It was Sunday morning, and Gavin knew it was going to be rough for Gracie. He wasn't sure if it would help or hurt the way she saw him and felt about him. It was the six month anniversary of Jack's death, and everyone was getting together for dinner. Gavin had dealt with some of the gang and their parents since he'd been home, but it was the first time he was seeing them all together, and he was having a bit of a hard time with the thought. Gracie had taken off before the sun even came up, and he was pretty sure she was having a hard time already as well. He got ready and knew there was something he needed to do. It was something that scared the shit out of him, and he had to face it alone.
Gavin stopped to get flowers before pulling into the cemetery. He'd had his mom draw out where to go just after he'd gotten home, but he hadn't been there yet. He stopped his car, grabbed the flowers, and took a deep breath before closing his door and walking to the one spot he'd dreaded going. Being there was going to make it all real, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. If he tried hard enough, he could just pretend Jack was off saving the world someplace else. That wouldn't be the case anymore.
He walked to the grave his mom had circled and looked down at the stone. Seeing Jack's name instantly brought tears to his eyes. He put his flowers down with the ones that were already there and took a step back. Amazing son, brother, friend, and soldier. That was what it said, and it was true. He was the best of everything. He leaned down and wiped away the dirt that had blown onto his best friend's stone. Then he got up and quietly stood as tears rolled down his cheeks. He knew it wasn't going to be easy, but he hadn't realized just how hard it would be.
“I let you down,” he said softly. “I'm so sorry.”
Gavin felt a hand touch his shoulder and jumped to dry his tears.
“Still blaming yourself,” he heard Lisa say. “You need to stop doing that. He went because he wanted to make a difference.”
“It was supposed to be me,” he said, as he turned to her. “We switched spots that day.”
“Gavin,” she said, as she grabbed both of his shoulders and looked into his eyes. “You can't change anything that happened that day. I'm proud of you both. You're going to make a great firefighter. I know your parents are worried, but you have to do what you want, and not what Jack would want either.”
“I am,” he said. “I love being at the station and the classes are going great. It's definitely what I want. It makes me happy. The guys are great too. I wouldn't change it.”
“How's Gracie?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” he asked, feeling nervous.
“Don't give me that shit,” she said. “You know what I mean. I know the two of you are spending time together. I've seen a big change in her lately. She was working every waking moment before. I was so worried. She seems different, like things are getting a little better for her. You seem different too.”
Gavin stood silent. There was no way he wanted to say anything to give away what was going on. That was something he needed to let Gracie tell if she wanted to.
“Do you have feelings for her, Gavin?” Lisa asked, and he wasn't sure what to do.
He hadn't even told Gracie how he felt. How could he tell her mother?
“I'm asking you to be honest with me,” she said when he didn't answer. “Do you have feelings for my daughter?”
“Yes,” he said in almost a whisper. “I didn't do it on purpose. I tried not to, I really did.”
“What are you going to do about it?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he answered.
“Why not?”
“She's Jack's sister,” he said.
“He'd want you to live your life,” she said.
“Not with his little sister,” he answered.
“You can't help how you feel,” she said.
“He asked me to watch out for her,” he said.
“And you are,” she said. “I know you are.”
“He'd be pissed,” Gavin said, as he shook his head.
“I think he'd want you both to be happy. He'd know you would take care of her. He'd know she wouldn't be hurting anymore.”
“I'd never hurt her,” Gavin said.
“I know that,” she said.
“Josh would kick my ass,” he said.
“Maybe he'd want to at first,” she said. “He'd get over it. He loves you, Gavin. I think he'd be happy once he thought about it.”
Lisa pulled him in and hugged him tight.
“You need to do what's best for you,” she said. “Don't worry about everyone else. I'll see you at dinner. Please make sure you're there.”
“I will be,” he said.
Then she was gone. He stood looking down at Jack's name for a few minutes before finally speaking.
“I'm so sorry,” he began. “Please don't hate me. I swear I tried to leave her alone. You know how she is. You were the one that made her write to me. I guess I should be blaming it on you. When we were gone, I couldn't wait to hear from her. I started caring a lot for her. She kept me going. I couldn't wait to get home to her. I was just hoping she'd feel the same way. When it happened, and we lost you, I was pissed at myself and the rest of the world. I was a total asshole. I knew she had to hate me, and nothing mattered anymore. She saved me, Jack. Nobody was there. My dad wanted me at the company, and my mom wanted to make sure I was okay, but nobody knew how bad I was hurting and how fast I was falling into darkness. I got a bike and rode. I got tattoos. I even went to the fire station. That stuff helped, but I couldn't stop dreaming and seeing your face. It hurt so damn bad every time it happened. I couldn't pull myself out of the mind fuck it sent me in each night. She was the one. I was broken, and she gave me a reason to keep going. Gracie didn't take off. She stayed right there. I even yelled at her and tried to push her away, but she wouldn't have it. She's amazing Jack.”
Gavin heard a sniffle come from behind him, but he didn't turn around.
