“It sounds like a good day,” I said.
“Uh huh.” She glanced longingly at the freezer. “Can I have dessert now?”
Looking down at my watch, I sighed. It was almost her bedtime and if I gave her sugar now, it would be even harder for her to pass out again.
“Why don’t we watch a movie?” Luke suggested. “I think I saw some sorbet in the freezer. It’s practically fruit.”
Nil’s eyes pleaded with me. “Can we?”
It wasn’t her big blue eyes that got to me; it was Luke’s unspoken words. He didn’t want this night to end and surprisingly neither did I.
“Fine,” I said. “Go pick out a movie. I’ll dish out the ice cream.”
Nil took off running to the living room while Luke cleaned up the dishes. Dumping them in the sink, he followed after her. When I took the strawberry sorbet out of the freezer, two rolls of cookie dough caught my eye. One was chocolate chip and one was double chocolate. Screw eating healthy, cookies sounded better. As I walked into the living room to ask which cookie dough flavor she and Luke preferred, I stopped in the doorway. They were cuddled on the couch together, laughing. It was like looking at the family we could have had been, if Luke had never left.
SWITCHING OFF THE TV, Luke scooped up a sleeping Nil and carried her off to her bedroom. As I waited for him to come back, I nervously fiddled with the blanket tucked around my legs. We hadn’t had a minute alone since the night he appeared on my front porch. When Luke shuffled back into the living room with a look of exhaustion on his face, I couldn’t help but grin. Today, he truly felt what it was like to be a parent.
“The front door is right there if you want to bail,” I joked.
He collapsed on the sofa. “How do you do it?”
“Coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.” I nabbed the last chocolate chip cookie off the plate. “Sugar also helps.”
Luke smiled. “You always were a kickass baker.”
“Pastry school helped hone my skills but definitely didn’t help my waist line.”
The freshman fifteen was nothing compared to the culinary school twenty-five. Every day, you’re around food, smelling it, tasting it, and cooking it. Extra pounds were inevitable. Luke eyes roamed over my body as he underdressed me with my eyes.
“I like a little extra meat on my women. More to grab onto.”
I smacked his leg. “You’re such a horn dog. Jesus, no wonder you’re a musician.”
When I went to remove my hand, he grabbed onto it and turned my palm upwards. With his finger he lightly traced my lifeline. Mesmerized at his touch, a spark of desire ignited in my stomach.
“In all seriousness though, you’re perfect exactly how you are.” His gaze lifted. “I can’t believe I walked out on the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
This was exactly the kind of situation where common sense tended to fly out the window. But I had to remain strong. Luke’s steely blue eyes locked onto mine as his full lips pressed against my palm. My inner resolve was weakening fast.
“I forgot how good you tasted,” he said huskily. “Like sugar.”
Luke’s mouth traveled to the base of my wrist where he flicked his tongue against my pulse point. I closed my eyes against the sensation. Need pulsed between my thighs. As I was about to drown in a haze of pleasure, my phone buzzed on the coffee table, grounding me in reality. What was I doing? My eyes snapped open and I yanked my arm away from Luke. Finn’s name flashed on the incoming call screen. It was as if he sensed his girlfriend was about to cheat on him. I stared at my cell phone in guilt until it stopped ringing.
“Finny boy sure knows how to dampen the mood,” Luke said.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “There shouldn’t be a mood to ruin.”
He rolled his eyes. “Please, I saw how you looked at him. There wasn’t an ounce of love there.”
How dare he tell me how I felt about Finn. According to my grandmother, love doesn’t always happen right away, and she had seventy plus years of experience on Luke.
“You know what? Finn offered—” I was about to spill the beans on Paris, but I held my tongue at the last minute. “Finn may open a new branch of his law firm,” I continued.
Luke tilted his head. “So what? Does money equal love to you now?”
“No!” I said, outraged he would even think that. This conversation was getting old, fast. I tucked my legs underneath my butt. “Can we change the subject?”
