have my needs met.

  • I need to be sick to feel safe.

  • I deserve to be sick/unhappy because of something bad I did in the past.

  • Being sick/unhappy is my punishment for doing something bad in the past.

  • If I heal, it will just come back.

  • I’ll end up alone if I heal (people only stick around because they feel bad for me).

  • It is unsafe to relax.

  • It is unsafe to be happy.

  • If I do something good for myself, someone else will be upset.

  • I’ll want to leave my relationship if I heal.

  • I can only heal with more support.

  • I’m only worthy when _______ (I’m perfect, I am doing things for others, etc.).

  • I can only heal with more money.

  • If I get well and still can’t find a partner, I’ll have no excuse.

  • Healing would prove this was my fault in the first place.

  • I will be too vulnerable if I heal.

  • I’ll have nothing to do anyway if I heal.

  • There’s no point to healing (I have no purpose worth healing for).

  • I have to forgive others in order to heal and then they’ll be off the hook.

  • I will lose my identity if I heal.

  • I need this illness or challenge because it makes me special.

  • I am too far behind to ever catch up if I heal.

  • I’ll have to live up to others’ (or my own) expectations if I heal.

  • I’ll have to be perfect to make up for all of this.

  • I’m going to let myself down.

  • I might lose my friends if I heal.

  • I don’t know how to heal.

  • People will take care of me only when I’m sick.

  • I’ll have to be more assertive if I heal.

  • I’m not strong enough to heal.

  • I don’t have what it takes to heal.

  • I’m too sensitive to heal.

  • I’m too delicate to heal.

  • I’m unable to handle treatments.

  • I need this challenge or illness as a distraction (from my unhappy life, my marriage, my job, etc.).

  • It’s unfair to the other people who are still suffering if I heal.

  • My life will change if I heal (and that’s too scary).

  • I’ll hurt my doctor’s/friends’/family’s feelings if I don’t heal their way.

  • I’ll have to be successful if I heal.

  • I’ll have to leave an unhealthy relationship if I heal.

  • It’s too much work and I don’t have the energy left to heal.

  • I’ll lose my financial benefits if I heal.

  • I might lose my support system if I heal.

  • Nothing will work anyway.

  • People only believe I’m in pain if they see me suffering physically.

  • I’ve always had this problem and I always will.

  • I’m not good enough to heal.

  • Everyone else is smarter than me so it’s easier for them.

  • I’m too damaged to heal.

  • Someone has to suffer and maybe it’s meant to be me.

  • I can grow spiritually only when I’m sick/unhappy.

  • I need this illness or challenge as an escape from family, work, or more.

  • I need this illness or challenge because it’s the only way I can say no.

  • Getting better will hurt my relationship with someone I love.

  • My life will be too stressful if I’m healthy.

  • I’ll have to be social if I heal.

  • I won’t have excuses if I fail or quit something.

  • I will have to live up to my full potential if I heal.

  • No one will take care of me if I heal.

  • I will need to figure out my life if I heal.

  • I will have to be intimate with my spouse if I heal.

  • I will have to be present for my children if I heal.

  Are you starting to see that nothing is off-limits as far as beliefs go? Good. That’s going to help you big time during this process.

  Key Questions to Identify Harmful Beliefs

  During client sessions, I have “random” beliefs come to me int
uitively all the time. Although they sometimes seem silly or farfetched, they often turn out to be true for my client and really help us move forward.

  Now that you have a good solid start, see what comes up for you when you ask yourself the following questions, which are designed to trigger ideas for beliefs. If an idea pops into your mind, go with it—it means something. If an answer comes that seems ridiculous, go with it too—it’s your subconscious mind trying to push clues forward to you. When a memory or belief pops up, write it down. We’ll learn about clearing them away in the next step.

  • Why could part of me believe I need this illness/injury/situation/challenge?

  • If I give this up, who won’t be punished anymore that I think should be?

  • Who would it hurt if I got over this issue?

  • Do I feel more powerful in some ways with this problem?

  • Does letting go of this mean I am forgetting something, or forgiving someone?

  • What would I lose without this “story”? What is the downside?

  • What do I think I have to do to make this situation go away? Is there a downside to that?

  During my own healing process, I would often ask myself, “If my brain had some crazy idea of why I shouldn’t heal, what would it be?” You’d be surprised what answers might come to you.

  Another excellent way to identify beliefs is to use your superpower of muscle testing. Simply ask your body the questions I just suggested, and keep asking them until you lead yourself right to the belief. Remember, your body will tell you what’s true for you. If you don’t think it’s beneficial for that to be true, it’s something that needs to be released or shifted, which we’ll be doing shortly.

  Muscle-testing to identify a belief might go something like this:

  Ask, “Would I hurt someone if I healed from this _______?”

  If your body says “yes,” you can continue asking.

  Ask, “Would I hurt Dad if I healed?”

  If your body says “no,” keep guessing with family, friends, colleagues, and whoever else comes to mind.

  Tip: This is a place where generational beliefs can show up. If you suspect this, you might want to use muscle testing to check it out. Ask something like, “Is there a generational belief causing stress in my body?” (Remember, you can revise the question to address whatever challenge you are currently working on to be more specific than “stress in my body”). If you get a “yes,” you’ll have to figure out what it is based on what you know about past generations.

  When coming up with beliefs, you’ll want to try to use positive statements, like we did with muscle testing, so as not to confuse the body during the clearing process. That means instead of “I won’t have my needs met without this illness or challenge,” you’d want to work with the belief “I can only have my needs met when I have this illness or challenge.” As another example, “I always make the wrong decision” is clearer than “I never make the right decisions.” When muscle-testing, using the clearest form of the belief will really help ensure that all of your responses are accurate.

