No Shelter Trilogy (Omnibus, Books 1-3)

by T. S. Welti

  The third biggest regret of my life is now a toss-up between having sex with Isaac four weeks ago and having sex with Isaac last night.

  I get dressed and slip on my boots and jacket in record time.

  “Where are you going?” Isaac says, as I tie my scarf around my neck.

  “To the restroom.”

  “Hey, come here.”

  He sits up in the freezing cave, bare-chested, and beckons me to him. I kneel in front of him and he kisses the corner of my mouth.

  “Last night was pretty amazing,” he whispers.

  “Yeah,” I say. “Can I go now? I really have to go… you know.”

  “Yeah, go do your business.”

  I scuttle out of the cave as quickly as I can without waking anyone else. Daedric is sitting on a boulder watching the sunrise. My nerves hum beneath my skin as I step quietly toward him. His head twitches when he hears me approaching, but he doesn’t turn around. My confidence falters for a moment and I consider turning back.

  “Getting psyched up for that sock race?” I say, and immediately I regret my awkward attempt at humor.

  “I know why you’re here and I don’t want to talk right now,” he replies.

  I stand behind him absorbing the rejection in waves. I turn around and wade toward the cave without another word. Isaac watches as I enter and I try to hide my devastation by stretching my lips into a smile.

  I learned in school that humans can spot a phony smile almost instantly because a genuine smile shows in the eyes. Since the day I read that, I’ve always made a conscious effort to extend my phony smiles into every muscle of my face. But right now I can hardly spread the smile to my cheeks. It’s no surprise when Isaac doesn’t smile back.

  “Where’s Daedric?” he asks, as he pulls a box of matches from my backpack, which has become our backpack now.

  The same way my sleeping bag has become our sleeping bag. My body has become our body. The only thing Isaac and I don’t share these days is straightforward communication.

  “He’s outside.”

  “Well, you might want to go back out there and tell him we need more wood.”

  I shake my head. “You tell him. I’m going to take a nap then I’m going hunting,” I say, as I peel off my scarf and jacket.

  “We’re leaving in less than two hours.”

  “Then wake me up in thirty minutes.”

  I lay my head on the pillowed headrest of the sleeping bag and close my eyes. I don’t know if Isaac is still staring at me with that look of incredulity and I don’t care. I’m exhausted.

  I was four when Lara was born. In my only memory of my mother’s pregnancy, my mother is lying on the floor of our two-bedroom apartment with the brown carpet. I’m sitting next to her rubbing her belly as she complains about turning thirty years old. I don’t remember if she’s complaining about the party my dad has planned for her or about getting old, but I remember thinking she couldn’t possibly be old because old people didn’t have babies.

  When I explained this to her she laughed and gave me my first lecture on the birds and the bees. I don’t remember the lecture, but my mom always filled in the last part whenever she forced me to tell this story. My mother thought this was so funny that when she explained how babies grew inside a “protective bubble” inside a mother’s body I refused to touch her for three weeks for fear I would pop the bubble.

  I’ve come a long way from that scared child.

  I wake from my nap and immediately I slip on my hunting gloves. Isaac doesn’t bother trying to stop me. He doesn’t even look at me.

  “Where are Daedric and Eve?” I ask Mary.

  “They went to get firewood,” Elysia calls out to me from the other side of the cave.

  She’s sitting cross-legged on Eve’s sleeping bag reading the back of a box of bar soap.

  I pull Undine’s Daughter out of my backpack and toss it onto the ground in front of her. She picks up the book and gapes at the bright-blue cover.

  “Thanks, Nada,” she says, as she lies on her stomach and begins to read.

  “I’ll go with you,” Mary says, as she ties her hood tightly around her face.

  She follows me outside where we venture down the rocky hillside, which is partially covered in snow. I try not to slip on the icy rocks as we descend toward the sparsely wooded area at the base of the hill.

  “What do you expect to find down there?” Mary says.

  “There are plenty of places to find burrows down there,” I reply, though I hate the idea of passing on my hunting knowledge to Mary. “There’s probably some rabbits or snakes.”