“Why talk?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “When we can let our bodies do the talking?”
I threw a pillow at him. He caught it and placed it on his lap with a smile that turned my stomach into a pile of knots.
“What do you want to talk about?” Luke asked.
“I don’t know.” I racked my brain for a benign topic. “How about what life is like on the road?”
He groaned. “Anything but that.”
“OK, how many groupies have you banged?” I quipped.
“Funny, but to answer your question, none.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “You’re bullshitting me.”
“I swear.” He glanced at the empty cookie dish. “Are there anymore cookies left?”
Raising a four year old has taught me how to keep a conversation on track. The key was to ignore the irrelevant questions.
“I’m sure you had ample opportunities. Why didn’t you?” I asked.
“Because they are all like the woman you met in the coffee shop. Hungry for one thing. Twenty minutes of fame so that they can sell their story to the tabloids.”
“That doesn’t sound fun.” I said.
Luke shrugged. “It’s not but it’s the price I pay to do what I love.”
“Yeah, but is it really worth it?”
Darkness shadowed his face as he picked at a loose string on the pillow. Since Luke had gotten back, I had a gut feeling an incident that caused him to hit rock bottom drove him home.
“What happened Luke? What made you want to change?” I prodded.
He took a shuddering breath. “She was only eighteen and reminded me so much of what I imagined Nil to be like. Long flowing blonde hair, green eyes with flecks of gold and a fiery personality to match. She was hanging around our tour bus, desperate for a place to sleep that night. Even if it meant selling her body. I offered her a meal instead.”
Luke knew what it meant to be lost. When he was three years old, his dad ran off with the twenty five year old babysitter, leaving his mother to raise Luke on her own. A pain pill addiction later, she was found dead on the bathroom floor with an empty pill bottle next to her. Seventeen and alone, Luke turned to music and a number of odd jobs to help pay the bills. When we met, he had only begun to find his footing in life.
“At first she refused,” Luke continued. “But the temptation of a hot meal was too great. We ended up talking until the early morning where I found out her story mirrored my own.”
“So you took her under your wing?”
Luke nodded. “Yes, how could I not?” He looked over at me with pain in his eyes. “She was so young and if I didn’t, I was afraid she would end up dead, but I should’ve known.”
“Should’ve known what?”
He got off the couch and started to pace the living room. Sorrow rippled off of him in waves. “That I couldn’t save her. Nothing could have saved her.”
My throat closed at what he was implying. “She died.”
“From a drug deal gone bad.”
Sadness descended upon us as we mourned the life of a young girl who never had the chance to grow up. Luke stopped pacing and sat back down.
“The day she passed, I made a promise to myself to become the father I never was to Nil or my own father was to me. Hilary showed me the importance of having a male figure in your life.”
“But why didn’t you understand the importance beforehand?
His mouth turned up at the corners. “Do you remember the first time I saw you?”
“Yes, it was at your concert. Y
ou spotted me in the audience.”
“No,” Luke shook his head. “It was earlier than that. Before our set started, I grabbed a drink at the bar. You were standing with some of your girlfriends near the speakers. I took one look at you and saw happiness. Sounds weird, I know.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I said faintly.
Lost in the past, he stared over my shoulder at a spot on the wall. I wish I could climb into his head and see what he was seeing.
“When my mother passed, I blamed myself for her pain pill addiction, for her death, for everything really. My life was in this dark place for so long, you actually blinded me that night in the bar,” Luke chuckled.
Pulling a blanket over my shoulders, I settled deeper into the couch. Luke picked up his wine glass and drank the last few drops. I knew it wasn’t easy for him to tell me this, so I waited patiently for him to start talking again.
“When we started to date, you brought a sense of peace to my life. Then you got pregnant with Nil, and it felt as if everything fell into place. Finally, I had a second chance to give my child the upbringing I should’ve had,” he said.
This came as a surprise to me. I always figured Luke was upset when he found out his freedom would be taken away and replaced with messy diapers.