  Hopefully you now have a head full of beliefs swirling around. The subconscious mind usually has lots of “great” (or so it thinks!) ideas on why we shouldn’t overcome our challenges.

  We’re going to talk about exactly what to do with these harmful beliefs now.

  Find Out If You Need to Know More

  With some beliefs, the only requirement from our body to clear them will be to simply be aware of the beliefs themselves. For other beliefs, our bodies will not let them go until we identify the origin point of each belief—in other words, where the heck it came from in the first place. Because beliefs come from our early experiences, where we gathered most of our data about life, this means we’ll need to find the original unprocessed experience each belief was built on.

  I have not been able to find a specific reason as to why the body will require us to identify some experiences before it will let go of the beliefs attached, but will not require us to do the same with other experiences. The interesting thing I’ve seen over and over again is that there is more of a propensity to understand and dissect beliefs when we start this work, but over time, the body becomes more focused on just clearing and letting go. It’s as if the subconscious mind says, “I don’t need to know every little detail. I trust this process now!”

  Either way, it’s important to find out what it will take for your body to let go of each belief in order to move forward. There is really only one way to know for sure, and it’s through muscle testing.

  Here’s what to ask using muscle testing: “Do I need to know more about the belief _______ (state the belief) before I can release it?”

  If you get a “yes,” your body is saying there is more that needs to be brought to your attention before you can really heal from it, and that’s okay. I often joke with my clients about this, reassuring them that they simply have a “nosy” subconscious that day. No big deal. Use muscle testing and ask, “Do I need to find an unprocessed experience that created this belief ?”

  If you get a “yes,” what you’re going to do is jump back to chapter 7 where you learned how to find and clear unprocessed experiences. Use the process of finding unprocessed experiences but alter the muscle-testing question to refer to the belief you are working with. It might look something like: “Is this belief linked to an experience that happened between the ages of 0–20?” Continue like this until you figure out the age and the experience. You are essentially going back to find where your body got the idea that this belief was true. Then, once you’ve found and cleared the experience, come right back and you’ll have done all you need to continue.

  If you get a “no” from your body about needing to work with an unprocessed experience, your body is saying that you need to know something else about the belief. This is often a process of guess and check. Using muscle testing, ask if the belief is linked to a person. Or maybe it’s connected to school. Just keep guessing until you get some more details.

  When you get a “yes” for one of your questions, repeat this question: “Do I need to know more about the belief _______ (state the belief) before I can release it?”

  Eventually you will get a “no,” which means your body is ready to release the belief. It has brought to light all that it needs to.

  Note: If you are still working on the art of muscle testing and are not confident in it quite yet, you can err on the side of caution and assume your body is saying, “Yes, I’m nosy and I need to know more.” Go back to chapter 7 to find and clear unprocessed experiences related to the belief, then come right back here when you’re ready to continue. Remember, it will never hurt to clear experiences, so even if it’s not absolutely necessary to this process, you can be sure it’s benefitting you in some way.

  For generational beliefs, it’s usually not necessary to find a connected experience, but it can be good to check.

  Clearing Harmful Beliefs with Two Techniques

  Like most energetic imbalances, harmful beliefs can create big blocks, but they usually aren’t all that difficult to release. Phew. There are just a few parts to successful reprogramming:

  • Acknowledgment. Are you seeing a pattern here? We need to acknowledge that we have this belief and that it’s not working for us anymore. Sometimes we need to acknowledge the origin of this belief—whether it be a specific event in our lives, something someone said to us, or another source.

  • Trust. Talk to your subconscious mind like a trusted, compassionate, kind companion. We need the subconscious mind to feel safe enough to relax and accept these directions to release old beliefs.

  • Replacement. Find a new or healthier belief you want to install or replace for the subconscious mind to use instead. We want to offer it another, more fulfilling option instead of leaving it void.

  You are going to learn two very effective ways to clear beliefs: The Sweep and Chakra Tapping . This will give you wonderful options to use. These techn
iques can be used independently or, if needed, as a powerful combination.

  The Sweep

  The Sweep is a simple technique that clears beliefs by gently sweeping them right on out of the subconscious mind.

  The subconscious and conscious minds are designed to work together, like a buddy system. As you know, the subconscious mind’s programming originated in experiences, thoughts, and messages. In other words, it’s open to influence from the conscious mind and our perceptions, directions, and more. We get to use the very same thing that got us in this place to get us out. With The Sweep, we’re going to be sending directions to the subconscious mind that ask it to release those beliefs that aren’t working for us. You can equate this to a focused meditation where we ask your subconscious mind to let old ideas be gently guided out and a new idea to be gently guided in.

  We’re going to use specific verbiage to do this. The Sweep is not a form of hypnosis, but it does use words that will relax the body and brain enough to allow us to change its programming. The phrase “I am now free … ,” which appears in almost every sentence, is key to the process. Freedom is a natural human desire, and it is counterintuitive, as humans, to resist it in any way. Since the subconscious mind resists so much, we are speaking the body’s language here so that it works with us.

  You might want to record this verbiage on your phone or other recording device so you can listen along to it and relax deeply while going through this process.

  Just take it slow, really trying to sink into the words. If your mind wanders, it’s okay. That can happen sometimes with this technique. Additionally, your wandering mind may be a sign that there are energies associated with those thoughts trying to clear. Just let go and allow the process to unfold.

  Yawning, sighing, getting the chills, feeling emotional, burping, or stomach gurgling are all good signs of release. Just slow down to let your body process if you need to at any point. There is no need to hurry.

  Step 1: Connect with Your Inner Being or Higher Power— I usually have clients place their hands over their heart to connect to their inner being or higher self. However, if you feel called to place your hands somewhere else, perhaps over an area that needs healing, feel free to do that instead.