  “Snakes?” Mary cries. “Can you try to catch a snake when I’m not around?”

  “Snakes are a good source of protein. If you can’t handle this then head back.”

  Please go back.

  We reach the bottom of the hill and Mary smiles at me. “Let’s slaughter some snakes.”

  My eyes comb the rocky landscape, taking in every crevice and shrub, looking for the slightest movement. Mary practically stomps toward a cluster of shrubs and I grab her arm to stop her.

  “This is why I hunt alone,” I whisper. “You have to walk softly or you’re going to scare everything away.”

  Mary rolls her eyes. “Fine. You go ahead and I’ll watch.”

  I move slowly toward the same cluster of shrubs and a rabbit emerges from beneath the leaves and dashes away. I don’t want to look at Mary and encourage a sarcastic remark about how my technique is working so well. She doesn’t understand that sometimes the animals get the best of you and sometimes you get the best of them. If the prey never stood a chance we wouldn’t have to walk softly.

  I spot a bird nest in the branches of a twisted juniper tree not much taller than I. I don’t bother hatchlings, but where there are hatchlings a busy mother can’t be too far away. I’ve never hesitated about these things before. It’s us or them. But suddenly the idea of leaving a cluster of eggs or baby birds without a mother makes me cringe.

  “What are you looking at?” Mary whispers.

  I point into the top branches of the tree. “There’s a nest up there,” I whisper.

  “Do you think there are eggs?” she whispers. “I miss eggs.”

  I tear my eyes away from the nest and move past the juniper tree.

  “Aren’t you going to check the nest?” Mary whispers.

  I shake my head. “It’s too small. Whatever bird made it, it won’t be big enough to feed any of us.”

  Mary won’t know I’m lying, but that doesn’t matter. The daunting reality is that I’ve now allowed two potential meals to get away from me. Maybe Isaac is right. Maybe I shouldn’t be out here.

  My concerns over Mary taking my place are carried further from my mind as I lead Mary farther into the forest. I stop when we reach a large stretch of frozen land.

  “Are we ever going to catch something?” Mary whines.

  I squint at the glare of the sunrise on the snow. “The frozen land isn’t supposed to reach this far south,” I say.

  “So… what are you getting at?”

  “I’m saying the Northern Sector is growing,” I reply, unable to contain my smile. “I have to tell Isaac. We’re almost there.”

  “I don’t think Isaac would believe that,” says a voice behind us.

  I turn around and Isaac looks annoyed. “Were you following us?” I ask.

  “No, I wasn’t following you. Eve sent me to get you. When she found out I let you go hunting she threw a fit. She’s pissed.”

  Eve… pissed?

  I turn to Mary and she looks just as confused by these two words being used in the same sentence.

  We follow Isaac back to the cave and Eve is standing outside waiting for us. Once she catches sight of me she turns on her heel and disappears into the cave. I follow her inside and watch her sit next to Elysia and pretend to read Undine’s Daughter.

  “Scoot over,” I say, motioning for them to make space for me between them.

>   Elysia moves aside and I grab the book from her and begin to read. I read twenty-seven pages aloud before anyone speaks.

  “We have to get going,” Daedric says. “Let’s pack up.”

  I hand the book back to Elysia and Eve grabs my arm before I’m able to stand.

  “You scared me,” she whispers. “You can’t hunt with Vic out there.”

  The way her eyes plead with me makes my throat ache.

  “I won’t. I promise.”

  CHAPTER 9

  The satisfied grin on Isaac’s face is nauseating. He knows how important hunting is to me. He could at least attempt to display a little empathy or concern. Over the past three weeks since we left the cabin, we’ve depended as much on the food Eve and I catch as we do on the food we brought from the cabin. And our supply is running out quickly.

  “Stop looking so devastated,” Isaac says, as we hike through a rocky valley. “We’ll get plenty of food from the traps.”

  This is a lie and Isaac knows it. Everyone here knows it’s a lie. The traps only succeed about a third of the time. Whether Isaac admits it or not, someone is going to have to take my place and it will probably be a combination of Mary and Daedric or Mary and Isaac.