“I love you,” she said through her tears. “You were the one that saved me.”
She walked around Gavin and turned to face him.
“You were the only one that knew I was suffering,” she said. “I sat in that bar so many nights trying to make the pain go away. If I was numb, it didn't feel as bad. I was able to actually sleep instead of cry. I couldn't believe you walked through that door, threw me over your shoulder, and carried me out of there. I thought you'd give up, but you didn't. After a while, I wasn't going there to drink anymore. I was going there to see you. Each time you took me home, I got a little bit more of you, and I didn't want it to stop. That night you didn't show up, I was heartbroken. I thought you'd given up but you hadn't. When I knocked on your door and saw that you were as broken as me, I knew I'd never give up on you either.”
“Your mom was here,” he said.
“I know,” she said. “She called me, but I was already on my way here.”
“I've never been here before,” he said.
“I haven't been here since the funeral,” she said. “I can't believe it's been six months.”
“Me either,” he said. “It feels like it was yesterday.”
“I miss him so much,” she said.
Gavin wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close.
“Me too,” he said.
Gavin took her chin in his hand and lifted it. His eyes were on hers.
“As much as I've tried not to, I can't stay away from you,” he said.
“What happens now?” she asked.
“Tell your man and that punk at the office you're not interested,” he said, and she burst into laughter. “I'll kick some ass if I need to.”
Gracie shook her head and hugged him tight.
“I want to do something,” he said. “I've got to get my dad and all the guys involved. Maybe they can all help me out.”
“What?” she asked.
“I want to start something for guys like me and women who come home lost. They don't all have someone to help pick them up. I don't know wher
e I'd be without you. I'd like to help them somehow. Does that make sense?”
“It makes perfect sense,” she said. “Can I be a part of it?”
“Of course,” he said. “You can be as big a part as you'd like to be.”
“You're not just talking about the vets are you?” she asked.
Gavin smiled, pulled her in close, and held her as they stood in silence. He had no idea what was going to happen in his life, but he knew he wanted Gracie to be a part of everything he did from then on. He'd already won over her mom. He only had her dad, his parents, and the entire crew left to go.
Chapter 41
Gracie
Gavin and Gracie left the cemetery at the same time. She was going back to her parents to help her dad cook. It had been a long time since they'd had to cook for their entire extended family. Gavin promised he'd be there for dinner, but she wasn't totally sure he was actually going to show up. She could see how hard he was struggling with the day and the thought of seeing all of them together.
Jessie was the only one not coming, and Gracie was worried about her. She seemed different when Gracie had tried to call her those last couple of months. There was no way she was going to mention it to Gavin though. He had enough going on. Jessie said she was fine but busy with everything between school ending and working at a new hospital. It made sense, so Gracie let it go knowing that Julie was there with her and that she would mention anything strange was going on. Julie was going to be late for dinner, but she would be there. She was driving in from the place she shared with Jessie. They'd both only been out of school for a few months, and Becky had mentioned only a week earlier that Julie was avoiding the subject of moving back home.
The families began arriving and Gracie felt her nerves getting to her. They were all going to be there for the six month mark of her brother's passing, and she wasn't sure she could handle it. Each parent and crew hugged her and asked how she was. With a smile on her face, she assured each of them that she was fine. Her mom came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her.
“Where is he?” she asked.
“He'll be here,” Gracie whispered.
“How was he at the cemetery?” her mom asked.
“He was okay,” Gracie answered. “He had never been there.”
“If he doesn't show up, I'm going to drive over there,” her mom began.
“Stop,” Gracie said, cutting her off. “I'm sure he'll be here.”
“You care about him,” her mom whispered.
“Not today,” Gracie said. “I've got too much going on. I have to get dinner on the table. I'll see you in a bit.”
Gracie stepped away from her mom and hurried to the kitchen. The closer she got to having everything ready to eat, the more nervous she became. He wasn't there. Was he really coming? If he didn't, she knew she couldn't just leave to go to him. Everyone was there. Her dad would kick her butt, not mention wonder where she was going.
“Hey, Gavin,” she heard, just as she'd set the last dish out on the counter.
Gracie peeked around the door to the living room to see her mom pull Gavin in for a hug. Then she watched him nervously hug each person who walked up to him to ask how he was doing. Gracie was proud of him for showing up. Nobody blamed Gavin for what happened to Jack, but that didn't change how he felt about himself. She saw his eyes move to hers and quickly backed into the kitchen. A few seconds later, she felt her pocket vibrate and pulled her phone out to check her message.
Gavin: What was that about?
Gracie: What do you mean? I needed to get back to the food.
Gavin: You okay?
Gracie: Just trying to make it through the day. You okay?
Gavin: As long as your here. This is even harder than I thought.
Gracie: You're doing great. Just keep that smile on like you always do.
Gavin: I bet you're doing the same.
Gracie: I don't know what you're talking about.
Her dad walked through the door and she quickly shoved her phone back into her pocket.