Luke saw my look of bewilderment. “I know I seemed angry, but really I was scared. Not of raising a child, but frightened of my own happiness. I felt as if I didn’t deserve this life being handed to me.”
I placed my hand on his arm. “Your mom’s addiction and death weren’t your fault.”
“It wasn’t. I know that now.” Luke sighed, “Hilary’s death was my wake up call. She showed me that I needed to clean up my act and become the man you always saw me as. The one who didn’t abandon his family.”
AS THE SUN peeked through the blinds, I stirred and was cornered in by a rock hard chest. Opening my eyes, it dawned on me I was on the couch with Luke asleep next to me. His leg was thrown over mine while his arm rested underneath my head. I carefully untwisted myself and climbed over him. Staggering into the kitchen, my head pounded due to the bottle of wine Luke and I had finished off last night. I pressed the on button on the coffeemaker. As it gurgled to life, the smell of vanilla wafted through my house. With a hazy mind, I sorted through Luke’s and my conversation. A part of me, deep down, always knew he had issues to work out. I just never thought they were what drove him to leave. Peeking around the corner, Luke’s body had spread across the couch. He let out a snort and curled into a ball. After a long emotional night, I found no reason to wake him. Besides he was kind of adorable when he was asleep.
The coffeemaker beeped, signaling my elixir was done. I filled my cup to the top and sat down at the dining room table. Grandma Doris had plans to watch Nil for a couple hours this morning so I could work on a wedding cake. Since Grandma D cancelled last minute, I dialed her number to confirm. On the fifth ring, she answered.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s your granddaughter,” I said brightly.
In the background, I heard the sound of the refrigerator door being opened. “Yes?”
Usually there was at least a “how are you?” Her distracted tone confirmed my suspicion. Something was up.
“Are you still stopping by this morning?” I asked.
“Hmm?”
This was ridiculous; she wasn’t even listening to me. “Do you want me to call back?” I asked.
“No. Give me one second.” Hushed whispers were exchanged between an unknown male visitor, based on the deepness of his voice, and my grandmother. Since when did she entertain guests so early in the morning? My hand flew to my mouth. Unless, this male guest stayed the night. Holy crap, my grandmother had a boyfriend. Mixed emotions swirled around in my brain, but mostly, I was happy for her. A couple seconds later, she came back on the line.
“I’m sorry, why are you calling?”
“You have a boyfriend,” I blurted out.
“My personal life is none of your business,” she stated sternly.
“Oh, come on,” I said. “You’re distracted, and I just heard a male voice. It’s obvious.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
When the Parker women dug in their heels, there was no swaying them otherwise.
“Fine,” I said dropping it for now. “Are you coming over to watch Nil this morning?”
“Oh, yes, about that,” she said hesitantly. “Something came up.”
“Something more important than your granddaughter?”
“You will not make me feel guilty. I have a life, you know.”
“With men you don’t want to discuss.” I dropped my voice to a whisper. “Grandma, have you turned into a Madame?”
“You are ridiculous. This conversation is over.” She hung up the phone.
Sometimes I took advantage of getting a rise out of her. Laughing, I went down the hall to Nil’s room to see if she was awake. The movie had lasted well past her bedtime, so I wasn’t surprised when I found her peacefully asleep. With the little free time I had on my hands, I set to work on the wedding cake. Thirty minutes later, I was covered in flour and my kitchen looked like a bomb went off. No bowl or utensil was left unscathed.
I was about to do a load of dishes when somebody knocked on my front door . On my way to answer it, I glanced over at Luke. He was still dead to the world. I forgot how heavy of a sleeper he was. Back when we lived together, he used to set five different alarms the night before. The first one would get me out of bed, but it would take Luke an additional hour to open his eyes. I swung the front door wide to find…Finn. I tried to play off my gasp as a cough as panic clutched my heart. His hair, damp from a shower, glistened in the morning sun. I closed the door behind me as I stepped out onto the front porch. There was no way Luke and Finn could see each other.