  “I can hunt,” Mary chimes in. “I’ve hunted with Daedric and Isaac before. I’m not totally useless.”

  “No one said you’re useless,” I reply. “I don’t care who hunts, but that doesn’t change the fact that Vic is out there somewhere.”

  “You don’t know that,” Isaac says. “He might have gone south after he found us at the courthouse. He probably still thinks we’re on our way to Umbra.”

  I shake my head. “Listen to yourself, Isaac. Do you even remember how to tell the truth?”

  “Real classy, Nada,” he replies.

  “Yeah, so is trying to get everyone’s hopes up when you know they’re going to be let down,” I reply.

  We hike in silence for more than two hours before I have to rest. My foot and my lower back are killing me. I sit on a rock and remove my boot to change the bandage on my foot.

  “You can’t keep changing the bandage or we’ll run out of bandages,” Daedric says as I reach for the pocket where he keeps the bandages in his backpack.

  “Are you cutting me off?” I say.

  “Do what you want to do,” he replies. “I’m just asking you to think of the fact that we’re about one week into a five-month journey.”

  “Don’t listen to him, Nada,” Isaac says, as he kneels next me to help change my bandage.

  And just like that, our spat is forgotten. As usual, Isaac and I have banded together against a common enemy: common sense.

  I push Isaac’s hands away and slip my foot back into my boot. “I still need to rest,” I say, and I beckon Elysia to my side. “Let’s read.”

  For four days straight, we only travel twenty to twenty-five miles. Not only is the terrain too rugged for my foot to heal, but Mary and Isaac’s failed hunting trips have caused our food supply to dwindle to less than ten days worth.

  We find a snow-covered ledge just big enough for us to camp out under—if Daedric and Mary consolidate space and sleep together. Surprisingly, it’s not Mary or Daedric, or even me, who have a problem with this suggestion.

  “I don’t think it’s necessary,” Isaac says, as I lay out our sleeping bag. “There’s plenty of space for both bags.”

  Mary tries to hide her grin, but she fails miserably. Daedric appears on the verge of punching Isaac in the face.

  “Mary can sleep with us,” Elysia suggests, and I want to hug her for being so innocent.

  “She doesn’t need to sleep with you,” Daedric says. “Maybe she should sleep with you, Isaac.”

  “Maybe you should mind your own business,” Isaac replies.

  “This is my business,” Daedric replies.

  “Okay, I think that’s enough,” I interject. “Daedric and Mary are sleeping together or Mary and I are trading. And that’s it.”

  Isaac smirks as if he’s actually considering this suggestion. “Sweet dreams,” he says.

  I don’t want to sleep anywhere near him after that comment, but I have no choice. I climb inside the sleeping bag then immediately turn away from him and close my eyes so I don’t have to watch Daedric and Mary lying next to each other. Isaac climbs in after me and, somehow, puts enough space between us that we’re not touching.

  Something has shifted and I have a feeling it has to do with the unsuccessful hunting expeditions Isaac and Mary have been going on together.

  It only takes a few minutes for Isaac to scoot over and drape his arm over my waist. I pick up his hand and place it behind my back. He doesn’t protest or make any further attempts to get close to me.

  Something has definitely shifted, and I think it’s Isaac’s radiant façade.

  Isaac wakes me just before dawn. I turn around to face him and I’m alarmed by his appearance. He looks as if he hasn’t slept all night. His hair is stuck to his head in places and his eyes are sunken in. He notices me looking him over and ruffles his hair to make himself appear purposely disheveled.

  “Can you go hunting with me today?” he asks, practically begs.

  “I promised Eve I wouldn’t,” I reply. “What’s wrong with Mary?”

  He’s opens his mouth to answer my question when I stop him. “Please, Isaac, I beg you… please don’t lie to me.”

  “She’s… She keeps trying to bring up the past,” he says, his face full of anguish. “She’s trying to get me to slip up.”