“You ready?” he asked. “We haven't done this in a long time. Thank you for helping me.”
“You know I'm always here, dad,” she said. “I love cooking with you.”
Her dad pulled her in for a hug. Then he walked out into the other room to let everyone know dinner was ready. Each of the kids and parents came through to fill their plates. It gave Gracie such a sense of accomplishment to see how excited they each were to eat her food. Big Gavin stopped and pulled her in to hug her.
“Thank you for doing all of this,” he said. “I bet Jack is so proud watching from above. You're an amazing cook, Gracie.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I hope I make him proud.”
“You make us all proud,” Big Gavin said before moving on to fill his plate.
“The food looks great,” Ethan said, as he stopped to pull her in for a hug before grabbing his plate. “We need to go to lunch while I'm home. I've missed talking to you. You've been blowing me off for too long.”
“Get your plate,” Gavin said from behind Ethan. “You're holding up the line.”
“You're the last one in the line,” Ethan said, as he turned back to Gavin. “You can go ahead of me if you'd like.”
Gracie saw the look on Gavin's face. Just when he opened his mouth and took a step toward Gracie, she cut him off.
“We can talk at the table,” she said. “Get your food while it's hot.”
Ethan shrugged and began filling his plate. When he walked out the door to go into the other room, Gavin handed her a plate, but she shook her head.
“I'll eat later. I'm not really hungry,” she said.
He shook his head and began filling the plate in his hand.
“You need to eat,” he said. “I'll make it for you then.”
She watched him move around the room and couldn't help but laugh when she noticed what he'd left off her plate and what he'd added.
“What?” he asked. “You don't think I've paid attention over the years? I know what you like and don't like. Come on, I'll carry it out there for you.”
“No,” she said nervously. “I'll carry my own plate.”
“What's going on?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she answered. “I'm fine.”
“This is me your lying to, not them,” he said. “You okay?”
“I'm fine,” she answered.
Gracie took her plate and waited for him to get his too. Then she walked out ahead of him.
“Here,” Ethan said, as he stood to take her plate from her. “I saved you a seat next to me.”
Gracie heard Gavin mumble something as she walked around the table to sit next to Ethan.
“I have a seat for you right here, Gavin,” Gracie's mom said with a smile. “You get to sit with me.”
Gavin walked over and sat down, but he didn't take his eyes off of Gracie. She smiled at him hoping he'd know that she hadn't planned on sitting next to Ethan. It was Gavin she wanted to be with. He needed her support as much as she needed his. She could see her mom whispering in his ear and was watching his reaction. He shook his head and said something back, and Gracie wanted so badly to know what they were talking about. Was he having a hard time? Was it about Jack? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“You okay?” Ethan asked.
“I'm fine,” she said. “I'm always fine.”
“Gracie,” Ethan said. “You know I care about you. Why have you been avoiding me?”
“Not now, Ethan,” she said, as she stood up, grabbed her plate, and walked into the kitchen.
“Maybe she doesn't think you're so cute anymore,” Gavin said with a laugh.
“How would you know?” Ethan grumbled.
Gracie shook her head but didn't stop listening, as she grabbed the cheesecakes she'd made.
“Anyone ready for dessert?” she asked, as she walked back through the door.
“Cheesecake,” Ethan said. “That was Jack's favorite.
Gracie looked over at Gavin with a sad smile. It wasn't just Jack's favorite.
“Yes,” she said. “It was.”
She cut a huge piece and put it on a plate. Then she moved forward to hand it to Gavin, but Ethan intercepted it instead. She sent Gavin an I'm sorry look. His eyes moved to Ethan and then back to her. Gavin stood up, and she felt her stomach drop as if she were on a crazy ride. What was he doing, she wondered? Was he going to say something to Ethan? Gracie was so nervous. She looked over at her dad and mom to see a huge smile on her mom's face. Her dad's eyes had a look of concern that only had her freaking out that much more inside.
“I have something to say,” Gavin said.
Gracie knew her eyes were as wide as saucers. She sent him a warning glare, but he just smiled. It wasn't the fake one he'd had on his face anytime family was around those past six months either. It was a genuine smile, and she couldn't help but smile back. Gavin moved to take a step away from the table, and Gracie felt her nerves going wild. What was he doing, she wondered? There was no way he was outing them at the table around everyone they loved and knew. Her dad would lose it. What would Gavin's parents think? Her mind was running crazy. She felt the sudden urge to run. What the heck was he about to say?
“I've had a very hard time these last six months,” he began.
She glared at him again, but he didn't stop.
“I lost my best friend, and for a long time, I blamed myself.”
His eyes were locked on Gracie's. She shook her head, but he just smiled wider.
“I'm going to school to become a firefighter and work at the station he worked at before we left. I love being there. It helps me so much,” he said.
Gracie saw his mom watching him. Then she saw a sad look in his dad's eyes.
“When I came home, I was suffering. There was one person that noticed. She saw right through my fake smile.”
Saved by Love (Bachelor Billionaire Kids #1) Page 19