“Hey, what’s up?” I questioned as nonchalantly as I could muster.
He held a white bakery bag in front of his face. “I brought breakfast.”
I had to remind myself to exhale as my mind raced. Think, Marlene. Think. “That’s so sweet but Nil is still asleep and I have a ton of work to do.”
Finn set the bag on the railing and stuck his hands in his pockets with a look of disappointment. “Right, of course. Sorry, I shouldn’t have stopped by unannounced.
Shame heated my cheeks. Finn deserved to take a woman without emotional baggage to Paris. There were plenty of twenty-four years old out there who didn’t have a child and an ex-boyfriend who was a rock star. Loads in fact.
Finn handed me the bakery bag. “To keep your energy up. You work harder than anybody I know.”
I smiled. “Thank you.”
Finn turned around to leave when he hesitated. Spinning back around, his mouth tugged down at the corners. “I have to say something.”
“OK…,” I drawled. “Is it bad?”
“Depends how you look at it.”
Whenever somebody said that, 99.9 percent of the time, nothing good came out of it. Nonetheless, I gestured for Finn to continue.
“You will always love Luke. I know that and have always known it since we first met back in high school.”
Why did everybody think my heart belonged to Luke? He was infuriating and a huge pain in my ass. On the other hand, my stomach did this annoying back flip whenever he looked at me.
“There isn’t anything between us anymore,” I said.
Finn scowled. “Stop. Let me talk for once.” When he saw my mouth was sealed, he moved on. “But he’s a musician, Marlene, which means he won’t be a stable force in Nil’s life or yours. You need a man who’ll be home every night, to warm the spot next to you in bed, and be the rock you deserve. When things got tough, Luke ran away. Who says he won’t do it again? You may never love me like you love Luke and that’s fine.” His eyes shined with affection. “Because I have enough love for both of us. Please don’t write me off.”
Right then, the door opened and Luke stood there shirtless. Finn looked
between us, eyes wide.
“Good morning Finn,” Luke chirped brightly.
I WANTED TO rewind back to last night and kick out Luke before we fell asleep together on the couch. This couldn’t look good.
“What are you doing here?” Finn questioned.
Luke glanced down at his shirtless chest as if it were obvious. “What do you think I’m doing here?”
Finn lunged toward him, but I stepped between them before he could get to Luke, and laid my hands on Finn’s chest.
“Both of you are acting like children,” I said. “Nothing happened between Luke and me. We fell asleep talking.”
The part about almost falling into bed with Luke was conveniently left out.
Finn directed his gaze at Luke. “Is this true?”
“Don’t ask him,” I said, knowing Luke would lie. “Ask me, and yes it is the truth. I wouldn’t lie to you.”
Finn’s shoulders relaxed as I spun around to deal with Luke. His perfectly toned chest and six-pack abs made me temporarily forget my anger.
I cleared my throat. “What happened to your shirt?”
He shrugged. “I was going to take a shower when I heard voices outside.”
It was such a blatant lie, I almost laughed. Luke had obviously taken off his shirt to get a rise out of Finn. And that was what I meant when I said Luke was a pain in my ass. Sometimes, he was such a child.
“First of all, this isn’t your house so you can’t freely take showers without my permission, and second of all, go put on a shirt,” I said.
He shot me a grin. “I like when you’re bossy.”
Finn’s eyes narrowed. “Hey, that’s my girlfriend you’re talking to.”
Luke rolled his eyes as he stepped back inside, leaving me to deal with Finn alone. I twisted my hands in front of me, unsure of what to say. An apology was in order but I felt as if more needed to be said. Like, “Are you sure you want to take me to Paris because I am an awful person who can’t seem to resist her ex boyfriend?” Or something along those lines.
Finn looked at me with concern. “Are you OK? He didn’t take advantage of you, did he?”
Love of a Rockstar Page 8