  My rage for Mary builds until Isaac’s left eyebrow begins to twitch. I’ve never told Isaac how I’m always able to figure out when he’s lying. If I told him, he’d use this to his advantage and purposely make his eyebrow twitch when he’s telling the truth. This is the kind of person I’m having a child with.

  I tap my foot inside the sleeping bag nervously. I’m nervous because I don’t know how to fix any of this. I’m nervous because, if I don’t fix it, I’ll be stuck with Isaac for the rest of my life in an underground city that would force me into an arranged marriage if I didn’t want to live with Isaac anymore.

  “What are you thinking?” he whispers, clearly worried that I know he’s lying and I’m planning my next move in silence.

  It seems my relationship with Isaac has been one gigantic game of chess, and he’s always been one step ahead.

  “I’m thinking that you should take Mary with you,” I whisper. “It’s not my problem if you can’t control yourself when she’s supposedly throwing herself at you. I can’t believe you have such little faith in yourself, you’d rather put me in danger than take her hunting.”

  “That’s not what I’m trying to do. It’s just…”

  “What? You can’t resist her charms?” I say, but this time I don’t bother to whisper. “Oh, please… She’s despicable. She doesn’t care who or what she steps on to get what she wants. If you find that irresistible then maybe you two belong together.”

  I slide out of the sleeping bag and yank my coat and boots on. I glance at Daedric and Mary before I leave. Daedric’s eyes are open. Mary’s are closed, but I’m certain she’s just pretending to be asleep. The same way she was pretending to be interested in learning to hunt.

  Isaac follows me into the snow, pulling his boots on as he hops after me. “Nada, don’t let her do this again. You’re letting her get between us.”

  “Don’t try to pull your little mind tricks on me, Isaac. I already know how they work and, frankly, I’m disgusted by them.”

  Isaac chuckles. “You find me disgusting?”

  “Yes, sometimes I find your lack of morals and your slick little mind games disgusting. Does that surprise you?”

  He looks angry enough to hit me. Instead, he takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. “We can talk about this when you’re less angry.”

  “Oh, give me a break, Isaac. This isn’t going away. As long you are who you are you’re going to keep manipulating people and as long a
s I am who I am I’m going to keep resisting your manipulation, so why don’t we just take care of this now.”

  He shakes his head. “No. We are not ending this here. You’re upset and I’m upset and this is a bad time to talk about this.”

  He turns to leave and I don’t know whether to tear my hair out or collapse into a heap of sobs. I decide instead to climb on top of the ledge we’ve camped out beneath. I sit cross-legged on the ledge and a moment later Daedric appears next to me.

  “You need to talk?” he asks.

  I suck in a sharp breath and the tears begin to fall. “I’m so sorry I screwed everything up.”

  Daedric puts an arm around my shoulder and pulls me toward him. “Hey, don’t get all twisted in knots. It’s not like you stabbed me in the heart, or anything.”

  “Shut up. That’s not funny.”

  “Come on, Nada. I always knew I was going to lose to him. I’m fine… really.”

  “No, Daedric, you don’t understand. I really screwed everything up.”

  “It’s not that bad.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Daedric, I’m pregnant.”

  The silence that follows this declaration makes me want to dig a hole in the snow and bury myself. I wait for his response and soon enough it comes.

  He drops his hand from my shoulder and I turn to him. His blonde hair brushes his jaw and his knit cap casts a shadow over his green eyes. He closes his eyes for a moment. Maybe he’s trying to take it in. Maybe he’s trying to think of a tactful response.

  He gets to his feet and looks down at me with a weak smile. “Congratulations.”

  CHAPTER 10

  I sit on the ledge with my knees curled up to my face as I stare at my boots. Daedric’s reaction to my news was worse than I expected. I expected anger or disgust, but I never expected kindness.

  Finally, Isaac comes out from beneath the ledge and stares at me. I don’t know what, if anything, Daedric has said, but I can tell by the look on Isaac’s face that he knows I told Daedric. Again, I expect Isaac to be pleased that I finally fessed up, but he actually appears concerned.